I need more sleep!

September 13, 2009 12:10 PM

breastfeeding/weaning/ general baby care filter: I need more advice.....(sorry, its gonna be long)

I have a 6 1/2 month old who up until recently was entirely breastfed. After my 12 week maternity leave, he went to the baby sitter who bottle fed him breast milk, which I express at work. Well, it seems his consumption has surpassed my production, and the sitter now mixes formula with it. (she's up to 75% formula, 25% breastmilk). At home we only nurse, including three times at night. There have been a couple of occasions when the babysitter was off, and baby stayed home with Dad, who then did the bottle feeding. Dad reports that baby would only accept the bottle after a long period of fussy objection.
We have tried to have Dad respond to the night-time wakings with a bottle, but it hasn't worked. Baby's screams escalate, and I cave and go nurse. We have attempted a bottle before bed from Dad, but that resulted in Baby fussing and crying then just going to sleep.
We have attempted to introduce solids, but baby doesn't really go for it; we put some in his mouth, and his reaction is confusion, indifference or outrage. Sometimes some food gets into his belly, which is followed by fewer or no night-time wakings (this could be coincidental, its happened too few times to determine if there's a causal relationship)
In the evenings and on weekends, he ususally wants a boob much of the time. My sense is that he is always hungry, never really getting a full belly, but it could be a comfort/boredom issue. Yesterday we were out and about, in new settings visiting friends, and he was content for over two hours without nursing (only once).
At the 6 mo check-up, the pediatrician had no concerns about his weight.
I read old askme questions, and they all seem to pertain to older babies, who still nurse at 2 years old. I wish I were a stay-at-home mom, but I must work, and I'm getting really sick of pumping at work. I love nursing , but I can't take doing it three times a night. The sleep deprivation is also getting to me. So I guess here it is:

I wish I could nurse during the day, then before bed, tank him up with some stick to his ribs formula. Then, I'd love it if during the night, Dad could respond to some of the night-time wakings with a bottle.

Is this possible? Our (old school-ish) pediatrician suggested that it would be too hard, baby will resist, and that it will probably have to be one or the other, that I'll have to just cut of the boob (figuratively).

Also should I be worried that he doesn't go for pureed food yet?

Thanks MeFites

posted by hollyanderbody to health & fitness (16 comments total)

Him not going for food is completely normal. 6 months is around when you should start trying but he won't really need solids until around 1 yo.
posted by kathrineg at 12:14 PM on September 13 [1 favorite]

Oh, and check out baby-led weaning for food advice...if you let him choose what solid foods to eat and let him get used to them it'll be less frustrating than trying to spoon feed him.
posted by kathrineg at 12:16 PM on September 13

Babies take to solid foods at their own pace. If he isn't interested yet, don't worry. Let him guide you.

An excellent book to read, both for nursing and feeding matters, is Ellyn Satter's Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense. She's very common-sense and also very reassuring.

I know that you are exhausted. Sooner or later he will sleep through the night, but every baby has their own agenda on that issue. Hang tight, it will get better.

If your gut tells you that he is nursing more for comfort than for sustenance, at 6 months I think it's ok to gently put him on a feeding schedule rather than always feeding on demand.
posted by ambrosia at 12:17 PM on September 13

I nursed both my babies for at least 18 months. So, here is a little of my experience:

1. There is usually a 6 month growth spurt in which babies will nurse more to increase supply. Indulge it. If he nurses as much as he wants he will get what he needs. My son was a leisurely nurser and a little truck of a baby. I remember being very frustrated at 6 months because he wanted to nurse for about an hour at a time with only about an hour in between. After a couple of weeks he settled down. My girl was petite, and all business, all the time. So, lots less time nursing. Babies difffer.

2. Purees/Solids are not important until the baby starts looking for them and reaching for your spoon. Forget about them until baby is looking interested, then start giving him tastes. Don't ever make a battle over food. You will lose.

3. I worked full time, but I always nursed if I was around. Daddy and babysitter used a bottle and had their own routines. But if I was there, it was my job. That gave me time with them when I wasn't working. So they never looked for a bottle when I was there, and I never had a supply problem. It gave me quiet sit down time with them. At night, dad got up and did diapers and brought the baby to me.. So we shared the sleeplessness, too. Your mileage may vary on that.

Three times at night is a lot, I'll admit, but it should smooth out.
I agree with Ambrosia's comment about a schedule. We started ignoring*our first baby at his 2 AM wakeup at some point and within 3 days he was sleeping through that timeslot.

*Ignoring: Lying in bed with pillows over our heads saying, "We're doing the right thing. We're doing the right thing. Be strong, we're doing the right thing," for 30, 20, 5 minutes at a time.

Hang in there.
posted by SLC Mom at 12:55 PM on September 13 [2 favorites]

Totally possible, but as always, YBMV (your baby may vary). No harm in trying some stuff like this:
- Try reversing the order of who responds to night time feeds: you respond first and feed him a bit, then Dad takes up with the bottle. This may mean a few nights (a week?) of both of you awake, but since it sounds like this is happening already, it might not wear you down. Anyway, you can then sleep knowing Baby's gotten a minimum of food. Baby may get enough of you and of milk to let Dad come in for the finale, in the process getting more used to Dad doing the feedings. (Keep in mind that this approach may serve to give Baby your foremilk - sweet, not as filling - and less of your hindmilk - fat, more filling. It some ways it shouldn't matter as long as he gets enough formula to satiate him, but I put it out there as a possible "side effect.")
- The fact that Baby will take a bottle from the sitter most days points to a familiarity issue with Dad. For the next week or so, I'd let Dad be the first responder to Baby at every opportunity. Stay close and coo a lot if Baby's fussy, but let Dad handle the interaction and the holding. This is really a great long-term benefit for Dad and Baby - they both need to learn and have confidence that they can work well together: communicating, responding, soothing, interacting, playing, etc.
- Wear one or two of Dad's shirts around for a day or two, then let Dad wear them while he does night-time feeds.
- Can you tell the difference between nutritive sucking and non-nutritive (comfort) sucking? If so, you're totally within bounds to take him off the nipple if he's just comfort nursing. I used to give three minutes of comfort nursing, then try taking Baby off. If he started eating more, fine. Repeat. If you can't tell the difference, you might check in with an LC or LLL (or friend) to see if you can get a clear call on whether he's doing this.
- Six months of breast-feeding is awesome. No harm to anyone, and lots of benefit to Baby, even if you stop at this point. Personally? At only 25% breastmilk during days, I'd continue BFing only as it made sense for everyone. Exhausted Mama probably doesn't work for anyone.
- Try having baby sit facing out from Dad, on his lap, to take a bottle

Regarding solids: It will take a few (or a lot) of tries for him to even get the muscles right for moving food back in his mouth with his tongue. At this age, I'd try one meal of solids per day only as a "getting to know you" kind of exercise. He will get it eventually. But there's nothing to worry about that he's not into solid food yet.
posted by cocoagirl at 12:58 PM on September 13

I think you are probably right that your baby does not need three night time feedings anymore, but your baby doesn't know that yet. He may need to learn how to go to sleep without eating. You might see if earplugs or white noise (a fan, maybe) help you sleep through your partner's attempts to get baby to sleep without you.

My daughter wasn't much on baby food either, she only liked the rice cereal if it was mixed with breastmilk, and she never liked it that much. She preferred bananas, yams, and raspberries (we had raspberry bushes, so she could just stuff herself with fresh ones in season). She never liked any of the jarred baby food as much as she liked the real food being pureed for her.

If you can make it a few more months of pumping, you should be able to get to a point where your baby can nurse when you're home, but not need the extra milk when you're not.

Good luck!
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:03 PM on September 13

Do you all co-sleep? That made all the difference for nighttime nursing for me--it gets to the point (this is pretty sad), that you can unbutton your nightgown and help the baby latch on without waking completely. You just lie on your side, the baby facing you. With our second baby, we got one of those cosleeper contraptions that attach to the side of the bed, so I could roll us both over to the other side and not worry about him dropping off the edge of the bed. I do remember, as SLC Mom reports above, a 6-month growth spurt for both kids which resulted in LOTS of nursing. All the cautions about co-sleeping (don't do it if you or your partner are really overweight or if either of you drink or use drugs) are fine, but don't let them scare you off. It really made my life so much easier when I realized I didn't have to sit on the sofa nursing in the dark a few times a night.

Good luck. Don't listen to the zealots (SAHMs are better! Working moms are better! Sleep training is better! If you can't nurse, you just didn't try hard enough! If you nurse past X months, you're a freak!), just try a few options that seem reasonable to you and figure out what works for your baby and whole family.
posted by eve harrington at 1:14 PM on September 13 [3 favorites]

I feel for you, and have only this for advice (right now, because I'm supposed to be working). I did nurse my daughter until she was older than that, but tried really hard to cut down on night nursing around your son's age to save my sanity. I'm also a technical reviewer for a certain author's parenting books and have reviewed some of this stuff recently. Me-mail me if you'd like.

Sometimes babies have to learn that others can soothe them. It's so hard not to cave - but try to give them more time, even if it escalates. Leave and go for a walk if you have to. They need to find their own rhythm together. It will happen. Nobody will die. It's just tears and strong feelings. Nobody will be scarred for life because of this. It might take a few hard days, but it won't last forever. Work on it intensively over a weekend. He might also prefer cup feeding from his father - it's worth a try. There are lots of resources around online for looking into that. But this is one of those cases where you have to grab the oxygen mask for yourself first. He probably cried just as much with the sitter at first, and she didn't tell you so you wouldn't worry, and together they sorted it out - right? Social constructs have it that Dads often step in as relief, but your son is young and kids are so adaptable - it's not mean to teach him that his father is part of his care. His dad might need some help learning to calm himself and work through it too, and to have your confidence that he can learn to soothe the baby.

Don't be worried that he's not going for pureed food yet, if he hasn't indicated an interest himself, by looking at what you're eating or reaching for some as you're eating or making those lip smacky mouth movements.

Does he sit with you during meals? There's a connection there that might be missing if he's not around you while you're eating. We all have "a friend" stories - but a friend's baby was delayed a bit with his ability to tolerate textures of foods in his mouth, and one of the likely reasons the pediatrician and therapists gave her was that he didn't actually watch others eat ever (he ate separately, and they ate meals while he napped) (and he was speech-delayed, because she and her husband are VERY quiet people, and didn't do a lot of baby babbling to him) and he missed out on a lot of developmental cues he'd have gotten from observing his parents if they'd clued into this stuff. There's a few windows for introductions that are worth trying to catch and they're often baby-led (and because my friend stuck to the "breast milk ONLY for one year ideal, and a strict sleep and feeding schedule, she ignored her son's readiness for solids around six months, and it was harder to introduce them...but I don't mean to scare you with this story, really).

And, what kind of solids have you tried? Maybe they're too solid - maybe the cereal, or bananas, or what have you needs to be much more liquidy. So, not so much like pureed food, but more like cream soup at first. A thin gruel, not a stodgy porridge in texture. Use breast milk to make it and see if that helps? It can take up to sixteen attempts (am pulling that figure from memory, but I can look it up) to get a kid to accept a new food. Same with babies. Offer it consistently, and gently.

The shorter nursings can be because he's much more observant of the world around him, and just wants a nip (no pun intended) and then to get back to busy baby business. He may need to nurse in a quieter spot with encouragement to finish, to get back to getting the hind milk and to keep your production up if you want to continue, and thus to keep your breastmilk satisfying to him. Your milk supply adjusts to his nursing, as much as it does to the pumping. So, that's a tiger that chases its tail. And formula is great for tired parents and caregivers because it does the job without the anxiety, so if that's working, don't discount it. Everyone's in the business of staying happy, and this isn't a dire situation. It's just so hard to think straight when you're bone-tired. Take care of yourselves!
posted by peagood at 1:15 PM on September 13

It took me a few weeks, but I was able to train my breasts to only produce between 5PM and 6AM. I started cutting back to 2 pumpings during the day...then to one. Then to zero. They were FULL at 5PM, but they were OK during the day while I worked. I didn't mind breastfeeding, but I hated pumping.

It's been 5 years, so I can't tell you how long it took...maybe a month. I was able to do it with baby #1, but not baby #2.
posted by beachhead2 at 1:54 PM on September 13

Babies do nurse for comfort and contact as well as food.

I'm thinking for sleep purposes you might want to let the baby have some formula for that last evening feeding?

And as much as I am a fan of breastfeeding-I nursed mine, my daughter nursed/is nursing my grandchildren-if it gets too hard for you, it really is okay to stop-or at the very least do formula with babysitter and boob when you are home. 6 months is a good foundation, no matter what you choose to do from here on out.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:28 PM on September 13

I sent you a MeMail.
posted by dpx.mfx at 3:17 PM on September 13

Don't mix breastmilk and formula in the same bottle!

Try a different bottle if baby is fussy taking a bottle. Dr. Brown's seems to be the bottle of choice for a lot of people.

Don't worry if baby isn't into solids just yet.
posted by k8t at 3:48 PM on September 13

I babysit my 6 1/2 month old nephew everyday. I've been looking after him since his mother went back to work when he was 2 months. He has breast milk from a bottle with me and with his dad. At 4 months he started with rice cereal. He was a little confused (and not happy) with the first feeding of cereal. We have adorable pictures with him making the squishy face, plus I don't think eating with a spoon is intuitive. But they kept at it, a teaspoon added to the bottle and then a small bowl of it mixed with breast milk and a little applesauce. We would make open-mouthed fish faces at him and he caught on.

Now at 6 months, he's a good little eater and opens his mouth birdlike when the spoons comes to his face. He has started eating veggies but he'll put up with the peas for only so long. He stops opening his mouth or turns his head when he doesn't want anymore. He still takes breast milk by bottle and I think he finds the bottle comforting. He's breast fed directly when he's with his mother. He sleeps through the night if he's fed food and a bottle or fed and nursed before bed. My night routine with him is to feed him, give him a nice warm bath and then a bottle just before I put him down for the night.

My nephew likes the bottle; I think because it's less work. He knows what it is and grabs for it and get ticked if he's not given it when it's in sight. My brother really likes the bottle, he prefers being able to see how much he's eating.
posted by shoesietart at 4:18 PM on September 13

If the sitter is able to bottle-feed him, then your husband should be able to as well. My guess is that this is not actually a food issue, it's a wants-to-be-with-mommy issue. Either that or it's a daddy-needs-to-learn-to-wait-out-the-fussiness issue. (Which is to say: I'm a dad of an 11-month old, and can definitely relate. Deal with it, daddy. Mommy needs her sleep.)

Ours was nowhere near able to handle solid foods at 6 months, so I wouldn't worry too much about that at this point. But we had ours on a mixed diet of bottles-from-dad and boobs-from-mom for quite a while around then, so it can be done.

My advice would be to plan for a night or two during which dad offers bottle only, mom refuses to cave in, baby screams himself to sleep, and everyone is miserable for a couple of days. He'll get the idea. If he's really hungry he'll take the bottle. If he's just looking for mommy, he'll just have to learn to take solace in dad's scratchy beard instead. Ours did.

I know, easier said than done. Good luck.
posted by ook at 7:06 PM on September 13

There is a wide range of advice on this topic! I'll be brief. As a mother of four, all breast-fed for many months, I'd say:
---Each baby is different. Don't rush the solid foods.
---As you know, breast milk provides immunity and prevents food allergy problems, and many mothers believe it promotes lifelong good health. It also is good for the mother's health, reducing rates of breast cancer and reproductive organ illnesses---the "use it or lose it" phenomenon. It's worth missing a little sleep.
----Don't make a martyr of yourself. You do need your rest. Try letting the baby sleep with you, using the cautions mentioned above. We did that and it was MUCH, MUCH easier!
posted by ragtimepiano at 9:47 PM on September 13 [1 favorite]

My wife has had to drop the breastfeeding and go to bottle only. Our boy is just not taking the breast any more, he's fussy and prefers the bottle. She was a bit sad about it, but her doc told her not to beat herself up about it - eventually the breastfeeding will stop, but feeding the kid breast milk for the first few months (or however long you manage) is the best thing you could have done. Get dad to start doing more feedings if he hasn't already - we made sure out baby knew both of his parents could feed him, and after a little adjustment time he seems quite happy to have his morning bottle fed to him by me while my wife gets ready for work. Good luck with things. I know how tough it can be to miss out on sleep... it's 1 AM here and I know I will get my morning bottle call at 6!
posted by caution live frogs at 11:06 PM on September 13