Is this going to fix itself, or what?
September 7, 2009 5:08 PM Subscribe
Help me understand/encourage my seemingly unambitious boyfriend.
posted by molybdenumblue to human relations (33 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
Boy and I have been together for two years now. We are both in our mid-twenties. We have a very happy, mutually supportive relationship; I have helped him through some very difficult times in the past, and he is now helping me with living expenses while I complete a second bachelor's degree. We communicate well, and I think he is a good person with a fine brain.
He has his high school diploma (worth noting that his sister and half brother both failed to complete high school) and attended a couple semesters of junior college before he failed out because he stopped going to classes (this was when he was 19 or so). His life went off the rails for a while after that when he developed a chronic health condition and experienced economic hardship, but he now has a job in a distribution warehouse with a reasonable living wage and good benefits.
I have encouraged him to look into going back to school, but he seems very hesitant. I went with him to our local community college (where I've had good experiences myself) and walked him through the process of applying, financial aid, etc. I suggested he register for just one or two classes at first to build confidence, and offered my academic help (I work part-time as a tutor at the college level). The expenses are very affordable, he would be able to continue working full-time, and his employer even offers tuition reimbursement.
He still hasn't taken any action on it, though. He admits that he feels anxious and worries about letting me down. I have very little doubt that he would be successful, but I don't want to push him into it before he is emotionally ready. On the other hand, he tends to take a long time to get moving on things even when he wants to do them. This isn't a deal breaker for me, but I think some higher education would be good for Boy both economically and intellectually, and I find it hard to accept that manual labor and video games are his self-actualization. He says he wants more, but doesn't seem to have a clear plan or feel any urgency about making it happen.
Can you identify with him? Did you move on, and if so, what made it happen? Should I push, encourage, chill out and back off? Should I just accept that this is him? What would your advice be to him? To me?