We're not friends, please stop talking to me.
August 17, 2009 12:20 PM Subscribe
"Please excuse me...No really, don't follow me, I don't want to talk to you." How do I politely get out of having to converse with someone I was friends with for a long, long time but am no longer? Person is inconsiderate, dismissive, and generally a bitch who thinks she's funny when she says mean things.
posted by sio42 to human relations (27 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
All of the above being reasons I'm not friends with her anymore.
A mutual friend (Susan) has invited crazy lady (Lily) to her wedding and shower out of a feeling of obligation, since in better days, we were both in Lily's wedding. Just to be clear, Lily is NOT in the wedding party, there is not a wedding party.
Susan and I haven't talked to Lily for over a year. Susan stopped being an all-the-time friend quite some time ago for much the same reasons I only came to realize a few years ago. Susan has not talked to Lily in the past year due to lifestyle decisions Lily was making that Susan just could not be around.
So Lily will be at the shower and the wedding (we guess, havne't gotten RSVP back yet). Susan is not inviting anyone else that Lily knows, except me. Lily has taken it upon herself to let Susan know that certain people havne't rec'd invitations to the shower and wedding and maybe Susan "didn't have the right address". (yes, yes, please roll your eyes.)
I am more than willing to be nice to her in public, but I do not wish to give the impression I wish to rekindle our friendship. I know that I cannot control other people's actions. However, I know that she will come up to me and say her typical rude, sarcastic things and I just don't want to deal with it.
How many times can I say "Excuse me." and walk away? What if she follows me around? I would not put it past her to start telling everyone who will listen that I "ditched her" for my boyfriend. (I got a job after college which took me a neighboring city, which happend to be where my boyfriend lived.) Which is what she kept saying about Susan when she stopped hanging so much. And what she says about anyone who gets a life not centered around Lily. After years of listening to her bitch about her/our friends to me, I can only imagine what she has been saying about me.
She has said really hurtful things to me in the past and been incredibly inconsiderate. I don't want to be a bitch to her at all, but she's a drinker and she tends to get even more inconsiderate when drinking. She thinks she's being funny.
I just feel sorry for her. I realize her life hasn't turned out like she wanted to. But she was like this long before she got married and had babies.
Oh yeah, and she's pregnant again (which apparently was not planned and which Susan didn't know about when she sent the invite). So she'll probably be drinking at these events. All the time proseletyzing about it's ok to drink after the 1st trimester. Which while true (in moderation of course, a glass of wine here and there is ok), showers and weddings aren't the place to start "educating" everyone about it. She's got this attitude of "I'm going to do whatever I want when I want, to hell with what other poeple think." I'm all for being empowered, but that's just an immature attitude.
And I still feel like I'm apologizing for her, even in this post. I'm tired of it.
Help me please be nice and calm my flustered-ness and politely defuse anything that may happen. We are all in our mid-30s. Susan and I don't talk to anyone from our hometown anymore nor do we talk to anyone that knows Lily. We both grew up, got jobs, and stopped hanging at the bar every night.
Ok. I've rambled on enough now....askme, do your magic!