Gotta dance!

September 3, 2009 3:02 PM

Where can a 300+ pound, 39 year-old geek go dancing in Seattle without feeling *too* self-conscious?

This past weekend, I participated in an "80s Prom" charity event here in Seattle. Everybody was dressed in their finest Wedding Singer drag, and having a great time dancing to the songs we remembered from high school.

I realized that night that even though I'm 39 years old, over 300 pounds, and as uncool as they come, I still love to go dancing. Despite my Wookiee-like appearance and complete lack of grace, as long as I stay hydrated I can go for hours. Not to mention that I could use the cardio benefits.

I'd like to go dancing more often, but I have no interest in being the creepy guy hanging out with the twentysomething beautiful people. Anyone know of some places in Seattle where people go to get their groove on, rather than to be seen?

posted by mgrichmond to society & culture (19 comments total)

Nobody gives a red rubber fuck what you look like at Re-bar. You'll see all manner of folks.
posted by Skot at 3:09 PM on September 3 [1 favorite]

what kind of music do you want to dance to? 80's pop, modern pop, trance, house, DnB?

Pick out a club-nite from nwtekno that sounds fun, and go. In my experience, outside of the meat market clubs (places that won't post to nwtekno anyways), our club scene is pretty non-judgmental.

If you are nervous about being seen while dancing, go earlier rather than later. Quite often the first DJ is playing to an empty floor for hours, and will be quite grateful for any dancers.
posted by nomisxid at 3:11 PM on September 3

I don't get this question at all. I would never have anything but best wishes for a person of any size enjoying themselves. A little style and self-confidence would be welcome. If your size presents some kind of imposition, then work around it. Just don't step on, sweat on, or bump into people. Nobody is intrinsically better than you, rock on!
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:24 PM on September 3 [2 favorites]

Seconding Re-Bar.
posted by pdb at 3:34 PM on September 3

I saw this question and immediately thought of my best friend, who unfortunately does not have a mefi account. I pointed him to this question and here is his response:

I'm going to buck the trend and say that are aren't *any* completely safe places to go out dancing no matter what you look like. Even for the slim, athletic, terminally hot people, someone somewhere will always sit judgment.

I am a regular at two different 80's nights: "I <3>
I *still* occasionally get mocked on the dancefloor.

Typically, they're frat boys/sorority girls. Typically, they're stupid, or at least stupid drunk. Typically, they've never set foot in that club before and are out "touring". And, typically, the best tactic is to completely shrug it off, concentrate on getting the best groove on you can, and perhaps even shame them off the floor with your style and grace. Or at least ignore them long enough for them to get too bored and/or drunk to hang around any longer.

So, recommendations: Find a club you like, with music you can lose yourself in. Pick a busy club/night that keeps a steady, medium-to-full crowd out on the floor at all times, as you'll actually feel less self-conscious surrounded by others dancing then you would when it's barren. And, most importantly, *just* *don't* *care*. Get out there and dance because you want to, you feel good doing it, and you're damned good at it.

Do that often enough, and you might find that one of your reasons for self-consciousness will melt away. :)

posted by Lokheed at 4:26 PM on September 3

Hrm, on preview, a chunk of his second paragraph got eaten by faux html. Trying again:

I'm going to buck the trend and say that are aren't *any* completely safe places to go out dancing no matter what you look like. Even for the slim, athletic, terminally hot people, someone somewhere will always sit judgment.

I am a regular at two different 80's nights: "I <3 the 80's" Tuesdays at Noc Noc, and "Rock Lobster" Thursdays at Neighbours. When I started doing this in 2004, I was nearing 290 lbs and had just begun a major shift in diet and exercise. After a year of same, I was down to 170, and have held steady at that weight since.

I *still* occasionally get mocked on the dancefloor.

Typically, they're frat boys/sorority girls. Typically, they're stupid, or at least stupid drunk. Typically, they've never set foot in that club before and are out "touring". And, typically, the best tactic is to completely shrug it off, concentrate on getting the best groove on you can, and perhaps even shame them off the floor with your style and grace. Or at least ignore them long enough for them to get too bored and/or drunk to hang around any longer.

So, recommendations: Find a club you like, with music you can lose yourself in. Pick a busy club/night that keeps a steady, medium-to-full crowd out on the floor at all times, as you'll actually feel less self-conscious surrounded by others dancing then you would when it's barren. And, most importantly, *just* *don't* *care*. Get out there and dance because you want to, you feel good doing it, and you're damned good at it.

Do that often enough, and you might find that one of your reasons for self-consciousness will melt away. :)

posted by Lokheed at 4:28 PM on September 3

IANAG(oth) but it seems that the goth crowd are pretty open to a lot of body types. Maybe a goth bar?
posted by Billegible at 4:57 PM on September 3

If you are into something folkier, contradancing is generally a really accepting crowd. There's freaks of all varieties there. I went to a nice dance the one night I was Seattle.
posted by sully75 at 6:07 PM on September 3 [1 favorite]

I second the contradancing. If the north end is convenient for you, there's a dance every Thursday in Lake City that I hear is fun.
posted by sculpin at 6:20 PM on September 3 [1 favorite]

Drive up to vancouver tonight and dance with me at Republic (Mark Farina is playing, not sure if it's your cup of tea). We are practically the same age.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 6:31 PM on September 3 [1 favorite]

Swing dancing! Find lessons for adults you can take? I know one teacher around me (NJ) who teaches lessons and then organizes dances every other friday, and 80% of the people who come are in their 40's, and not necessarily the best shape of their life. But the great thing about swing dancing is that EVERYONE dances with EVERYONE! Even if you're a beginner, as long as you can do the basic step you can keep up with people, and learn from people who are better than you. It is such a chill environment, and everyone is so accepting. I'm a 24 yr old girl and love going and dancing with everyone because I know the 39 year old men there are just fun loving people who want to dance without being creepy. I seriously recommend it.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 8:50 PM on September 3

I'd highly recommend the Century Ballroom if you have any interest in swing or salsa. I used to be a semi-regular there, and I was always amazed at how laid back the crowd was. And for all-around ballroom dance, DanceSport up on Lake City Way is a great place. If this isn't your thing and it's the club stuff you're after, I agree with the ReBar. Good for you to get out on the floor; that's usually the big obstacle for guys, no matter what kind of dancing.
posted by sapere aude at 9:31 PM on September 3

Oh yeah, Century Ballroom is good (or at least it was seven years ago, before I moved away to Florida). The nice thing there is that they do a beginner's class each night before the dance that is included with the cover. The people there are very friendly, and even the advanced folks are always happy to dance with a beginner and give pointers. I always felt completely comfortable there.
posted by Lokheed at 10:22 PM on September 3

I'm going to suggest something a little strange and say that if you're at all comfortable with a kink crowd, you should try the CSPC in Seattle. Every Thursday night there is a gothish dance party called The Grind, which has all sorts of people out there dancing. It isn't a huge dance floor and no matter what you look like, you will not be the most unusual person there. It's a really accepting, friendly crowd. Of course, you have to be comfortable with a certain amount of kink going on in other areas of the club and there's a good chance you'll see some nakedness.

There's also a Wednesday night party called The Hump, which has dancing, often with free lessons ahead of time. It is a members only club and there are fees to attend parties, but it can be a lot of fun and if you want someone to take you as a guest some night and show you around, feel free to message me.

Also, I have heard great things about Little Red Studio, although I've never personally been. One of my friends, who always claims he can't dance a lick, recently attended the Jazz night and said that the dance lessons ahead of time made him feel really comfortable. He was thrilled with the crowd and didn't feel at all out of place, which is very unusual for him, bless his heart.
posted by diamondsky at 12:55 AM on September 4

Swing dancing is great, really it is.

If you really do have a complete lack of grace, though -- such that you are stepping on the feet of your dance partners -- this will be painful and possibly seriously injure their feet. Of course, hurting people, even if it is accidental, will not lead to this being the place you seek. There is a certain minimal level of grace required for dancing with a partner when you are close enough for hands to be on shoulders.

If you were not exaggerating, a better path to getting into partner dancing would be to take a few private lessons, just to get to the point where you will be able to dance close to someone without causing them to be injured. You can do this, but it's a task you should hire someone for. A experienced teacher can help you with this.
posted by yohko at 9:28 AM on September 4

Various clubs have a goth/industrial crowd, which has a high quotient of geeks, a wide range of ages and builds, entirely normal for people like you and "twentysomething beautiful people" to be sharing the floor, and more people are there to dance rather than to be seen. You wouldn't stand out, though it may seem cliqueish as many people in those places are regulars who know each other, and/or tend not to approach strangers right away. So long as your recognize that that's not hostility or aloofness, you'd be fine. The noc noc (somewhat close to pike place market) has a vaguely 80s themed night on Tuesdays, but they don't play many hits of the 80s, so I hesitate to call it an 80s night.

Something that might help to remember: Anyone who is on the floor dancing has already demonstrated more guts than someone merely watching but passing judgement on those who are out there shaking it. And most regular club-goers realise this. And by knowing that they realise this, you can have some confidence that anyone who might be passing judgement on you is not someone who really matters a great deal to you or to others. They're being rookie, and you're being the real deal. And it's obvious.

Another thing that might help - people who are only dancing as a means to a (skeevy) end, are fundamentally distinctive from those dancing just to dance. You don't risk being mistaken for creepy if all you're doing is dancing for the sake of dancing, regardless of whether there are young hotties there.
posted by -harlequin- at 2:43 PM on September 4

Thirding the contradance suggestions. Also, I just checked out the link that Sculpin gave, and Great Bear Trio is coming to your town in a few days! They are an awesome trio and it sounds like the young wife is acting as their caller. Maybe if you're lucky, they'll break out the didgeridoo. Seriously friendly people and men, especially, will never lack for a partner. Make sure you go for the lesson, as it will make the whole experience more fun. Here's another link with more local dances listed.
posted by jvilter at 6:05 AM on September 8

thirding rebar. i run the aforementioned nwtekno site and have been a big electronic music person in seattle for ~15 years, and rebar on sunday nights is esp. superrad and has a diverse crowd. their door sign reads "if you are racist, sexist, homophobic, or an asshole - please do not come in."

it lives up to that sign.
posted by groovinkim at 10:10 PM on September 8

Funny to have contradancing and gothic nights recommended in the same thread.
posted by sully75 at 2:42 PM on September 11 [1 favorite]