Family and Business

June 13, 2009 12:06 PM

Working in Family Business. What would you consider that "line" where you are no longer dealing with a family member but a co-worker, boss, etc..

I work in the family business. There are 4 family members actively involved in the company to varying degrees. Some of problems I am having:

One of the duties that I take care of is the entire network from web servers to work stations. Employee A(non family) seems to think it's okay to use her workstation as her personal computer. She is constantly installing crapware on her machine, printing coupons, browsing sites unrelated to work, quarking up her machine because of this and then complaining that I fix it. I had put some policies in place on her workstation to stop this but was asked by Employee B (family) to remove them so that Employee A could visit a particular site or run some stupid program that wasn't needed at work. I explained why this was a bad idea but got over-ruled. Now I have to fix employee A's machine every other day for some stupid problem she caused.

I constantly get volunteered to do things for Employer C(family) extended business associates. Things like fix their computers for them, or show them how to build a website!!!!! ugggg :( ...or help them train their employees in inventory control. All of this is being asked to be done after hours. I am not being paid to do this. When I say no or make up an excuse as to why I can't do this, I feel the repercussions for weeks afterward to the tune of completely being shut out of anything, family or business related.

I have a whole laundry list of items similar in nature to the two others I posted. That would take forever though.

The rub in this whole equation is that I am being exposed to a far broader range of functions within a business than I would normally get anywhere else. I work with the finances, inventory purchasing and controls, marketing, logistics, sales, international supply chain, etc... I have a degree in business management so I know the concepts and applications. Just doing them real world leads to a greater understanding in many cases. However, I just want to choke the living shit out of my family in the process and can see it affecting our personal relationships.

My question is what would someone reasonably expect from family members in a business setting before you must think of yourself? Had I known this is how it would be, I would have never left my old job making more money, working less hours and seemingly being respected by my peers to a greater extent. On that note I don't easily quit things. I am fairly thick skinned and can deal with a lot before I walk away. That isn't necessarily a good thing all of the time though.

A side not: It's kind of sad learning some of these things about family members. For instance, Employer C prefers to have a yes man by his side. I equate yes men to ass kissers, so now I respect Employer C far less than I previously did because he rather have his ass kissed then get good advice. Employee B is non-confrontational to the point of letting people walk over them, this only occurs with non-family members though. I never hung out with this family member outside of family functions so this was very bizarre seeing for the first time.

Help me see that line where I walk away.

posted by Gravitus to human relations (5 comments total)

my mother managed a portrait studio and i worked under her. i worked far more extra hours, i worked some of them off the clock, i took shortened lunch breaks so the rest of the team could be happy, i took hard sittings because mom knew i'd handle it. i got my time off requests processed last.

i'd never work for family again. she's a lovely woman and i'm glad she's my mom but she will never be my boss again.
posted by nadawi at 12:21 PM on June 13

Some of the situations you described are common in business, whether they're family-run or not. Most companies I've worked at (especially the smaller ones) regularly exploit the talents/connections of employees in entertaining or helping our customers. It's a way of cultivating a good business relationship. For example, my husband worked in IT, and my boss asked me on a couple of occasions to ask my husband to go to a customer's home and install this or that on their kid's computer, or fix their home computer that the wife screwed up, etc. Another man in the office was married to a woman who worked for a major hotel chain; he was regularly called upon by the boss to get free/cheap accommodations via his wife for customers and their families when they were traveling for pleasure (not business). We were not compensated for these little "favors," but theoretically they result in more business, the company makes more profits, and your job is a little bit more secure (along with your next raise).
posted by Oriole Adams at 12:33 PM on June 13

That line is at the door to the business.

My father had a business with family members, and today my brother and i are partners. Being in business with family can be great - because the is a deeply familial deep love between each other. Business partners, by law, have fiduciary duties towards each other - things loyalty, confidentiality, and reasonable care - and those things come naturally from family.

However, in business, it is business. If you do not deal with business issues in business manner, then the family thing is working against you, and it will eventually blow up and hurt the company.

Part of my father's business blow up years ago over a festering family grudge - much damage was done to the corporation. If you decide, I won't tell employee C what I think, because we are family - then you are hurting the business, and in the long run maybe hurting a family relationship.

Business is business.
posted by Flood at 4:47 PM on June 13

First, you are right -- you need boundaries, desperately. What you need to do is communicate this to your boss or bosses so that they understand how your being pulled in all directions impacts the bottom line. How much help to give people who get themselves in trouble is a perennial help desk issue, and corporations handle it with a proven tool -- expectation management. If they break their computer by installing something new, for example, your role may be limited to re-ghosting an image and that's it.

Second, the after hours stuff is definitely something you need to stop Right. Now. Put up a shingle as a freelance computer guy, and have a rate to quote. Now, you can offer these customer-clients a discount -- half price, say -- but there is simply no way your services are free. Free is an invitation to hell. You have no hour commitment, no way to say "enough". With a fee, even a discounted one, at least the client is clear on when it is costing them. You should also have a no after hours follow-up support policy with these people, otherwise you'll be on the hook 24/7. You probably want to say no more than X hours a week maximum, as well. Really, there is no business rationale for whoring you out that way; you're a step up from slave labor and you already feel it. Put your foot down. Sure, there will be a row, but you'll be better off for having done so.
posted by dhartung at 7:33 PM on June 13 [2 favorites]

In my experience, family businesses only work in the long term as real businesses. So if you would charge a stranger for what you're doing, you should charge a family member. (Or deduct from the time spent this week from your hourly wage.)

Some family members will be outraged, but it's a business and needs to be run as such. If they are unable to accept that service you provide cost the business money then they need to wake up because they are getting the best possible deal out of you and having to go through a 3rd party will only increase the cost.

Don't be afraid to charge, or "charge" for your time. If you provide a skilled service you will have data to back you up. "Martha, I'd love to help you clean the shit off your computer but you know that my time is worth $xx and hour to our clients and that's still less than you'd pay to send it back to Dell, so quit being such an idiot about what all the software you run on it our you're going to put the family business out of business. "

Otherwise quit the "family" business and work at a job that appreciates you.
posted by Ookseer at 2:32 AM on June 14