Should a person with diabetes have to hide their illness out of politeness?
August 3, 2009 7:00 PM Subscribe
Calling all diabetics: when out in public, like in restaurants for instance, do you inject your insulin/test blood sugar out in the open, or do you go to the rest room to do this? And if you do it out in the open, has anyone ever made a negative comment about it, and if so, how did/do you respond?
My now 16-year-old daughter was diagnosed with insulin-dependent diabetes right before her 13th birthday, and uses an insulin pen to give herself injections with every meal. Since the beginning, I have had an ongoing debate with my mother about her doing her testing and injections at the table in restaurants. I always let her do them at the table but this freaks my mother out. She thinks it's gross and is worried about what someone might think. I think no one is going to be looking at us because they're busy enjoying their own meal, plus I think it's much grosser to do it in a public toilet than at a clean table.
I have confronted my mom about this in the past, but recently my daughter went on a trip with her without me, and when she came back she said she didn't want to go anywhere with her ever again, because she felt that my mother was disgusted by her. My mom did honor my wishes and didn't force her to go to the rest room or otherwise hide, but my daughter says it was very clear that she wasn't happy about the situation.
My mom does have a very controlling and difficult personality, which is a whole other AskMe question in itself, but my purpose here is not really to address that. What I'd like to know is what is the best way to handle this. I don't want to cut my daughter off from a relationship with her grandmother, but at the same time she does have this illness that is not going to go away, and being made to feel embarrassed or ashamed of it is not acceptable. So far we just avoid any interaction with my mom that will involve food. Talking to her hasn't helped change her attitude.
My now 16-year-old daughter was diagnosed with insulin-dependent diabetes right before her 13th birthday, and uses an insulin pen to give herself injections with every meal. Since the beginning, I have had an ongoing debate with my mother about her doing her testing and injections at the table in restaurants. I always let her do them at the table but this freaks my mother out. She thinks it's gross and is worried about what someone might think. I think no one is going to be looking at us because they're busy enjoying their own meal, plus I think it's much grosser to do it in a public toilet than at a clean table.
I have confronted my mom about this in the past, but recently my daughter went on a trip with her without me, and when she came back she said she didn't want to go anywhere with her ever again, because she felt that my mother was disgusted by her. My mom did honor my wishes and didn't force her to go to the rest room or otherwise hide, but my daughter says it was very clear that she wasn't happy about the situation.
My mom does have a very controlling and difficult personality, which is a whole other AskMe question in itself, but my purpose here is not really to address that. What I'd like to know is what is the best way to handle this. I don't want to cut my daughter off from a relationship with her grandmother, but at the same time she does have this illness that is not going to go away, and being made to feel embarrassed or ashamed of it is not acceptable. So far we just avoid any interaction with my mom that will involve food. Talking to her hasn't helped change her attitude.
I have a friend who has to do this too, out in the open and no one bats a lash. It's not like he flaunts it, he's very quick and discreet about it. Our age group is late 20s. Your daughter isn't a leper and shouldn't be treated as such.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:07 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:07 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
I don't find it disgusting at all, but I will faint at the sight of someone taking blood. However, I understand that the new devices for taking blood are much more discreet, and the insulin pens look pretty innocuous too. Unless someone can actually see blood leaving the body, I can't see a problem with it.
posted by Evangeline at 7:10 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by Evangeline at 7:10 PM on August 3, 2009
I'm not diabetic, but my great aunt is. Whenever we go out, she goes into the restroom. Primarily, it's about concern for other people and their food and comfort level. Lots of people shoot you dirty looks for doing makeup or combing hair at a table where food is served, even if it isn't at their table. Giving yourself an injection is much worse, and probably not all that sanitary to the other diners.
Plus - a lot of people are squimish! If they happen to notice your daughted injected herself at dinner, it might bother them or put them off their food. Not because there is anything with your daughter - she didn't ask to be sick - but because people don't like to watch other people get injections!
I think you might be over reacting a bit - cutting off you mother from having a relationship with your daughter over this seems way out of proportion.
(I don't think your daughter should be ashamed or embarrassed, but I think it's an issue worth examining from other perspectives.)
Good luck!
posted by firei at 7:10 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
Plus - a lot of people are squimish! If they happen to notice your daughted injected herself at dinner, it might bother them or put them off their food. Not because there is anything with your daughter - she didn't ask to be sick - but because people don't like to watch other people get injections!
I think you might be over reacting a bit - cutting off you mother from having a relationship with your daughter over this seems way out of proportion.
(I don't think your daughter should be ashamed or embarrassed, but I think it's an issue worth examining from other perspectives.)
Good luck!
posted by firei at 7:10 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
I had a friend as a teenager who would give herself a quick injection at the table. She was very discrete, injected in her leg and it was no big deal. I don't think anyone would notice who wasn't seated next to her, and nobody would care if they did notice.
That being said, I had another friend who would test his blood at the lunch table -- and that's probably something that should be done away from food.
posted by katopotato at 7:14 PM on August 3, 2009
That being said, I had another friend who would test his blood at the lunch table -- and that's probably something that should be done away from food.
posted by katopotato at 7:14 PM on August 3, 2009
I am not diabetic, but two of my closest friends are. Both of them always go to the restroom to check and inject while we are at restaurants - or dining at one of our homes.
Should a person with diabetes have to hide their illness out of politeness?
It has nothing to do with hiding an illness - it has to do with etiquette. There are a lot of things that people consider impolite to do at a dining table, and for a lot of people, this is one of them. (Along with picking an annoying piece of food out of teeth, or blowing a really runny nose, or answering their cell phone, or.....the list goes on.)
posted by meerkatty at 7:14 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
Should a person with diabetes have to hide their illness out of politeness?
It has nothing to do with hiding an illness - it has to do with etiquette. There are a lot of things that people consider impolite to do at a dining table, and for a lot of people, this is one of them. (Along with picking an annoying piece of food out of teeth, or blowing a really runny nose, or answering their cell phone, or.....the list goes on.)
posted by meerkatty at 7:14 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
(I suppose I could have added that I wouldn't bat an eyelash myself. Who cares, indeed. So let her do it, of course. I just had a diabetic over my shoulder to ask and so tossed that in.)
posted by rokusan at 7:17 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by rokusan at 7:17 PM on August 3, 2009
I'm going to admit that on first reading your question, as someone who isn't close to any diabetics, I thought that I might be kind of startled to see someone give themselves an injection at the table in a restaurant. Startled, but that my reaction would probably be "oh, I bet they're a diabetic." That's if I noticed at all, of course (but I'm a people watcher, so I might). So I'm writing this as someone who not only might notice, but would also be naive and curious.
So I googled insulin pens. I read about what's involved in using them. And if I saw a 16 year old in a restaurant using one, I would figure either a) oh, it's a kind of fidgety kid, or b) they're taking medication. Neither one of those would gross me out, startle me, or put me off at all. There's nothing about that system or situation that should make your daughter feel shameful, or gross, or embarrassed. There's nothing about her health, or her integrity as a person, that should make her feel that way.
Tell your mother to get the eff over herself. She can either treat your daughter well, or not see her at mealtimes, which means they're not going to spend more than a few hours together, ever. It's hard enough for a 16 year old girl to feel good about herself as it is, especially if she has a health condition that might draw the occasional curious glance while being managed in an entirely socially appropriate manner. She doesn't need your mother's BS on top of that. Tell your daughter that grandma is a judgmental, controlling old crank who is out of touch, and while you both love grandma anyway, you certainly don't trust her opinions on what is or is not acceptable.
posted by amelioration at 7:18 PM on August 3, 2009 [21 favorites]
So I googled insulin pens. I read about what's involved in using them. And if I saw a 16 year old in a restaurant using one, I would figure either a) oh, it's a kind of fidgety kid, or b) they're taking medication. Neither one of those would gross me out, startle me, or put me off at all. There's nothing about that system or situation that should make your daughter feel shameful, or gross, or embarrassed. There's nothing about her health, or her integrity as a person, that should make her feel that way.
Tell your mother to get the eff over herself. She can either treat your daughter well, or not see her at mealtimes, which means they're not going to spend more than a few hours together, ever. It's hard enough for a 16 year old girl to feel good about herself as it is, especially if she has a health condition that might draw the occasional curious glance while being managed in an entirely socially appropriate manner. She doesn't need your mother's BS on top of that. Tell your daughter that grandma is a judgmental, controlling old crank who is out of touch, and while you both love grandma anyway, you certainly don't trust her opinions on what is or is not acceptable.
posted by amelioration at 7:18 PM on August 3, 2009 [21 favorites]
I seriously doubt you will get the grandmother to change either her opinion or her behavior if your explanations have not already done so.
Tell your daughter that life is too short to worry about people who are going to give her a hard time about how she takes her insulin. Her grandmother's behavior is unpleasant, but not impossible to deal with and she was gracious enough to accept her doing it at the table. I hope your daughter is proud of herself for (A) giving herself her own injections and (B) not caving under pressure and going to the bathroom to do it.
And given the fact that I have never noticed anyone giving themselves an injection at a restaurant and a couple of posters say their friends have, that makes me think it should be a non-issue.
posted by Mouse Army at 7:20 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Tell your daughter that life is too short to worry about people who are going to give her a hard time about how she takes her insulin. Her grandmother's behavior is unpleasant, but not impossible to deal with and she was gracious enough to accept her doing it at the table. I hope your daughter is proud of herself for (A) giving herself her own injections and (B) not caving under pressure and going to the bathroom to do it.
And given the fact that I have never noticed anyone giving themselves an injection at a restaurant and a couple of posters say their friends have, that makes me think it should be a non-issue.
posted by Mouse Army at 7:20 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Wow, thanks for the quick answers....
Generally, I never thought about it grossing other diners out because she does it so fast and you'd really have to be looking over at us to see. At school she goes to the nurse's office. The only person we've really encountered who made an issue of it is my mom, and like I said, my mom has issues where she can be overly controlling and rigid. But that doesn't mean sometimes she isn't right! :)
posted by weesha at 7:27 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Generally, I never thought about it grossing other diners out because she does it so fast and you'd really have to be looking over at us to see. At school she goes to the nurse's office. The only person we've really encountered who made an issue of it is my mom, and like I said, my mom has issues where she can be overly controlling and rigid. But that doesn't mean sometimes she isn't right! :)
posted by weesha at 7:27 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
data point: the two diabetic guys I know (early 20s/late teens) make a point of "shooting up" in public. gives them a "thrill" and makes them laugh a little. They feel that they should educate people. I don't have an issue with it, but then I'm also early 20's, not your mom's age!
posted by titanium_geek at 7:36 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by titanium_geek at 7:36 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
My husband is a diabetic and he's been known to use his insulin pen at the table in a restaurant. He is pretty discreet about it (pulls up his shirt on the side and zaps himself in the stomach) but I'm not that thrilled with the idea, largely because we live in the CT town that's been informally dubbed "Heroin Town" by the newspapers, and it just doesn't look right.
What I really hate is when he leaves the little needle tip on the table along with dinner trash--it's always in the little plastic case that it comes in, so theoretically no one comes in contact with medical waste, but I think even that's a little over the top. He knows I feel that way, though, so most of the time he'll take it home to throw out (and if he doesn't I smuggle it out in my purse).
I really do think it's about etiquette and hygiene, not shame.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:40 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
What I really hate is when he leaves the little needle tip on the table along with dinner trash--it's always in the little plastic case that it comes in, so theoretically no one comes in contact with medical waste, but I think even that's a little over the top. He knows I feel that way, though, so most of the time he'll take it home to throw out (and if he doesn't I smuggle it out in my purse).
I really do think it's about etiquette and hygiene, not shame.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:40 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
I have a friend who does it at the table and the only reason it bothers me is the commentary that accompanies it. If he would just do it discreetly, it wouldn't bother me. However, people have widely varying degrees of squeamishness and I think that administering an injection at table would cross the line for many. In some circles it is considered impolite even to leave the table to go to the bathroom once the meal has started--and this is in cultures where meals can last for hours. The general rule seems to be that all bodily functions, or mention of bodily functions, other than eating, are to be suspended while dining.
posted by HotToddy at 7:41 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by HotToddy at 7:41 PM on August 3, 2009
My brother was diagnosed with diabetes nearly 8 years ago now. It was while we were both in high school and I would regularly go out with him for lunches. At first I took the stance of your mother about it, especially since I was squeamish around needles myself, but then I realized that either no one noticed or no one cared that much.
He still upgraded to an insulin pump though, so he doesn't have to to do that in public. Blood testing is still a problem, but he waits until he is out in the car for that. Inside the restaurant he just estimates. Starting out he would over/under-estimate a little, but that meant that he popped a starburst or upped his insulin intake a bit. Now he's got it to where he knows exactly what he needs. I know it's not an option for everyone, but he likes it a lot and it got him out of testing and injecting at the table.
posted by semp at 7:44 PM on August 3, 2009
He still upgraded to an insulin pump though, so he doesn't have to to do that in public. Blood testing is still a problem, but he waits until he is out in the car for that. Inside the restaurant he just estimates. Starting out he would over/under-estimate a little, but that meant that he popped a starburst or upped his insulin intake a bit. Now he's got it to where he knows exactly what he needs. I know it's not an option for everyone, but he likes it a lot and it got him out of testing and injecting at the table.
posted by semp at 7:44 PM on August 3, 2009
I was testing my blood glucose last month and found the process to be not squicky at all. It would look as if one were fiddling with their nails -- the amount of blood the el-cheapo device required was truly minimal -- I've seen mosquitoes with MUCH more blood in 'em.
posted by @troy at 7:48 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by @troy at 7:48 PM on August 3, 2009
i knew someone in college who was diabetic and who was a bit unstable; sometimes he would forget to eat and would have to leave class to go find a snack. his car was a garbage bin of empty orange-juice boxes. i saw him give himself insulin in class once, and i was troubled by this not because i thought it was gross, but because i was (perhaps unnecessarily) worried about him. could your mother's over-reaction be an attempt to cover fear or anxiety? is she worried that your daughter might become ill or suddenly need medical care while they are together?
just some thoughts.
posted by janepanic at 7:48 PM on August 3, 2009
just some thoughts.
posted by janepanic at 7:48 PM on August 3, 2009
I'm pretty open about a lot of things, and I work at a blood bank so needles don't bother me, but I am not sure if I'm comfortable with someone doing this at the dinner table. I wouldn't care if it was anywhere else in public, but it just seems weird to do around food.
Grandmothers are funny creatures. They all have their weird preferences and ideas. Mine hated seeing my hair in my face - as soon as I would come over she would put it in a rubber band (which my mother would have to cut out when I got home).
posted by radioamy at 7:50 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Grandmothers are funny creatures. They all have their weird preferences and ideas. Mine hated seeing my hair in my face - as soon as I would come over she would put it in a rubber band (which my mother would have to cut out when I got home).
posted by radioamy at 7:50 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
My brother is a Type II diabetic, diagnosed at about the same age as your daughter. He would vary whether he did his injection in the bathroom or at the table or in the car before we went in. I think it generally depended on how quickly we were likely to be served, the type of restaurant, how discretely it could be done at the table...basically whatever made him feel most comfortable. No one ever said anything about it or gave any indication that they even noticed. He has the pod now, so that's mostly eliminated this issue for him.
I don't think this is reason to ruin the relationship between your mother and daughter, but this could be a lesson about relationships for your daughter. If your daughter doesn't feel she's doing anything wrong, she doesn't necessarily have to change her behavior just to appease her grandmother. She may need to accept that her grandmother's judgmental and doesn't approve of her actions, but if it's not this, it'll be something else eventually.
posted by curie at 7:53 PM on August 3, 2009
I don't think this is reason to ruin the relationship between your mother and daughter, but this could be a lesson about relationships for your daughter. If your daughter doesn't feel she's doing anything wrong, she doesn't necessarily have to change her behavior just to appease her grandmother. She may need to accept that her grandmother's judgmental and doesn't approve of her actions, but if it's not this, it'll be something else eventually.
posted by curie at 7:53 PM on August 3, 2009
My mother has both checked her sugars and injected insulin (in conspicuous places liker her arm, abdomen, etc.) out in the open ever since she was diagnosed 16 years ago. She's not really the type to care what other people think about her, and she'll even ask the waitress to wait a minute or come back if she's in the middle of a shot. She's gotten a couple of strange looks from restaurant staff and other diners a few times, but she just ignores them or gives them a quick, "I'm diabetic, if I don't do this I could die" and then goes about her business. I think she could do without the sort of defensive, confrontationally oblivious, passive-aggressive attitude she sometime's adopts, but I fully support someone's right to take care of their medical needs in the way it best suits them. As long as your daughter isn't making a big production out of it, why should anyone else? To me, it's no different then someone taking a pill with lunch.
posted by alygator at 7:58 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by alygator at 7:58 PM on August 3, 2009
I've had diabetes for 16 years and I am now 21. Honestly, I don't run into this problem very often because I usually test before I enter a restaurant. However, I do wear an insulin pump which I pull out and make that everyone sees that I'm taking insulin. If I do have to test in front of people, I do it with pride. I have a chronic illness that will possibly never be cured which means I will have it for the rest of my life! I am for certain that I am not going to run to a bathroom every time i need to test because someone might be squeamish. Screw etiquette. I want the world to know that I have to deal with this on a daily basis and I want the world to know that enough is not being done to cure diabetes.
posted by bobber at 7:58 PM on August 3, 2009 [8 favorites]
posted by bobber at 7:58 PM on August 3, 2009 [8 favorites]
Calling all diabetics: when out in public, like in restaurants for instance, do you inject your insulin/test blood sugar out in the open, or do you go to the rest room to do this? And if you do it out in the open, has anyone ever made a negative comment about it, and if so, how did/do you respond?
I'm Type II and there's no way in hell I'm going to the bathroom to test my levels, that just seems gross. However, when going out to eat, I check my blood sugar in the car as I'm a guy and don't have a purse to lug the meter around with, so it's easier to do it in the car and then leave it there.
If someone had an issue with blood, I'd keep the testing out of their sight, but otherwise, whatever, I'm trying to stay alive here, the world will just have to deal.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:01 PM on August 3, 2009 [3 favorites]
I'm Type II and there's no way in hell I'm going to the bathroom to test my levels, that just seems gross. However, when going out to eat, I check my blood sugar in the car as I'm a guy and don't have a purse to lug the meter around with, so it's easier to do it in the car and then leave it there.
If someone had an issue with blood, I'd keep the testing out of their sight, but otherwise, whatever, I'm trying to stay alive here, the world will just have to deal.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:01 PM on August 3, 2009 [3 favorites]
If it bothers your mother then your daughter should probably go to the restroom to do it. It's a silly hangup to have but a battle worth fighting. She knows her grandma is silly for being grossed out, and it's a good time to learn that accommodating others is part of life.
posted by monkeymadness at 8:02 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by monkeymadness at 8:02 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Your mum obviously didn't order empathy pie at the restaurant. Diabetes or not, I feel this is a kind of disagreement any child while have with their parent, on a range of issues, throughout their entire respective lives.
I always view it as an opportunity to educate my parents in the fact I'm no longer merely their son but a citizen of the world in my own right, and congratulate them on instilling independent thinking in me so solidly.
Your mum owes your daughter (and arguably you) an apology. Should one not be forthcoming, or at least an attitude adjustment, I fully support the playing of hardball. Just like your parents did to you, I reckon it's totally fine to say "this is not a standard of behaviour I find acceptable, until you meet the standard, no cake (or grand daughter) for you."
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. They always come around.
posted by smoke at 8:04 PM on August 3, 2009
I always view it as an opportunity to educate my parents in the fact I'm no longer merely their son but a citizen of the world in my own right, and congratulate them on instilling independent thinking in me so solidly.
Your mum owes your daughter (and arguably you) an apology. Should one not be forthcoming, or at least an attitude adjustment, I fully support the playing of hardball. Just like your parents did to you, I reckon it's totally fine to say "this is not a standard of behaviour I find acceptable, until you meet the standard, no cake (or grand daughter) for you."
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. They always come around.
posted by smoke at 8:04 PM on August 3, 2009
Okay, so I'm going to be the sole voice here and say that you should cut your mother some slack, and recognize that her concerns may be legitimate.
I absolutely hate needles. Cannot stand them. Nearly lose consciousness when I'm stuck by them, and will literally turn my head when they're on T.V. Trepanophobia is the term, I believe. It's absolutely irrational, and I recognize that but it doesn't make it bearable.
I have once in my life been in the presence of someone who injected themselves with insulin at the table, and had I not long practiced the sort of self-control required I would have promptly vomited all over the table. I'm very glad I didn't. In my personal opinion, to perform such an intimate function at the dinner table is both rude and uncalled-for, considering the fact that some people have a sensitivity to such things.
Tell your daughter to get over herself and recognize that some things make other people uncomfortable, and it may have absolutely nothing to do with the medical condition itself.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 8:05 PM on August 3, 2009 [3 favorites]
I absolutely hate needles. Cannot stand them. Nearly lose consciousness when I'm stuck by them, and will literally turn my head when they're on T.V. Trepanophobia is the term, I believe. It's absolutely irrational, and I recognize that but it doesn't make it bearable.
I have once in my life been in the presence of someone who injected themselves with insulin at the table, and had I not long practiced the sort of self-control required I would have promptly vomited all over the table. I'm very glad I didn't. In my personal opinion, to perform such an intimate function at the dinner table is both rude and uncalled-for, considering the fact that some people have a sensitivity to such things.
Tell your daughter to get over herself and recognize that some things make other people uncomfortable, and it may have absolutely nothing to do with the medical condition itself.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 8:05 PM on August 3, 2009 [3 favorites]
My girlfriend was diagnosed with Type I diabetes in March. She did the whole restroom thing for a while, but now just does the shots at the table. It's quick, it's discreet. She's happy to answer questions if asked, but mostly people don't - often, the people she's eating with don't even know it's happening. I think this is fine. I don't think this is an etiquette issue. So yeah, I'm with the "if it's not actively in your face, then who cares what you think?" school of thought. If people have a problem with it... well, they're not the ones dealing with this stupid disease constantly for the rest of their lives.
posted by captainawesome at 8:06 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by captainawesome at 8:06 PM on August 3, 2009
You get quick with the test and inject. You do it several times of day. It's no big deal and anyone who thinks it is can get bent.
posted by mce at 8:19 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by mce at 8:19 PM on August 3, 2009
TheNewWazoo, you can't compare a legitimate medical condition with an irrational phobia.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 8:23 PM on August 3, 2009 [9 favorites]
posted by MaryDellamorte at 8:23 PM on August 3, 2009 [9 favorites]
ok, hijacked hellbound's account to answer this (mr. hellbound here).
I'm diabetic... I check, inject anywhere... anytime... hiking in Peru, on a beach in Blahbity Blah, at twelvty-nine star restaurants, on the moon... whatever... really, this is part of life for a diabetic...
I find it bizarre to say that one must "hide" being diabetic as a part of etiquette! How strange. There's no reason anyone who (anyone who's minding their own business) would ever notice that someone is testing their blood sugar... well, that is if the person doing it is 1) relatively discrete 2) relatively w/o nerve damage or loss of feeling in fingertips 3) doesn't simply stare at their fingers while pricking them and placing the drop of blood onto the strip... also, selecting a tester that's 1) fast - don't accept anything that takes longer than 5 seconds 2) uses capillary action - don't try to "drop" blood into/onto a little target at a table 3) only use a tester that carries test strips inside it somehow - I use the Ascencia Breeze II (formerly Breeze, formerly Dex II, formerly Glucometer Dex) but there are others... it's possible to do with individual test strip models, but one has to be very sneaky to not have people staring.
Mostly I try to be discrete simply not to make others uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that I MUST hide my condition in order to make their lives easier! That's crazy.
Sorry, having a serious condition like diabetes really forces one to re-examine what's important in life... don't sweat someone else's issues with seeing you sneak a little pen device out and poke it into your abdomen (use a pen injector in public - it's truly ridiculous to see someone trying to use a needle/vial at a table).
Anyway... don't give up quality of life and feel like a "sick person" but don't ignore that you have a life shortening illness... that's my sermon.
Test often... before, after eating... watch a1c's and try to have a normal life (exercise helps control / buffer the highs immensely.. but watch out for lows).
sorry I'm all over the map w/ comments... so much to say here, as Diabetes is much mis-understood, very poorly treated by most MOST doctors... every EVERY diabetic should see an endocrinologist (not realistic w/ our healthcare I know)... learn, take charge, live your life with this and don't let down your guard unless you don't like having limbs, sight, teeth, sex, etc...!
Remember that Type I and Type II are very very very different diseases. Different treatments, different approaches to diet, exercise... different concerns, different causes.
I cannot comment on Type II... I know how to deal with Type I - it's pretty straight forward (in relative terms)... want to eat, take insulin. Want to exercise, be sure you've eaten enough. Want to drink, be aware of what mixers are used, that wine has a lot of sugar, that beer has a lot of carbs, well... drinking is something to be careful with... test a lot and learn how your body works.
Anyway... that's all i'll say on diabetes for now.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 8:23 PM on August 3, 2009 [9 favorites]
I'm diabetic... I check, inject anywhere... anytime... hiking in Peru, on a beach in Blahbity Blah, at twelvty-nine star restaurants, on the moon... whatever... really, this is part of life for a diabetic...
I find it bizarre to say that one must "hide" being diabetic as a part of etiquette! How strange. There's no reason anyone who (anyone who's minding their own business) would ever notice that someone is testing their blood sugar... well, that is if the person doing it is 1) relatively discrete 2) relatively w/o nerve damage or loss of feeling in fingertips 3) doesn't simply stare at their fingers while pricking them and placing the drop of blood onto the strip... also, selecting a tester that's 1) fast - don't accept anything that takes longer than 5 seconds 2) uses capillary action - don't try to "drop" blood into/onto a little target at a table 3) only use a tester that carries test strips inside it somehow - I use the Ascencia Breeze II (formerly Breeze, formerly Dex II, formerly Glucometer Dex) but there are others... it's possible to do with individual test strip models, but one has to be very sneaky to not have people staring.
Mostly I try to be discrete simply not to make others uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that I MUST hide my condition in order to make their lives easier! That's crazy.
Sorry, having a serious condition like diabetes really forces one to re-examine what's important in life... don't sweat someone else's issues with seeing you sneak a little pen device out and poke it into your abdomen (use a pen injector in public - it's truly ridiculous to see someone trying to use a needle/vial at a table).
Anyway... don't give up quality of life and feel like a "sick person" but don't ignore that you have a life shortening illness... that's my sermon.
Test often... before, after eating... watch a1c's and try to have a normal life (exercise helps control / buffer the highs immensely.. but watch out for lows).
sorry I'm all over the map w/ comments... so much to say here, as Diabetes is much mis-understood, very poorly treated by most MOST doctors... every EVERY diabetic should see an endocrinologist (not realistic w/ our healthcare I know)... learn, take charge, live your life with this and don't let down your guard unless you don't like having limbs, sight, teeth, sex, etc...!
Remember that Type I and Type II are very very very different diseases. Different treatments, different approaches to diet, exercise... different concerns, different causes.
I cannot comment on Type II... I know how to deal with Type I - it's pretty straight forward (in relative terms)... want to eat, take insulin. Want to exercise, be sure you've eaten enough. Want to drink, be aware of what mixers are used, that wine has a lot of sugar, that beer has a lot of carbs, well... drinking is something to be careful with... test a lot and learn how your body works.
Anyway... that's all i'll say on diabetes for now.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 8:23 PM on August 3, 2009 [9 favorites]
I have one word, biohazard! I wouldn't want it near my food. Granted, this is your child. But there are other people when you go out to dine. Restaurant employees, other diners may have an issue with her potentially exposing them to biohazard, (blood or the sharp)! Remember, you can't see a white blood cell.
posted by 6:1 at 8:32 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by 6:1 at 8:32 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
I've had meals with someone who tested and injected at the table. It didn't bug me. Now, if you know that someone has a phobia of needles, you should warn them, and one of you should leave the area while it's being done, because it's rude otherwise. But you know, it's life, and a lot of restaurant bathrooms are icky. No one else is watching you.
For the grandmother: she is old, she's not going to change her mind. Your daughter has lots of other meals where she doesn't need to go to the washroom. There's nothing wrong with doing something for someone else sometimes. There's also nothing wrong with standing your ground. I don't know any of you, but I'd just suggest allowing your daughter to make whatever decision she wants and sticking up for her. It's frustrating, but that's family.
posted by jeather at 8:33 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
For the grandmother: she is old, she's not going to change her mind. Your daughter has lots of other meals where she doesn't need to go to the washroom. There's nothing wrong with doing something for someone else sometimes. There's also nothing wrong with standing your ground. I don't know any of you, but I'd just suggest allowing your daughter to make whatever decision she wants and sticking up for her. It's frustrating, but that's family.
posted by jeather at 8:33 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Grandmother should feel free to excuse herself to the lady's room while your daughter takes care of business like the normal person she is.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 8:37 PM on August 3, 2009 [6 favorites]
posted by LastOfHisKind at 8:37 PM on August 3, 2009 [6 favorites]
I am also trypanophobic, have been required to be treated for it as a condition of hospital admission, and am married to a Type II diabetic. My husband tests and has some injectable meds, and he doesn't do it in my presence because he knows it freaks me out. (I freak out from seeing needles on TV, too.) Googling for the insulin pen and seeing the needles made my heart race.
It would be a real kindness not to inject in my presence, and I would hope that my friends wouldn't do that to me. Having said that, my freakout is not your daughter's problem if I'm not at your table and it's not my business, especially with something like a pen.
posted by immlass at 8:37 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
It would be a real kindness not to inject in my presence, and I would hope that my friends wouldn't do that to me. Having said that, my freakout is not your daughter's problem if I'm not at your table and it's not my business, especially with something like a pen.
posted by immlass at 8:37 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
The list of things one doesn't politely do at the dinner table stops well short of things involving blood -- blowing your nose, for example, and no one would claim that people who happen to have a cold are ashamed when they get up from the table to blow their nose.
I don't think your daughter should slink off to the bathroom in shame because she should be embarrassed about being diabetic, but there are lots of perfectly normal things that one shouldn't do at the dinner table and in a restaurant, the bathroom is often the only other alternative.
Assuming she can do the insulin injection without partially removing her clothing, it doesn't seem like much of a problem. The pens likely don't look enough like needles to truly squick too many other people out. But unless those glucose meters have gotten a lot more user friendly since I last helped my landlady check her blood sugar levels, there's pricking yourself and squeezing blood out involved in a level check, and that's just not dinner table material, no matter how quickly and discretely its done.
Of course, the the list of things people routinely do at the dinner table despite them being impolite is quite a lot longer.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:38 PM on August 3, 2009 [4 favorites]
I don't think your daughter should slink off to the bathroom in shame because she should be embarrassed about being diabetic, but there are lots of perfectly normal things that one shouldn't do at the dinner table and in a restaurant, the bathroom is often the only other alternative.
Assuming she can do the insulin injection without partially removing her clothing, it doesn't seem like much of a problem. The pens likely don't look enough like needles to truly squick too many other people out. But unless those glucose meters have gotten a lot more user friendly since I last helped my landlady check her blood sugar levels, there's pricking yourself and squeezing blood out involved in a level check, and that's just not dinner table material, no matter how quickly and discretely its done.
Of course, the the list of things people routinely do at the dinner table despite them being impolite is quite a lot longer.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:38 PM on August 3, 2009 [4 favorites]
The issue here is not what proper etiquette is for a diabetic (although as an aside, my brother is Type I and even though he is very self conscious about it, he tests his blood in public all the time) -- the issue is that your mother is a horrible bitch who is more squeamish about blood than she loves her granddaughter. Don't let her get inside your head with this bullshit about politeness and grossness. It's despicable that she would make her own granddaughter feel the way she has; even if your daughter were doing something of questionable etiquette, related to a disease over which she has just tenuous control, your mother's behavior would be inexcusable.
Positive reinforcement to your daughter, and if it bothers your mother so much to see a drop of blood or a cutaneous injection, she doesn't have to see her granddaughter at mealtimes. Whatever. She sounds like a toxic presence anyway.
posted by telegraph at 8:39 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
Positive reinforcement to your daughter, and if it bothers your mother so much to see a drop of blood or a cutaneous injection, she doesn't have to see her granddaughter at mealtimes. Whatever. She sounds like a toxic presence anyway.
posted by telegraph at 8:39 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
As a side note, I was told to wash my hands before and after helping Rosa with her glucose meter. Wouldn't that require trips to the washroom anyway?
posted by jacquilynne at 8:40 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by jacquilynne at 8:40 PM on August 3, 2009
I have one word, biohazard!
Nonsense, you're just trying to scare people. The amount of blood needed for glucose meter is small and hardly a threat to anyone.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:52 PM on August 3, 2009 [3 favorites]
Nonsense, you're just trying to scare people. The amount of blood needed for glucose meter is small and hardly a threat to anyone.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:52 PM on August 3, 2009 [3 favorites]
We have a longtime family friend who's diabetic and frequently administered his injections at the table. Back when he still used syringes, he'd take one out, inject it, and have it put away in a matter of seconds. It never got anywhere even near our plates. The biohazard aspect has never once crossed my mind.
I don't know that I would actively try to cut your mother out of your daughter's life, but I would communicate these two things:
she said she didn't want to go anywhere with her ever again
being made to feel embarrassed or ashamed of it is not acceptable.
and let the chips fall where they may. Perpetuate the shitty attitude or have a relationship with her granddaughter, her choice.
(I don't like needles either. But you can be uncomfortable with needles and still manage to refrain from making the people who have to use them feel like shit.)
posted by anderjen at 8:53 PM on August 3, 2009 [4 favorites]
I don't know that I would actively try to cut your mother out of your daughter's life, but I would communicate these two things:
she said she didn't want to go anywhere with her ever again
being made to feel embarrassed or ashamed of it is not acceptable.
and let the chips fall where they may. Perpetuate the shitty attitude or have a relationship with her granddaughter, her choice.
(I don't like needles either. But you can be uncomfortable with needles and still manage to refrain from making the people who have to use them feel like shit.)
posted by anderjen at 8:53 PM on August 3, 2009 [4 favorites]
My daughter, now 20, has been an insulin-dependent diabetic since she was 4. During most of her childhood we tested and injected in the car in the restaurant parking lot right before going in, then we got more relaxed about it and did it very discreetly at the table. I was always worried that someone was going to say something mean or give us a weird look, but honestly I don't think anyone really noticed or cared.
When my daughter was in her wild-and-crazy teen years, I think she sometimes very deliberately made a production of injecting herself in public, hoping someone would accuse her of being a heroin addict or something, but she's past that now and has gone back to being discreet.
posted by amyms at 8:59 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
When my daughter was in her wild-and-crazy teen years, I think she sometimes very deliberately made a production of injecting herself in public, hoping someone would accuse her of being a heroin addict or something, but she's past that now and has gone back to being discreet.
posted by amyms at 8:59 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'm horrified by the sight of blood and needles, so I think that particularly around people eating, a little discretion is important. However, her testing and injection can be done without a great deal of fanfare, so I don't see it as a big deal.
I think you should avoid the earlier advice about denying interactions between your mother and her grandkid. This problem is between the two of them. Assure your daughter that she is perfectly justified in her behavior and that you will support her choices regarding how to handle grandma. Discuss options with her, but let her have input on the solution. What if she doesn't want to lose a grandparent over this?
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 9:14 PM on August 3, 2009
I think you should avoid the earlier advice about denying interactions between your mother and her grandkid. This problem is between the two of them. Assure your daughter that she is perfectly justified in her behavior and that you will support her choices regarding how to handle grandma. Discuss options with her, but let her have input on the solution. What if she doesn't want to lose a grandparent over this?
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 9:14 PM on August 3, 2009
I personally feel like this is like any other personal health/hygiene issue and is not really welcome at the table at a restaurant - adjusting contacts; fixing hair, lips, nails; picking teeth, checking levels; injecting; clearing ears; etc.
I just don't feel like any of this belongs at the table (in public, at home, anything goes).
Sorry if I sound like a grandma.
posted by tristeza at 9:18 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
I just don't feel like any of this belongs at the table (in public, at home, anything goes).
Sorry if I sound like a grandma.
posted by tristeza at 9:18 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
An insulin pen is nothing at all like a syringe. I promise that you really wouldn't notice most diabetics even doing this.
I tested my blood five times daily for six months while I had gestational diabetes, and I have to tell you, most bathrooms didn't have enough space for me to rest my bag and take out my little notepad, pen, test kit etc. It was quicker and easier to do it at the table, and I'm willing to bet that practically no one besides the company I was with knew what I was doing. There wasn't even the slightest aspect of it which looked scary or gross - it looked like I was resting a cigarette lighter on my fingertip. Besides, I did this below the table anyway.
It's not true that no kind of bodily function is appropriate at the table. I breast fed my baby while seated at restaurant and café tables, and in this part of the world at least it's illegal for someone to ask me to stop.
posted by lottie at 9:47 PM on August 3, 2009
I tested my blood five times daily for six months while I had gestational diabetes, and I have to tell you, most bathrooms didn't have enough space for me to rest my bag and take out my little notepad, pen, test kit etc. It was quicker and easier to do it at the table, and I'm willing to bet that practically no one besides the company I was with knew what I was doing. There wasn't even the slightest aspect of it which looked scary or gross - it looked like I was resting a cigarette lighter on my fingertip. Besides, I did this below the table anyway.
It's not true that no kind of bodily function is appropriate at the table. I breast fed my baby while seated at restaurant and café tables, and in this part of the world at least it's illegal for someone to ask me to stop.
posted by lottie at 9:47 PM on August 3, 2009
I've got several Type 1 friends. Most of them have pumps now, eliminating the issue. But everyone I know was nervous at first, and then came to a decision to be "out." 98% of people don't notice. The majority of the remainder are curious and may have silly questions but are coming from a good place. (Yes, it can be tiring to always be The Diabetic. Different issue.)
Given how discreet the equipment is...I can't imagine that those objecting in this thread are aware of how sanitary and subtle the process is at this point. It's not sticking a needle in your finger, letting blood flow, and smearing the blood around.
(Pumps have their own etiquette issues, especially for women, since it's most convenient to keep your new plastic pancreas in your bra or strapped to your upper thigh.)
posted by desuetude at 9:59 PM on August 3, 2009
Given how discreet the equipment is...I can't imagine that those objecting in this thread are aware of how sanitary and subtle the process is at this point. It's not sticking a needle in your finger, letting blood flow, and smearing the blood around.
(Pumps have their own etiquette issues, especially for women, since it's most convenient to keep your new plastic pancreas in your bra or strapped to your upper thigh.)
posted by desuetude at 9:59 PM on August 3, 2009
I think expecting a diabetic to test in the restroom is pretty much equal to expecting a mom to nurse in the restroom. Sure, some people will be made uncomfortable by these things. But restrooms are usually pretty gross places, and I don't think anybody should be expected to take care of non-restroom-related concerns there.
I'm not an insulin-dependent diabetic, but I am prediabetic with sometimes severe hypoglycemia and have gone through periods during which I've had to test, keep track of my numbers, and report them back to my doctor. The first time I had to do this, I made some offhand comment about "So I went into the restroom at work to test..." and my doctor pointed out to me that I shouldn't have to feel like I need to hide what I'm doing from anybody. I tend to agree with this.
posted by chez shoes at 10:10 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'm not an insulin-dependent diabetic, but I am prediabetic with sometimes severe hypoglycemia and have gone through periods during which I've had to test, keep track of my numbers, and report them back to my doctor. The first time I had to do this, I made some offhand comment about "So I went into the restroom at work to test..." and my doctor pointed out to me that I shouldn't have to feel like I need to hide what I'm doing from anybody. I tend to agree with this.
posted by chez shoes at 10:10 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Good for your daughter in being strong in the face of a domineering grandmother! Since Grandma is so concerned about what people may think (of course it is always more important to put stranger's thoughts ahead of the health of her granddaughter) you can ask her what she thinks about alienating her granddaughter to the point where Grandma's friends will ask why she wasn't invited to her graduation party or other life events (which, more often than no, include food). I have a domineering, controlling mother too and the only thing she respects is me and my children standing up for ourselves and telling her she is inappropriate and we will not visit again until she can control herself. It is a tough row to hoe.
posted by saucysault at 10:21 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by saucysault at 10:21 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
I've done IVF with lots of injections and had gestational diabetes. So I"ve done a shed load of blood tests and injections over the last few years. I did whatever needed doing at the table. I found that nobody found me interesting and never had a reaction from anyone.
It's not dirty, nor gross. There's nothing to see. So long as she doesn't leave her testing strips around, nor any needle tips, I can't see a problem.
And only fools would see someone in a restaurant injecting something in to a leg or stomach and think of heroin. Heroin goes in veins, needs a fair amount of preparation, and is usually hidden because it's illegal.
Tell your mother to stick her ignorance up her jumper and let your gorgeous girl do whatever the hell she wants.
posted by taff at 10:23 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
It's not dirty, nor gross. There's nothing to see. So long as she doesn't leave her testing strips around, nor any needle tips, I can't see a problem.
And only fools would see someone in a restaurant injecting something in to a leg or stomach and think of heroin. Heroin goes in veins, needs a fair amount of preparation, and is usually hidden because it's illegal.
Tell your mother to stick her ignorance up her jumper and let your gorgeous girl do whatever the hell she wants.
posted by taff at 10:23 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
I agree with talking to your mother about her alienating herself from her granddaughter. The scenario sounds like something my grandmother would have done if I had diabetes. She was a domineering, judgmental, controlling bitch. Didn't cry for her at her funeral and I certainly don't miss her now.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 10:26 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by MaryDellamorte at 10:26 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I have an insulin pump, and so fortunately I don't have to deal with these problems for the most part. I will say I'm surprised to see people saying that I should test in the bathroom. Uh, no. Sorry. I will charitably assume that these folks don't understand the tiny quantity of blood involved and the quickness of the procedure - not to mention the critical importance of frequent testing to good health. Not to mention the fact that testing could either be of the "oh, I just want to see where my numbers are before eating this meal" variety or the "why is my head pounding with the fury of a thousand galloping stallions" persuasion. And if the latter, I'm sure as hell not going to wait to reach the bathroom. I need to test right away, and that will be wherever I happen to be - on an airplane, in the courtroom, at the dinner table, waiting to clear customs, etc.
But more to the point, I guess - social conventions generally involve a balancing of hardships on some level. I have tried injecting insulin in the bathroom (before I got on the pump), and I have tried changing my pump infusion sets (which involve needles) in bathrooms as well. It's more than an inconvenience - in my experience, it is a distinct hardship in the management and treatment of the disease. Plus I wouldn't be surprised if there could be a significantly higher risk of contamination of some kind - with injecting, I often needed surfaces to put stuff on, and I'd rather use my own lap then some random sticky countertop in some random john.
Tell your daughter to get over herself and recognize that some things make other people uncomfortable
The fuck? You know what can be uncomfortable for me to watch? A friend pounding down a giant piece of yummy chocolate cake, when I can't join them because my numbers are a little off kilter. Yet I restrain myself from suggesting they go eat their cake in the toilet.
Look, I'm sorry - I actually know how bad needle-phobia can be, because I have it myself. I have injected myself and then promptly thrown up from the experience. But I'm not seeing an argument here why the person with the chronic, dangerous, difficult disease has to bear the burden of other people's phobias. I mean - if someone has to leave the table, why shouldn't it be the person who is needle-phobic? Thousands or millions of diabetics should leave restaurant tables as a general rule, just to avoid disturbing the unknown needle-phobes out there? That just seems inefficient at best, and deeply unfair at worst.
Uh, so to answer your questions - I test in public, and if I injected, I would do it at the table if more convenient. (Now, I should say if there's a nice large bathroom with good, clean surfaces, then I might go there - it's about my convenience in managing the disease ultimately, not to prove a point.) No one has ever said anything to me ever, in five years. If they did - and what would they say? - I would try to respond with a modicum of good humor, I guess: "Why don't you take a picture? It will last longer."
I'm sorry that your mother has this problem. It could stem from a deep-seated reluctance to come to terms with the fact that her once seemingly perfect granddaughter now seems something less than perfect. (I'm talking about perceptions, here, obviously.) Psychologically, she can't deal with this reality, and so she tries to push it away, even if this extends to hurting the person she loves by stigmatizing this essential, life-giving activity as shameful. It sounds like you have a good attitude, which is, okay, you're not going to cut this person out of your life, but the more critical matter at the moment is that your daughter get the utmost support from you in dealing with what is at almost all times a serious goddamn nuisance. But with the right approach and tools, and some luck, it can become a fairly unremarkable part of life.
Good luck.
posted by chinston at 10:56 PM on August 3, 2009 [18 favorites]
But more to the point, I guess - social conventions generally involve a balancing of hardships on some level. I have tried injecting insulin in the bathroom (before I got on the pump), and I have tried changing my pump infusion sets (which involve needles) in bathrooms as well. It's more than an inconvenience - in my experience, it is a distinct hardship in the management and treatment of the disease. Plus I wouldn't be surprised if there could be a significantly higher risk of contamination of some kind - with injecting, I often needed surfaces to put stuff on, and I'd rather use my own lap then some random sticky countertop in some random john.
Tell your daughter to get over herself and recognize that some things make other people uncomfortable
The fuck? You know what can be uncomfortable for me to watch? A friend pounding down a giant piece of yummy chocolate cake, when I can't join them because my numbers are a little off kilter. Yet I restrain myself from suggesting they go eat their cake in the toilet.
Look, I'm sorry - I actually know how bad needle-phobia can be, because I have it myself. I have injected myself and then promptly thrown up from the experience. But I'm not seeing an argument here why the person with the chronic, dangerous, difficult disease has to bear the burden of other people's phobias. I mean - if someone has to leave the table, why shouldn't it be the person who is needle-phobic? Thousands or millions of diabetics should leave restaurant tables as a general rule, just to avoid disturbing the unknown needle-phobes out there? That just seems inefficient at best, and deeply unfair at worst.
Uh, so to answer your questions - I test in public, and if I injected, I would do it at the table if more convenient. (Now, I should say if there's a nice large bathroom with good, clean surfaces, then I might go there - it's about my convenience in managing the disease ultimately, not to prove a point.) No one has ever said anything to me ever, in five years. If they did - and what would they say? - I would try to respond with a modicum of good humor, I guess: "Why don't you take a picture? It will last longer."
I'm sorry that your mother has this problem. It could stem from a deep-seated reluctance to come to terms with the fact that her once seemingly perfect granddaughter now seems something less than perfect. (I'm talking about perceptions, here, obviously.) Psychologically, she can't deal with this reality, and so she tries to push it away, even if this extends to hurting the person she loves by stigmatizing this essential, life-giving activity as shameful. It sounds like you have a good attitude, which is, okay, you're not going to cut this person out of your life, but the more critical matter at the moment is that your daughter get the utmost support from you in dealing with what is at almost all times a serious goddamn nuisance. But with the right approach and tools, and some luck, it can become a fairly unremarkable part of life.
Good luck.
posted by chinston at 10:56 PM on August 3, 2009 [18 favorites]
My friend used to just pull out their case and do it whenever they felt it was necessary. I am a little wary of needles, so it made me a bit squirmy, but thats my thing and people should deal with their disease however they feel comfortable. If they are going to be brave about having a disease, then I should be brave enough to watch them deal with it.
posted by psycho-alchemy at 10:57 PM on August 3, 2009
posted by psycho-alchemy at 10:57 PM on August 3, 2009
My wife had gestational diabetes during her pregnancy. It did not occur to us, for even one second, that she should hide her testing or injections when we went out.
Your mother is putting the comfort and potential thoughts of others in front of both the well-being and self-esteem of your daughter. That's complete garbage. Diabetes' attendant rituals are tough for responsible adults, much less a teenager. Family is supposed to make dealing with those rituals easier. Grandma is making them harder. She needs to have her nose rubbed in the fact that her priorities are plainly screwed up.
posted by NoRelationToLea at 11:00 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
Your mother is putting the comfort and potential thoughts of others in front of both the well-being and self-esteem of your daughter. That's complete garbage. Diabetes' attendant rituals are tough for responsible adults, much less a teenager. Family is supposed to make dealing with those rituals easier. Grandma is making them harder. She needs to have her nose rubbed in the fact that her priorities are plainly screwed up.
posted by NoRelationToLea at 11:00 PM on August 3, 2009 [2 favorites]
My ex is Type I diabetic (since he was a baby) and always checked his sugar level and took insulin at the table when we ate out. It didn't bother me. He of course put his "medical waste" back in his little zippered bag -- we would never have considered it appropriate to leave that at the table! But, honestly, if a man with a heart condition can take a pill at the table, then I see no reason a diabetic can't manage their condition at the table.
Diabetes is a pretty difficult condition to live with (esp insulin dependent) and quite hard to have the discipline to care for well / consistently. The last thing any diabetic should be worrying about is whether people will be bothered by what they're doing at "the table" (seriously, anyone paying enough attention to another table to be able to tell that they just stuck themselves with a little lancet is being rude themselves.)
posted by R343L at 11:19 PM on August 3, 2009
Diabetes is a pretty difficult condition to live with (esp insulin dependent) and quite hard to have the discipline to care for well / consistently. The last thing any diabetic should be worrying about is whether people will be bothered by what they're doing at "the table" (seriously, anyone paying enough attention to another table to be able to tell that they just stuck themselves with a little lancet is being rude themselves.)
posted by R343L at 11:19 PM on August 3, 2009
Best answer: For all those of you Miss Manners out there equating adjusting contacts, fixing hair, lips, nails, and picking teeth with checking blood glucose levels and injecting: there are some differences between these things.
- Primping is doing something to satisfy your vanity or resolve an irritant.
- Testing your blood glucose and injecting insulin are necessary to stay near regular glucose levels and prevent straying into either:
(a) hypoglycemia, which may be accompanied by unconsciousness, dizzyness, violent behavior, and spasms
(b) hyperglycemia leading to limb amputation, blindness, and kidney failure over the long term.
Either one of these can occur due to not testing, dosing insulin incorrectly or at the wrong time.
One of these things is not like the other.
Maintaining the regimen of eating properly, testing, and injecting every day of your life gets rather grueling at times, especially for teens who think they are immortal and would crucify themselves for peer group approval. If your daughter is conscientious about her disease she should be praised, not ostracized and made to feel unclean. Blood tests and injections can be very discreet and most people I have dinner with don't know I'm diabetic until I tell them - after testing and injecting twice during the course of the meal.
Your mother is severely lacking in empathy. Tell your Mom to have another slice of chocolate cake and relax on the couch. Actually, if she's over 55 and lethargic, test her fasting blood glucose - she might already be a Type II. If you really want to impress on her the necessity of testing and injecting, have her do a volunteer tour of a kidney dialysis ward and see where the diabetics end up who place social niceties above their health. Your mother might be too ossified at this age to change, but explain to your daughter that this is asinine behavior and she doesn't need to tolerate it from anyone.
As far as the biohazard risk goes - when tampons are disposed in biohazard bags I'll worry about the 1ul of blood in a test strip. Sharps should obviously be disposed of properly.
posted by benzenedream at 2:10 AM on August 4, 2009 [10 favorites]
- Primping is doing something to satisfy your vanity or resolve an irritant.
- Testing your blood glucose and injecting insulin are necessary to stay near regular glucose levels and prevent straying into either:
(a) hypoglycemia, which may be accompanied by unconsciousness, dizzyness, violent behavior, and spasms
(b) hyperglycemia leading to limb amputation, blindness, and kidney failure over the long term.
Either one of these can occur due to not testing, dosing insulin incorrectly or at the wrong time.
One of these things is not like the other.
Maintaining the regimen of eating properly, testing, and injecting every day of your life gets rather grueling at times, especially for teens who think they are immortal and would crucify themselves for peer group approval. If your daughter is conscientious about her disease she should be praised, not ostracized and made to feel unclean. Blood tests and injections can be very discreet and most people I have dinner with don't know I'm diabetic until I tell them - after testing and injecting twice during the course of the meal.
Your mother is severely lacking in empathy. Tell your Mom to have another slice of chocolate cake and relax on the couch. Actually, if she's over 55 and lethargic, test her fasting blood glucose - she might already be a Type II. If you really want to impress on her the necessity of testing and injecting, have her do a volunteer tour of a kidney dialysis ward and see where the diabetics end up who place social niceties above their health. Your mother might be too ossified at this age to change, but explain to your daughter that this is asinine behavior and she doesn't need to tolerate it from anyone.
As far as the biohazard risk goes - when tampons are disposed in biohazard bags I'll worry about the 1ul of blood in a test strip. Sharps should obviously be disposed of properly.
posted by benzenedream at 2:10 AM on August 4, 2009 [10 favorites]
Keep supporting your daughter. I can be rather picky about germs and dining etiquette and all that jazz, but it seriously sounds like the injections are no big noticeable deal. Squeamish people can deal with it for the seconds it takes, or get over it - a luxury not allowed to those with incurable illness.
The "picking your teeth at the dinner table" comparisons are utterly bizarre, but if I had a friend who had to pick their teeth all the time because of a medical condition, I would find some way to suck it up while dining with them.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:42 AM on August 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
The "picking your teeth at the dinner table" comparisons are utterly bizarre, but if I had a friend who had to pick their teeth all the time because of a medical condition, I would find some way to suck it up while dining with them.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:42 AM on August 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I agree that this seems like more of an issue of your family dynamics that "etiquette." It's clear here that lots of people have opinions on this, none of which are authoritative. (FWIW, I say it's not rude to test/inject at the table at all).
However, the major issue is that your family (you and your daughter) have made a decision about the best way to handle her medical needs, and your mother is not respecting that decision. That's what you should discuss.
posted by miss tea at 3:43 AM on August 4, 2009
However, the major issue is that your family (you and your daughter) have made a decision about the best way to handle her medical needs, and your mother is not respecting that decision. That's what you should discuss.
posted by miss tea at 3:43 AM on August 4, 2009
Best answer: I personally feel like this is like any other personal health/hygiene issue and is not really welcome at the table at a restaurant - adjusting contacts; fixing hair, lips, nails; picking teeth, checking levels; injecting; clearing ears; etc.
"Yes, yes, the Dickerson girl is quite lovely, but did you see her injecting right at the table? Simply scandalous. If she were my child she'd be brought up properly and keep her life threatening medical issue in the closet."
"Oh you're being too harsh Mildred, the girl has a condition and frankly, I found her deft use of that pen to be quick and most unoticable unless one is watching her closely."
"Nonsense Gertrude, society has rules for a reason, it separates us from the commoners. What would happen if everyone treated their medical condition in the most effective possible manner?"
"More people would be alive?"
"Exactly. And then what would happen? We've have to call ahead to get our hair done, wait in lines and call two days ahead for reservations at Anthonys. The social order would break down."
"I..I..hadn't thought of that Mildred, you're quite right, we can't have that. Forgive me for caring and trying to be understanding of someone with a life threatening disease."
"It's alright my dear, it happens to the best of us. Now hurry and finish eating the rest of that baby, there's shopping to be done!"
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:46 AM on August 4, 2009 [9 favorites]
"Yes, yes, the Dickerson girl is quite lovely, but did you see her injecting right at the table? Simply scandalous. If she were my child she'd be brought up properly and keep her life threatening medical issue in the closet."
"Oh you're being too harsh Mildred, the girl has a condition and frankly, I found her deft use of that pen to be quick and most unoticable unless one is watching her closely."
"Nonsense Gertrude, society has rules for a reason, it separates us from the commoners. What would happen if everyone treated their medical condition in the most effective possible manner?"
"More people would be alive?"
"Exactly. And then what would happen? We've have to call ahead to get our hair done, wait in lines and call two days ahead for reservations at Anthonys. The social order would break down."
"I..I..hadn't thought of that Mildred, you're quite right, we can't have that. Forgive me for caring and trying to be understanding of someone with a life threatening disease."
"It's alright my dear, it happens to the best of us. Now hurry and finish eating the rest of that baby, there's shopping to be done!"
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:46 AM on August 4, 2009 [9 favorites]
Response by poster: Checking in again...wow, once again thanks for all the helpful answers! It's great to see responses from diabetics who actually have to deal with this, because ultimately my goal is to do what is best for my daughter's health and emotional well-being. I don't want her giving in to the whims of others, but at the same time I don't want her to be so rigid about it as to become a social pariah.
I truly understand when people say it grosses them out, makes them uncomfortable, etc. I had those same feelings! I tell my daughter that if she knows it truly bothers someone, that she should warn them when she's about to do it, and work it out from there. She had one friend who was afraid of needles and that friend (nicely) chose to leave the room. In the beginning she used vials and regular syringes and then we hardly ate out at all, because it was a chore to go through that process whether at the table or in the rest room. But I think the pen makes it so much simpler , and most people don't even know what it is.
As for testing, well.....people act like it's some optional thing to do and it's not. And sometimes testing needs to be done NOW. If a diabetic has a low blood sugar they need to test and not worry about who will be offended and where is the closest rest room. This is where I get worried about my daughter because I feel like she won't test if she is made to feel embarrassed about it. And testing is a very, very important part of managing this disease.
Someone brought up breast-feeding, and I think that's an apt comparison. Funny enough my mom is also the type to think people shouldn't be allowed to do that in public either. She's always happy when she hears the stories of women being kicked out of stores for it, lol! My mom was a nurse's aide and has no needle phobias or squeemishness as far as I've ever known. This is just a matter of her and I having a difference of opinion and my mom, like I said, is the type to think that her way is always right and if someone disagrees then she takes that very personally. It's hard to have a relationship with her without feeling steamrolled all the time, but that's how she is. And it's not that I would necessarily *keep* my daughter from being around her, it's that at this point she doesn't even want to be around my mom. She just dreads being with her, and I'm at the point where I just don't feel like fighting about it because it doesn't get anywhere. So we just avoid her for now, which seems very passive-aggressive to me but I don't know what else to do.
Anyway, thanks again!
posted by weesha at 5:17 AM on August 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I truly understand when people say it grosses them out, makes them uncomfortable, etc. I had those same feelings! I tell my daughter that if she knows it truly bothers someone, that she should warn them when she's about to do it, and work it out from there. She had one friend who was afraid of needles and that friend (nicely) chose to leave the room. In the beginning she used vials and regular syringes and then we hardly ate out at all, because it was a chore to go through that process whether at the table or in the rest room. But I think the pen makes it so much simpler , and most people don't even know what it is.
As for testing, well.....people act like it's some optional thing to do and it's not. And sometimes testing needs to be done NOW. If a diabetic has a low blood sugar they need to test and not worry about who will be offended and where is the closest rest room. This is where I get worried about my daughter because I feel like she won't test if she is made to feel embarrassed about it. And testing is a very, very important part of managing this disease.
Someone brought up breast-feeding, and I think that's an apt comparison. Funny enough my mom is also the type to think people shouldn't be allowed to do that in public either. She's always happy when she hears the stories of women being kicked out of stores for it, lol! My mom was a nurse's aide and has no needle phobias or squeemishness as far as I've ever known. This is just a matter of her and I having a difference of opinion and my mom, like I said, is the type to think that her way is always right and if someone disagrees then she takes that very personally. It's hard to have a relationship with her without feeling steamrolled all the time, but that's how she is. And it's not that I would necessarily *keep* my daughter from being around her, it's that at this point she doesn't even want to be around my mom. She just dreads being with her, and I'm at the point where I just don't feel like fighting about it because it doesn't get anywhere. So we just avoid her for now, which seems very passive-aggressive to me but I don't know what else to do.
Anyway, thanks again!
posted by weesha at 5:17 AM on August 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Perhaps the next time you both go out with your mother, you should give her the testing kit and insulin and tell her that she's in charge of keeping your daughter's blood levels steady. She'll soon get sick of furtively ducking in and out of the toilets as though they were doing something wrong and would hopefully grow up a bit.
Squeamish/phobic people can choose whether or not to watch (my housemate's boyfriend doesn't like needles so I just tell him in advance when I'm about to inject and he looks away) but we can't choose whether or not we have a working pancreas.
PS @Brandon Blatcher - That's some excellent pomposity puncturing.
posted by beardless at 5:32 AM on August 4, 2009
Squeamish/phobic people can choose whether or not to watch (my housemate's boyfriend doesn't like needles so I just tell him in advance when I'm about to inject and he looks away) but we can't choose whether or not we have a working pancreas.
PS @Brandon Blatcher - That's some excellent pomposity puncturing.
posted by beardless at 5:32 AM on August 4, 2009
Someone brought up breast-feeding, and I think that's an apt comparison. Funny enough my mom is also the type to think people shouldn't be allowed to do that in public either.
While I also think that there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public, I do think that it's got the additional "potential [indecent] nudity" issue that testing just does not have. Testing is more like taking a pill in public, which I doubt your mom feels is so private that it can't be done at the table. (Then again, my mom originally didn't want me to take alllergy pills in public as a teenager because she was afraid "people would wonder what was wrong with me.")
posted by desuetude at 6:38 AM on August 4, 2009
While I also think that there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public, I do think that it's got the additional "potential [indecent] nudity" issue that testing just does not have. Testing is more like taking a pill in public, which I doubt your mom feels is so private that it can't be done at the table. (Then again, my mom originally didn't want me to take alllergy pills in public as a teenager because she was afraid "people would wonder what was wrong with me.")
posted by desuetude at 6:38 AM on August 4, 2009
I've never noticed someone doing this around me, but judging from the above comments, it happens all the time. Take that as you will.
Sometimes grandmothers can be a little weird. That's just family.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 6:39 AM on August 4, 2009
Sometimes grandmothers can be a little weird. That's just family.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 6:39 AM on August 4, 2009
As a recently-diagnosed (6 months ago) diabetic on insulin, I'm still getting a feel for the territory. I don't have a hard-and-fast rule about testing and shooting up; really, I just gauge the situation. If I'm eating in a place where it's easy to do it discretely -- e.g., at my desk at work, in a booth or at a table in the corner of a restaurant, I'll go ahead and do it there. If I'm out with friends or in a really nice place, I don't mind heading to the bathroom. Frankly, I do so not out of respect for anyone else's social mores, but mainly because I'm not completely comfortable with exposing even a little bit of my fish-white belly to the world.
To jacquilynne: glucose testing has indeed involved significantly since the days when you helped your landlady. Most modern meters (I use the FreeStyle Lite) require a drop of blood that's smaller than the bulb on the end of a seamstress's pin, and rely on the capillary action of the strip to draw the blood into the meter. Many meters also now allow you to draw blood from sites other than your fingertip -- I use my forearm, as it has about a quazillion fewer nerve endings than my fingers. From the time I unzip my testing kit to the time I put it away, the whole process takes less than 30 seconds. Hell, I've even turned off the beeping noise that sounds when the reading is complete.
And to the OMG BIOHAZARD! crowd: if I'm not immediately near a trash can, I stash the used strip (which, again, has completely absorbed the tiny sample and isn't some bloody dripping horrorshow) in a pouch in my kit, then toss those when the trash is convenient or I'm at home. I never change needle tips in public, and those, too, I dispose of in a sharps-safe container at home.
Lastly, to weesha: your daughter should definitely know that she has absolutely nothing to apologize for, and that her grandmother is being ridiculous. If nothing else, this is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn that people don't always behave in the kindest fashion possible, and part of being an adult is learning to not let other people's foolish behavior affect you. Above all else, stay supportive of her, and let there be no doubt in her mind that you're on her side without question.
posted by shiu mai baby at 7:18 AM on August 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
To jacquilynne: glucose testing has indeed involved significantly since the days when you helped your landlady. Most modern meters (I use the FreeStyle Lite) require a drop of blood that's smaller than the bulb on the end of a seamstress's pin, and rely on the capillary action of the strip to draw the blood into the meter. Many meters also now allow you to draw blood from sites other than your fingertip -- I use my forearm, as it has about a quazillion fewer nerve endings than my fingers. From the time I unzip my testing kit to the time I put it away, the whole process takes less than 30 seconds. Hell, I've even turned off the beeping noise that sounds when the reading is complete.
And to the OMG BIOHAZARD! crowd: if I'm not immediately near a trash can, I stash the used strip (which, again, has completely absorbed the tiny sample and isn't some bloody dripping horrorshow) in a pouch in my kit, then toss those when the trash is convenient or I'm at home. I never change needle tips in public, and those, too, I dispose of in a sharps-safe container at home.
Lastly, to weesha: your daughter should definitely know that she has absolutely nothing to apologize for, and that her grandmother is being ridiculous. If nothing else, this is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn that people don't always behave in the kindest fashion possible, and part of being an adult is learning to not let other people's foolish behavior affect you. Above all else, stay supportive of her, and let there be no doubt in her mind that you're on her side without question.
posted by shiu mai baby at 7:18 AM on August 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
My partner has had Type 1 diabetes since age 12. He is currently 51. I think he envies the freedom and support that many teens now find when they are learning about and dealing with diabetes. When he was a teen, it was all about things he "couldn't do" and "couldn't have" and being overprotected and underestimated. His life would be so different if he had had the support of an empowering parent.
When we go out to eat, he usually tests at home before we go or else in the car. When he was using syringes, he would inject in the car after we ate. That was always very challenging, since he had to remember everything he ate, how large a portion, figure out the carbs, calculate how much insulin to take, all some time after getting away from the table. Now he has the insulin pens, and he usually takes his insulin at the table immediately at the end of the meal. It's not a big deal, and it just takes a moment. Figuring out how much insulin to take is actually a longer process (especially with restaurant meals) and, if anyone were actually paying attention to us, they'd be more amazed by our discussion of portion sizes and hidden carbs and sugars and how many grams, etc than they would be by the momentary sight of the itty-bitty needle at the tip of the pen.
I think a lot of his attitude -- like the testing in the car -- is the vestige of the attitudes he was taught while young. At the time, illness and disability were somehow shameful, something to be hidden. Now, they are not. Instead our goal is to accomodate people's needs and empower them to live their best lives, regardless of ability. In his case, that means getting his insulin when he needs it, not when it might be convenient for someone else.
A side note, years ago when we visited my mother frequently, she seemed a bit squeamish and put off by the sight of my partner's glucometer and needle. The thing is, her mother, my grandmother, was also a Type 1 diabetic. She died in her 50s, and I never got to know her. I think that for my mother, seeing my partner's needles brought back memories, and perhaps some fear about his prospects and what lies in store for me in the future vis-a-vis his health. Nonetheless, my mother was a well brought up polite woman, and she knew better than to make anyone feel uncomfortable in her presence. I may have noticed an involuntary flinch when she saw the needles, and her glancing away, but she never said an unkind or negative word. She was a trooper, and she knew that you have to do what you have to do.
posted by Robert Angelo at 7:21 AM on August 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
When we go out to eat, he usually tests at home before we go or else in the car. When he was using syringes, he would inject in the car after we ate. That was always very challenging, since he had to remember everything he ate, how large a portion, figure out the carbs, calculate how much insulin to take, all some time after getting away from the table. Now he has the insulin pens, and he usually takes his insulin at the table immediately at the end of the meal. It's not a big deal, and it just takes a moment. Figuring out how much insulin to take is actually a longer process (especially with restaurant meals) and, if anyone were actually paying attention to us, they'd be more amazed by our discussion of portion sizes and hidden carbs and sugars and how many grams, etc than they would be by the momentary sight of the itty-bitty needle at the tip of the pen.
I think a lot of his attitude -- like the testing in the car -- is the vestige of the attitudes he was taught while young. At the time, illness and disability were somehow shameful, something to be hidden. Now, they are not. Instead our goal is to accomodate people's needs and empower them to live their best lives, regardless of ability. In his case, that means getting his insulin when he needs it, not when it might be convenient for someone else.
A side note, years ago when we visited my mother frequently, she seemed a bit squeamish and put off by the sight of my partner's glucometer and needle. The thing is, her mother, my grandmother, was also a Type 1 diabetic. She died in her 50s, and I never got to know her. I think that for my mother, seeing my partner's needles brought back memories, and perhaps some fear about his prospects and what lies in store for me in the future vis-a-vis his health. Nonetheless, my mother was a well brought up polite woman, and she knew better than to make anyone feel uncomfortable in her presence. I may have noticed an involuntary flinch when she saw the needles, and her glancing away, but she never said an unkind or negative word. She was a trooper, and she knew that you have to do what you have to do.
posted by Robert Angelo at 7:21 AM on August 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
We've gotten used to my sister injecting at the table, but the family doesn't like it and considers it to be rude. She's about 40 now and started having to use insulin around age 25.
I think part of the reason we don't like it is that she makes a huge deal about being high or low, then doesn't eat on time, makes a huge deal about how she has to eat soon or can't eat but then does the opposite, and when she eats she includes cake and other obviously restricted items. Then she goes back to complaining about being high, and gets all her equipment out while complaining, injects herself, and continues to eat the pie or whatever. It's a constant flow of overwhelming discussion and simultaneous lack of regard for what she's saying on her own part, coupled with making a show about the injection and everything else health related (she'll also complain about various aches and pains and ask for back rubs).
If someone discreetly injects themselves at the table, it should be fine. But please caution your daughter against the need to inform everyone of her body's inner workings as they try to eat. We all have medical issues, especially older people, that we don't inform everyone else of, even if they're affecting us *right then* and making us uncomfortable.
Maybe, even if your girl isn't making a show of it in the way my sister does, your mom is taking the injection as making a show of things and forcing others to think about the condition. I'd try being sympathetic but point out to her that your daughter isn't making a show of it in the ways that my sister does, that she's just performing a needed task to keep herself healthy. Point out that if she wanted to make a big show of it, she could do far more than she is doing, and that she's doing only the minimum necessary to keep herself healthy.
But I wouldn't say this is necessarily something specific to your mom - but rather it could be specific to older people in general. Consider how many elderly people need to take shots or do other various things to keep themselves going. Seeing another reminder of pain and illness could make them sad or remind them of their own problems. The reaction could also be related to how conditions were hidden generally back in the day - like mental illness. Things were kept quiet, not discussed. People were quarantined and hidden away with some diseases. So maybe it's not just your mom, but instead a generational gap at play that other older people wouldn't dream of discussing because they are too polite to criticize the manners of people outside of their own family. Maybe you could ask some other older people, and if they have the same reaction your daughter could avoid injecting herself if dining with anyone over 60, for example. Robert Angelo's example of the source may be getting at what's at work here. I avoid certain subjects with my older relatives that I'd talk with actively with the generation just above me, and it's just a respect thing - for their feelings, I avoid some things, regardless of whether or not I think I ought to in my daily life.
Just as you expect people to be sensitive to your daughter, maybe you can teach her to be sensitive to older people, and let this be a lesson in modifying your behavior depending on what situation you're in and depending on what you know bothers or does not bother the person you're with.
Another note. You mention your mom is controlling. I wonder if you're having a knee-jerk reaction to her being controlling, and trying to assert yourself and your daughter's independence and consideration for your daughter, and overlooking the consideration that you and your daughter should have for the other. Just a thought. If any of that is at work, then this may be a good lesson in losing that control yourself, and in teaching yourself and your daughter flexibility and the ability to let go and let other people set the rules sometimes.
posted by lorrer at 8:04 AM on August 4, 2009
I think part of the reason we don't like it is that she makes a huge deal about being high or low, then doesn't eat on time, makes a huge deal about how she has to eat soon or can't eat but then does the opposite, and when she eats she includes cake and other obviously restricted items. Then she goes back to complaining about being high, and gets all her equipment out while complaining, injects herself, and continues to eat the pie or whatever. It's a constant flow of overwhelming discussion and simultaneous lack of regard for what she's saying on her own part, coupled with making a show about the injection and everything else health related (she'll also complain about various aches and pains and ask for back rubs).
If someone discreetly injects themselves at the table, it should be fine. But please caution your daughter against the need to inform everyone of her body's inner workings as they try to eat. We all have medical issues, especially older people, that we don't inform everyone else of, even if they're affecting us *right then* and making us uncomfortable.
Maybe, even if your girl isn't making a show of it in the way my sister does, your mom is taking the injection as making a show of things and forcing others to think about the condition. I'd try being sympathetic but point out to her that your daughter isn't making a show of it in the ways that my sister does, that she's just performing a needed task to keep herself healthy. Point out that if she wanted to make a big show of it, she could do far more than she is doing, and that she's doing only the minimum necessary to keep herself healthy.
But I wouldn't say this is necessarily something specific to your mom - but rather it could be specific to older people in general. Consider how many elderly people need to take shots or do other various things to keep themselves going. Seeing another reminder of pain and illness could make them sad or remind them of their own problems. The reaction could also be related to how conditions were hidden generally back in the day - like mental illness. Things were kept quiet, not discussed. People were quarantined and hidden away with some diseases. So maybe it's not just your mom, but instead a generational gap at play that other older people wouldn't dream of discussing because they are too polite to criticize the manners of people outside of their own family. Maybe you could ask some other older people, and if they have the same reaction your daughter could avoid injecting herself if dining with anyone over 60, for example. Robert Angelo's example of the source may be getting at what's at work here. I avoid certain subjects with my older relatives that I'd talk with actively with the generation just above me, and it's just a respect thing - for their feelings, I avoid some things, regardless of whether or not I think I ought to in my daily life.
Just as you expect people to be sensitive to your daughter, maybe you can teach her to be sensitive to older people, and let this be a lesson in modifying your behavior depending on what situation you're in and depending on what you know bothers or does not bother the person you're with.
Another note. You mention your mom is controlling. I wonder if you're having a knee-jerk reaction to her being controlling, and trying to assert yourself and your daughter's independence and consideration for your daughter, and overlooking the consideration that you and your daughter should have for the other. Just a thought. If any of that is at work, then this may be a good lesson in losing that control yourself, and in teaching yourself and your daughter flexibility and the ability to let go and let other people set the rules sometimes.
posted by lorrer at 8:04 AM on August 4, 2009
If someone discreetly injects themselves at the table, it should be fine. But please caution your daughter against the need to inform everyone of her body's inner workings as they try to eat.
OP, this advice to "caution your daughter" should be rejected. First, there's not even a suggestion that the child is doing anything like this, even assuming there is something objectionable in what lorrer is describing. Second, this attitude is in fact wrongheaded and dangerous, especially for a child or teen diabetic but also for adults. Indeed, it could be critical that everyone around a diabetic know exactly what is going on with respect to the "body's inner workings." When your daughter is eating or hanging out her with her friends, they should all know more than they ever thought they would about diabetes, its symptoms, and its treatment. Or at least, that's what I would want for my child. It could literally save a life.
For example, it is shocking that some people, because they associate insulin with "the medicine you take when you have diabetes," think that if someone is having a "diabetic episode," then that means they need insulin. Of course, usually the situation is the exact opposite - someone is hypoglycemic as a result of taking too much insulin. As a society, we have a looooooong way to go in educating people about the "inner workings" of a diabetic's body before we need to start worrying about TMI territory.
Anyway - this is just not an issue in this specific situation. Besides, as any person with diabetes could tell you, we are usually too busy trying to inform ourselves about our bodies' inner workings to be concerned with how much others are being informed, too.
I don't want to derail the question, but lorrer, I would respectfully suggest that you are bringing some emotional baggage to this that is not called for or relevant. I won't speculate on whether someone could develop a habit of "making a show of things" if she felt like her family views her medical therapy as shameful and rude.
posted by chinston at 9:05 AM on August 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
OP, this advice to "caution your daughter" should be rejected. First, there's not even a suggestion that the child is doing anything like this, even assuming there is something objectionable in what lorrer is describing. Second, this attitude is in fact wrongheaded and dangerous, especially for a child or teen diabetic but also for adults. Indeed, it could be critical that everyone around a diabetic know exactly what is going on with respect to the "body's inner workings." When your daughter is eating or hanging out her with her friends, they should all know more than they ever thought they would about diabetes, its symptoms, and its treatment. Or at least, that's what I would want for my child. It could literally save a life.
For example, it is shocking that some people, because they associate insulin with "the medicine you take when you have diabetes," think that if someone is having a "diabetic episode," then that means they need insulin. Of course, usually the situation is the exact opposite - someone is hypoglycemic as a result of taking too much insulin. As a society, we have a looooooong way to go in educating people about the "inner workings" of a diabetic's body before we need to start worrying about TMI territory.
Anyway - this is just not an issue in this specific situation. Besides, as any person with diabetes could tell you, we are usually too busy trying to inform ourselves about our bodies' inner workings to be concerned with how much others are being informed, too.
I don't want to derail the question, but lorrer, I would respectfully suggest that you are bringing some emotional baggage to this that is not called for or relevant. I won't speculate on whether someone could develop a habit of "making a show of things" if she felt like her family views her medical therapy as shameful and rude.
posted by chinston at 9:05 AM on August 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
But please caution your daughter against the need to inform everyone of her body's inner workings as they try to eat. We all have medical issues, especially older people, that we don't inform everyone else of, even if they're affecting us *right then* and making us uncomfortable.
This advice has potential to harm your daughter's health, so please don't follow it. I'm not going to get my rant on in this space about how bad this advice is and how when diabetics need food or meds, they need it RIGHT THEN, no not in ten minutes when the meeting is over, when they can scuttle off to the bathroom, etc. But I am really tempted, because it's a pet peeve of mine.
(In addition to being trypanophobic and married to a diabetic, I also have chronic health problems of my own. I understand the difference. Chronic illness/pain is not the same as the need to adjust blood sugar NOW.)
posted by immlass at 2:41 PM on August 4, 2009
This advice has potential to harm your daughter's health, so please don't follow it. I'm not going to get my rant on in this space about how bad this advice is and how when diabetics need food or meds, they need it RIGHT THEN, no not in ten minutes when the meeting is over, when they can scuttle off to the bathroom, etc. But I am really tempted, because it's a pet peeve of mine.
(In addition to being trypanophobic and married to a diabetic, I also have chronic health problems of my own. I understand the difference. Chronic illness/pain is not the same as the need to adjust blood sugar NOW.)
posted by immlass at 2:41 PM on August 4, 2009
Some people (like me) are really, really needle-phobic, so much so that even though we can't actually SEE the needle we're still thinking OMFG THERE'S A NEEDLE THERE OMFG SHE'S POKING HERSELF WITH A NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDLE and then we try to not pass out.
Not that your daughter should feel obligated to cater to our weird phobias, but that may be some of what is going on when people get squicked out.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:23 PM on August 4, 2009
Not that your daughter should feel obligated to cater to our weird phobias, but that may be some of what is going on when people get squicked out.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:23 PM on August 4, 2009
Encourage your daughter to test or inject whenever, wherever -- not to wait to be in the car to do it, not to go to the bathroom to do it, not to inconvenience herself in any way in order to treat her illness. Because any inconvenience might lead her to undertreat, and that means taking years off her healthy life.
chinston would never mention this himself, but his A1C is 5.6.* That's a phenomenal number (that not everyone can achieve, no matter how hard they try, because everyone's illness is different), and it's not unconnected to the attitude he describes above. Help your daughter to feel that way, too -- unapologetically determined to fight her illness.
People who compare this to putting on eyeliner can GFAR. And I would say that at the dinner table, too.
*I asked him, and he said I could mention it if I wanted.
posted by palliser at 8:03 PM on August 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
chinston would never mention this himself, but his A1C is 5.6.* That's a phenomenal number (that not everyone can achieve, no matter how hard they try, because everyone's illness is different), and it's not unconnected to the attitude he describes above. Help your daughter to feel that way, too -- unapologetically determined to fight her illness.
People who compare this to putting on eyeliner can GFAR. And I would say that at the dinner table, too.
*I asked him, and he said I could mention it if I wanted.
posted by palliser at 8:03 PM on August 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
I work as a technician in a Kidney Dialysis unit.
Your daughter must do whatever it takes to avoid diabetic complications, which includes kidney failure. She must take care of her blood sugar AT ALL COSTS. Do not listen to the people who say that it's rude or uncouth to check her sugar in public. They have likely never seen the effects of long-term uncontrolled blood sugar.
Everything must be secondary to your daughter's health. Everything.
posted by Avenger at 8:16 AM on August 5, 2009 [3 favorites]
Your daughter must do whatever it takes to avoid diabetic complications, which includes kidney failure. She must take care of her blood sugar AT ALL COSTS. Do not listen to the people who say that it's rude or uncouth to check her sugar in public. They have likely never seen the effects of long-term uncontrolled blood sugar.
Everything must be secondary to your daughter's health. Everything.
posted by Avenger at 8:16 AM on August 5, 2009 [3 favorites]
This thread has really opened my eyes - I rescind my previous "not appropriate activity for the table" comments, and have changed my opinion. Thanks for the edjumacation, MeFi.
posted by tristeza at 9:26 AM on August 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by tristeza at 9:26 AM on August 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
For a healthy and long life your daughter controlling her blood sugar is going to have to become almost second in nature to breathing. There should be absolutely no social discomfort whatsoever attributed to testing and/ or injecting insulin- especially when preparing to eat!! Not that I care either way, but Mr. Hellbound does it so quickly and so often I don't even notice most of the time. If he had to roll up his sleeve and tap a vein I wouldn't care.
A lot of the trouble here is with the complete lack of education there is for the public. It's simple: In diabetes I, the pancreas stops producing insulin. The body requires insulin to break down sugar. No insulin= massive sugar build-up in your bloodstream=feeling like shit and organ damage!
Whenever your daughter eats, she will have to take insulin. Period. Everyone is just going to have to understand. (I know you know this, but for many it helps to break it down to the simplest terms.) Type I diabetes is not some mysterious syndrome: it means you must inject insulin whenever you ingest food (carbs=sugars) to compensate for having none- every day for the rest of your life.
I am incensed that your daughters grandmother is this way. Is she on any medications perhaps? Synthroid, maybe? Cholesterol meds? What if she had to use an injection delivery system? If I were you I would cease visits with grandma- I really would. Your daughter is going through enough trying to accept this situation. She doesn't need anyone to make her feel self-conscious, ashamed, or sick. She's not sick. She just needs to take insulin.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 12:10 PM on August 7, 2009
A lot of the trouble here is with the complete lack of education there is for the public. It's simple: In diabetes I, the pancreas stops producing insulin. The body requires insulin to break down sugar. No insulin= massive sugar build-up in your bloodstream=feeling like shit and organ damage!
Whenever your daughter eats, she will have to take insulin. Period. Everyone is just going to have to understand. (I know you know this, but for many it helps to break it down to the simplest terms.) Type I diabetes is not some mysterious syndrome: it means you must inject insulin whenever you ingest food (carbs=sugars) to compensate for having none- every day for the rest of your life.
I am incensed that your daughters grandmother is this way. Is she on any medications perhaps? Synthroid, maybe? Cholesterol meds? What if she had to use an injection delivery system? If I were you I would cease visits with grandma- I really would. Your daughter is going through enough trying to accept this situation. She doesn't need anyone to make her feel self-conscious, ashamed, or sick. She's not sick. She just needs to take insulin.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 12:10 PM on August 7, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
(I just asked, and she adds that she does it at the sink, "not in a toilet stall like a druggie.")
posted by rokusan at 7:05 PM on August 3, 2009 [1 favorite]