Name explaining conundrum

June 13, 2009 12:24 PM

I am getting married in a month. I'm not keeping my maiden name or taking my husband's name, but choosing something entirely new (although somewhat rooted in tradition). I am absolutely dreading having to explain this to 150 guests at my wedding in 150 conversations with each one. What should I do?

I am changing my last name to follow the icelandic/scandinavian system. You can read about this here. So my new last name will be "mydadsfirstname+dottir".

This is kind of weird I know, and I'm doing it for many reasons. First, I like the idea of keeping my maiden name (but hate my actual maiden name for the way it looks and sounds) and I am generally opposed to taking my husbands last name for myself, no disrepect to those who do though. My family is about 75% scandinavian, and this was the women in my family were named until a few generations back, so it's not like I'm doing something totally random. Third, and most important, its my own name, i like it, and I'll do as I like.

That said, it has caused a few problems. Most of my family understands why and is fine with my choice, but it has been a very sensitive subject and caused a lot of tears and drama for my fiance's family.

I have been very polite and diplomatically explained that it wasnt about my fiances "last name not being good enough" but about a choice I am making to reflect my own identity.

Still, I am worried about the wedding. I would have just printed something on a program explaining it, but with his family still so hurt about it I know that would be a very bad choice.

What I need help with is are ways either to a)not discuss it at the wedding 2)ways to politely deflect or change the subject if it comes up 3)one or two sentence answers to questions about my new name that discourage further discussion on the matter. I don't mind talking about it at all on a one on one setting or with a smaller group, but the idea of having the same lengthy conversations with every guest about all the reasons why makes me a bit nauseous.

Thanks!

posted by anonymous to human relations (40 comments total)

If your fiance's family isn't Scandinavian, I'd construct and memorize some brief, vague, self-deprecating sentence that presents it all as a funny cultural thing, you know, something those weird Scandinavians do, and isn't that funny and curious?

Of course you have no obligation to apologetically laugh off your decision, because it's perfectly sensible and reasonable, but if eliminating social awkwardness is priority number one, it might be worth considering.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 12:30 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

I dunno, it's a pretty dramatic thing around your parts so this is kind of a "made your bed..." situation. How about "I'm ressurecting a family tradition?"
posted by rhizome at 12:34 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

I don't recall anyone asking us this question on our wedding night. If you want to fob it off, perhaps you could say something like, "Tonight is a night for celebration! Legal issues are for another day."
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 12:34 PM on June 13 [4 favorites has favorites]

I'm curious why you are choosing this timing for your name change. I think your name change sounds like a wonderful thing, but it's very much a statement of individuality, as you yourself said ("a choice I am making to reflect my own identity"). Weddings, on the other hand, are big statements of unification. I think it's going to be a bit jarring for people on that grounds, and that will lead to a lot of the questions you're expecting.

I would, quite simply, recommend changing your name at a different time. Why not right now? Or a few months after the wedding? What is the symbolic importance of that for you? Changing the timing would eliminate all of those questions at the wedding reception. Heck, you could just send out postcards (akin to an address change announcement) announcing your new name and the history behind the convention.

Alternatively, you could work it into some kind of announcement or toast. Have your father mention it, and talk about how your family is touched by your choice to honor your history and heritage as you move forward in creating a family of your own, perhaps?
posted by amelioration at 12:42 PM on June 13 [19 favorites has favorites]

Is there a reason you need to connect this new name with the wedding? Your finace's family probably thinks you're snubbing them because, in their minds, you've chosen a new name instead of your finance's - to them, maybe, it's not just you keeping a maiden name, but choosing a name you like better than his.

If you changed your name in a context that wasn't so charged-with-names maybe there'd be less drama. But I don't know them, so maybe not.

If you don't want to instead change your name after the wedding, and it's your choice so I can see why you wouldn't, I would say something like: "It's a traditional Icelandic custom. I'm really interested in my family's heritage, and since Fiance and I are making a new family together I wanted to bring a bit of my heritage to our new life."
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:44 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

amelioration said it better than I could re: making a statement of independence on a day that's about unification.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:45 PM on June 13

First off, if you are having a band or deejay, make sure they know NOT to introduce you as, "Mr. and Mrs. NowMarriedName", because they love doing that.

Secondly, you really need to consider--and this is crucial or I wouldn't bring it up--how you and your new husband will name your children, if you plan to have any. A lot of the hurt that comes from a bride not choosing her husband's name, no matter what her reason may be, centers around the idea that the name is "dying."

I suspect that most of the problem with your new choice of action is not just your not taking your husband's name, but that future generations will now be increasingly unlikely to do so as a result of your choice. Will any of the grandchildren be carrying on the name?

Could you see yourself choosing your husband's last name as an additional middle name, seeing as how you are already changing your name so completely anyway, and then passing that down (middle and last name) if you have a daughter? If you can think of any way to compromise where future children are concerned, it will go a long way toward softening the blow on your wedding day.

Finally, you, as the bride, should not be dealing with any major stressors on your wedding day if they are in any way avoidable. This one clearly is. Have the best man and the bridesmaid prepared to swoop in and rescue you from any such discussion during the reception, or have them mingle before the wedding and indicate to anyone outside the family that the name situation is a very touchy one and not one to bring up on your big day. Part of their "jobs" as your attendants is helping you relax and enjoy yourself, and since they do not have such a personal stake in all this, it should be easier for them to field questions.
posted by misha at 12:53 PM on June 13

I think amelioration has expressed very well where the drama may be coming from. In the 150 conversations at your wedding, however, I would suggest *you* not bring it up. If asked, "so are you taking Groom's name?", smile and say, no I'm keeping the family name (you are) and then deflect the conversation immediately. If asked later why you dissembled, say it was too lengthy an explanation for the reception.
posted by crush-onastick at 12:54 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

I would have just changed it before the wedding and kept it. It sounds almost like you're looking for a fight. And who cares what they think? Unless you're always bringing up the subject - which would be annoying - it's no one's business.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 12:54 PM on June 13

Dee Xtrovert, I agree that no one should be looking for a fight, but I think "who cares what they think" is a little too laissez faire in this situation. The families are uniting, and it's never a good idea to start out married life ignoring the new family's feelings.

And, as I said, the name choice goes further than just the bride and groom, which is one of the reasons why everyone is so emotionally invested in this.

I have to say to the OP that reading the question again, it does seem odd to so publicly choose your wedding day to make this name change. Keeping your maiden name until later would be far less of a slap in the face than saying, "I'm changing my name, but not to yours."
posted by misha at 1:01 PM on June 13

I don't know how it will even come up at the wedding unless your fiance's family bring it up. Just don't have the DJ do that introduction, as suggested above, and there won't be any explaining to do. Some people will assume you're changing your name, others will wonder if you're keeping it, and many won't think about it at all. If your new in-laws are talking about it, and people start to ask you, just smile and say "ancient family/cultural tradition." And change the subject or move on or whatever.

Marriage is about two people coming together as life partners, not morphing into one person. You're still an individual and you don't have to apologize for deciding what you want to be called.
posted by JenMarie at 1:03 PM on June 13

Though it's obviously already been the subject of some emotional conversations, it is true that the new name thing rarely comes up on the wedding day. Most guests, in the crazy brief conversations you will have with them, will talk about how the ceremony moved them, about your pretty outfit, a funny story about your new husband, etc. If you really want further decrease the chances, make sure that all of your wedding ephemera (printed cocktail napkins, signs, etc.) are printed with "John and Sarah 2009/This way to John and Sarah's reception" etc. If you are being announced at the end of the ceremony, have the officiant announce "please welcome John and Sarah, newly husband and wife." And the DJ at the reception can announce "The Bride and Groom!" No need to have anything special printed or to borrow any trouble you think might be out there by preemptively explaining.

If, somewhere, your new name is printed (perhaps you announced it or will announce it on something more formal like the invites or a program), then the few who ask you really can be, as rhizome suggests, politely deferred by a simple "it's a long and really cool story, but the short of it is that I am resurrecting a family tradition. Are you having a good time? Is there anything a waiter can get for you?"

When I got married, I kept my maiden name, and while it was contentious previous to the wedding, it didn't come up at all the night of or at the reception--I did as I described above as far as keeping wedding ephemera and announcements to the first-name familiar. It was a conversation that came up now and again after, but even that completely faded before too long. Then we had a little one and scandalized everyone by giving him both of our last names with a hyphen. And even then, once he had charmed everyone with his genius and adorableness, his extra-long moniker was suddenly prescient of his someday becoming someone important, probably president, because they all have long and often unusual names.

So good for you, and good luck, and you might recruit your future husband as the person who, at least for a while, gently handles his family's concerns. It helped my partner's family a lot to really understand that he supported me, had his OWN reasons for doing so, and was not remotely concerned about things like the death of the family "line." Where goes his nation, his family should follow--plus, he knows how to manage them best.
posted by rumposinc at 1:04 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm curious why you are choosing this timing for your name change. I think your name change sounds like a wonderful thing, but it's very much a statement of individuality, as you yourself said ("a choice I am making to reflect my own identity"). Weddings, on the other hand, are big statements of unification.

At about half the weddings I've ever been to, the bride and groom are announced by their new married name as they enter the reception. And a wedding is the precise day on which, if you were taking your husband's name, you would officially take it. So it seems completely understandable that the OP wants to use her wedding day to transition to her new name.

Obviously, her course of action depends on her priorities in the situation. Being compassionate to the fiance's family, and avoiding social awkwardness, are both really good goals. But there's also a bottom line to be drawn — and drawn now, surely, not at some random future point — about not succumbing to the absurd notion that the joyous union of a marriage is somehow damaged by the couple not following a ridiculous, anachronistic tradition stemming from times when women were viewed as their husbands' property.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 1:05 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

If it bothers the fiance's family, how about reminding them that socially you don't mind being introduced or addressed as Mr & Mrs Husbandfirstname Husbandlastname? If indeed, this is true.

I'd save the mynewlastname talk for another day.
posted by agentwills at 1:07 PM on June 13

The issue of a woman's married name is unfortunately a terribly explosive one. As a woman who chose to keep her "maiden" name after marriage, my own experience is that otherwise reasonable, intelligent, sensitive and loving people have been quick to pass judgment, scorn, and even outright disregard my choice, even after hearing the carefully explained, carefully considered reasons I provided for it.

I highly recommend that you find a way to smile and gracefully deflect the issue at your reception, something along the lines of this suggestion. You can talk about it with individuals afterwards, but also be prepared that more volatile folks may actually try to argue you out of your decision if you explain, as if the continued rotation of the planet depends upon your adhering to their preferred tradition. I hate this and I hate that it's such a big deal to so many people. It's your name and your decision; do what's right for you.

Good luck and congratulations on your wedding.
posted by trunk muffins at 1:14 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

Expecting you to take your husband's last name is treating you like less than your own independent human, tradition or whatever. He's not taking your last name, and pressuring you to take his in this day and age is frankly sexist. Fine thing to do if you want to, but if you don't, it's nobody's business. Just because you're marrying into the family doesn't mean they get to impose their will on you, same would be true if your family trying to do something similar to your husband.
posted by ishotjr at 1:45 PM on June 13

To make clear what our names would be post-wedding, Mr. corpse and I sent out "at home" cards of a sort. I don't remember exactly what it said, but something like:

After September 1, we will be:
The corpse in the library
Mr. corpse
[street address]

The names on the card were our new ones. Some people were confused (and some still are, ten years on), but I think it helped. It won't do anything for the hurt feelings, but it might cut down on some of the "Huh?" questions at the wedding. You could include a note on the background of your name, for the curious.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:00 PM on June 13

Mrs arcticseal chose to keep her maiden name since all the women on her side of the family have done so through the ages. I couldn't care one way or the other so it was no problem for me. Mother arcticseal however was upset by this and for the first couple of years she would address letters to my wife using my surname. This passed, and she's now accepted it. They will accept it too, they just need time to get used to it.

Congratulations on your wedding!
posted by arcticseal at 2:26 PM on June 13

As for the timing issue, in most (maybe all?) states, you're given the chance to change your name when you receive your marriage license (or maybe it's when you actually get married, I forget which). Waiting to do it later can make something that's already a pain much more difficult.

That's a different question from the timing of announcing the name change, though.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 2:30 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

I don't see why there's any special need to talk about this at the wedding. I'd probably blow off anyone who asked about it with a scripted it's-a-Scandinavian-thing-you-wouldn't-understand kind of answer. Anyone who insists on talking about it beyond that at the wedding is a jerk and should be stiff-armed with extreme prejudice.

Re the children's name question that popped up upthread, I have a suggestion: The boys get the dad's last name and the girls get the mom's last name. Nobody gets buried under patriarchy or unwieldy hyphenation, it's tidy, and siblings with different last names are not so uncommon in this day and age anyway.
This seems so simple to me that I'm not sure why it's not done more (if it's done at all, I don't know). To be fair, everyone I've suggested this to looks at me like I'm nuts, so make of that what you will.
posted by willpie at 2:48 PM on June 13

Your wedding is, pervesely, NOT the time to address it. There is no greater need to explain or announce this (on programs, inserts or thank yous) than there would be if you were not changing your name at all. In other words, you are potentially adding drama where there need not be any.

Do a newsletter at the holidays and deal with it then. "I'm keeping my family name" is the way to manage this for the two out of 150 people who will ask you at your reception. Get the DJ/band to introduce you as "For the the first time as a married couple, John and Jane!" or whatever cheeseball variation they're running with these days.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:52 PM on June 13

The boys get the dad's last name and the girls get the mom's last name. Nobody gets buried under patriarchy or unwieldy hyphenation, it's tidy, and siblings with different last names are not so uncommon in this day and age anyway.

Yes! Thanks willpie. I've always thought this (though am not having/have not had bio children so have never named anyone).
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 2:55 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

We did a slightly unconventional naming thing and not one person mentioned it at the wedding, FWIW.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 2:58 PM on June 13

I would make a point of giving a speech at the wedding in which you praise and thank the groom's family and say how honoured you are to become a part of it. In particular mention the family members who've been the most bruised by your decision- ie, "MotherInLaw, I've really enjoyed our talks, your advice has been so helpful, and FatherInLaw, you've been so encouraging and supportive, I've really appreciated it, and I'm so happy to be commiting myself to join your family, etc. "
Don't mention names at all in that speech. But genuinely tell these people all the things you like about them. Tone = loving, open, and a little humble. Might help smooth a few ruffled feathers, and deflect attention from the perceived snub of the name thing.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:04 PM on June 13 [2 favorites has favorites]

Smile and say something like, "We'll be issuing a press release on that in the near future," or, "That's classified for the moment. Ask me next week." Then let them know when you send thank-yous, or send "new-name announcements" be email or snail.
posted by wryly at 3:05 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

If your in-law family is already upset by your choice, some of them may stir the pot on your wedding day. People love controversy. It's likely that some guests will bring up the matter with you.

To many people, the choice to maintain one's legal name is a rejection of the husband's family, or worse, a sign of shaky commitment to the groom. It's likely that your in-laws are worried that their friends and neighbors will see your choice as rejection.

Your strategy: frame your response as a positive comment on your new family.

I chose to keep my maiden name. I used the following explanation to soften the hard feelings. When people asked me about my name, I said:
"I don't plan to change my legal name, but I'm so proud to be a member of the Husbandname family. **Big smile!** And I will always answer to "Mrs. Husbandname." **Big smile!** If appropriate, hug or kiss the person you are talking to.

Of course, you have to be willing to be addressed, informally, as Mrs Husbandname. (Their family and friends will call you that regardless of whether or not you sanction it.) This willingness will go a long way with your in-laws. It will save them embarrassment. As the year's pass, you can assert your preferred identity.

If you are not willing to be addressed as Mrs. Husbandname, then just talk about how proud you are to be a new member of the Husbandname family. Talk about how nice they have been to you.

If people ask about how you will name the children, here is what you should say: "Oh my! We haven't even thought about that question. Have you tried the shrimp? It's delicious."

Congrats on your wedding!
posted by valannc at 3:17 PM on June 13

The sooner in the day your guests know the details of your new name, the sooner their attention will go back to how beautiful you look in that dress (trust me on the attention thing : I'm ADHD).

How about printing a written explanation given at the most convenient time to all the guests ? On the back of the dinner menu (if you feed your guests) ? Something handed out when the guests arrive as a welcome note ?

There is usually a microphone and a public address sound system at weddings. If you don't want to do it maybe your husband can be loving enough to explain it for you.

Is there among the guests any reliable friend that does comedy or stand-up or is a comedian or is used to perform in any in front of an audience ? I have little doubt he/she will be eager to perform the "what about the bride's new name ?" number in front of an audience of 150.

The most important thing is : be happy with your (soon to be) husband !

Standard Mefi disclaimer : sorry if there is any language quirks above : my mother tongue is not english.
posted by Baud at 3:40 PM on June 13

At your wedding if anyone raises it, and I'm not so sure they will, ignore/deflect it. Then send out thank you notes with mailing address/contact info with names specified. Then you'll be able to deal with anything that arises in a different context and individually.

FWIW, I had similar issues around our wedding, and considered both of us taking a new name, but ended up each keeping our own names. Because of circumstances which neither of us anticipated, we eventually chose for each of our 3 kids to take my name- again not the norm not to take dad's name.

You will want to come up with a fun brief story explaining your name because you will likely have to continually and in a range of circumstances go through it. Kids' names will be another matter if/when you get there. Don't assume that if you make it through the reception that you've dodged the public explanation bullet, or that no other unanticipated issues will arise. For this reason, it's good to keep it light, cultural and all in good fun (and to avoid dealing with it publicly en masse) as possible.
posted by kch at 3:44 PM on June 13

I think the idea of "change your name at the time, but don't let most people know until after the wedding" might be a good idea. There is no way in hell that it won't bring up exactly what you don't want at the ceremony/reception if you bring it up. It is so drastically different from what everyone expects of you that, well, you are gonna take a metric asston of crap about it from everyone you tell, especially the "traditional" ones. Sorry.

I think I'd just pretend I was keeping my maiden and then send out announcements. I don't think there's a way to discuss names ON the day without things going crazy.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:52 PM on June 13 [1 favorite has favorites]

You are carrying on a cultural tradition, which is pretty cool. Were I you, I'd write up the history of your family as it relates to the tradition, and explain that the name means "[father's] daughter" (if I'm understanding correctly). Maybe you have some sentimental reason for wanting your father's name as well. Perhaps you & fiance could also do a little research and include some interesting information about your fiance's surname to show that you respect his name and have put considerable thought into this. Maybe include some warm and fuzzies about families etc etc.

Print this up nicely on a bit of fancy paper and include it with the wedding favors or in the program. Be sure to indicate that it's from the both of you.
posted by zennie at 3:59 PM on June 13

I had friends who each changed their name to a third name upon getting married. After the ceremony, the pastor simply turned to the everyone and announced "I am pleased to introduce, for the first time, Groom NewName and Bride NewName."

They printed up (as zennie suggests) a little explanation of what their new name meant to them (it was his mother's maiden name, I believe, which they both had reasons to want to take), and included it with the favors at dinner. It was a sweet, effective way to take care of it, and I think it headed off about 100 separate conversations at the pass.
posted by scody at 4:20 PM on June 13

Is there a reason you need to connect this new name with the wedding?

I agree with this --- just stay away from the issue at the wedding. I can't recall anyone mentioning whether my wife was taking my name (which she did) at the wedding, except when the introduction was made.

It sounds like your fiance's family can't figure out why you are basing your last name on your DAD's name --- your new name certainly doesn't get away from patriarchy --- so if anyone brings it up at the wedding, I would dwell on the positive by saying something like, "I am so glad I found a man who could appreciate me for all of my quirks."
posted by jayder at 4:25 PM on June 13

(Sorry, I see that I glossed over the fact that there is some drama going on with his family about your not taking his name. In which case, I would avoid the big "may I present" announcement from the officiant, but still go with the explanation with the favors.)
posted by scody at 4:25 PM on June 13

I am changing my last name to follow the icelandic/scandinavian system.

It might be an Icelandic surname, but it's not to "the system". According to that Wikipedia link, Icelandic women don't suddenly adopt the "father's name plus dottir" thing when they get married. They're born that way.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:28 PM on June 13

You know, the issue of whether I was keeping my name or not never came up at our actual wedding. People asked about it before and after the wedding, but really it never got mentioned at the wedding. Since I wasn't changing my name, we purposely didn't use last names when we were introduced at the reception. If it's a sensitive topic, you may just want to leave off any references to last names.
posted by bananafish at 6:05 PM on June 13

If someone asks you why you're changing your name at the time of your wedding, say, "I've wanted to do this for a long time. But it's expensive and complicated, except when you get married. [hubby] was fine with it, kill two birds with one marriage certificate!"
posted by notsnot at 9:14 PM on June 13

I'd have a few different glib explanations ready for different types of people, immediately followed by questions about how they're enjoying the wedding. And give strict instructions to priests/DJs/MCs about announcing the happy couple by your first names only - tell them it's because you want to be informal if that helps.

I kept my maiden name, and our close family and friends knew ahead of time about the decision. If they'd brought it up on the day, I was prepared to say "oh, we can discuss that another time, have you tried the cake yet?", but they let it go until after the honeymoon. Several of the more distant relatives said "Congratulations, Mrs Hisname!" when I got to chat to them, and I said "Thankyou so much! Are you having a good time/got enough to drink/going to have a dance later?" and just let it slide. It's unlikely I'll see these people again until the next family wedding, and I'm still not sure they know I use my maiden name, since they only ever call me by my first name.

If anyone's showing an interest in the subject (or being nosy) and wants to know why you're taking this third option, I'd go with "it's Scandanavian tradition, my grandma can tell you all about it, don't the bridesmaids look great?", if your grandma or whoever is happy to tell long stories about family traditions.

At any rate, don't let anyone pin you down over it on the day. People think that your name choices are going to be very upsetting for them to live with, but they're wrong 99% of the time. I know quite a few people who made non-standard name choices when they got married, and every time people kicked up a fuss before it happened, then forgot about it afterwards, because it made no difference to their lives.
posted by harriet vane at 11:01 PM on June 13

kch: "You will want to come up with a fun brief story explaining your name because you will likely have to continually and in a range of circumstances go through it. Kids' names will be another matter if/when you get there."

It rarely comes up for me, other than when dealing with medical insurance. Even our kids's last names being different -- my our daughter has my name and our son has my husband's name -- never interests people. Nobody has ever asked why we did things this way. Maybe we're just boring.

But anyway, don't shy off from your decision because you think it'll be a lifelong hassle to have a different name from your husband.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:01 AM on June 14

I wouldn't even make an issue of it at the wedding. If someone wants to introduce you as "the new Mr. and Mrs. HisName" just ignore it (I mean, tell them not to, but if they do, whatever). If his family wants to call you Sally HisName, just ignore it. You can even cash checks made out like that, I know because my father has never managed to understand that I never changed my name. I blithely answer to my husband's name when people mistakenly call me by it, because frankly, if it was someone to whom it mattered they wouldn't be making this mistake. The thing with those to whom it does matter, is that you are not going to change their minds, but you can change their hearts by not constantly explaining why they are wrong and you are right. Insist, gently, but don't make an issue of it. People who are confused when they know you as Sally MomsDottir, and then hear your mo-in-law calling you Sally HisName can just be taken aside and told that she really hates it that you don't have his name. People will understand.

Not that you asked, but here are the canards people will try to tell you about having a different name from your marital partner:

--You'll have to legally change your name back to your own name because it "automatically" changes at the wedding (it's going to be fun watching this one finally put to rest when we get universal marriage rights).
--Your children will be confused (I have a different face from my husband, too, but that never seemed to confuse them either)
--The IRS won't let you file under two names (not true, although I have gotten some bizarrely payeed refund checks. However it's a gov't check, which banks still seem to think makes it secure for some reason)
--It's a law that your children MUST have the same name as you. (A clerk at the hospital actually refused to use my husbands last name for my son; I had to go to the county clerk to get it corrected.)

It sounds like a really cool idea. As someone with a Scandinavian heritage, I wish I'd thought of it!
posted by nax at 8:48 AM on June 14

If there is going to be such a thing, why not put a blurb into the program? or (sorry for the cheesy nomenclature) wedsite? When we got married, my husband and I changed our names to something totally different. Some of his family gave him trouble over it, but our reasoning was explained on our little wedding website (along with directions, accommodations, etc.) so we didn't feel the need or pressure to explain on the day itself.
posted by villain extraordinaire at 9:25 AM on June 14