Business meetings primer?

June 29, 2009 3:52 PM

What advice do you have for a shy person who's going to have to take an active role in business meetings for the first time in her career?

People *think* I'm fairly extroverted, but I become very shy in front of more than three people. While I'm cool with being shy, I don't want to appear shy in meetings.

I don't have a lot of experience with business meetings (I've taken a minor role in a few, but have mostly been the minute-taker). I get nervous and my mouth clamps shut. I can never figure out when it's my turn to talk, when/how I should interject or even whether I have any important information or opinions to contribute.

Any advice? I'd like to maybe hear about how you got used to business meetings, what little bits of wisdom you might have about them and how you figured out what your role in them would be. I've seen the annoying, constant interjector, the "always has bad ideas" and the "throws everything off track" types in action. Is there a good 'type' I can emulate?

Reading suggestions are also greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Oh, and if it matters, I'll be in the role of a business analyst. These will be IT-type meetings.

posted by kitcat to work & money (12 comments total)

You know... One of the best things I ever did to prepare for the business world or, at least, the peculiarly aggressive meetings in my business world, is to buy three hours of presentation coaching. The emphasis was on taking and holding the floor long enough to get my point across without someone jumping in and highjacking the thought.

One time I took off my shoe and pounded it on the table. The coach suggested it. You know what? It worked.
posted by bz at 4:06 PM on June 29 [2 favorites has favorites]

First off, I have never "got used" to leading business meetings, but I have learned to be good at this. Second, it's good for the soul ... :-)
Now to my "trick." Think of this like being an actor. Today, I am going to "be" my alter-ego, who is a highly-competent, knowledgeable, and organized(!) manager. She always has a clear agenda, is prepared days (or at least hours!) in advance, and is a great facilitator. She analyzes the likely interests of the multiple stakeholder groups before each meeting and has a quiet word with the most influential decision-makers, "asking their advice" about the contentious issues that are likely to arise, so that no-one's position ever comes as a surprise in the actual meeting. IT or not, the most difficult part of facilitating business meetings is getting a whole herd of prima donnas to agree. Making sure that you understand what they want to achieve in advance is half the battle of facilitation. Understand that leadership is one-third direction, one-third mediation and one-third ego-stroking. I often see myself in this role as a sort of grade-school teacher, trying to keep people amused, happy, and stopping them from coming to blows. Business people are remarkably infantile and it is your job to get them to see that someone else has a different set of priorities. Most "political" disagreements arise not because of people playing games, but because people misunderstand what others are saying and assume they are playing games. Just remember that finance people talk a different language to IT guys, who talk a different language to operational managers. It is the facilitator's job to interpret: to make sure that Rob understands that Jake was not being deliberately obstructive, but understood his use of the term "process changes" to mean something different than he meant by it.
When it is not you, but your alter-ego who is being exposed in the meeting, it's not so hard to facilitate and lead the discussion. In fact, it is even fun to observe how others interact and to act out an alternative personality. (Told you it was good for the soul). Especially when you can leave the über-organized extrovert behind in the office and revert to your own, comfy introvert self once you get home ... :-)
posted by Susurration at 4:20 PM on June 29 [1 favorite has favorites]

It's always a good idea to know what you want to say before you go into the meeting. I usually take in a list of headings supported by bullet points.

Generally meetings are meant to educate team members about new projects, or provide status updates on existing ones. If you have anything new and earth-shattering, it's a really good idea to circulate the update *before* the meeting, one-on-one. Nothing is worse than a crisis or decision point that is really your responsibility getting highjacked because some A-personality egghead gets all surprised and flustered with the news.

New projects or "asks" should be tested before meetings.

Be aware of the power dynamic, where the fault line is in the room, and on which side of the fault line you stand. There's nothing worse than offering constructive criticism to a teammember who is already getting hammered by the group.

Really, you should just focus on asking intelligent questions. If you don't have any intelligent questions, you can always echo an intelligent question someone else has made, provided it hasn't caused too much tension.

That way you can be seen by the questioner to be supporting them.

At some point you will have to express an original opinion, because you need to demonstrate your assertiveness. Just make sure it isn't a stupid one.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:24 PM on June 29

I think I am a lot like you - no one would describe me as shy, and people who have worked closely with me have said they never would have guessed how much effort I spend preparing for meetings. This is something I learned from the best lecturer I knew in college - he was a well-known, well-liked professor who taught for decades, and still rehearsed before each and every lecture. Here are some strategies I use; I find that just by going through these steps, my anxiety is mostly alleviated.

1. Read over the agenda and think about when you will be asked for input. Prepare a list of possible comments.
2. Think about possible responses / rebuttals to your comments and think through possible responses you can make.
3. Make a list of questions you will want to ask at the meeting. Think about what answers people might give, and whether or not you'll want to ask follow-up questions.
4. If applicable, organize any fact sheets / backup materials you will bring to the meeting, e.g. I place post-it notes to mark places in the text from which I might need to quote figures or text. If you're quoting a lot, pull numbers/ quotes into a summary "cheat sheet."
5. If you don't know the people at the meeting by name, at the start of the meeting, once everyone is sitting down, make a small diagram at the top of your note-pad and jot down names/places as people are making introductions. That way, you can always respond to questions or comments by name (and with eye contact).
6. If you're giving a presentation, e.g. via PowerPoint, rehearse with the slides / materials you're presenting until you're comfortable. Watch your time -- always better to give people time back and/or take questions than go on too long. Print out copies for everyone ahead of time.
7. Make a list of the key stakeholders - who wants to get what out of the meeting? Who will be the most interested in what you have to say? Who do you need to get information from? This will help determine how you should direct your focus during the meeting.

I find that preparation gives me confidence. If you do the above, you're probably better prepared than 80% of the people in the room! Good luck!
posted by booksandwine at 4:37 PM on June 29 [2 favorites has favorites]

Oh, this is implied in #5 above, but be prepared to give a brief 60 second introduction of yourself - name, your role in the company, your role in the project.
posted by booksandwine at 4:42 PM on June 29

It sounds like you aren't clear on what your role is in the meetings. There should be one person who is running the meeting. If it isn't clear who that is, ask the person who is calling the meeting, hopefully it is them, but if not they should tell you who it is. Then speak briefly with this person and clarify what your role is, that is, what information and assessments they expect you to both get and share during the meetings.

A good attendee at a meeting is always listening when others speak (not just waiting their turn to talk), as a former minute taker I suspect you are pretty good at this, just focus on listening to content, not only words. If you find that someone is suggesting information or courses of action that conflict with your own understand, that is when to speak up. Let them finish, let the meeting organizer know you have something to add (usually with a non-verbal gesture) and then concisely offer your observation. Don't invite people to talk about a new topic or be judgmental, just offer the disconnection that you see.

For example you might say "I had previously understood that our goal on this project was to deliver it in three weeks, but it sounds like the proposal we are considering will take six. Is there a method to get this done faster that I don't understand?"

So, I'm encouraging the asking of good questions, but not repeating other's questions (unless you are reframing it to get to an answer that hasn't yet been discovered).

Finally, be sure that you leave the meeting with a clear understanding of the actions you are taking due to the meeting. For example, as the meeting concludes you may say, "Just so I'm clear, I understand that I'm delivering a foo to Tony on Monday and then researching a bar before our next meeting." This takes ten seconds but reassures everyone that you are on top of things. Don't skip this step, even if it seems fairly obvious, the biggest problem with meetings is that they are often disconnected from what people do. If you avoid being one of those people you are an effective meeting participant.
posted by meinvt at 5:12 PM on June 29

Oh, and I meant to repeat the suggestion that professional coaching can be a huge help. Running and participating in effective meetings is NOT something that comes naturally to most people. Even those who are comfortable in that environment can make enormous improvements with a relatively modest amount of outside help.
posted by meinvt at 5:14 PM on June 29

I have a fairly unorthodox style in businsess meetings, but I spend eight hours of every weekday in them. I am not shy, however. Also, I've been doing this on and off for more than twenty years.

0) Listen. Only talk when you're sure you understand, you're sure you can contribute, and you're sure the other people will listen.
1) Disarm the confrontationals. This can be done through humor, self-deprication, bullying or one of a hundred other confrontation techniques.
2) Do NOT fear the silence. Some people use this as a technique to get you to say something you wouldn't normally say. The rest of the people want a little time to think.
2a) Wait five seconds before responding. Try to make eye contact during those five seconds. Also, five seconds is all a confrontational needs to rethink his or her position.
3) Always remember the agenda. Don't take part in derails that last more than two minutes. If you are taking part in the derail, disengage after two minutes. Two minute derails are great, three minute ones are bad.
4) Try to empathize. The other guy has priorities that are just as important as yours.
5) Be you. You'll be doing this for a few dozen years. Don't create a personna you'll have to maintain. No matter how weird you are, you aren't weirder than I am. People accept you if you are real (no matter how weird), they reject you if you are false (no matter how normal).
6) There is no rule six
7) When push comes to shove, this meeting is all about you. Get what you need. If you're in a reporting capacity, get that info. If you're in a presentation capacity, deliver that info. Don't let anything stop you until the bell rings.
8) Keep your eye on the clock. When the time is up, gather your things slowly and get ready to get out. Somebody probably needs the conference room.
9) Show up a minute early. Don't intimidate the guys who are already there and running long.
10) Everybody (so far) likes to have fun. Businsess is fun. Enjoy the events and the people you interact with.
11) Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. (See rule 10)
12) Be patient. Nothing is ever resolved in business meeting. The seed may be planted, but the resolution comes while the other guy is driving home from work that evening.
12a) Go over the meeting while you're driving home after work. Maybe you're the other guy.
posted by stubby phillips at 5:37 PM on June 29 [4 favorites has favorites]

I attend higher up meetings for my company and for the most part I don't say much if anything. I think about a piece of wisdom from my friend Dan, which is 90% of what anyone says can be translated to "pay attention to me." I will contribute when I believe I have something especially important and valuable to contribute. I think it carries more weight that way.
posted by plinth at 5:50 PM on June 29 [1 favorite has favorites]

As far as interjections go - stubby phillips is right that you must listen first and foremost. But don't be afraid to ask questions. If you can, frame it in a 'Is it like this or like this' format - which will indicate you know the principles involved. If it's something like an unknown three letter acronym, just say 'excuse me, TLA?'. If you're new to an area or an organisation, their jargon won't be necessarily be yours and it's better to get that sorted first off. There are no stupid questions, except the one not asked (or the one asked twice).

For giving an opinion in the early days, try an 'is this similar to x situtation' where x is something you know about. If it is, kudos. If it isn't, their explanation should clarify it, probably to the benefit of more that just yourself. Such meetings are to exchange information, not to leave people bewildered.

If you are really intimidated by the process - see if you can approach a sympathetic person beforehand and ask if you can go over the meeting afterwards to make sure you're on the right page. There is nothing unprofessional about this.
posted by Sparx at 6:42 PM on June 29

If you are running the meeting, set a clear agenda and let the participants know the goal of the meeting. If you are a participant, know what you are expected to contribute even if it is listening and reporting back to your group and do what you are expected. Add additional info beyond what is expected of you if you have direct knowledge. "I think" is not the way to go. Sort of like answering an "AskMe" question...
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:51 PM on June 29

I tried to mark 'best answers", but I started marking them all and had to stop. These are excellent. Thanks!

If anyone has anything more to add, please do.
posted by kitcat at 7:40 AM on June 30