It's really not THAT bad......

July 24, 2009 2:17 PM

I need a less drastic version of "That's like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic"

I am looking for something to indicate that "although XXX idea is theoretically good or may have some effect, in this situation it really won't make much difference."

And I want to be friendly and upbeat.

My husband suggested "locking the barn door after the horse is stolen."

Anythng else?

posted by SLC Mom to writing & language (38 answers total)

Puttin lipstick on a pig.
posted by iamabot at 2:20 PM on July 24, 2009

Teats on a boar is the expression my mother always used
posted by kathrineg at 2:23 PM on July 24, 2009

As useful as a screen door on a submarine.
posted by stufflebean at 2:25 PM on July 24, 2009

Washing your car in the rain.
posted by logicpunk at 2:28 PM on July 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

Spitting in the ocean
Pissing into the wind
posted by IanMorr at 2:30 PM on July 24, 2009

Too little too late.
posted by vito90 at 2:32 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

The pedophile's van got a new paintjob.
posted by Skrubly at 2:37 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Painting a house that's on fire?
posted by JV at 2:54 PM on July 24, 2009

"Too soon old, too late smart"?

Gilding the lily?

Preaching to the choir? (or the converted)

And the hackneyed old "Fiddling while Rome burns."
posted by scratch at 2:55 PM on July 24, 2009

Nailing jello to a tree has always been my favorite, although I don't know why nailing jello to a tree would ever be a good idea.
posted by semp at 3:00 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Many suggestions above are slightly different or not quite right in a way that makes me want to give some MeFites a battery of parable tests, or at least ask them open-ended questions about a tortoise. For example, most are just colorful terms for "useless", but that's not what you asked for, I don't think.

I think what you're looking for is the situation where you need a lot but find or receive only a little, and I think the best match for that is a drop in the bucket.

As in "Okay, great, thanks... but we need a whole lot more too."

Other close matches involve "band-aid" solutions, like "a band-aid on a gunshot wound", or various permutations on patching a serious leak with cello tape or bubblegum.

(PS: It was "polishing the brass on the Titanic" when I was a whippersnapper, by the way. That's slightly closer to what you want, because under most circumstances it would be a good thing and probably a normal part of the job. "Rearranging chairs" suggests busywork, that it's not good at all.)
posted by rokusan at 3:09 PM on July 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

Like bailing out Bear Stearns.
posted by paulsc at 3:14 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

"flogging dead horses", though it has a slightly different meaning.
posted by randomstriker at 3:24 PM on July 24, 2009

Rearranging the musicians' instruments on the deck of the Titanic.
posted by grobstein at 3:31 PM on July 24, 2009

Wow, I'm with rokusan - most of the above completely miss the mark.

I came in to suggest "Fiddling while Rome burns", but that's almost as "epic" as the Titanic saying, isn't it.
posted by davey_darling at 3:37 PM on July 24, 2009

Like cleaning the wheelhouse windows on the Dong Fang Ocean.
Like listening for fog horns on the Andrea Doria.
Like running fire drills on the Piper Alpha.
posted by paulsc at 3:50 PM on July 24, 2009

Yes, most of these are static and you want something regarding an ineffective, oointless and distracting action. The format is simple, you could probably make it up - painting over the rust on a Model T or something like that. I wish I could think of an alternative commonly used though...

Incidentally, deckchairs on the Titanic dates from 1972.
posted by A189Nut at 3:51 PM on July 24, 2009

"
I think what you're looking for is the situation where you need a lot but find or receive only a little, and I think the best match for that is a drop in the bucket."

I disagree, I think it means "Wasted effort after momumental fail."

So, her husband's barn door analogy is so far the closest.

Or how about...

Rushing to the outhouse after you already shit your pants.
posted by ian1977 at 3:52 PM on July 24, 2009

It's not that it's too late that you're trying to express, it's that it's a nice idea that is obviously pointless, right? I submit the following:

That's like organizing the crayon box.

That's like plating the dog chow.

That's like vacuuming a Pomeranian.

That's like asking a cat for a favor.

That's like backing up to a floppy.

That's like sanctifying your motor oil.

That's like buttering a donut.
posted by ulotrichous at 4:06 PM on July 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

Not quite - the whole meaning rests in the fact that it is pointless and ineffective activity in the face of a crisis or catastrophe.

Buttering donuts isn't really that.
posted by A189Nut at 4:11 PM on July 24, 2009

I disagree, I think it means "Wasted effort after momumental fail."

Well, only if you add information not in the question. There's no "after a fail" element to the question, nor even a "wasted", just a sort of "not enough difference-making."

Those other bits have been added in by many of the ensuing suggestions, as a possible guess at what "in these conditions" might mean.

If it's really "because it's too late and the situation is now hopeless", then the barn door suggestion is indeed exactly correct. But she didn't actually say that.

Most answers are adding their own extra situational context.

Maybe the OP could clarify the situation more precisely?
posted by rokusan at 4:14 PM on July 24, 2009

Changing the oil to fix a broken rod.
posted by davejay at 4:24 PM on July 24, 2009

...like trying to sweep a dirt floor with a feather duster.
posted by goml at 4:40 PM on July 24, 2009

Funny you should ask Rokusan. I just came back to read, and realized that I do need to clarify a bit.

I am an oncology nurse. I often have patients who are worrying that getting more x-rays might be bad for them, or that they need to eat more green leafies. When what we really need to do is find out if pneumonia has started, or increase caloric intake. Or, even, eat icecream all day.

I don't want to trivialize concerns, or use a disasterous analogy. But I'd like a phrase that people can grasp onto easily to reassure them that it's ok not to fret over the minor details.

So far, washing the car in the rain sounds good. But maybe that's cuz I like the rain. Also, drop in the bucket.

I had this same experience recently in my own family: We went to a family conference with an ill relative and we were very focused on little tiny details. It made it hard for us to hear the bigger message "I don't recommend the surgery."
posted by SLC Mom at 4:46 PM on July 24, 2009

If I'm reading it correctly, I believe the OP is referring to actions that may seem useful in the present, but in the grand scheme of things (and in light of later occurrences, known or unknown) are utterly pointless and a waste of time. Using that formula you could really plug anything in.

That's like washing your car before a hurricane.

That's like stopping at McDonalds on your way to a 5 star restaurant.

That's like taking a shower before you go for a run.

That's like cleaning up before the maid comes.

Wow that took me a long time to come up with those.
posted by Gonestarfishing at 4:53 PM on July 24, 2009

And because that took me a long time and I didn't hit preview, the OP just explained exactly what they mean.
posted by Gonestarfishing at 4:54 PM on July 24, 2009

Like watering the lawn in a rainstorm.
Like giving a fish a bath.
Like peeling blueberries for pie.
Like playing fiddle for a tuba band.
Like readin' the menu at Waffle House.
Like sending mail to Marconi.
Like tellin' a cop your speedometer's broken.
Like lying to a con man.
Like posting in a dead thread.
Like any of this is useful...
posted by paulsc at 6:07 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Missing the forest for the trees?
posted by internet!Hannah at 6:11 PM on July 24, 2009

Worrying about the molehills instead of the mountains.
posted by tyllwin at 6:17 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Blowing off your driveway during a snow blizzard
Don't sweat the small stuff
posted by JujuB at 6:42 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's like polishing your shoes when your socks don't match.
posted by Robert Angelo at 7:18 PM on July 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

That's like rearranging deck chairs on the U.S.S. Minnow.
posted by stevis23 at 7:29 PM on July 24, 2009

Wow, I can see why the deck chairs and the titanic and all that aren't working for you. I think a movie reference or something could help make this more carefree... what about this:

It's like Dorothy worrying that the curtains will be ruined.

I think that doesn't work for most men, though, so maybe

It's like worrying about the paint when the foundation needs attention.

Wow, gender lens much? But I bet that would work...

and on preview, I totally was thinking about the Minnow too, as nothing really that bad happened to them... but I think (to gender lens again) that some guys would not have a positive reaction to associating with the "Minnow"...
posted by ulotrichous at 8:09 PM on July 24, 2009

That's a day late and a dollar short.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:11 PM on July 24, 2009

Like beating your head against a dead horse?
posted by iamkimiam at 12:23 AM on July 25, 2009 [1 favorite]

Like herding cats
posted by vincele at 2:18 AM on July 25, 2009

like a new coat of paint on a rusty gas-guzzler
posted by timepiece at 12:29 PM on July 25, 2009

Spending an hour on your boots and 5 minutes on your rifle.
posted by Methylviolet at 1:58 PM on July 25, 2009 [1 favorite]