How do I deal with a coworker (and potential friend) that is distracting me at work?

August 5, 2009 5:20 PM

How do I deal with a coworker (and potential friend) who is distracting me at work?

Another coworker and I get along very well. We have the same sense of humor and a lot in common. She is very fun to talk to and I can see us being friends outside of work. However, at work she is very distracting and sometimes it interferes with my ability to do my work. She talks to me endlessly, and anytime I politely respond, she launches into another story based on my polite response. It ends up being a huge time-drain but I don't want to discourage her from talking to me because I don't want to ruin our chance of being friends. What do I do?

posted by Buttons to human relations (12 comments total)

"Hey sorry, I'm going to zone out and fuckin' wreck my task list. Want to pick this up at happy hour?"

Two birds, one stone.

Also, you may want to church it up a bit for your office.
posted by Loto at 5:25 PM on August 5 [8 favorites]

"You're distracting me."
posted by jayder at 5:28 PM on August 5

Yeah, just deflect her impulse for storytime into a specific friendly activity outside the office -- lunch, drinks, etc.
posted by scody at 5:34 PM on August 5

Headphones. Whether or not you're listening to anything, wear headphones.

Then hang out after work and catch up on all the stories she was saving up.
posted by corey flood at 6:02 PM on August 5

+1 for headphones, even if you don't use them. Put them on and get yourself some distraction-free work time. No one but you needs to know that they're not even on.

Best of luck!
posted by 2oh1 at 6:57 PM on August 5

You're so much fun to talk to that I'm getting behind. I'm going to put on music, and wear my headphones so I can catch up. Deliver in a no big deal manner.
posted by theora55 at 9:41 PM on August 5 [1 favorite]

First line of defense are nonverbal cues, e.g., if you're in the break room, take a step backwards toward your cubicle.

Second line is, "Hey, sorry to cut you off, but I really need to get back to something, let's talk (after work / tomorrow at lunch), etc."

If you're afraid of seeming standoffish, then make a point of occasionally initiating a conversation or suggesting non-work activities. That way she'll know that you do like talking.

Headphones: Sometimes I use New Age-y nature CDs to drown out noise when music would be too distracting.

I wouldn't tell someone flat out "You're distracting me", if I wanted to become friends with them.
posted by sesquipedalian at 2:01 AM on August 6

A nice way of letting her know you'd need work but would still like to be friends her would be to say something like:

"Oh, hold that thought! Let's have lunch together, okay? I want to hear all about it later. I just have to finish up this thing I'm working on right now. See you at 12?"

You could do this ad infinitum, by also alternatively arranging to have the same coffee break (or smoke break, if you smoke), or get together for dinner or drinks after work. It expresses an interest in developing a social relationship with her, while reminding her that you have to do what you're there for. You just have to set the boundaries gently.
posted by Lush at 2:59 AM on August 6 [1 favorite]

oh God, headphones. Otherwise known as the only way I ever got work done at a past job. (Same deal, I think -- nice guy, good friend, NEVER SHUT UP.)
posted by kalimac at 5:31 AM on August 6

seconding the body language subtle hints. I do it all the time, epecially in meetings that are dragging on a bit. Glance at the door, close your folder, tuck your pen away, glance out the window, stop joining in small talk. Always works. But, also "yeah I know, look, I'm waaaay behind, catch up later?" smile, and walk away.
posted by daveyt at 5:39 AM on August 6

You could tell her "I love chatting with you. I'm happy to chat most of the time. When I'm too busy to chat I'll let you know by putting my headphones on/putting a ribbon across my cube/whatever".

At my office the management enacted a policy that anyone could hang a ribbon across their cube doorway and that meant that you weren't to interrupt them. You could pursue that option if she doesn't honor the request above.
posted by Four Flavors at 10:43 AM on August 6

I'll second (or sixth?) the headphones. I have a huge pair of headphones and am absolutely in love with them. If they want to interupt you, just look like you're really busy and ignore them the first time they call your name. The second time, pull the headphones off with "I'm sorry, what was that?". Usually that tones down the conversation directed at me.
posted by vmrob at 12:27 PM on August 6