Picking up girls with my dog

September 9, 2009 9:17 PM

General low-down on picking up girls with a dog

I'm really surprised this isn't on google more than like the 3-5 poorly done articles on it. I've always wanted to use my dog as another aid in getting to know girls at parks/public places better. How best to do this? Are there any sort of general strategies/tips on what to do and where to steer the conversation after first contact? My dog is a 2 year old girl that's a mix of German Shepherd/Retriever/Chow.

Thanks for any help :)

posted by isoman2kx to human relations (33 comments total)

train your dog to tangle leashes with other dogs on command? it worked in 101 dalmations to charming results
posted by Think_Long at 9:23 PM on September 9 [2 favorites]

speaking as someone who likes to talk about dogs with their owners, smile. i won't approach people that look like they're in a hurry or not in the mood to chat. if i see an owner that is smiling and relaxed, i will ask to pet their dog.
posted by gursky at 9:29 PM on September 9

All the dog does is make the girl willing to talk to you, which is a great help. Once you open your mouth, you gotta take it the rest of the way with your own charm.
posted by randomstriker at 9:34 PM on September 9 [4 favorites]

If the girl is shaped like a frisbee, you can throw her and possibly the dog will catch her. Then pick her (the girl) up.

But seriously, If I found a guy attractive the first thing I would do is fawn over his dog. While the girl is petting her and talking about how cute she is, make conversation. Maybe talk about how she "Really likes you," and that you'll hopefully see her (the girl) at the dog park next Sunday. Next Sunday, bring an actual frisbee or ball or something where you and she both could play with your dog.
posted by Kloryne at 9:34 PM on September 9 [5 favorites]

I think you'll have more luck in your relationship quest if you differentiate between actual things that make sense and cutesy movie tropes.

(dogs' leashes tangle)

Movie World: true love and massive quantities of puppies ensue!

Reality: "Why don't you control your dog you stupid asshole!"

This basic dynamic lurks at the hear of all "the dog initiates contact" scenarios: you're at least as likely to come off as a dumbass who can't control his stupid dog as a charming bumbler who's just innocently running after his adorable pooch.

If a casual contact expresses that she likes dogs or likes your dog that's obviously a plus but do you really need to be coached through this? You ask her if she has a dog or thinks she'll ever get one, you ask her if she lives in the neighborhood, if so how long, does she like it? It's called small talk. If it goes well you take a chance, ask her if she'd like to get coffee some time, give her your phone number.
posted by nanojath at 9:40 PM on September 9 [2 favorites]

I think you would do a lot better at 'picking up girls' if you didn't try to use a dog as a prop to get their attention.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:49 PM on September 9 [12 favorites]

That is to say: You should go up and talk to them and let your personality stand on its own merits. You will pick up exactly as many chicks as you deserve to.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:51 PM on September 9 [1 favorite]

Is your dog friendly/non-threatening? If not, work on that, first. I'd never approach or want to be approached by a guy with a scary dog.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 9:56 PM on September 9 [1 favorite]

Make sure you train your dog not to go sticking its nose right into girls' crotches for a good big long sniff. That might be a bit offputting.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:01 PM on September 9 [1 favorite]

Either a puppy or a really well-trained dog, I think, are helpful. They are at least conversation starters, and then after that it's all small talk.

(But, funny story: I once worked on my dog for two weeks to get her to be able to take a flower to the person I pointed at; I think I had in mind some amazing meet-cute scene which probably would have been horrifyingly embarrassing in reality. In the end I gave up and decided that my black lab really didn't understand the concept of "pointing," but did understand the concept of eating flowers.)
posted by brool at 10:01 PM on September 9 [17 favorites]

Yeah, the dog is an icebreaker. I get the sense that that's more important someplace like New York, where nobody really talks to strangers without a good reason. "Oh he's so cute what breed is he" is a conversational opening when conversational openings are really rare. And so, yeah, you'll hear guys in New York talking about how their dog helps them pick up girls, when what they really mean is "My dog gives girls an excuse to talk to me in the first place."

Here in Austin, on the other hand, you wouldn't need a dog to break the ice, since it's perfectly normal just to say "hi" and make a little small talk when you pass someone walking in the park. The dog still gives you a conversational opening, but those aren't as rare or as valuable here — the dog people talk about their dogs, the rest of us talk about the weather or whatever, and it all works out.

Houston, I'm not sure about. I'd guess it'd be somewhere in between those two extremes, but I don't really know.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:15 PM on September 9

I think you would do a lot better at 'picking up girls' if you didn't try to use a dog as a prop to get their attention.

That is to say: You should go up and talk to them and let your personality stand on its own merits. You will pick up exactly as many chicks as you deserve to.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:51 AM on September 10 [+] [!]


You know, I think there's definitely some middle ground between the ultrafatalistic response above (and BTW, try asking yourself how many girls you "deserve" to pick up -- obviously we all try to maximize our chances with sex/love), which doesn't really answer the OP's question, and more NLP-y stuff that I admit the phrase 'pick up girls' makes me think of too.

Like, there's nothing wrong with wearing nice clothes or trying to make your hair look nice. I think this question falls in the same category.

Having said that, I have no actual suggestions for you. Nanojath's comment seems like pretty much all you need.
posted by skwt at 10:24 PM on September 9

When I lived in Japan, my world changed when I got a dog. First of all, it was a cute dog. I took her for walks around the neighbourhood and all over town, and soon everyone knew me. The dog really opened a lot of doors, and I got to talk to people (including cute women of all ages - shame, as I was and still am happily married) who I might not ever have met.

So, a dog is definitely a useful way to meet women. I think the only challenge you'll have is trying to determine if you're going to pursue women with dogs - the dynamic of two dogs plus to humans might be a bit much, so you might want to set your sights on single women.

As far as actual tactics, it's probably better to be passive. Wait for women to approach you! It's a total ice breaker, and the only skills you'll need are the usual ones for asking out someone on a date.

To tell you the truth, the only thing better than a dog for meeting cute women is a baby. Unfortunately, often by the time you have a kid to lug around and use as an icebreaker, it's a little late to be hunting for potential girlfriends - babies may have severe tactical limitations.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:26 PM on September 9 [4 favorites]

Let your dog attack her dog, then pretend to be a veterinarian and administer aid.

Really though, this is probably the wrong approach.

That being said, if you have dedicated dog parks in your area, where the poochies can frolic about off-leash, then eventually the dogs are going to get to sniffing one another and generally when this happens the carers for each animal linger nearby in case of mishap, so that's a pretty natural situation for you to get to chatting in. "What's her name?" "Sandy." "How old is she?" "Five." "My dog is Frank, and I'm Charles. We're both very pleased to meet Sandy and...?"

That's where you sort of offer your hand and raise your brow in the universally-acknowledged real-life emoticon for "query".

Of course, that back-and-forth where you ask about the dog, then about her, could backfire. "Is she spayed?" "Yes." "Are YOU spayed?" "..."

etc.
posted by turgid dahlia at 10:28 PM on September 9 [5 favorites]

I would frequent a jogging path at the same time everyday. Here's your issue: a 2 minute conversation of her fawning over your dog does not establish enough of a rapport to get to know her enough to ask her out. But hey if you keep bumping into her a couple of times, you are no longer a stranger she just met 2 minutes ago. You can develop a little bit of a rapport and then ask her out. Also would probably work to hang out at a coffeeshop at the same time every morning with the dog.
posted by whoaali at 11:59 PM on September 9 [1 favorite]

I would frequent a jogging path at the same time everyday.

Don't you have dogpoo parks over there?

Where I live, any large park (and there are at least a few within easy walking distance of my place) has designated areas for people to exercise their dogs (including little baggies for scooping up the shit & bins to drop the baggies into).

As far as I can tell, the same people show up at the same time every day - more or less - according to their schedules, eg early in the morning, or just after work. It looks like quite a social club, with people standing about in groups chatting, as the dogs do their thing.

That would be your answer for building up rapport over time. With all the other dog owners, mind you. It would be a bit transparent to just zero in on the cutie with the cockerspaniel every time.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:10 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]

If you have the air of a guy looking to pick up girls via his dog, you're just going to seem creepy. If you have a dog park, bring a ball to throw for the dog, or a camera, or both, and focus on having a good time with the dog, taking pictures, etc. You will seem more approachable and less vulture-like.

I find the socially mandatory dog interactions a little tiring, frankly, but there are very clear rituals. Your dogs are playing together, and the two of you have to stand there dumbly, looking on. So you go through this data: what's your dog's name, how old, what breed, and if you're not seeming overly interested, you can then move on to some light topic without setting off her creepy guy alarm bells, and you can often just walk together without saying anything about it specifically, because your dogs are playing together. If you're showing up at the same time, as UbuRoivas says, you can build relationships over time.

Practice this with everyone you meet there, not just girls you want to ask out.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:04 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]

Way past the age at which it was necessary, or practical (being married and all), I got a Husky puppy...

I couldn't walk past any female between the age of 7 and 65 without their wanting to ask about the pup... It IS a great way to start a conversation... Even when pup grew up, about 50% still want to talk about her.

Key points:

Get an interesting dog, something people don't see every day.
Get a dog that is pretty/cute/fun to look at. Pit Bulls will NOT get the response you want.
Develop some amusing responses to the standard comments.
Make sure your dog is well trained and loves people. (mine immediatly lays down and rolls over on her back for tummy rubs...try and find someone who won't stop and take advantage of that opportunity!)

After that, as said above, you're on your own....
posted by HuronBob at 3:25 AM on September 10

At least you've got the concept right. I used to date a serial animal adopter who went on to found a national rescue organization. As I realized later, my girlfriend was using me to pick up dogs.
posted by dinger at 5:48 AM on September 10 [10 favorites]

We have two dogs that are virtually the same mix (substitute Collie for Retriever). I am not trying to pick up girls (or boys), but man they get a response everywhere they go because of their docile, happy personalities. Ours are way past puppy stage though. I hope yours is trained not to jump on people.

Some of the cafes around here let you sit outside with your dog; do you have one nearby? Have a cup of coffee and wait for the women to come to you. If the small talk is going well, you can offer to buy her a cup of coffee or sit with you if she already has one.
posted by desjardins at 6:45 AM on September 10

I just wanted to point out that I am someone that will pet/fawn over a cute (or not cute) dog regardless of my interest in the owner. So there's that. My sense is that people are the same way about my (ridiculously adorable) dogs (most people that stop me are women).

That said, it's a nice icebreaker but only if you aren't creepy/obvious about it.
posted by Pax at 7:17 AM on September 10

I've always wanted to use my dog as another aid in getting to know girls at parks/public places better. How best to do this?

The reason you can't find much on this subject is that it's self-explanatory -- the dog does all the work, all you have to do is be the non-repulsive male human-type on the other end of the string. Once the ice is broken, you sink and swim on your own merits.
posted by hermitosis at 7:26 AM on September 10

Carry a pocket camera with you at the dog park. If your dog and hers are especially cute together, take a couple of pics and offer to email copies to her. Now you have her email address and the rest is up to you.
posted by rocket88 at 8:20 AM on September 10 [2 favorites]

Go to the same dog park regularly. Strike up conversations about your dogs with the women who seem interesting to you.

Things that count as conversation-starters include "Hey, is that Maltese terrier your dog? I thought I'd seen you before. What a cute dog! How long have you had him/her?"

Sometimes the answer is going to be "My husband bought her" or "My wife bought her" and then you're having a conversation with a fellow dog lover, no big. Other times the answer is going to be "Oh, I've seen you, too, and your dog is adorable blah blah let's get coffee sometimes" and that works, too.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:12 AM on September 10

Good replies everyone so far. Thank you :).

The replies have confirmed what I thought. I needed a few confirmations and experiences to see if they matched up with mine. I hadn't thought of doing it in the manner of gradual exposure over a period of time. I wanted to ask everyone out right then and there and not do anything like see ya next time and such. That could be a little bit of jumping the gun though.

I'm definitely working on talking to more women just by my own merit as well and that's going relatively well in spurts at times. Dogs can be pretty good social tools though for talking to anyone which is nice.
posted by isoman2kx at 9:22 AM on September 10

This happened to me in NY when I was walking my gf's little long-haired dacshund. I was approached twice - both gay men.

So it's a double-edged sword. Pun intended.
posted by Zambrano at 10:02 AM on September 10 [1 favorite]

Keep in mind that a lot of young women already know that there are plenty of guys using their dogs as wingmen. You really don't want to come across as that guy - it's creepy and inhumane.

Probably the best way to avoid looking like the Mystery Mutt Method is to have a fantastic relationship with your dog. Make sure she's healthy, clean, and well-behaved, and make sure you love her. Get a little silly at the dog park - run around and play with your dog like no one's looking, crouch down and give her a big ol' fur-rumpling pet complete with the WHO'S A GOOD DOGGIE OH IT'S TOTALLY YOU YES YOU ARE thing - you'll appear confident and caring and you'll be having a great time, all of which are awfully appealing.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:22 AM on September 10

One thing to bear in mind is that nothing screams "pathetic" like asking an owner the breed of her dog when it is glaringly obvious to anyone with two eyes! You can be more creative than that :)
posted by Pomo at 12:23 PM on September 10

I just want to take a moment to say this: please don't go out and buy a dog with the intention of it being a fashion item. If this is your only reason for wanting a dog, then you haven't the mental capacity to competently care for one and, in fact, I'm surprised you haven't yet choked to death on your own drool.

In fact, don't "buy" a dog at all, ever, from a pet store or even from a registered breeder. There are thousands upon thousands of homeless, unloved, abused and neglected dogs at the hundreds of animal shelters dotted around just about every country on earth.

Any girl worthy of even a moment's consideration will be far more touched by your story of rescuing your little buddy from impending death in a shelter, rather than the story about how you bought it for three grand from the most prominent [insert breed here] breeder in [your area].
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:24 PM on September 10 [4 favorites]

Just to clarify, that comment was not intended for the OP, but for anybody who might stumble across this thread and say to themselves "Hey, buying a husky to pick up chicks is a genuinely excellent idea!"
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:26 PM on September 10

Even better than the adorable pure breeds are the inexplicably odd mutts one finds at the shelter. The SO and I take the World's Ugliest Dog to the park and he's everyone's darling. Morton is one of those so-ugly-they're-cute-in-a-Benji-kind-of-way dogs and everyone wants to know his breed (standard schnauzer + undetermined terrier + God only knows what's up with that boomerang-shaped tail) and how we found him, etc. etc. He's also an inveterate fetcher who is not particular about who he returns the ball to, so long as they'll throw it again. It's an awesome conversation opener.

Anyway, you'll want to have a few short, funny stories that describe your pet's personality to fall back on but for every story you tell, try to get a several from the other person. Whether about their dog, how they want a dog, what kind of dog they like/used to have/etc, the key is to get them talking so you're not one of *those* dog owners who are really just cat-ladies in disguise.

Finally, I'm not single but my single cousin and his dog have joined us on some trips and, well, there's a reason he's single. Don't be *that* guy. You're there because your dog hasn't quite wrapped up that whole driver's license thing and, besides, s/he is a lot of fun off a leash. It should come across that way. Conversation is an added bonus when it happens.
posted by Fezboy! at 4:18 PM on September 10

Get a dog that is pretty/cute/fun to look at. Pit Bulls will NOT get the response you want.

Oh yes they will.
posted by tangerine at 9:25 PM on September 10 [1 favorite]

Yes, yes they will. See how easy it is? And I am not normally attracted to women (although I do like a tangerine from time to time...)

Anyway, back to the question, have you thought about doing something with your dog like agility or going to dog meetups in your town?
posted by Lesser Shrew at 9:32 PM on September 10