Would you do your honeymoon the same way all over again?

July 29, 2009 11:45 AM

Should we delay our honeymoon until the fall/winter, or take it in June immediately after our wedding? What did you do? Would you do it again?

We're planning on getting married the end of May next year and at first we assumed that we would immediately take our honeymoon, but then we thought about how much we love the summer at home and how the places we'd most like to travel on our honeymoon (i.e. India) are much more enjoyable in the winter, and how by winter we'll crave sunshine, but in June we won't need it as much. So now we're thinking about maybe taking a few days after the wedding to stay in a nice hotel and relax, but postponing the honeymoon until more like January.

I like the idea of traveling in India, say, in the winter, and it feels like a waste to me to take a big vacation anywhere in the summer. But on the other hand, I do want us to experience that special and unique "honeymoon," feeling - I imagine there's some new excitement (first time calling each other 'husband' and 'wife'), extra romance, relief after the whirlwind of the wedding etc. I'm not sure if it's worth waiting six months and maybe missing out on that unique experience.

We're travelers, so we have already been on several adventures together and intend to go on several more, so I'm not sure what would distinguish this other than that it would be nicer, longer (we're shooting for 4 weeks) and more exotic than we usually do.

I can weigh the pros and cons, but I'm interested in what you did, and if you would do it over again.

posted by Amizu to travel & transportation (23 comments total)

I'd say that for the simple reason that you'd have more time to save up, go in the winter. Also - airfares are lower if you've got to get across the States (especially post-"holiday season", like late January). And in the few weeks after the wedding, you'll be decompressing, sending thank you notes, finding a new place for that lovely Meissen gravy boat from Aunt Petunia, etc., that getting your Indian visas, for example, will maybe be a bit of a hassle.

Plus, the six months in-between can be spent planning what you want to see, where you want to go...you don't even have to think about planning anything until well after the wedding is over.
posted by mdonley at 11:52 AM on July 29

We got married somewhere other than where we lived, so going on honeymoon straight away would have meant packing loads of clothes and bringing all our formal crap with us. We went home and back to work for a month, then went on honeymoon. That worked out great. We still had that Just Married feeling, it was the first time we checked in anywhere as Mr and Mrs, we had a chance to decompress after the wedding and we got to spread the expenses out across a couple of months.
posted by IanMorr at 11:54 AM on July 29

If you're planning a long trip like that, not just sitting on a beach for a week sipping margaritas, I'd definitely do it a few months after your wedding. As long as you get SOME decompression time (not touristing, not intense travelling) after planning, executing, and being the center of attention of such a big event, going on an extended honeymoon several months out seems like a great idea. Plus, if you live in an area with a bad winter and a gorgeous summer, you're right -- it's a nice thing to break up that expanse of not seeing the sun. And if you're planning both the wedding and the trip (even with a wedding planner), and it's anything more than a few friends at the courthouse and a restaurant, it would be much better to focus on one after the other.

Congrats!
posted by barnone at 12:00 PM on July 29

We did a couple of days of lounging around at a nearby resort town right after our wedding, then a multi-week hiking trip a couple of months later. It worked great for us.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:01 PM on July 29

We got married in May, had a little weekend mini-honeymoon near where we lived, then took our real honeymoon at the end of the summer. Even after a few months it was still a special trip with a sufficient amount of honeymoonness.
posted by lockestockbarrel at 12:02 PM on July 29

Another thought might be to schedule your vacation later so that you can register with a travel agency and let your guests help fund the trip! A friend of mine did that for his wedding, and the travel agent had broken down different elements of the trip (a night at X cool hotel, or scuba diving with Y outfitter, etc.) which made it a lot more fun as gift-giving...and then when you enjoy each element, you will think fondly of the person who gave it to you!
posted by Pomo at 12:03 PM on July 29

I just got married in June and we went to the Dominican Republic two days later. We've gone away on vacation every May/June since we started dating, so this time frame was pretty standard for us. We really enjoyed going away right after wards and it really allowed us time to be together, relax and unwind after everything.

We also just bought a house about three months before our wedding, so the six months before the wedding was filled with house hunting, house moving, house work, all of the wedding things, and then our normal work lives. After this stretch of time, we both needed and looked forward to a vacation - regardless of whether it was our honeymoon or not.

It's also worth nothing that we did a whole lot of nothing - laid on the beach, drank beer, and read books. I didn't have the added worry of booking extensive travel plans or excursions. We booked the entire trip on Expedia about three weeks before the wedding.
posted by tommccabe at 12:03 PM on July 29

I think you definitely have the right idea. We had a very similar situation—we got married at the beginning of September (so it was still plenty summery out) and honeymooned in Thailand in December/January. We arranged it like that because we wanted to wait until Thailand's hot and rainy season had passed, and knew that by the time December arrived, we'd be screaming for the beach and sunshine and a break from the snow and cold.

I am incredibly glad that we held off on leaving—even as well-prepared as we were, there were still a ton of unexpected last-minute wedding issues and family BS that cropped up, and I cannot imagine having to deal with all that in addition to planning a three-week international vacation, plus packing, plus making arrangements for our pets and mail and houseplants...etc.

But it seemed kind of depressing to get married on Saturday and go right back to work on Monday, so we arranged for a "mini-moon" at a lakeside cabin about two hours north of our home (courtesy of a family member, actually) for about four days after the wedding, and it was absolutely perfect. We rested, relaxed, gazed at the lake, opened our cards and read the guestbook, and generally just reveled in our newlywed state. Then we had the next few months to save more money, finish the planning, and start looking forward to our trip with zero stress, just excitement. I would do it over again the exact same way.

(And congratulations!)
posted by anderjen at 12:07 PM on July 29

I don't know how stressful or taxing your wedding planning has been; for about a week after our recent DIY wedding, my husband I were completely exhausted and wrung out. We spent the first two or three days in a haze of exhaustion, falling asleep at random intervals, blanking out in conversation, and bursting into giddy laughter. I can't imagine trying to travel in that state.

We spent a few days at a family cottage, witth no demands: no deadlines, no security checkpoints or tickets to keep track of, no interruptions, no worries. It was perfect. It also allowed us to come back into town and visit more with the family members who assembled for the wedding, which was wonderful.
posted by Elsa at 12:09 PM on July 29

I imagine there's some new excitement (first time calling each other 'husband' and 'wife'), extra romance, relief after the whirlwind of the wedding etc.

Actually, you're usually exhausted and your feet hurt and you don't really want to have sex because omg food and sleeeeeep.

A few days in a posh hotel with breakfast in bed will be just fine. Budget for some nicer restaurants than usual. Travel later when the timing is better.
posted by kathrineg at 12:12 PM on July 29

I agree with all who say just take a few days off alone with yourselves after the wedding-and then do your major traveling later! Best of both worlds!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:36 PM on July 29

When we got married we were going to hold off on our honeymoon. We had to pay for the wedding ourselves (thanks Mom & Pop...on both sides...) and I was unemployed (my wife married a winner LOL) so money was really tight.

But my sister said something to me that was truly wise: if you go right after your wedding, it's a honeymoon. Any other time and it's just a vacation.

So we scrimped, saved, and used every penny of our gift money and took a reasonable honeymoon...and it was great. I don't regret a second of it. Because she's right. We took the trip we had planned to be our honeymoon but the "high" of just getting married relaxes into the day to day fact of being together, and the honeymoon should be had (in MY opinion) while that 'high' is still there.

Additionally, the stress of planning a wedding was so much on both of us (being unemployed I became the de facto wedding planner) that the days away from family and work etc. was well, well worth it.
posted by arniec at 12:38 PM on July 29 [1 favorite]

We also did our honeymoon several months after the wedding, and it worked out well. The wedding is already going to be causing an insane amount of stress on your lives, compounding it with the stress that planning travel causes is just asking for more punishment.
posted by TungstenChef at 1:04 PM on July 29

We got married in January so various people could attend, and then took a 3 1/2 week honeymoon in France in July. (Um that's January and July 1983.) I would do it again. In fact, I would like to do it again pretty much RIGHT NOW.
posted by nax at 1:19 PM on July 29

We got married in October, and our dream was going to Scotland and Ireland - neither which are great places during that time of the year.

So we took the week after our wedding and went up to a quiet little B&B deep in a state park and did nothing for the first few days but sit on the couch in front of the fire, read and eat cookies. And our wedding planning went relatively smoothly!

Then the following spring, we went on our honeymoon proper, and with all due respect to arniec's sister, we could not have planned, executed or enjoyed it as much as we did if we hadn't had that break to recuperate - and we still felt very much like newlyweds, at least where it counted. Having been living together for a while and dating for quite a bit longer meant it wasn't the stereotypical OMG MARRIED! reaction, but it was pretty awesome.

I have absolutely no regrets and advise you to follow your instincts.
posted by canine epigram at 1:22 PM on July 29

I just got married two weekends ago and we went on our honeymoon immediately. We needed it. All the stress and buildup of the wedding, then the whirlwind of it all... I needed a serious break after it was all over. I can't imagine returning to work the Monday afterward. Yuck.

I also very much like arniec's comment: if you go right after your wedding, it's a honeymoon. Any other time and it's just a vacation.
posted by JuiceBoxHero at 1:38 PM on July 29

Your honeymoon should begin about five minutes after the reception ends. Leave the reception and immediately cease all communications with all family, friends, and -- especially -- work. Disappear with your new spouse and relax after all the drama.

... just my 2¢ ...
posted by GatorDavid at 1:41 PM on July 29 [1 favorite]

My wedding is in about six weeks, and the really the only thing keeping me moving right now is knowing that I have a big fat honeymoon two days after we get married. I'm a pretty laid-back bride, but I've found that all this planning and organizing has made me uninterested in talking to anyone except my fiance and it has somehow made me dumb (I misremembered my own phone number twice yesterday, I had to ask someone whether it was Tuesday or Wednesday). This all started happening over the past two or three weeks.

As much as people are saying that it adds more stress to an already stressful time, it's really the light at the end of the response-card-filled tunnel for me. The relaxing 10 days immediately after where we can just *be* and not have to even think about normal life.
posted by awegz at 2:42 PM on July 29

Mr Allstar and I waited two months before we went on our honeymoon (I conveniently scheduled the honeymoon to coincide with the Las Vegas Star Trek convention. LOL).
posted by All.star at 3:20 PM on July 29

We did storm watching on Vancouver Island in November. Lots of bracing walks and hot chocolates. Frankly, where you go won't matter as long as it's just the 2 of you together.

Please don't do what our friends did when they found they were pregnant: get married quickly and the honeymoon was a skiing holiday with the gang, their honeymoon suite was shared with four other people. Loads of fun, but not romantic.
posted by arcticseal at 5:39 PM on July 29

We didn't go on a honeymoon right after our marriage. It didn't seem like a big deal then. It still doesn't seem like a big deal now. We took a few days off after the wedding. Our wedding wasn't that crazy/hectic though. Some people might need/want to relax.
posted by chunking express at 7:44 AM on July 30

No matter what you do, do NOT leave immediately(the next day) after the wedding. Give yourself some time to relax at home before you have to pack. Seriously....that's what my wife and I did, and it made the whole experience MUCH nicer.
posted by specialnobodie at 11:43 AM on July 31

I actually know a fair bit about honeymoons, having been a founder of TheBigDay honeymoon registry, so I had lots of ideas--from past customers--when it came to planning my own.

We decided to go on our honeymoon a couple of weeks after the wedding. This gives you some time to "settle down" from the chaos of the wedding event itself, and also time to spend with people who've flown in from out of town. BEFORE the wedding you'll be too busy and distracted to spend much time with them. As it turned out, two of my good friends from college stayed several days after, and we had a really great time. And it turned out to be very important to spend that time with one of them, as he was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple of months later and died soon after that. Very sad....but sure am glad I made the time to see him then.

Keep in mind that at your wedding itself, you're going to get VERY little time with each guest. Average wedding in the US is about 165 guests; if you have, say, 4 hours at the reception, that's 40 people per hour you need to talk to. A real meaningful :-( 1.5 minutes each!!! Not such a big deal with people who live close by, who you'll see often over the next couple of months. But for those who are flying in from out of town it's a long way to go for a 1.5 minute conversation.

I do think if you wait more than a couple of months, it'll feel too separated from your wedding celebration and feel more like just a vacation--so I wouldn't recommend doing that.
posted by Michael64 at 2:50 PM on September 2 [1 favorite]