Laura Ingalls Wilder was herding cows by this age

July 6, 2009 5:55 PM

When is a child old enough to leave alone for short periods?

My older son is five and a half. It would be highly convenient for me to leave him alone in the house for brief periods-ten to fifteen minutes-while I take his younger brother to daycare, two blocks away. He's intelligent and is not the type to wander off or start the stove or anything. Is it ridiculous to think that this shouldn't be a big deal?

I want to encourage his self-reliance--and, admittedly, it would make my life easier--but I don't want to do something unsafe. Or, for that matter, illegal (I'm in Pennsylvania).

posted by Chrysostom to human relations (69 comments total)

I wouldn't do it at that age but that is just me. My daughter just turned 9 and I have thought about it but I just don't think I'm quite ready. She is gifted, smart and more responsible than most adults I know, but, still a child. It isn't her that I'm worried about, it is the millions of things that COULD happen while you are gone for 5 minutes that a child would not be capable to deal with. You have YEARS to encourage independence.

That's just me. YMMV.
posted by pearlybob at 5:59 PM on July 6

Sorry, but five and a half is way too young to leave home alone.
posted by moxiedoll at 5:59 PM on July 6

I agree that it's too young. 9 or 10, maybe 8 at the very earliest.
posted by ishotjr at 6:00 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

Very possibly not recommended. Where in PA are you? The state has 'burbs, city & Pennsyltucky regions, and each one is vastly different. Still, I would not leave a five-year-old. Maybe a nine-year-old, but anything younger just doesn't sound like a good idea.
posted by kellyblah at 6:01 PM on July 6

Yes, it is ridiculous to think that this shouldn't be a big deal.
posted by meerkatty at 6:01 PM on July 6

Check your local child protection laws - here, the legal age at which a child can be left alone is 14.

Two blocks away? A five and a half year old? A five and a half year old has a limited ability to cope with any unforeseen circumstance. House fire? Serious injury to himself? A few times every year young kids die during the 10 minutes it took mum to "duck down the shop". Kids that age need an adult with in earshot at all times.
posted by Lolie at 6:01 PM on July 6

When I was nine and under directions not to let anyone into the house, I let in a real estate agent because he showed me his business card. I was a really bright, articulate, street smart kid and I did this. He really was a realtor and my mom was only at the end of the block and came back right away.

Is your son old enough to be able to tell if someone is lying about being a police officer, fire fighter or other person who's there to take him to go get his mom who's supposedly hurt/sick or to resuce him from a supposed emergency? Would he know what to do if a fire started?

In most communities, I think 12 is the norm for short periods.

BTW, didn't "wild Indians" (sic) and their dogs show up when Laura Ingalls was left alone with Mary? In the books, I mean.
posted by acoutu at 6:02 PM on July 6

Also, even if he'd be fine, if someone else found out that you were leaving him alone, you could very easily get CPS called on you for that.
posted by ishotjr at 6:02 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

I'm not even going to touch on the legal aspects of this. However, I think you're missing a big part of this decision.

The question isn't really about if he can handle being alone for that period of time. And I know plenty of kids who are younger that I would leave along for longer. But how will he be able to handle things if something bad does happen?

Unless there's a law saying you can't leave him alone, I don't think you can get a good answer from people who don't know you or your child.

Finally, I'll ask you this. Are you driving or walking those two blocks? Because if you're walking I see no reason to leave the older child at home. Let him get the exercise.
posted by theichibun at 6:02 PM on July 6

Also, I won't leave her in the car while I run into a convenience store to pay for gas. She stays with me. I just feel like children are to be protected even if it is not convenient at the moment.
posted by pearlybob at 6:02 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

That's too young.. look at it this way: if your son was to burn the house down or worse (however improbable that may seem to you), do you think a jury of your peers is going to think "well, the kid was five and a half, he should have known better." Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooo.
posted by pwally at 6:03 PM on July 6 [5 favorites]

If you choose to do this, you could keep in contact with your son by cell phone the entire time (with him on a landline or other cell phone). Or by walkie-talkie.
posted by ShooBoo at 6:04 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

I was left alone that early sometimes, though I'm sure it was illegal. But that's one example, and I don't know what the odds really were, there. If I'd fallen off the roof or set the house on fire, I'd probably not be so nonchalant about it now.

Two blocks? Is there some reason your five year old with you for a walk?
posted by rokusan at 6:05 PM on July 6

Waaay to young. We go by the legal age which I tought was 12 or 13 but apparently could be higher per Lolie.

Get a tandem stroller that holds two kids or make him walk.
posted by GuyZero at 6:08 PM on July 6

what does the child's mother think of this idea?
posted by pinky at 6:08 PM on July 6

Waaay to young. We go by the legal age which I tought was 12 or 13 but apparently could be higher per Lolie.

I'm in a different country, and I'm pretty sure that it's a state by state thing here, but I'd guarantee that the lower limit in any state here won't be an age younger than the age at which after school care is available here - and that's at the end of primary school (I think the occasional private school offers after school care on-site for year 7, but that's the exception).

My ex once left my son at home one day when son was sick and ex had to go to work. Kept in touch by phone, came home and checked on him at lunch time, etc. Exploded when phone bill arrived and there were $110 worth of calls to a premium service Ninja Turtle line on that bill. $110 was a lot of money in 1990, but ex learned a lesson about leaving children to entertain themselves (and yes, I laughed).
posted by Lolie at 6:15 PM on July 6 [2 favorites]

I didn't until my son was 10, and then only for very short times with strict instructions. Of course, we didn't have cell phones then, but still, this is way too young.
posted by raisingsand at 6:20 PM on July 6

Well, by the time I was 9 (in 1979, mind you) I was already babysitting other kids, so, YMMV.

I personally think 5.5 seems a bit young to be alone in a house, but I'd be comfortable leaving most of the 7 year olds I know alone for 5 minutes (no longer, really).
posted by tristeza at 6:20 PM on July 6

I was a very intelligent, docile little girl who read for fun. And when left alone at age nine by a careless babysitter, I amused myself by reading with a lit candle, in the dark, in bed, holding the candle right between the pages of the book and my curly hair.

Just because a kid is quiet and well-meaning doesn't mean they'll make the right decisions.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:29 PM on July 6 [4 favorites]

I was a very responsible kid, who wasn't at all helicopter parented, and I was allowed to stay at home by myself when my parents went on short (20-40 minute errands) when I was about eight. Starting when I was around 11 or 12, my 9-ish year old brother and I were alone at home after school every day for 2-4 hours until my mom got home from work. I'd begged her not to make us go to the after school program any more. We talked about it a lot, she thought about it for a while, and it worked out fine.

I really appreciate the independence and responsibility being trusted in those ways taught me. Rather than it being a tragic, latchkey kid kind of thing, it really helped me gain a great deal of confidence and common sense. It's also gave me the time, space, and desire to be useful to my mom that led me to cook. That's one of the greatest joys of my life, and I probably wouldn't have done so if I hadn't been at home alone with the kitchen and "Great Chefs, Great Cities" on Discovery. I hope I can some day impart the same confidence on my currently theoretical children.

That said, as much as I'm a vocal proponent of childhood independence, five and a half just seems way too young, even for fifteen minutes alone. Give it another couple of years.
posted by mostlymartha at 6:30 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

I want to believe this is a joke, but I don't think it is...

Leaving a five year old alone is neglect. Your child will be removed from your home and placed in foster care..

Don't do it.
posted by HuronBob at 6:31 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

At 5, your kid is definitely too young to leave home alone. He hasn't even gone to school yet to learn about poison control, 911, stop-drop-and-roll, don't open the door for strangers, and all that other personal safety stuff that the elementary schools drill into their little heads.

My parents didn't let me stay home alone for 10-15 minute periods until I was about 8-9 years old. The next year I got to stay home during grocery shopping and other under-1-hour excursions. Sometime between then and 6th grade I was allowed to stay at home alone after school until my mom returned home from work (alone between about 3:30-4:30 PM). Maybe people were crazy in the late 1980s/early 1990s, but this was definitely the same experience as most of the kids I grew up with.
posted by gatorae at 6:39 PM on July 6

Another latchkey here. My parents start leaving me alone after school ended (around 2pm) until they came home (around 5pm) when I was 6. I really loved being trusted, I never felt abandoned by my parents, never called a ninja hotline, and I didn't burn the house down.
posted by ttyn at 6:41 PM on July 6

Our son just turned eight about a month ago. I'm not quite ready to leave him alone alone, though we've left him to fend for himself in the house while I'm out doing something and my husband's in the basement in his workshop.

Derailing for a bit, I find this thread amusing when combined with this thread.
posted by Lucinda at 6:45 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

According to this post on a PA family law blog, Pennsylvania sets no minimum age for leaving a child home alone. But the Deputy Director of Allegheny County's Office of Children, Youth and Families (aka child protective services) says: "As a rule of thumb, no child under the age of 12 should be left home alone under any circumstances."
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 6:46 PM on July 6

I'm not a parent, but for what it's worth, one of my first memories was being left home alone while my mom ran an errand. I was five, I am fine :)

However, I do believe that was an isolated incident, not on any consistent basis. Also, this wasn't in the States, so there's that. I'm pretty sure I couldn't open the multitude of locks on the door, even if anyone had knocked.
posted by theRussian at 6:47 PM on July 6

Another latchkey here. My parents start leaving me alone after school ended (around 2pm) until they came home (around 5pm) when I was 6. I really loved being trusted, I never felt abandoned by my parents, never called a ninja hotline, and I didn't burn the house down.

And 999 times out of 1000, that will work out just fine. But when I read about the young kids who do burn to death or have fatal accidents during that 10 or 15 minutes that mum just "ducked down the shops" my first thought is never "that poor woman" - every single time it's "what the hell was she thinking".

And I grew up in the country in the era when the only rule kids had was "be home by dark" - but there no matter where we were there was always someone who'd notice where we were heading because almost every house had someone at home during daylight hours. Pretty much every kid was raised by a village in those days.
posted by Lolie at 6:50 PM on July 6

I was frequently left at home alone for short periods* at that age, but that was in the early 1970's (era of the "latch key kids”) and I doubt that anyone today is willing to publically advocate that doing so is okay.

*I passed the time by licking lead paint off of the windowsills.

posted by applemeat at 6:57 PM on July 6 [5 favorites]

PA does not have laws regarding the age when children can be left alone, which is probably worse than if they did. It's a subjective thing.

My friend's exhusband got his custody terminated for leaving his 5 and 3 year old (very bright) sons alone for short periods while he routinely went to the store, etc. They live in PA for reference.
posted by necessitas at 6:58 PM on July 6

I think that five's a little too young, but I'm shocked at the people who feel that they can't leave their children alone until they're twelve or even older. Like several other people here, by nine I was babysitting my siblings for an hour or two here and there, and by about eleven I was watching them for as long as my parents needed them watched. I'm pretty sure that at about eleven, I was also babysitting other kids in the neighborhood. It's not like we're talking some distant, halcyon past here, either--we're talking twenty years ago, tops. (Twenty years ago when, I should point out, the crime rate was much higher than it is now.)

I have no problem leaving my six-and-a-half-year-old inside alone while I do chores or whatever outside. I both hope to and fully expect to be able to trust her to care for herself for an hour or two by the time she's about eight.

In case others are looking for the legal age limits in your state, there's this resource from Latchkey-kids.com. (Not affiliated, just found it googling.)
posted by MeghanC at 7:00 PM on July 6 [8 favorites]

Besides all of the good legal and ethical reasons mentioned above not to leave a child so young alone:

you cannot be absolutely assured that you, every single time, will be "just 10 or 15 minutes." Just like anything could happen with him home alone, anything could happen that would delay you--things beyond your control, leaving him alone for an indefinite period of time. The longer, then, he is alone in such a situation, even if the reason if benign (daycare provider detains you with paperwork), the greater chance he has to either become injured, or simply become scared. Frightened, he may leave the house, go looking for you and get lost or hurt, seek help, call help or 911. Then, you've lost him or at least gotten yourself in to a protracted legal situation.

My rule of thumb as a parent is that if the worst possible outcome is one that I can reasonably prevent, then I prevent it. I, frustratingly, have no control over disease or freak accidents in otherwise safe situations. But I do have control over preventing lifetimes of grief and regret by simple supervision and prevention, and I would readily describe myself as an easygoing, Type B sort of parent.

I was a latchkey kid left to my own devices in many situations at ages that seem amazing to me now, and I was self-sufficient--because I had to be. But I was often, also, unsure and not a little scared sometimes (more than sometimes when I was very young), and too proud to admit it. Learning to be independent, I think, comes not just from learning to think critically when on your own and forced to (and there is a little too much trial-and-error for young children in that sort of situation), but also from learning that those that you love will always be there for you, and that you can trust that love and be secure in it--when you're ready to explore the world more and more on your own, as your personal development meets each challenge.

Finally, if you would choose to do this, and it became habit and routine, and if you were lucky enough that it went well for a period of time--this is when oversights and mistakes and accidents happen. With his own familiarity with the situation he may become at a greater risk as his comfort and boredom lead to uncharacteristic behaviors that are dangerous. With your increasing (false) comfort, you may stay away longer, increasing the risk window even more.

If it would be easier for you to have the moments alone to do this errand, consider a "mother's helper" or trusted neighbor--his potential hurt or fear in your suggestion is a preventable risk of his childhood, please don't underestimate the gift of that.
posted by rumposinc at 7:07 PM on July 6 [5 favorites]

I was babysitting by ten, as well as taking public transit to school halfway across a foreign city by myself.

But five or six is too young to be alone-alone.
posted by rtha at 7:07 PM on July 6

Also, if the daycare providers find out that you've left a five-and-a-half-year old at home alone, chances are excellent that they will call CPS.
posted by corey flood at 7:08 PM on July 6

I don't know how many fires I set or how much damage I caused through reckless, forbidden acts I committed while my parents were gone.

I put out the fires myself, though. Got a lot of experience in that. Which has come in handy on a few subsequent occasions not arising from my juvenile stupidity.
posted by Netzapper at 7:12 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

Also, if the daycare providers find out that you've left a five-and-a-half-year old at home alone, chances are excellent that they will call CPS.

Here, it would be mandatory for them to file an "at risk" report - same with schools. It's a good idea to at least be aware if you're putting yourself in a situation that could have legal repercussions you haven't considered.
posted by Lolie at 7:16 PM on July 6

I was a latchkey kid, and was left alone for long periods of time (including entire weekends), starting at age 7. Nothing reckless or dangerous ever happened, I learned to be incredibly self-sufficient, and I loved not having to follow a babysitter's rules - but then, I was responsible to a fault. Of course, this was the early 1970s and I really do think there was a lot less that could go wrong back then.

From a legal standpoint, it depends on your state, but yours doesn't seem to have laws on the books about this.
posted by chez shoes at 7:28 PM on July 6

There's no kid-related reason that he can't be left alone for the ten minutes it takes you to walk two blocks and back. That said, there are probably plenty of LEGAL reason that make it impossible. Don't risk it.
posted by glider at 7:36 PM on July 6

Of course, this was the early 1970s and I really do think there was a lot less that could go wrong back then.

I don't think "less could go wrong" in any objective sense - there was always at least one person wearing a cast in our class at any given time - but I do think that adult help was usually only a shout away because more people were at home and out and about in the neighbour-hood during daylight hours In the OP's situation, the five and a half year old would have either been playing with the other kids in the street or a neighbour would have said "send him over here".

I'm guessing this is an issue at the moment because it's summer holidays in the US and it's not an issue during school term, otherwise I'd suggest changing day care hours so that the younger child is dropped off last and picked up first.
posted by Lolie at 7:43 PM on July 6

He's too young, don't do it. Yes, it's inconvenient, but that's kids in a nutshell, you know? All it takes is one accident and he might be injured and you'll be feeling like crap for years at least. It's nice that you want to encourage his self reliance, but you need to be there to watch over him at this age, to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:49 PM on July 6

I think it's old enough if you trust your kid. I also think that there's a not small chance that you'll get in trouble if you leave him. I would probably do it, but I'd definitely worry about a daycare provider, nosy neighbor, etc. getting the idea that calling the cops is a good idea. I'd worry about that far more than I would about fire or strangers or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
posted by decathecting at 7:54 PM on July 6

I think it depends on the kid, honestly.

I was left home alone for an hour or so when I was five, and at eight I was the latchkey kid in charge of my younger sister who was four. We're both fine, and no property damage resulted. Give him a project and hurry back the first few times.
posted by aint broke at 8:00 PM on July 6

I think he's too young. I also think that there is an unfortunate legal discourse in this country that treats kids as younger than they really are. When I was eight it was my job to walk my kindergarten aged sister to school, including crossing a heavily trafficked four lane road in the middle of the day when there were not crossing guards on duty. This was a five year old and eight year old alone walking down the street for ten minutes each way at the same time every day. Nothing bad ever happened, and no one thought it was out of line. Hard to imagine that happening today.

I don't think the risks are all that greater today, we just have more media reporting on what does happen.

In any case, you have your answer. Don't do it. Not worth the risks.
posted by meinvt at 8:13 PM on July 6

I think 5 and a half is too young, but I'm surprised by the people who wouldn't leave even a 12-year-old alone. I walked to kindergarten alone, and by the time I was in third grade (9) I was walking a mile to my city school alone and coming home to an empty apartment. At age 11 I started doing the family grocery shopping and some cooking on a leaky gas stove that had to be lit with matches. Once I accidentally set fire to the kitchen, so I called the fire department while my 13-year-old brother put out the fire. No one in the fire department made a fuss about us being alone, and no charges of parental neglect were filed. This was the late 60s and early 70s, and there was plenty of crime and many absent parents in our urban neighborhood. I was glad that I wasn't babied, and I grew up to be independent and resourceful.
posted by PatoPata at 8:16 PM on July 6

Depends on the kid. I and my friends played alone in the woods at 5 or so, and at 8 I was left alone at home for a few hours a day while my parents were at work. I lived. Odds are that your kid will, too - the most common cause of death for children is automobile accidents, followed by drowning, fire, falls, and poison.

If you wait until he's 13 to let him be unsupervised, he might grow up to be a grade-A doofus; beware.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:29 PM on July 6

Lolie, I don't know what state you live in, but in Melbourne after school care is available for Prep kids. And in 1995 when I was 10 I was walking to school with my 9 and 5 year old siblings, and running errands to the shops by myself. Can you show me what law says you're not allowed to leave a kid alone before 14?
posted by jacalata at 8:39 PM on July 6

The very youngest I was left alone by an adult, was when I was eight, and it was only for fifteen minutes. However, it was kind of an extreme case -- I had chicken pox, and my mother was running to visit the nurse who lived across the street in our rural community to get some home remedy from her. She was gone all of fifteen minutes. I think she figured that even if someone nefarious did come to the door, I was either going to feel too crappy to even get up and answer it, or even if I did, when he saw little spotty me coming to the door, he'd probably run away. I think I was so generally miserable that day anyway that I barely even noticed when she even left or came back.

Five and a half seems a little young, even if just for 15 minutes.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:03 PM on July 6

Can you show me what law says you're not allowed to leave a kid alone before 14?

I'm in NSW. I can hunt through the current DoCS guidelines, but I know that when I was President of a Housing Co-op a few years ago I was shocked to find the age was so high - precisely because there is no after school care available for high school kids here.

Inadequate adult supervision was one of the things we had to report for kids under 14 (which is ironic given that DoCS will rarely take action to return runaways over that age home). Our staff were mandatory reporters so they were required to make an at risk report about anything within the DoCS guidelines - DoCS would usually then make an assessment of the actual risk and make a decision about further action. Sometimes they make knee-jerk decisions, more often they hit the news when something goes wrong and harm comes to a child about whom multiple at-risk reports have been made and in respect of whom they've taken no action.
posted by Lolie at 9:05 PM on July 6

Restating the PA laws is really stupid; this question hinges more on a gut feeling than a statute that declares children can't be left alone til they hit puberty. I'm a babysitter, and while I never ever leave someone else's kids alone when I'm working, I might be more lax with my own kids one day when I call the shots (then again, I might be outfitting them in mini-suits of armor every time they go to the playground). Jaunting down the block for 5 minutes apart wouldn't really faze me, 10-15 minutes is probably pushing my personal limits, but I really don't know your neighborhood or your kid.

I used to babysit for a family back in high school for so long that when I started they just had one baby, and by the time I went off to college they had 4 stair-step kids. When I started babysitting, the mother was pathologically paranoid of leaving the baby alone while he slept, and when I graduated she was walking across the street to chat with neighbors when baby #3 was napping. This seemed completely normal to us at the time, but now that I babysit for over-protective families in Brooklyn, I never ever see that sort of lax behavior.

Parenting has become micromanaged in the past two decades, which is overall a good thing: now we know not to give babies anything with peanuts or honey, and we don't leave them crying for two hours in order to give them exercise. Still, lots of people will shrug and say that their mother would have (or did) leave them home alone at five for longer periods of time and hell, they turned out fine! Pediatrics and the childcare industry is deeply conservative for a lot of reasons--obviously, you don't take risks with the kids--so I'm certainly not surprised the responses in this thread have been overwhelmingly "no fucking way."

If you want peace of mind and are willing to gamble, set up rules. He can't leave his bedroom until you get back, he must quietly color on his bed, have access to a working phone to call you or 911, etc. Maybe try it once and if you're freaking out the whole time or if he's not comfortable pottering by himself for 15 minutes, just lug him along.
posted by zoomorphic at 9:08 PM on July 6

Parenting has become micromanaged in the past two decades, which is overall a good thing: now we know not to give babies anything with peanuts or honey, and we don't leave them crying for two hours in order to give them exercise.

I feel compelled to point out that this is by no means a point on which everyone would agree. I completely agree that parenting has become micromanaged, but I think that "don't let your kid wail for hours" is a far cry from the overprotective, micromanaging culture of modern-day parenting--a culture which I feel is certainly not a good thing, but rather something that robs our children of independence and the chance to learn things while they're still young enough to have someone to clean up and hold their hand when something goes wrong.

While I think that leaving a five-year-old home alone is premature, I think it's worth considering that not allowing that same child to be home alone until they're a teenager can be every bit as irresponsible and potentially damaging.
posted by MeghanC at 10:01 PM on July 6 [3 favorites]

I think that five's a little too young, but I'm shocked at the people who feel that they can't leave their children alone until they're twelve or even older.

I think 5 and a half is too young, but I'm surprised by the people who wouldn't leave even a 12-year-old alone.

These.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:05 PM on July 6 [1 favorite]

I completely agree that parenting has become micromanaged, but I think that "don't let your kid wail for hours" is a far cry from the overprotective, micromanaging culture of modern-day parenting--a culture which I feel is certainly not a good thing, but rather something that robs our children of independence and the chance to learn things while they're still young enough to have someone to clean up and hold their hand when something goes wrong.

Not to mention the whole "extended adolescence" thing which sees people in their mid-twenties unwilling and unable to assume adult responsibilities like holding a job and keeping themselves housed and fed.
posted by Lolie at 10:21 PM on July 6

Try this:

"I am the babysitter of two boys. The eldest is five and a half. It would be highly convenient for me to leave him alone in the house for brief periods-ten to fifteen minutes-while I take his younger brother to daycare, two blocks away. He's intelligent and is not the type to wander off or start the stove or anything. Is it ridiculous to think that their mother shouldn't think this to be a big deal?"
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 3:44 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]

Maybe you could take him with you. Instead of teaching self-reliance, you could be including him in taking care of his brother with you--contributing to the family and taking care of those more vulnerable.

You're right that it would probably be fine to leave him, probably nothing terrible would happen, but this is a situation where I find the metric: "How okay is it if I'm wrong about this?" extremely helpful.

Sometimes, it's okay if you take a chance and it turns out wrong. Big deal -- you blow a tire, you pay fifty bucks in late fees, it turns out the new sweater is ruined. On the other hand, sometimes you come home home and your house is on fire and your five year old is screaming in the window. So I think a risk analysis might be in order here.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:47 AM on July 7

Restating the PA laws is really stupid; this question hinges more on a gut feeling than a statute that declares children can't be left alone til they hit puberty.

Why? If someone reports Chrysostom for leaving his kid home alone and hauls him before a judge, the question will not be, "Did you violate your gut feeling?" but rather, "Did you violate the law?" He specifically voiced a concern that his proposed course of action might be illegal, so it's not unreasonable to provide him with an overview of applicable regulations.
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 5:00 AM on July 7

When I was seven, I was latchkey for about two hours every afternoon. When I was five-i.e., younger than my son-we had to walk a full mile to get to kindergarten every morning. I'm not saying that was right or wrong, just as a comparison.

I don't think the "would this be okay for a babysitter" comparison is valid-in that instance, one is paying for full-time supervision. That said, if the babysitter had asked me first, I might be okay with it.

I definitely feel that these 10+ ages are too old-yes, he could do something stupid then, but he could do something stupid any time I have by back turned for five minutes. That said, it's clear the consensus is more like seven for this. Thanks for everyone's input.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:14 AM on July 7

Oh, and acoutu, Laura was doing things like getting a herd of cattle away from the straw-stacks while she was about seven (Mary being useless, as usual). That said, she also was doing things like jumping into Plum Creek when it was in flood.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:17 AM on July 7

After reading Lolie's NSW experience (where I live) I looked it up, and there is no law here either. Our child services people have a brochure addressing the question that might give you some help.
My reading of it is to say they would find 5yrs too young, and they would be dubious about 10.
My eldest daughter is 8, and I am comfortable leaving her alone for a short errand, but as she has several younger siblings I am not happy about leaving alone, this rarely comes up.
Ideally, you would have a neighbour you could mention to: "I'm taking little Chrysostom Jr to care, and I've told big Chrysostom snr to give you a yell if there is any emergency."
I would suggest if you think your neighbours would think such an approach irresponsible its a good clue it isn't the done thing in your neck of the woods.
posted by bystander at 5:24 AM on July 7

5 is way way way too young.
posted by majortom1981 at 5:37 AM on July 7

You might be interested in this blog and this book written by a woman who generated a lot of controversy when it was discovered that she allowed her 9 year old son to use public transit.
posted by Midnight Rambler at 5:58 AM on July 7

If he's an intelligent, responsible kid, he shouldn't have a problem behaving while sitting in the car with you to pick up his younger brother.
posted by desuetude at 6:33 AM on July 7

I'm pretty sure I couldn't open the multitude of locks on the door, even if anyone had knocked.

This makes it worse. Child-killing intruders are basically a zero-risk. House fires are not. Think back to childhood, and you'll probably remember a couple of friends whose houses had fires.

Many nine-year-olds would have the wherewithal to deal with a fire -- leave the house, call 911 from a neighbor's. A five-year-old would not remember your instructions, and would go into his room and hide from it under the covers or in the closet; that's their mentality.
posted by palliser at 7:04 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]

I think it depends a lot on your neighbourhood too. I was left alone quite young, but there were a lot of young families in our neighbourhood, lots of adults that I could get to quickly if I needed them. In summer, kids were playing outside a lot, and there was always one or two adults keeping an eye out on them. For my parents, ducking out for ten minutes in that situation didn't really mean we were unsupervised.
posted by carmen at 7:22 AM on July 7

This is really individual to the child, and you know your child better than anyone. In general, 5 is too young to leave a child home alone, but some children can handle being left home alone at a young age, and some apparently can't even handle it by the very old age of 12. When I was 9-10 I was already babysitting other children, some only one year younger than me, and I know that I absolutely was equipped to handle emergencies. Being well-behaved and quiet does not mean that a child is equipped to assume the responsibility of being unsupervised, as has been pointed out in numerous examples above, but if you have a mature, well-taught (and by well-taught I mean that you have taught him what to do in all emergencies, how to use a phone or contact someone, provided him with contact info and made sure that he has internalized this information and can use it), able-to-apply-information-type kid on your hands, then I really think that ten minutes on his own would be okay. If he can't handle that stuff and you're banking on nothing bad happening for the ten minutes while you're out, then that's probably not such a good idea.
posted by Polychrome at 8:46 AM on July 7

Too young. Most of the posters have nailed that point home already. You seem to be looking to justify a decision you've already made, not get objective advice.
posted by ellF at 8:55 AM on July 7

You seem to be looking to justify a decision you've already made, not get objective advice.

Thanks for your imputing motives, but as I mentioned earlier, I'm taking the consensus advice.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:37 AM on July 7

Chrysostom, I've been mulling over your question for nearly a day now. Why is it easier to leave the 5 year old home when you're walking the 3 year old over to daycare?

Presumably, the most difficult part of getting a 5 year old to accompany you is saying "Hey 5 year old, put your shoes on, we're going to daycare!" But the inconvenience level is such that you're contemplating an alternate tactic -- and one that you obviously realized was controversial?

A kid who it's more convenient to leave out of the simple errand equation probably isn't old enough for the posted challenge. It's a Catch 22, sure. But still.
posted by gnomeloaf at 10:20 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]

Another Latchkey Kid here.

I do remember being left alone here and there at that age, but really starting around 7/8.
posted by damionbroadaway at 2:34 PM on July 7

Last year a neighbour of ours left her 5 year old at home alone while she took his brother to kindergarten. He ended up outside, crying his eyes out because he didn't know where his Mom was. It was very distressing and worrying for him, as well as myself and the people I had to find to assist him (I was visiting the US at the time, whereas now I live here and didn't know WTF to do). She didn't turn up after half an hour, and the building manager was forced to call his father. Think about what would happen to him if something prevented you from getting home on time.

Having said that, I don't honestly think this is a big deal (I was independent from a young age too), especially if you have neighbours nearby that he knows that you could inform of your whereabouts so they could check in on him if something happens. I also like the walkie talkie idea mentioned upthread! But if you don't live in a close knit community, wait a few years. 7 is a much better age.
posted by saturnine at 6:13 PM on July 7

Considering that when we had a house fire, my 7 year old son didn't notice the two screaming parents and two or three screaming fire alarms and all the smoke and kept reading Calvin and Hobbes until his sister yelled directly AT him, I'd say no. And it took less than five minutes for the fire to get to the point that we had to crawl out because of all the smoke.
posted by artychoke at 6:36 PM on July 8