Stereotypical male, or just being cautious?
June 18, 2009 9:09 AM Subscribe
Am I that stereotypical "afraid to commit" male, or am I just being cautious about a relationship I care about?
posted by anonymous to human relations (28 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I was talking on AIM with a friend of mine, and he said I should message Jane Doe because she would enjoy this conversation. I did. That was a little over two years ago. Jane and I talk every day for at least an hour, if not more. She lives over 10 hours away from me, but after about 6 months I drove to see her. Since that time we've seen each other in person every other month, usually by plane. At this point it's been about two years, and we still talk just as much. Everything about her and about us is wonderful. Physically we get along well, emotionally we help each other out, times spent together are always filled with fun. I've even told her that a normal guy would marry her in an instant, and I completely mean that.
Some other key bits of info: I'm in my low 30s and have had 5 girlfriends. She is about 10 years younger and this is her first relationship. Both of our parents married young and divorced. Actually, both of our parents divorced several times. Jane lives at home, going to college, has grad school coming on the horizon. I lived at home until my late 20s, and am currently in my 2nd apartment.
After all this, we currently are not "boyfriend & girlfriend". I am very reluctant to call us that. We've had conversations about it, and my reasoning usually revolves around these items: 1) she will be in grad school, and I don't want a relationship tainting where she chooses to go 2) we live far apart and neither are in a position to change that 3) it would be better if my living and job status were more stable (a house, basically) 4) I worry that neither of us have enough experience with "life". I know many family and friends who got involved with a relationship/marriage too soon. Or got together (stayed together) for the wrong reasons.
In conjunction with number 4, there is a part of me that thinks she is just afraid of losing me, and not being able to find someone else. Also, I haven't been on my own for that long, so I'm afraid that if i get into a steady relationship I'll turn into one of those grumpy guys pining for the days of being single. While I don't go to bars or actively seek out people, I do like the idea of being flirty with waitresses, or just friends in general, just because it's fun. I certainly wouldn't want anything sexual with anyone else, but I would think that playfulness would stop once we dated.
A lot of comedians and sitcoms focus on a guy being "afraid to commit". Am I that stereotypical male, or am I just being cautious? I love her, and only want the best for her and us.