Why do I feel so weird about owning this home?

July 8, 2009 4:03 PM

Why do I feel so weird about owning this home?

Here's the long story (as short as possible): My wife and I are both 24 and we recently bought our first house. We've been married for one year and lived together for one year before that. We've been very good savers (over 50% of each paycheck) and before purchasing the home we had very little debt (only about $8K for a car).

We did not receive any financial support from our parents (other than for undergrad tuition). What makes me feel very strange is that multiple people have commented on how large our house is and how good of a job I must have. I make a little more than $67k and my wife makes about $34k. We bought the house new and it is two stories with a finished basement and 5 bedrooms. We have no kids yet, but plan to live in this house for 30+ years and raise a family in it.

Here are a few remaining details. We paid $324k for the house with 10% down and we'll be receiving another $8k for being a first time homeowner.

Hearing people comment on the size of the house makes me feel awkward and undeserving. My take on this issue is that my wife and I saved well and didn't buy any "toys" when we finished school: no motorcycle, no flat screen TV, no boat, no nothing (with the exception of the car mentioned above). We never moved back home after school, but saved money by living in an inexpensive apartment for 2+ years. I finished college a semester early, too.

My job pays well, but not extremely well like some may think. I started working for the company when I was 20 and have had two promotions and two raises.

Am I right in justifying how we were able to afford this house or is there something I'm missing? Is it normal to feel like I don't deserve this?

posted by gocubbies to work & money (53 comments total)

I don't think it's that unusual, with one caveat: I do think it's a bit odd that you plan on living in the first house you purchase for 30+ years. You will probably need some time to "grow into" your huge house. Most people buy a smaller home for two people (five bedrooms sounds like a lot of upkeep for just two people) and then, when their family grows, they purchase a larger home. I just think you're probably surprising people because you went from little apartment to McMansion, with no starter house in between. I don't think you should feel guilty about owning a huge house, but I do think you might want to reconsider your presumably negative opinion of people who buy lots of "toys" - personally, I'd rather live in a smaller house with lots of fun things to play with and do instead of a huge, lonely mansion full of empty rooms/empty walls/empty garage. That said, I do admire your long-term planning and your ability to save and invest.
posted by billysumday at 4:10 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

Owning a house worth slightly more than three times your combined annual income doesn't seem excessive.
posted by foodgeek at 4:11 PM on July 8

I don't think it's the sort of thing that you really need to justify; "we've scrimped and saved a lot" should be plenty enough to settle the matter. 5 bedrooms does seem like a lot for 2 people; as you said, you plan to stay there for a long time. I think a lot of people are just used to couples, especially young ones, buying starter homes instead of something they plan on staying in for the long haul.
posted by craven_morhead at 4:11 PM on July 8

You don't need to justify anything to anyone who is rude enough to make such comments to you. Congrats on your awesome financial choices, and your new home!
posted by rhapsodie at 4:12 PM on July 8 [14 favorites has favorites]

It doesn't sound like you have anything to feel guilty about, and if you feel guilty nonetheless I would wonder about your background -- if your family somehow devalued "rich people" or treated them as Other--like 'the cloth napkin set' or some such.

You needn't feel guilty, you worked for it, you bought it, you have a plan for the future, you sound completely reasonable.

And as I say that, I'm wondering if maybe being completely reasonable and careful rubs you the wrong way, deep down. Maybe you feel like you should want to play bass guitar and live in a van surrounded by beer cans, but you don't, you want a nice house with your wife.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:12 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

There's nothing to "justify." Yes, due to your graduating early, earning a very high salary for your age, and having been extremely frugal, you have a lot more house than all but a very, very small number of couples your age could possibly manage. That's probably why you feel weird.

What it comes down to is that, yes, you are very, very fortunate. However, you've also done an outstanding job of managing that good fortune, not letting it go to waste, saving very heavily, etc. You've done nothing wrong, and deserve what you have at least as much as anybody deserves anything they have.
posted by Tomorrowful at 4:13 PM on July 8

how much have home prices fallen in your area? There's a good chance the house you just bought for $324k was selling around 500-600k as little as 3 years ago - and that's what people think you paid for the house.
posted by any major dude at 4:17 PM on July 8 [9 favorites has favorites]

It probably just seems like a big house for 2 people. Also, people tend to make weird comments about other people's houses. I do it. Other people do it in my house. Everyone thinks other people's houses are better for some reason, probably because you see all the problems in your own house while you don't with other people's. The grass is always greener, etc.

No reason to feel bad.
posted by GuyZero at 4:23 PM on July 8

You don't mention the square footage of the house, which isn't really a factor, but I'm just curious.

24 is early to own a home, so I expect some people are just expressing their envy. Courtesy of some good fortune, I co-owned (and paid half of a small mortgage) on my first home when I was 17. It was just a bog-standard apartment, but I sensed some envy from my classmates.

It sounds to me like you've earned the house, so you shouldn't feel undeserving. I'm not sure how you stop feeling undeserving except to remind yourself that you've gotten where you are through your own hard work.
posted by dbarefoot at 4:25 PM on July 8

You're certainly a couple of sigma out of the norm for financial health for 24yos. Note that the median household income is under $50,000, and that's counting everyone. The median for 24 yos is a LOT lower.

Most young adults that age are a year out of college with several thousand in CC debt and most likely tens of thousands of college loan debt.

You are married at a relatively young age, which combined with your frugality has enabled you to save TONS of money compared to two singles living single adult lives for up to a decade before getting married.

You had good timing being able to have a 2+ year employment record right when prices have tanked from their 2004-2007 highs, but interest rates are still really really low so that $300,000 house's mortgage payment is more like a $220,000 at the 8.5% interest rates that were prevalent in the late 80s and 90s, plus that $8000 grant from the gov't sure is tasty.

Moving sucks. You're doing quite well. Pay the house down in 10-15 years and you'll be well on the way to total financial independence.

I envy you!
posted by @troy at 4:31 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

You did everything right, plus were able to buy at a very propitious time. Nothing to feel bad about and a lot to feel good about.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:32 PM on July 8

This is why I think you feel weird.

People who are 24 and aren't freakishly rich (like athletes) aren't supposed to have nice big houses like that. They're supposed to be stupid with their money and not have the ability to save.

You didn't follow the rules, and now you're feeling guilty. To which I can only say one thing:

Congratulations, I hope I can be in the same situation as you when I hit that age.
posted by theichibun at 4:37 PM on July 8 [2 favorites has favorites]

You're doing all the right things. Congratulations!
posted by KokuRyu at 4:39 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

Thanks for the comments, everyone--very reassuring to hear from neutral parties. In response to a few questions:

1. Suppose I do look down on people that bought "toys" instead of saved. Believe I need an attitude adjustment (appreciate you pointing that out--something I never really considered).

2. The house prices in my area have been relatively flat the past ten years (we didn't experience a bubble like other cities). That said, house prices in this town are cheap compared to other major metropolitan areas. As an example, the same house in Chicago would cost 51% more than mine (at least according to CNN).

3. The square footage is a little under 3100 sq/ft (including the basement).

A couple other points I forgot to mention regarding the finances. I worked as a freelancer while in school and earned ~$30k. Also, my wife earned $42k in her previous job, but she took a cut in pay to do enter a profession she truly loves. Lastly, we're locked into a 5% 30yr fixed mortgage.

The more I think about this, the more it feels like the stars aligned: cheap rates, $8k home buyer tax credit, and builders trying to offload vacant inventory. The tough thing for me is not the finances, it's more on the internal believe that my wife and I didn't work hard enough to earn this house. Hearing people question our success makes me nervous (feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop).
posted by gocubbies at 4:50 PM on July 8

So maybe you don't deserve it. So what. "Use every man after his deserts, and who shall 'scape whipping?" You didn't finance the down payment by robbing a bank or cheating on your taxes; it's not your fault you can afford a nice house. Strive to be worthy of the ticket you drew in the lottery of life.

Yeah, it's unusual for a couple your age to have that much house, and yeah, it can be awkward if your friends have less money to have this big five bedroom many hundred square foot thing that stands as a monument to your having more money than them. It's OK, though. Just don't rub it in. The people who say my, what a big house, are just making conversation, trying to be complimentary, you can say thanks, you don't have to aw shucks it.
posted by phoenixy at 4:51 PM on July 8

Your approach to managing money sounds, well, very sound! Congratulations. And understand that distinguishes you from the majority of people, very many, if not most, of whom buy now, pay later. When you visit them, their most visible possessions are probably their toys. I'm sure they get comments on those, too. Yours is your house.

I understand your feeling of awkwardness; it isn't polite to comment on other peoples' income or what they choose to do with it. I'm guessing you feel a little bit distanced from people who make such comments, both because you were probably taught better manners, and because you have a clearly unusual house among your peer group. If anything, you might feel proud of yourselves for having chosen a goal (or a set of goals) and attained a major one of them.

Some people have a hard time acknowledging that someone else has attained something - a home, a skill, a status, that they themselves aspire to but, for whatever reason, have not. I've returned home from overseas travels and showed my trip photos to friends who asked. They were moderately decent travel snaps, certainly not great photos, I'd taken with a pocket-sized 35mm PHD camera (as in, "push here, dummy)! I'd spent a little bit of effort composing them, and when I got home, culling the duds (the great majority of them!) and arranging the remainder. But not infrequently, someone (some of whom were artists or crafts-people -- which I am not! -- and should know better) would comment, "You must have a good camera - you got some great pictures!". (I resisted replying to, in one case, my hostess, with "You must have great pans - dinner was delicious!")

Take their comments as exressions, howerver strange, of their admiration (and perhaps a touch of envy at your ability) for what you've been able to accomplish.
posted by TruncatedTiller at 4:52 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

You have nothing to justify. I was a bit older than you, but was in exactly the same scenario - same house size, price, etc. Biggest house in the neighborhood. But I worked for it, so why should I have to feel weird about it? You shouldn't either! It IS odd though - its clear to others that the house is "big" - I usually get several newspapers delivered by mistake and a delivery guy once asked me "So... how many families live here?"
posted by blaneyphoto at 4:54 PM on July 8

You could always rent a room to someone if you get to feeling it's too big.
posted by alexei at 5:00 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

Hearing people comment on the size of the house makes me feel awkward and undeserving.



That's understandable. It would me, too. They may be insensitive, they may be jealous, they may be nosy, they may be trying to make a complement, who knows? It's OK to feel awkward.

Am I right in justifying how we were able to afford this house or is there something I'm missing?

Well, I don't think you're required to justify it, no. None of their business, frankly. Could have been a gift, doesn't make it any less deservedly yours. You could have scored some screaming deal. Doesn't matter. That said, seems like you did well for yourself and should be proud.

Is it normal to feel like I don't deserve this?

Does it matter what's normal? Some people wouldn't give a damn about what others think, others (like you) may be affected more by their opinions. I have no idea what normal would be. It's certainly not unreasonable to feel that way.

But--you saved up the money, made the decision, and bought the house. You "deserve" to be there by virtue of the fact you legally paid someone for it.

We bought when we were 25 years old. We had less saved than you, payed slightly less for the house, and had to get a side loan from my parents to make the down payment. So you're doing better than we were. We did face a bit of the behavior you mention from her side of the family. Mostly "you paid too much!" Our house, 10 years later, is worth about 80% more than the purchase price. The naysayers on her side filed bankruptcy and moved away.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 5:08 PM on July 8

Whenever someone does something outside the norm, people comment on it. The comments that really stay with you are the rude ones. Rude comments include comments about income and cost. So, that's what's happening.

For me, I bought a house as a single woman without children, in the suburbs no less. This was outside the norm, and people made comments... rude ones. The trick is to just shrug it off. You are old enough to have a house; you are old enough to not give one damn about what other people think about your life choices.
posted by Houstonian at 5:12 PM on July 8 [3 favorites has favorites]

You've obviously worked hard and saved enough to deserve a nice house even at a young age. But there's a lot of information missing here that makes it hard to say how comfortable you should feel. How secure are your jobs? How big of an emergency fund do you have? Ideally this should be enough savings to cover between 6 months and 2 years (recommendations vary) of your total expenses including the mortgage. For example, if you lost your job and couldn't find anything for a year, would you still be able to make the payments with just your wife's salary? What if that happened and housing prices dropped 25%, putting you underwater? You should have plans for all these scenarios. Obviously these would be dire circumstances, but it's a very precarious time to own a home.
posted by Durin's Bane at 5:13 PM on July 8

The more I think about this, the more it feels like the stars aligned: ...

If people insist on bringing it up, just say that. It's not arrogant, it's not smug, and apparently it's true. Oh, and say "thank you" if they are trying to be complimentary and flattering, if nothing else because that tends to shut people up from continuing to lather on the praise - if you hem and haw and get self-effacing, they may feel pressure to try and "convince" you that you'd doing well, and it sounds like you would not enjoy that.
posted by rkent at 5:16 PM on July 8

and I didn't work hard enough to earn this house.

houses aren't SUPPOSED to be this #*($#% expensive. It's just that we all bid up the price of land such to the point of unaffordability.

Your timing is pretty good since all the idiots who would have competed with you -- ie outbid you -- to purchase that house just blew themselves up financially 2005-2008.

Back when mortgages were only 10 year balloon, required 40% down, only qualified on the man's salary, required a severed finger on the promissory note, and we only had one third the population in this country (and larger households to boot) etc etc houses were a lot more affordable for everyone.

Plus you're benefitting from buying out where things are still cheap. That implies that JOBS don't pay that much where you are, either, which is why the home prices are cheap.
posted by @troy at 5:17 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

You are doing everything right. People are jealous. As a prior poster said pay down that mortgage early if you want BUT don't forget to have some fun (toys) along the way. Life is too short not to.
posted by patnok at 5:17 PM on July 8

Congratulations on your hard work, your sensible choices, and your good luck. I hope that you enjoy yourself, and that you don’t judge others. If you're still feeling guilty, just remember that life's not fair: The good news is that sometimes life's not fair in our favor.
posted by applemeat at 5:25 PM on July 8

Hearing people question our success makes me nervous (feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop).

I'd attribute this more to you being a Cubs fans than to being financially irresponsible ;)
posted by any major dude at 5:50 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

Congratulations on a brand new house. Congratulations for being such good savers. My condolences in not having more tactful friends and family.
posted by hal_c_on at 6:15 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you feel _that_ bad, you should move to L.A., where $324k gets maybe gets you a two-bedroom condo in maybe a not-so-bad part of town.

In other words, yeah, your geographical location may be part of your fortune, and is certainly not something to feel bad about.
posted by blenderfish at 6:25 PM on July 8

It seems a very unusual choice to buy a 5-bedroom home when you don't have kids yet, but that just means people are treating you as if you're different, which in this case you are. Now you know how the different kids felt, I guess -- weird. Don't worry about it. When you stick out, people try to hammer you down.

Where I live, 325K wouldn't buy a decent two-bedroom house. You are fortunate to have a good paying job and live somewhere you can buy a big home that fits with your future plans. I think it's a great idea to buy the house you'll need later. You'll have so many wonderful memories. Selling and trading up is just an expensive and risky hassle, these days.
posted by Listener at 6:29 PM on July 8

I think you are getting some "misery loves company" peer-pressure. Seems like you are doing the right thing to me. Not only are you locked in at that interest rate, you are also locked in for your "rent payment". (If you look at the house as an expense- you have to live somewhere. You could ride the wave of ever increasing rents or different mortgages, but you know that your house payment will be the same for the next 30 years. Imagine how nice it will be in 20~ years to have locked that in. Throw an extra payment in here and there and the house will be paid off when the kids are ready to go to college.)

People don't buy "starter" homes because that's the best choice. They do it because that's all they can afford. In 5 years or whatever, they have to incurr all the costs of moving and buying a more expensive house, and having a higher mortgage payment, for another 30 years. That's not the right choice if you can afford the house you want now.

(And, 3100sqft including the basement for 5 bedrooms doesn't sound excessive, either.)
posted by gjc at 6:55 PM on July 8

Hearing people comment on the size of the house makes me feel awkward and undeserving.

Don't feel bad. Simply say "Thanks; it's our forever house, and hopefully our family will grow into it." Ignore the money side of things. Honestly, they're just a bit jealous (and rightfully so) that you can afford it and they cannot.

Also: $67k for a 24-year-old is very, very good money to a lot of people. Just leave the money side of it out of the conversation, and when nobody's around pat yourself on the back for being such a disciplined saver (because people who make more than that can't always afford a house like that because they don't have the discipline.)
posted by davejay at 6:59 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

Debt sucks, most people don't know that, and it keeps them from doing this.

You did great. Congratulations.
posted by bensherman at 7:22 PM on July 8

I think that to be 24 and have no kids while living in a 5-bedroom house is slightly off the norm so people are just commenting because it's somewhat unusual. But no, you shouldn't feel bad, at all.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 7:35 PM on July 8

As others have said, you're outside the norm. Not only did you have foresight and self-discipline lacking in most kids just out of college, but you're also laying down some serious roots. A 5 bedroom house is big. Even some of my very grownup friends who are financially stable with very nice jobs and kids don't have houses that big. In fact, I don't know anyone with a house that big who isn't like a rich old person.

But, here's the thing. Money continues to be a taboo subject and that alone is very frustrating. Some people are jealous but mostly people want to know. I don't know what it is about our parents but either money handling has gotten very complicated (I think that is has) or they just didn't think we needed these skills. So, people want to know... how you did it, what they should be doing, whether it's possible for them. Come up with a few true statements that can sum up your journey that don't cast aspersions on how they've spent their money so far. "Well, we lived in that crappy apartment and saved and saved and saved and we think that we want to live in this house and raise a family here so.... while it seems like a lot, we just got lucky and had money saved and the stars aligned. Come over for pizza and beer sometime and I'll share my endless budgeting secrets if you're interested."

Personally, knowing what I know now, if I was in your shoes, I'd have bought less house and used the cash and time free of children to travel and see the world a bit -- besides that's a great way to get some cool stuff from around the world for your house!

But, try to think of your friends in a positive light -- everyone is just trying to figure things out and it is just human nature to compare ourselves to each other.
posted by amanda at 8:07 PM on July 8

The tough thing for me is not the finances, it's more on the internal believe that my wife and I didn't work hard enough to earn this house. Hearing people question our success makes me nervous (feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop).

Don't do that to yourself; seriously, it's such a waste of time and energy. Whenever you feel the urge to beat yourself up for this, just think back to all the long days you both worked to get to where you are now. I'm sure you and your wife spent many exhausting nights knuckling down while your friends were out partying and having fun. You both chose to struggle to establish yourselves at a young age, to save for the future, and to made the most of your opportunities. That's not luck, my friend; that's good old-fashioned hard work and prudence.

Congratulations! Enjoy your new digs and the fruits your labors.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 8:15 PM on July 8

Congrats on your self-discipline and success. I hope you will enjoy your home without feeling the need to explain yourself.
My response to an inquiry would be: "Yes, it is a big house. We really enjoy it."
posted by valannc at 8:25 PM on July 8

You sound really mature and have made great decisions money-wise. But you also had your parents pay for college tuition, an enormous amount of money. So while you should be proud of your ability to save, I think your parents deserve a lot more credit than you give them "they paid for nothing except for college tuition." Plus if you were single, odds are that you would not be able afford that big house either. Two incomes plus the tax breaks puts you in a very fortunate position compared to single person paying rent and receiving no tax breaks.

So be proud and tell people to fuck off! But realize a lot more got you that house than just scrimping and saving.
posted by vincele at 8:57 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

Guilt is for people who have done something wrong. Justification is for people who need to make excuses. You are neither of these things. You done good!!! Don't let jealous people put their issues on you.
posted by The Deej at 9:26 PM on July 8

I think you deserve it and it may be that people who comment are fishing to find out who really paid for the house. The heck with them.

As another single woman with a house in the 'burbs, I can tell you to be flip about the comments - or ignore them and get busy on hatching the kids.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 9:34 PM on July 8

Pffft. They're jealous and want to make you feel bad. Even totally nice people are not immune from doing this.

Also, the concept of a "starter home" is very firmly ingrained. We also bought our first and (presumably) last home, large enough for plenty of options, and in a ridiculously terrific (and financially secure) location. My former landlord gave me this big whiny speech about "oh, you think it'll be fine until you have kids and you need more bathrooms blah blah blah by which i mean my wife wants to move." My suburban co-workers sneer at the concept of living in the city permanently. Meh. I smile graciously and reiterate my confident happiness.
posted by desuetude at 9:42 PM on July 8 [1 favorite has favorites]

24 is young to own a house. especially a big-ass expensive house. and $67K a year salary is a lot of money to most of the country.

so when people talk down to you about your house, it's them envying you and being jealous of your big house and big salary at such a young age.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 9:44 PM on July 8

I bought a house and 40 acres of land when I was in my late 20s and I got a lot of the same reactions. It wasn't just fishing for money stuff but a whole lot of "well what's your PLAN now?" stuff as well as the money stuff and a lot of "If this were MY place this is what I'd do...." discussions which started to feel a little oppressive after a while.

I think it's just a really big deal for people without a lot of debt to have this big serious project and have people be in whatever small way, not just saying "wow, that's so great for you guys, how wonderful for you." at least I know that's sort of how I felt. Some people (and most people were wonderful) seemed to use it as an excuse to get in my business, start being weird and fishy about my financial situation [like you I was a pretty serious saver], my job situation and my relationship situation since I'd bought a house on my own.

So, I think this is part of the adjustment period. For you and your wife, you're taking on some serious responsibilities that a lot of people don't really get to for a little while now, and you have to get used to being people with debt and a nice big house. For your friends, you having a nice marriage/house/job/whatever may put them in a position with themselves where they're wondering "hey where am *I* in my life vis a vis these things?" and it may come out in slightly weird ways. Your current approach sounds decent and I'd suggest what others have said "Thanks, it's a lot of house for us, but we've worked to make it happen and we're very happy" or whatever your stock reply is. You don't owe anyone anoything explanation-wise other than basic politeness. Anything else is up to you and should be on terms you and your wife feel comfortable with. Congrats on your new house.
posted by jessamyn at 9:44 PM on July 8 [3 favorites has favorites]

Nthing the "it's mostly jealousy". Hey, I'm jealous.

However, if a friend of mine bought a family house at 24, I would probably react slightly oddly, and not just because of envy. A family house implies (to me) that the interesting part of your life is over. From now on it's mortgage and renovations and children and settling down and obsessing about the price of toilet paper. No more travel or changing cities or taking time off to pursue your dream. At least, not for awhile.

When people express amazement, a good answer would be to mention that you were lucky enough to finish college without any debt. It is a major reason that you could afford it and they probably can't.
posted by kjs4 at 10:11 PM on July 8

"Oh, we never go into those other rooms. They're haunted."
"Yes, five rooms is a lot, but three came with free chalk outlines."
"We enjoy moving the dining room table to different parts of the house to...well, you know...can I get you a drink?"
"It's a bitch to heat. We're running out of neighborhood children to stoke the furnace."
"No, it's only two bedrooms and a lot of mirrors."
"Yeah, my dad left me a lot of Nazi gold."
"Ours? No, we're just squatting."
"Have you seen Unbreakable? No? Well, that's a relief."
"I needed a couple of extra room for my...collection."
posted by obiwanwasabi at 11:01 PM on July 8 [9 favorites has favorites]

I have a close friend (older than you: she was in her late 30s, husband in his early 40s) who bought a 2500+ sq ft house outside Philadelphia a few years ago at the top of the market. $500K and they paid cash. Her husband had saved a remarkable amount of money and decided owning a home free and clear was worth more than having a mortgage. Other friends were shocked, questioned their decision, really just flipped out.

They had the same plan as you: hate moving, wanted a family (a little risky at their age) and this would be their home for life. They used the extra bedrooms as an office and a guest room until the birth of their son. They're now trying for their second child. It's worked out really well for them. Her husband recently lost his job, but with no mortgage, they can live well on just her salary while he looks for work.

gjc is right: starter homes are just what people can afford these days. My grandparents didn't have a starter home. They lived in the same house their whole lives. My parents had a starter home in a sense -- it was a modular home while they built the house I grew up in. I haven't researched the subject, but wouldn't be surprised if the concept of a starter home is relatively new one.

Your decision sounds right for you and your wife and that's what counts. Don't let comments cause you to second-guess your plan. As for what you tell other people, you don't have to disclose anything. I have a few trusted friends who know my financial details, other trusted friends who don't. Over the years, I've learned who I'm comfortable sharing that info with.

Congratulations!
posted by Majorita at 12:55 AM on July 9

Gosh I came in here thinking your place was haunted or something but instead you are reaping fabulous rewards for making good decisions in life. I am super jealous but in a nice way, enjoy yourself and ignore the Nosy Nosersons.
posted by like_neon at 3:06 AM on July 9

I'll try to articulate where your friends' persistent jealousy might stem from: you have 5 bedrooms, which...

1) In a country where the average number of children a couple bears is 2.1;
2) In a country where half of all marriages end in divorce;
3) In a country where round 10% of people are unemployed;
4) In a country where rampant, irresponsible mortgaging of houses like your house brought down the entire economy

...seems excessive, and delusional. Also: chintzy. The truth is that no human being, no human couple, needs, or requires, or deserves a 5 bedroom house. Even if you paid for it.

Your conundrum reflects privilege, not entitlement.
posted by trotter at 6:56 AM on July 9 [2 favorites has favorites]

You have done something different that most of your friends. It is going to make them uncomfortable.

I have friends that are extremely responsible and tight with money and strict with their diet. It makes me uncomfortable. I can't understand people who don't enjoy (or let themsleves) splurging. It's like a teetotaler that can't shut up about it. I'm not saying you are like this.

I think it may just come down to a clash of values. You want to be an a big house and never move again. This probably isn't even on the radar for people you know.
posted by Gor-ella at 7:23 AM on July 9

The truth is that no human being, no human couple, needs, or requires, or deserves a 5 bedroom house. Even if you paid for it.

I'm critical of the heavy sales push toward new developments of surburban and exurban communities with oversized overpriced houses. I roll my eyes at the people who whine about needing to move to a bigger house before they can have a second child because five bedrooms and three bathrooms just aren't enough. And yet I find your statement a bizarrely combative generalization.

People should be ashamed of affording a house within a sensible price range for their income because some of their neighbors were sold mortgages beyond their means? What?

Five-bedroom houses are the very picture of excess and an emblem of selfishness? Hey, come check out my rowhouse in South Philly. It has five bedrooms, technically, but I don't think it will work as a good example of the evil empire at work.

But hey, this is a great example of the logic that may be running through the minds of some of your friends and colleagues, gocubbies.
posted by desuetude at 7:58 AM on July 9 [1 favorite has favorites]

[few comments removed - if you're not talking to the OP this needs to go to email or metatalk, thanks]
posted by jessamyn at 9:25 AM on July 9

...I do think it's a bit odd that you plan on living in the first house you purchase for 30+ years....

I've lived in the first house I purchased for 27 years, and have no intention of moving any time soon. Congrats, gocubbies, and may your home and your neighborhood turn out to be just what you wanted - like mine did.
posted by tizzie at 9:36 AM on July 9

All very good points. Appreciate the conversation regarding student loans. Not sure if anyone is still following this thread, but here's a few more details.

Wife went to a state college on a full academic scholarship (including room and board). I went to our state's flagship public university with about $10k in scholarships. So a good point is that I do owe my parents a tip of the cap for $40k or so they provided that allowed me to enter "the real world" debt-free.

To balance the fulcrum of student loan debt, I will finish grad school next year (been going part-time) with a little more than $50k in student loans.
posted by gocubbies at 9:44 AM on July 9

It's weird to have a house, a big house, it feels like you're a grownup and that's weird.
posted by kathrineg at 1:34 PM on July 9