Perspectives on the downward spiral, please

August 4, 2009 10:57 PM

Need advice for books on how to deal with a family member's suicide.

I have every reason to believe that I just saw a close relative in the flesh for the last time. I can't really talk to anyone about this, so I'm hoping to find a book or three (or a blog, anything written) about or from people who've had to go through the experience of having to watch someone slip away, despite their best efforts. I know I can read through Amazon or Goodreads reviews, but I trust the hivemind more. Any suggestions?

posted by greenland to human relations (12 comments total)

Are you talking about someone who may commit suicide? Your post sounds like this might be preventable.

I don't want to jump off a cliff and start calling for help if that's not the case, but you question makes it sound like this suicide hasn't happened yet.
posted by SLC Mom at 11:08 PM on August 4 [1 favorite has favorites]

Seconding SLC Mom: please tell someone!

A few more details would help us to help you.
posted by swerve at 11:37 PM on August 4

Several months ago, this blog post about suicide circulated. The shift in perspective was worth 2 or 3 weeks at my therapist.
posted by milkrate at 12:14 AM on August 5 [1 favorite has favorites]

Maybe watch the documentary The Bridge.
posted by disaster77 at 1:14 AM on August 5

If this hasn't happened, I urge you to intervene in any way possible to prevent it.
posted by univac at 2:06 AM on August 5

Well, to answer the direct question, when David Foster Wallace committed suicide last fall, his family was very open about their experience with it. He had a lot of support. This was one of the best:

The Lost Years & Last Days of David Foster Wallace, Rolling Stone

I would really encourage you though to say something to your relative about it. Just to say "Hi, I notice you, I love you, and I would miss you if you were gone, and can I see you again soon?" could help so much. Even a short email saying "I'd like to call you on Saturday; will you be home?" could help them to hang on until then.
posted by heatherann at 7:32 AM on August 5 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also, feel free to call a suicide hotline. They have been through this experience, and they are not just there to support the depressed person.
posted by heatherann at 7:33 AM on August 5

One place I would suggest is the site "Depression Fallout" (just google it). It is a website for people married to people who suffer from depression. In the message board section, I have seen this addressed so search the archives.
posted by eleslie at 9:38 AM on August 5

I realize that I know nothing of the background of this situation (other than the implication that this person is STILL ALIVE), and I don't intend to devalue the efforts you have already made, but if this person is in fact still alive, there are still many more "best efforts" to make. Be absolutely straightforward about noticing that s/he is monumentally depressed, and that you want to prevent him/her from committing suicide. Spend a lot more time together, call him/her on the phone a lot more, show your presence. Call 911 or a psychiatric mobile response team if you think s/he is going to do something.
posted by so_gracefully at 10:16 AM on August 5

I don't think it appropriate to offer details on the situation, but intervention is ongoing from both familial and medical directions. I probably won't be able to make it back to this person's area in a year or more, though, and my fear is that there's a good chance that they will find a way to do themselves in regardless. I would like to prepare for that possibility, if I can.
posted by greenland at 10:55 AM on August 5

You have MeFi Mail.
posted by swerve at 11:30 AM on August 5

I'm so sorry Greenland.

A collection of avatar stories from attempt survivors and loss survivors are on www.Lifeline-Gallery.org. This may be what you're looking for?

You can absolutely talk to someone about this. You already have to us on the green, and you are welcome to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-TALK. Full disclosure, I am employed by the grant to administrate it. Which means I can tell you that this line is absolutely appropriate for you to call.

Suicide has a way of staying un-talked about. I'm glad you're talking about it here and I hope you continue you to, and hopefully with those close to you as well.
posted by Sweetdefenestration at 10:02 AM on August 6