It seems to me that knowing a bit more about your friend would help in making suggestions. Besides being a nun what type of person is she: crafty?, bookish?, music lover?, chocolate eater?, etc? posted by Pineapplicious at 4:10 PM on June 16, 2009
Is she cloistered? I believe different cloisters have different rules.
If you send food, send enough for everyone. If you're not sure if they drink or not, don't send alcohol (some convents do and some don't). You MIGHT be safe with things like socks- I'm not sure. Can you ask someone else who might have found out the rules already, like her mom? posted by small_ruminant at 4:13 PM on June 16, 2009
First things first; is her being a friend the new part or is her being a nun the new part? posted by Dagobert at 4:20 PM on June 16, 2009
I know someone who has a nun as an aunt (or something like that), who said that she very much enjoyed receiving Nunzilla as a gift. posted by Flunkie at 4:32 PM on June 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
A nun who my family used to visit all the time frequently asked for summer sausage and Sherry, FWIW. posted by ShadePlant at 4:37 PM on June 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Dagobert: She's been my friend for years. She's just recently become a nun.
Pineapplicious: Heh. You know, she's a big fan of 80's alternative rock. We saw the Replacements together in the late 80's. I'm glad you asked this, though, because its made me think that somehow becoming a nun made her forget all of the stuff that she used to like. However, last year, we just took her out for a big dinner and a bunch of us chipped in. Speaking of which, as of last year, she loved wine and steak. I'll see if her convent allows wine.
Small_Ruminant: My understanding is that she's ultimately planning on teaching, so I'm assuming that means she's not entirely cloistered. Clearly, I need to learn more about her vows. The last time we spoke for any serious length of time was when she told me she was going to become a nun. I confess, I was a little stunned and didn't think to ask all the questions I should have. I'll follow up with her former roommate! posted by Joey Michaels at 4:43 PM on June 16, 2009
Just an FYI, I believe that in some religious orders the way they do the vow of poverty would mean that any gift you gave her would become community property. posted by XMLicious at 4:46 PM on June 16, 2009
Stationery's a totally safe gift for now, until you have a better idea what sort of order she's in. posted by The corpse in the library at 4:50 PM on June 16, 2009
2nding stationery. Almost always a good gift. posted by cachondeo45 at 4:54 PM on June 16, 2009
OK, thanks for the clarification.
If she has recently become a nun then you're being introduced to a whole new charism, as it were.
This is a potent but, in the context we are talking about, fairly zero sum game. I'll explain.
She is married. I'm not talking that Bride of Christ thing (although that is a possibility) but rather view her as a friend who recently got married to a material being. She is the same person and at the same time, she is not.
So, what do you want to stress? Who she has chosen to live her life as or who she was that allowed her to make her decision? It's not an easy thing.
Full disclosure: I have a few in religious orders. One of them is the most hard core Trekker I have ever met. So when it comes to gifts, I mostly look to that side of him (not that I try to buy Trek stuff for him...he bought most of my good ideas years ago), but rather that inner geek.
If she's been a friend for awhile, buy her a gift from that mindset...and buy a gift that her Mom wouldn't be offended by. Her Mom not understand or be threatened by is fine.
(BTW, I have always enjoyed the spirituality of nuns. It just seems to fit the ones I have met so well. A sense of coming home.)
Hey, if she's your friend before, she's your friend now. Treat her no different. Except when her life comes into play.
I'm not trying to be contradictory, rude, obtuse or clever. Your friend has chosen a life less ordinary. It comes with conflict and luckily (we can tell by your post), friends. posted by Dagobert at 5:09 PM on June 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
In these situations, I often ask, WWOD? Obama would give her an iPod.
It's not such a crazy idea -- put together some greatest hits from your youth and friendship and throw them on a shuffle or mini.
Is she living in a convent -- maybe the standard new-home stuff might work? posted by amanda at 5:24 PM on June 16, 2009
I would get her warm socks. Smart wool brand are best. Why warm socks? Religious institutions tend to keep the heat down and socks are an innocuous, non-luxury give (if she has taken a vow of poverty) that will something she can wear daily and be comfortable and think of you fondly. posted by zia at 5:40 PM on June 16, 2009 [1 favorite]
Seconding (thirding?) food, and enough for everyone if possible.
You might also check to see if her community is in need of anything. When four Dominican sisters moved into our old parish, everyone chipped in to furnish the house they were all going to live in - coffee maker, other basic appliances, and so on. Others donated furniture.
The OPs are a genuinely great group. posted by jquinby at 5:55 PM on June 16, 2009
My sister is a nun. From my observations of her and her fellow nunsters, I would suggest Jack Daniels. By the case. posted by Wet Spot at 7:15 PM on June 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Does she like to cook? Many people who cook for themselves or for small parties have trouble adjusting to cooking for larger numbers, so a book with "serves 40" recipes might be a god idea. I know many nuns nowadays don't live in convents or congregations, but they do work in soup kitchens and the like.
A book has other qualities: unlike food, it can be used without being consumed. Sharing it multiplies its enjoyment, it's not a present that only talks to the individual side of her, but to her new community facet.
If she's going into teaching maybe something that will relate to that- books on educational theories, or a combo pen/pointer?
Other people I know who bought gifts for people going into convents would often get nice rosaries or maybe a crucifix necklace. posted by Kellydamnit at 12:09 AM on June 17, 2009
I would go with a book. Not a religious book -- just a book that you know she'd like to read.
Not knowing your friend, of course, I can't say what that might be, but bet you do.
Also, as an aside: you call her "a close friend" but also say "The last time we spoke for any serious length of time was when she told me she was going to become a nun." I'd encourage you to get back in touch with her (I bet she has email; if not, write letters). I have a friend who became an Episcopal priest, and she always said the hardest part was that so many people from her old life that she had considered "close friends" just sort of ... vanished ... when she announced she was becoming a priest. posted by anastasiav at 5:25 AM on June 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
The Dominicans, due to a Latin pun ("Domini Canes"), are referred to as the "Hounds of the Lord" or the "Hounds of Heaven". If you want a light-hearted gift that also refers to her decision to join the Order, maybe a statue or figurine of a dog?
Depending on her sense of humor, she might like nun bowling. It's one of those silly little mini desk kits. posted by lolichka at 10:03 AM on June 17, 2009
Years back, we had a nun in my parish who said she'd been given a shower when she entered. (She was not a Dominican.) It consisted of typical housewarming/new apartment stuff -- bedding, towels, and the like. That's it! Towels, monogrammed "O.P."! posted by jgirl at 5:57 PM on June 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
Thanks to everyone for your feedback. I ended up getting her Season 1 of Battlestar Galactica and she loves it. I needed this reminder that she's still the same person she was before. Thank you again! posted by Joey Michaels at 1:33 PM on July 17, 2009
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posted by Pineapplicious at 4:10 PM on June 16, 2009