Someone is wiping wrong, and it's not me.

August 7, 2009 9:11 PM

Searching for an explanation for something gross in the bathroom at work.

It's happened a couple times, at different companies, that I've heard a guy sitting in the stall next to me wipe back and forth, several times. Like you would if you were trying to scrub a pot, but the sound is of toilet paper on skin. Do people really wipe their butts this way?

posted by jewzilla to health & fitness (24 comments total)

Without visual confirmation, how can you be sure it's their butt that they're wiping?
posted by contessa at 9:14 PM on August 7

Yes?
posted by booknerd at 9:16 PM on August 7

Yes?
WTF, doesn't it make an awful mess?
posted by jewzilla at 9:18 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

I'm sure people do, just as I'm sure this is going to turn into another epic bathroom behavior thread.

Reminds me of a small party I was at where the hostess asked the group (in general) how a blind person knew if they were done wiping. Half the group thought it was hilarious, the other half didn't understand what she was talking about, both groups thought the other were sick.
posted by Ookseer at 9:19 PM on August 7 [8 favorites]

but the sound is of toilet paper on skin

Wait, you can discern the pattern of wiping based on auditory cues? I'm assuming we're talking about industrial strength TP here?
posted by dhammond at 9:27 PM on August 7

Some people have hairy assholes and need more friction.
posted by clearlydemon at 9:32 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

Well, maybe once they've gotten the rid of the majority of the mess, they scrub a little (with a new sheet) to get it extra clean. You could say they're a bit more anal about their hygiene.
posted by martens at 9:34 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

How sure are you that he wasn't wiping somebody else's dribbles off the floor?
posted by flabdablet at 9:38 PM on August 7

Those tags made me snort.

I have never heard this in a women's bathroom.
posted by nosila at 10:08 PM on August 7

I'm guessing they are doing it because they think they need to.
posted by furtive at 10:28 PM on August 7

Are you sure is isn't noise from those paper seat cover things? If you're reaching down to wipe with one of those in place, it can make some extra noise.
posted by dws at 11:03 PM on August 7

clearlydemon has it. With a certain density of hair under there, your options are: a) shave b) wax, or c) some kind of back and forth after most people would consider themselves done wiping, to make sure you get the last of the feces out of the area.
posted by idiopath at 11:06 PM on August 7

Was it already smelly? Do they hang out and ... poop some more after you hear the noise, before flushing again? It could be possible that they were scrubbing the toilet seat before they sat down on it.

I know one person, rural mainland Chinese origin, who was regularly constipated and would stimulate his peri-anal/just-inside rectal area to induce fecal release. I suppose rubbing cheap office bumwad around there might do the trick.

But, yeah, I'm glad I'm fairly hairless, groom, and eat a balanced diet with plenty of fibre.
posted by porpoise at 12:05 AM on August 8

Stall walls seldom inhibit shoe views -- they ain't polishing their footwear.

Good question, jewzzilla, and although I don't, I definitely hear people doing this, and I find it weird, as well.

Great answer, Ookseer.
posted by Rash at 6:31 AM on August 8

Occasionally I don't realize I've spilled food/drink on my clothing until I get into the bathroom stall, whereupon I attempt to wipe/scrub it off with toilet paper before taking the more drastic measure of wetting a paper towel at the sink. Depending on the fabric, I'd imagine this could sound much the same as wiping on skin. (I'm female btw)
posted by desjardins at 6:59 AM on August 8

I've never heard this in a women's bathroom. This may be because, although both boys and girls are presumably taught to only wipe one way, front to back, in order not to deposit fecal matter in the urinary area, it's really only girls who are going to get an infection that way.
posted by palliser at 7:26 AM on August 8

Yeah, I'm very careful about only going one way, because who needs that kind of infection? I do know my dad uses about six times as much TP as anyone else in the house, though. (Lord only knows what he does with it.)
posted by restless_nomad at 7:44 AM on August 8

When I was a kid, I took a crap once a month. No joke. It was the most painful Saturday morning EVER. It felt like giving birth. I'd make up all sorts of things to keep my mind off the HORRIBLE task I was facing.

One of my favorite things was to take a large section of toilet paper...hold it between my hands, and brush it across my thigh...like some people shine shoes with a large cloth. If I did it with JUST the right pressure, it didn't break...and after about 30 minutes, it has this SHINE to it. I can't replicate that anymore (probably because I don't spend 90 minutes on the pot...), but I'm guessing the formula for TP has changed over the last 15-20 years.

Yeah, I was scared of taking a dump.
posted by hal_c_on at 8:20 AM on August 8 [1 favorite]

And yeah...it DID make that same sound you ask about.
posted by hal_c_on at 8:21 AM on August 8

Like you would if you were trying to scrub a pot...

Maybe you're overhearing some guy trying to covertly rub one out.


blergh.
posted by roger ackroyd at 8:46 AM on August 8

Holy crap guys, is it so hard to believe that he is just scrubbing until there is no more crap on the toilet paper? Like the guy said above, some people are hairy. Daintily wiping in the approved direction isn't going to do it.
I'll tell you what's weird, putting a wiping limit on yourself. If you ask me, I want to wipe until I don't have any more crap on my ass, so I am as clean as I could hope to be without using a bidet, but that's another strange North American issue... we're all gross if you ask me.
posted by GleepGlop at 9:25 AM on August 8 [1 favorite]

I want to wipe until I don't have any more crap on my ass

It's safe to conclude we all share that objective, I imagine.

What's weird is that instead of a series of single wipes-and-discards, it sounds as if these users are grinding any crap their TP picks up into the tissues around their anus. Of course in other cultures, even single wipes aren't considered sanitary, for the same reason, hence the Japanese and their washlets, the French with their bidets, and the Indians with the jug of water (instead of any TP) next to the squat toilet, to be used with the unclean left hand.
posted by Rash at 11:18 AM on August 8

it sounds as if these users are grinding any crap their TP picks up into the tissues around their anus
posted by Rash

And it sounds like he knows what he's talking about.
posted by palliser at 11:51 AM on August 8 [1 favorite]

The OP describes the sound as "toilet paper against skin." I've been using public restrooms for some 40-plus years now (I'm a female), and I can say that I've never heard a "toilet paper against skin" sound. I've heard the sound of toilet paper being unwound, and occasionally (in a restroom with really good acoustics) the sound of it being scrunched, but never the sound of it in actual use. Unless the user is using with wax paper (or unless the OP has the ears of Rin-Tin-Tin), the sound of wiping is just not that audible. I'm thinking along the lines of dws, that some folks are using those crinkly sanitary toilet seat covers as toilet paper.
posted by Oriole Adams at 2:12 PM on August 8