Do I have to dress up as a mountain?

June 19, 2009 6:23 AM

What to wear to a Twin Peaks party? (And how to bluff through the shame)

So I've been invited to a Twin Peaks fancy dress party tomorrow. To my shame I'm almost entirely ignorant of this cultural landmark (something about a red room?) and despite my best intentions haven't found the time to watch any of it, and now don't have time.

So I'm looking for suggestions of what to wear. I'm a skinny white guy of average height, if that helps. I have most things you'd expect to find in a wardrobe, and a couple of spare hours to rifle through charity shops (aka thrift stores) tomorrow.

Also, while on the subject, if anyone has any suggestions for how to appear a high-class bluffer (rather than the common or garden wikipedia scarfer) than that'd be good. And I'm pretty certain that some of the other attendees are mefi readers (\waves) so I have no delusions about getting away with this.

posted by Luddite to clothing, beauty, & fashion (37 comments total)

Black suit, white shit, black tie. Slick hair back. Carry mug of hot coffee.

Alternately: Denim jacket, long straight gray wig, something to make your teeth look bad.
posted by kaseijin at 6:28 AM on June 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

Oh, and the owls are not what they seem.
posted by kaseijin at 6:29 AM on June 19 [2 favorites has favorites]

seconding kaseijin.
posted by King Bee at 6:32 AM on June 19

Take one of the hours you were going to spend thrifting and use it here.
Then dress up like a mynah bird and just say "Leo No!".
posted by Cold Lurkey at 6:34 AM on June 19 [3 favorites has favorites]

Wear all brown and jump into a middle aged woman's lap. You're a log.
posted by tavegyl at 6:36 AM on June 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

(In retrospect, that wasn't very helpful, but the Log Lady and her psychic connection to her log is the first thing that comes to my mind about Twin Peaks)
posted by tavegyl at 6:37 AM on June 19

Body stocking (optional), wrap yourself in visqueen, medium length blond wig. Done.
posted by dozo at 6:40 AM on June 19

(secondary benefit of being Laura Palmer - you can easily be silent, as she is dead. This may be the best way to bluff.)
posted by dozo at 6:42 AM on June 19

For a TP newbie, you can avoid having to know any backstory by going as Johnny Horne, Audrey's autistic brother: All you need is a full indian headdress, then just rock back and forth letting out moans of anquish at unexpectedly random moments. Otherwise don't say a word.
posted by buzzv at 6:42 AM on June 19 [2 favorites has favorites]

I would suggest:
"Big" Ed Hurley (wear a plaid flannel shirt tucked into jeans. Maybe some grease smears.) - scene
The Giant - (wear black pants, a button up shirt and a red bow-tie) - scene
If you have long hair - Leo Johnson - (much like Ed Hurley only pull your hair back and act creepy. Or, you could on shades and pretend to be comatose) - scene
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 6:44 AM on June 19

wear a leather jacket and pout a lot.
or wear a leather jacket and a flannel shirt and overact.
posted by timory at 6:53 AM on June 19

Norwegian
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:01 AM on June 19

Lazy option: just wear whatever you want. Then intermittently through the party go up to a mirror and start making funny faces/sort of growling. Say you've come as Bob (or more properly one of his hosts).
posted by Erberus at 7:02 AM on June 19

Good suggestions so far; kasejin's are for two of the main characters (Agent Cooper and BOB respectively) so although they're sure hits, you may see some others in the same costume. dozo's suggestion is brilliant! If you want simple costume, just wear an owl mask.

The series (especially series 1 and the film, Fire Walk With Me) is definitely worth watching, if nothing else to fill in gaps in your pop-culture knowledge. :D
posted by teresci at 7:02 AM on June 19

They will take up a good chunk of your time, but the TWoP recaps are your best bet for becoming intimately familiar with a TV show without actually watching the TV show. Highly entertaining and sarcastic recappers and an incredible amount of detail in their recaps. I find it takes me 15-20 min to go through one episode's recap though, so you may want to read the Wikipedia article to get an overall idea of the plot and 4-5 eps from season 1 to figure out who each character is and how they carry themselves.
posted by Phire at 7:06 AM on June 19

Minor characters that are sure to be a hit would include Nadine (long red wig and an eye patch), Major Briggs (Air Force uniform), or Mike (one-armed man, tuck one arm inside the shirt, wear a fake beard).
posted by jbickers at 7:07 AM on June 19

When it comes to bluffing: Dude, just check out the Wikipedia page. This is the kind of situation Wikipedia was made for.

But as for the costume -- Someone in my neighborhood dressed up as the Log Lady for Halloween, and it was awesome. The Log Lady may be a good character for you too -- she was just someone who carried a log around with her and said that it talked to her, and periodically she would tell people cryptic and possibly clairvoyant things that she said her log told her to tell them. The guy in my neighborhood dressed like her -- housedress, "Indian blanket"-looking jacket, and a plain straight wig with shoulder-length dishwater-blond hair and bangs -- and he even made up a "log". He took a big fat bit of cardboard tubing, and tucked a Magic 8-ball into one end, then covered the whole thing in brown paper and painted it to look like a log. He'd walk up to people and ask if they wanted to ask his log a question, and when they did, he shook it -- to shake the Magic 8-Ball -- and then showed them what the log "said." It wasn't entirely accurate, but the effort expended won people over, and this could get you points.

Or, you could be "Denise" -- this was a relatively minor character. The main character was an FBI agent investigating the murder mystery that was ultimately the heart of the plot, and towards the end of the last season his former partner came to help out for a couple episodes. Oh, and incidentally -- his former partner "Dennis" was now a transvestite who called himself "Denise." More info is here, and here's a clip of Dennis/Denise's first arrival.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:08 AM on June 19 [2 favorites has favorites]

oh, oh. just wear a name tag that says "diane." nobody knows what she looks like or if she even exists, so you can wear whatever you want. carry a tape recorder and insist that everyone speak into it if they want to say something to you.
posted by timory at 7:12 AM on June 19 [5 favorites has favorites]

Air force dress blues and a bald head - you're Major Briggs. The advantage here is you can disappear at some point during the party, and reappear sometime later on. You know you won't make a fool of yourself during the time you are absent. Also, you cna refuse to answer any questions on the grounds that the information is classified.
posted by owtytrof at 7:16 AM on June 19

oh, oh. just wear a name tag that says "diane." nobody knows what she looks like or if she even exists, so you can wear whatever you want. carry a tape recorder and insist that everyone speak into it if they want to say something to you.

Two very enthusiastic thumbs up for this one.
posted by jbickers at 7:24 AM on June 19

Show up as David Lynch.
posted by orme at 7:31 AM on June 19

Show up as David Lynch.

And talk really loudly.
posted by timory at 7:35 AM on June 19

OOO! You could wear an Indian headdress and headbutt things! (Audrey Horne's brother... what was his name, again?)

Wireframe glasses and a track suit (Ben Horne when exercising)

Wear a flannel shirt, suspenders, and carry around a coffee pot with a rubber fish in it! ("You'll never guess... there was a fish in the percolator...")

For bluff points: Do a quick bit of Internet research on the Tibetan dugpas. They were largely inspirational for the 'magicians' of the Black Lodge in Twin Peaks.

Be sure to note that the Black Lodge inhabitants always seem to travel via electricity. Lights flicker in scenes where they are present, electrical hums can be heard in the foley... etc.

They also seem to be connected to owls, or able to transform into owls.
posted by kaseijin at 7:45 AM on June 19

Blast! I totally missed buzzv's suggestion of Johnny Horne. Oh well... great minds, yadda yadda... ;)
posted by kaseijin at 7:48 AM on June 19

Whoever you dress up as, bring pie and doughnuts. And damn good (hot) coffee.
posted by banshee at 7:57 AM on June 19

If there's a girl there dressed as Audrey Horne, ask her somewhat seductively if 'those grapefruits are freshly squeezed'...
posted by kaseijin at 8:05 AM on June 19

Wrap yourself in plastic/saran
posted by goethean at 8:37 AM on June 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

Walk around on your knees and talk backwards?

I was originally going to suggest Log Lady, the first character who always comes to mind in situations like this.

Otherwise, pick an obscure character and chide "fans" who don't remember them. As a huge TP fan, I found FWWM forgettable, so you could pick something from that.

*OR*, go as Leo's new shoes! ("New shoes!")

(sorry, getting carried away with my TP nerddom)

Alternately (and more seriously), you could go dressed as a high-school girl with a frozen dinner (meals on wheels).
posted by pkphy39 at 8:46 AM on June 19

You should bring some variety of fish* and surreptitiously slide it into the host's coffee-maker (or glass coffee-pot, for visual impact). When someone catches on, you can use my favorite line from the series: "There was a fish.......in the percolator!"

* Fish can be real, fake, of the cheesy-cracker variety, or the sweet Swedish kind - just literal enough so that other guests get the reference.
posted by numinous at 8:53 AM on June 19

I can't believe no one's suggested it, but: Khaki shirt, khaki pants, bomber jacket, and if at all possible, a Smokey the Bear hat: Sheriff Harry S. Truman. The man has basically no distinguishing characteristics --- he's there as a straight man/foil for Agent Cooper --- so it's not like you have to remember a lot of famous lines. But he is a main an easily recognizable character. If you're tall and have a protruding Adam's apple, however, they may take you for Deputy Andy.

Or actually, even easier: Jeans, black leather motorcycle jacket, flannel shirt over T, shitty attitude, floppy hair, football: Bobby Briggs, Laura Palmer's nominal boyfriend.

Although if you happen to own a pair of John Lennon glasses with one red and one blue lens, I think you are then required to obtain a tie with a hula girl on it and a white lab coat and go as Dr. Jacoby.
posted by Diablevert at 9:46 AM on June 19

Dr. Jacoby was stylin' and this is dress-up.
posted by flippant at 10:50 AM on June 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you were unceasing and immeasurable, you could go as my love for Peggy Lipton.
posted by steef at 10:53 AM on June 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

You could tell people that the gum they like is back in fashion. Also, Wikiquote is your friend when it comes to faking it.
posted by arcticseal at 11:41 AM on June 19

Just dress like any quietly crazy (not wacky - CRAZY) thing you you can think of. No one will question you.
posted by dirtdirt at 11:46 AM on June 19

If you have close-cropped hair, wear a black suit and rubber surgical gloves, and walk in to the party announcing "Well, welcome to amateur hour! Cooper, who are all these clowns?" and you can be Dr. Albert Rosenfield.
posted by jimfl at 7:57 AM on June 20

Wow. Thanks all for the ideas - I'm torn between redeploying the cheesy Indian headdress I found and going all-out for the log lady (so to speak). And, after a bit of youtube grazing, I'll clearly have to watch the whole thing sooner or later (and at least I now know why certain people are always commenting on the quality of the coffee.)
posted by Luddite at 8:18 AM on June 20

Much-delayed resolution - the head-dress and a seriously 80s jacket won the day! I got compliments - thanks askme! And I now have the box-set on loan, and am going a little crazier each day.
posted by Luddite at 3:02 PM on August 9