worn-out phrases and longing gazes won't get you where you want to go, no...

September 21, 2009 8:17 PM

I sent a mushy, gushy, soul-ripping, erotically explicit love letter via overseas Express Mail--to a slightly wrong address. "Attempted Delivery Notice": should I hope it comes back and edit it, or should I plunge ahead and make sure it gets there?

Oh damn. What do I do?

I went to a music festival overseas and made lingering, loving, orgasmic eye contact across a crowded concert hall six nights in a row with someone I haven't seen in thirteen years. When I first saw them smiling down at me, I swooned and almost fell down (seriously now, swooning?) but when we locked eyes outside the hall, I ran like a rabbit. INTP dumbass!

I decided the most appropriate (?) thing to do was spill it by writing a mushy, gushy, soul-ripping, erotically explicit confessional love letter detailing my true feelings then and now. And I mean SPILL IT in the grand manner. Creepy neuraesthenic style; no plate of beans too large or small to overthink. We're talking complete emotional disembowelment in five pages of 11-point Garamond. Nothing to lose, right?

I got the address wrong.

I'm almost certain the "wrong address" office people know where to send the pink delivery slip, which is what they've probably already done-- it wasn't refused as "no such name", after all. Should I call their mail room tomorrow morning to see what happened--or should I hold my breath, hope the five days expire, get my letter back, and edit the holy living hell out of it?

I wish I hadn't sent it at all--but it took so much out of me to put together, part of me says screw it. The clock is ticking and I don't even know if the person in question went on vacation.

Bleagh. Can I throw up now?

posted by aquafortis to human relations (11 comments total)

If you tell us which country you sent it to, we might be able to give you a better indication of whether it's likely to be returned to you or delivered as addressed.

"Attempted delivery" could mean no-one was home to receive delivery and that they've just left a card at the address - that's normally what happens here if express post can't be delivered on the first attempt.

Do you really want to edit it? Whenever I get the urge to edit something after I've sent it I ask myself why I want to be inauthentic and censor myself - surely anyone worthy of being my grand passion should be able handle the authentic and uncensored me.

Thirteen years - hell yeah, I'd be making sure it gets there! It's doesn't sound like you're going to cross paths with the object of your limerance again any time soon just by chance - who wants life without risk?
posted by Lolie at 8:41 PM on September 21

Wait to see if it comes back. If it does, change the address and make sure it gets delivered to the correct address. Everyone *loves* getting these types of letters. Good for you for writing & sending it in the first place!
posted by torquemaniac at 8:56 PM on September 21 [1 favorite]

Thanks...I sent it to the UK (via USPS Express Mail) to the wrong office building: same city, connected organizations. I included their organization and title, so if the mailroom guys are paying attention they'd definitely know where to send the delivery notice.

I'm pretty sure I've got five days before it's returned...and even if they do send the pink slip, I just hope the Beloved isn't too swamped or disorganized to sort their mail and find it.

Why edit? I guess I'm just hypersensitive about putting my feelings out there and seeming creepy. Sigh. Personally, I'd be thrilled to get a letter from someone confessing their tender feelings and mad lust for me from across the sea... at least it makes life a little livelier, haha!
posted by aquafortis at 9:26 PM on September 21

You wrote a long, explicit love letter to someone you haven't spoken to in thirteen years? If I were you I'd try to get the letter back. If not, don't worry about it, everyone does something a little embarrassing from time to time, but I wouldn't expect a big romance to come out of it either.
posted by hazyjane at 10:39 PM on September 21

You wrote a long, explicit love letter to someone you haven't spoken to in thirteen years? If I were you I'd try to get the letter back. If not, don't worry about it, everyone does something a little embarrassing from time to time, but I wouldn't expect a big romance to come out of it either.

Sure, but the opposite strategy of doing nothing will accomplish the same thing, except instead of a tiny chance of hope, there will be none.

Life is very short...there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.
posted by inturnaround at 11:24 PM on September 21 [6 favorites]

I'm gonna say that even if it comes off totally insane, I don't know a single guy who wouldn't want at least one letter sent to him that could be described as "sexually explicit." Send it. If it all goes wrong, hey, he's in the UK, you're in the US. Can you be embarrassed over that big of an ocean?
posted by toekneebullard at 6:00 AM on September 22 [3 favorites]

Getting a letter like that would be the highlight of my afternoon day month year. Don't be embarrassed; you acted boldly. Well done! Plunge ahead!
And post the text somewhere so I can read it and pretend that someone wrote me such a letter. :)
posted by DWRoelands at 7:01 AM on September 22 [2 favorites]

I called the mailroom early this morning: looks like the wrong building part is the least of my worries. There's a postal strike today and tomorrow, and even though the tracking websites say "attempted delivery" yesterday and today, nobody in the mailroom ever logged it...aaagh!
posted by aquafortis at 9:25 AM on September 22

I send things overseas for my job all the time. When a package comes up as undeliverable, our options are to a) have it sent back and pay for the return shipping or b) have it destroyed.

I can't imagine why the "shipping back to you for the return shipping" or "destroying the package" options have been left out for you. . . .

And this very reason is why our mail room won't ship anything overseas without a phone number for the recipient.....

So, it seems you have an option to ask about.

But I'm with the rest in that I wouldn't worry about it much. :)
posted by zizzle at 11:49 AM on September 22

Resolution: My original letter is coming back! I took enough hits of niacin to get my serotonin back up, and reworked it: ramping up on the warmth, romanticism, realness, and genuine feeling and scaling back on the explicit, theoretical and neurotic. I feel a whole lot better about this...whew. Thanks for the support!
posted by aquafortis at 9:04 AM on September 25

Silent bystanders everywhere thank you for the update. Yay for the second chance at it! No chickening out, now.
posted by moira at 6:26 PM on September 25