I want to move, but I don't. Advice?

August 2, 2009 5:13 AM

I currently live in South Florida. I've been here for 10 years. I've been wanting to move to Dallas, TX for a while now for a variety of reasons - better job market (I'm a software engineer), lower cost of living, better community and a charter school that I like. Logically, I don't see much of a future here for myself in Florida. I telecommute, so I'm not looking for a job at the moment. I'm about to send the security deposit for a rental property, but I'm having the jitters. I had moved to Maryland about 4 years ago for a job and that was not a good experience. I knew that I didn't like MD, but the job offer was too good to pass up. I ended up moving back to FL after 6 months. Unlike MD, I like Dallas and have visited a few times, but I don't know why I'm trying to find excuses to not go. Is it just a phobia of sorts? Or something valid? I'm really confused. Any advice?
posted by naveed to society & culture (4 comments total)

I think it's okay to be nervous, but I hope you don't end up sabotaging your plans.

From my point of view, not knowing how it would have turned out is harder than not risking the change.

It is totally reasonable to be nervous though. Folks usually like stability and predictability. These things go away or are harder to achieve when making a big change like changing where you live.

And as you know, sometimes it doesn't work out entirely to your satisfaction.

I think, though, that it sounds like you are doing OK with respect to being able to relocate. It sounds like you have wanted to and you've visited the area and like it. It seems like you've done sufficient research, and it sounds like you might be able to afford to move back if you end up not liking it.

You've done all the prep work you can reasonably do. I think you're going to be fine.
posted by kalessin at 7:26 AM on August 2

If it helps, I had to make a tough decision about a move recently and it has (so far) worked out really well. Situation is that I've been telecommuting to a job for two years and they wanted me closer so I could be physically present more often: it was basically an ultimatum so not really my choice. My wife was in love with the place we just moved out of (about two months ago) but so far, we're all very happy with the new place (rented).

From my own very selfish point of view, I really like the area I've moved to, and after 10 years in remote parts of the UK (West Wales, West Dorset, where there are not so many jobs) I like that I have tons of options for work. I'm starting to think in terms of career again rather than just "my next job". If I wanted to leave my current job, I have an order of magnitude more options, since I'm now close to London and the economically active areas around it.

So, I had the jitters too and nearly abandoned the move on several occasions, but it's been worthwhile and I'm happy. If it all goes wrong, I can move back, as could you.
posted by BrokenEnglish at 7:58 AM on August 2

You don't say whether you have a lot of friends in the area, etc., which might explain a valid reason for not wanting to leave. Even a crappy area is made a lot better if you have a good support network. You also don't really specify how strongly you're feeling about this -- whether it's a "phobia" or not would probably depend a lot on how strongly you're feeling about it and should be addressed by a doctor if it's something that's a particularly strong feeling as opposed to a general sense of unease about doing something new. I think it's perfectly normal to have second thoughts about uprooting oneself -- that, or I suffer from the same phobia. ;-)

If you know the area, it's perfectly reasonable to be iffy about leaving for the "unknown" -- and moving several states away certainly qualifies, even if you have scoped out the area initially.

Unless you have good reasons for staying where you are, I strongly encourage you to push through this and go.

What are your "excuses"? Make a pro/con list and talk to your friends about it. Good reasons to stay might be that you have a bunch of friends in the current area, or that you enjoy the community, or the weather agrees with you more where you're at than where you're going. (Since you mention "better community," though, I'm guessing you're not too hip on the community where you are now.)

I'm in my late 30's and I've moved around quite a lot. As long as you have the ability to go back, and you're making the decision for yourself alone, there's very little harm in going even if it turns out not to be the right area for you.

What's the saying? When you look back, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did -- or something like that. Go, and if it's not right for you, you can always move again.
posted by jzb at 11:53 AM on August 2

Excellent advice. Thanks everyone! I have to say, people here are amazing! Makes me feel so much better about the move. Thank you!!!
posted by naveed at 6:28 PM on August 2