Choking and breathplay defined?

September 8, 2009 7:17 PM

Choking and breathplay defined?

On a whim, I have been browsing through AskMe's rich archive of BDSM-related topics, and came across this question. My girlfriend and I have incorporated what you would I guess call light choking while having sex for about two years without even thinking anything about the potentially harmful effects, and, perhaps naively, this is the first I've come across anything about it.

The problem is that none of the sites I've come across really define what choking and breathplay are, and I am now trying to figure out whether what we do counts as choking / breathplay so as to place it in the category of things that can kill you, or if it's something else altogether. (Nothing like trying to describe this in text, but here goes.)

My girlfriend loves being choked, so I'm the one doing it. We always do it with her lying on her back. I basically make a V with my right hand where my thumb makes one side of the V and the other four fingers make the other, and place my hand at the top of her throat, right under the jaw (so that my thumb and index fingertips are directly down under her ears, and I can feel the contours of her jawbone with both of them, while the middle of the "V" is under her chin). Then, without pushing downward, I close the "V" a little bit, so that I only apply pressure on the sides of her neck and not on the middle. My girlfriend is never at a point where she is completely unable to breathe (she is able to take breaths, just not full ones) and I let go when she starts to feel pressed for air, just 10-15 seconds after. I'll typically do it anytime between 5-10 times during a session when we do it, and we do it maybe 25% of the time that we have sex.

So: is this still in the OMG-risk-of-cardiac-arrest-don't-do-it territory, or do those dangers only come up when there is more acute oxygen deprivation?

posted by anonymous to human relations (12 comments total)

I don't think the risk is cardiac arrest, per se, I think the risk is in pinching off blood to the brain OR breaking this crazy little bone in the throat somewhere that equals=automatic death.

FWIW - better technique would be clamping your hand over mouth/nose.

That said, ALL BREATH-PLAY IS FUCKING DANGEROUS... bless your little pervy hearts;)

I'll get back to you on this thread about that artery and the bone-thingy. I'm sure there other risks, but those were the two that popped to mind....

(bless my little pervy heart!)
posted by jbenben at 7:34 PM on September 8

There is also risk of brain damage with prolonged deficiency of oxygen. Someone else will have to address how severe this is and how long it takes for it to start being a real issue. At least make sure you know how to do CPR and get someone to resume breathing if you are going to play with this, because however safe the typical case is, the worst case can be really bad. I know you said you never completely stop her from breathing, but mistakes do happen.
posted by idiopath at 7:46 PM on September 8 [1 favorite]

From a random google....

"In anatomy, the throat is the part of the neck anterior to the vertebral column. It consists of the pharynx and larynx.

The throat contains various blood vessels, various pharyngeal muscles, the trachea (windpipe) and the esophagus. The hyoid bone is the only bone located in the throat of mammals.

The throat is a vulnerable area in many animals, and correspondingly an typical area for predatory attack. Strangulation and suffocation are forms of an attack sometimes directed at the throat."

So. We are talking about the Hyoid Bone.

...And from this google....

"A bit about my background may help explain my concerns. I was an ambulance crewman for over eight years.... I am a former member of the American Academy of Family Physicians and a former American Heart Association instructor in Advanced Cardiac Life Support....

I have been an instructor in first aid, CPR, and various advanced emergency care techniques for over sixteen years. My students have included physicians, nurses, paramedics, police officers, fire fighters, wilderness emergency personnel, martial artists, and large numbers of ordinary citizens. I currently offer both basic and advanced first aid and CPR training to the SM community.

....I personally know two members of my local SM community who went to prison after their partners died during breath control play."

No info yet on the blood-brain thing, but if you read that entire link.... I'm sure the info is in there.
posted by jbenben at 7:47 PM on September 8 [1 favorite]

PS. Play Safe.

Good for you that you posed the question, and good for your GF, too!
posted by jbenben at 7:50 PM on September 8 [1 favorite]

After reading that article, I'm pretty sure the author would classify your breathplay under the this-could-kill-you heading.

From my limited experience with Judo, which involves techniques for cutting off blood supply to the brain, it sounds pretty reasonable to me that you could be doing this to your girlfriend inadvertently. More to the point, if she feels like she's about to pass out, which, if I'm understanding breathplay right, is the part that feels good, she's in the low blood flow danger zone.

On the other hand, a person's sexual needs need to be satisfied. Maybe you could ask her to go to her primary care provider and make sure her heart's alright, her blood pressure's good, and tell her no more choky-choky unless she stays in good cardiovascular shape.
posted by olaguera at 7:54 PM on September 8 [1 favorite]

The number most commonly given for cerebral hypoxia is four minutes. That's four minutes between the time when someone stops breathing and the time when brain tissue starts to die. The actual number probably varies a bit based on circumstances, but it's a decent enough approximation.

Does she get tunnel vision or feel dizzy, confused, or euphoric? If not, her brain is getting enough oxygen. That's not to say that the kind of breathplay you're describing is wholly without dangers, but in young adults without preexisting cardiovascular risk factors, you're probably fine. The real danger comes when things other than a hand are used. A hand can be very quickly loosened. A belt or rope cannot.

You do want to be careful not to inadvertantly compress the carotid artery, but you'll know pretty quickly if this ever happens.
posted by dephlogisticated at 8:41 PM on September 8

Also, if you don't know CPR, learn it. And not just because you do breathplay.
posted by dephlogisticated at 8:44 PM on September 8 [1 favorite]

Here is something to try that might be more comfortable than what you are doing now. Have her on top, wearing a judo gi. Apply a double lapel choke by crossing your hands and putting them along side her neck while grabbing the gi's lapels. Since you are pulling down, it's very easy to maintain tension for a long time.

Much less chance of damage to the larynx or hyoid bone, as you are distributing the force around the entire neck.

Just like in real martial arts, if she gets too close to passing out, have her "tap out".

Risk of death? Obviously less than autoerotic asphyxia, where there is no one there to save you. Is she in good cardiovascular health? Blood pressure OK? Obviously trained martial artists are in excellent physical condition, and being choked out to unconsciousness is not uncommon. In the book and movie The Choirboys, the sadistic cop Roscoe Rules calls it "making them do the chicken", as coming back from unconsciousness occasionally causes spastic reactions.

Speaking from personal experience, I've never engaged in autoerotic asphyxia that involved cervical compression of any kind. Simply too dangerous. But I did experiment briefly with a gal using the technique I've described, with me being on top. Sad to say, it didn't get me off all that much, but it was interesting...
posted by Tube at 9:27 PM on September 8

Oh, I should have added this link.
posted by Tube at 9:44 PM on September 8

BDSM top here. I am not a medical professional.

With the position you described, I'd be much more concerned with cutting off blood flow to the brain or damaging the trachea.

I top guys and I don't even mess with the throat area. I prefer using a gag in the mouth and temporarily covering the nose with my hand. I count off seconds in my head. I never go past 15. The "safeword" - since he has a gag in - is two grunts. I don't do this DURING sex because I want a clear head. I want to be able to concentrate on his reaction alone, and not be distracted with whatever's happening to my body.

Martial arts techniques sound idiotic since they are INTENDED to incapacitate your opponent.

Good for you for being concerned and doing research.
posted by desjardins at 6:27 AM on September 9 [1 favorite]

Here's an unequivocal answer from a medical professional (via Savage Love):

I have a friend who likes to have the blood flow to his brain restricted. He and I messed around and he asked me to choke him. I wasn't cutting off his airflow, just applying pressure to his jugular and carotid. This kink scares me. I want to make sure I know exactly what's going on here. We're not using ligatures of any kind, just my hands. I don't want to hurt him; he's one of my best friends, putting aside how awkward it would be to explain to his family, my family, and HIS WIFE how I accidentally killed him.

Am I overreacting? Is there a safer way to restrict the blood flow to someone's brain?

Gave Him One Sexy Throttling

"No! She is not overreacting," says Dr. Barak Gaster, who has yet to develop a phobia of strangulation-related questions. (In time, in time.) "There is no 'safer' way to cut off blood supply to the brain. Even short periods of reduced blood flow to the brain cause permanent brain-cell death, causing permanent mental retardation and death." As for your being careful "only" to restrict blood flow and not airflow, GHOST, Dr. Gaster warns that "cutting off blood vessels with your hand is even more dangerous than cutting off breathing, since the oxygen flow to the brain falls much faster."

How dangerous is this kink? "Insanely dangerous." How insanely dangerous? "Do not do this. Living for years with an 'anoxic' brain injury is a horrifying existence. Many would rate this a fate worse than death. She is potentially dooming her partner to life as a brain-damaged imbecile," says Dr. Gaster—and, hey, those GOP presidential debates are crowded enough already, GHOST. Knock it off.

posted by hayvac at 7:55 AM on September 9 [1 favorite]

I'm very open minded and pro-kink and all that, but I'm going to humbly suggest that maybe you shouldn't do anything in the bedroom that may require one to be familiar with CPR.
posted by Avenger at 8:37 PM on September 9