How can being bald do for you?

June 12, 2009 12:30 PM

I'm bald and people assume I'm older than I really am. Other than saving money on haircuts and shorter shower times, how do I make this situation work for me?

I'm 26 and bald. It started in my 20s and I'm ok with it. One issue, though, is that it makes me appear older than I am. People guess that I'm about 10 years older than my age.

This usually works well in professional situations. I appear to be mature, experienced and knowledgeable. This I am thankful for.

However, appearing to be older than you really are seems to put you at a disadvantage when meeting women. If it's not the fact I have missing hair, then the fact I appear older than I am due to the lack of hair. I've been participating willingly in a "semi-arranged marriage" process for cultural and religious reasons. I have found that being bald is a deal breaker. Even if the girl is interested, her parents won't allow it because they think I'm lying about my age or I just look too old.

I've been otherwise told that I'm attractive, interestingly enough by women in their 30s. However, I'm too young for them as well.


Anyone else been in this kind of situation? How do you work around a lack of hair when it comes to meeting women?

posted by abdulf to human relations (51 comments total)

If your bald spots aren't working for you, shave it all off and pretend it's by choice.
posted by Static Vagabond at 12:32 PM on June 12 [4 favorites]

Shave your head.

You'll be more attractive and look younger.
posted by Oktober at 12:33 PM on June 12 [3 favorites]

I believe abdulf has, in fact, done the tasteful thing and shaved his head. Check his profile/website.

I think you're pretty cute. How do you dress? Office worker button-ups and slacks are fine for work, but will work against you in the bar after work. I'm not suggesting frat boy flip flips and ratty t-shirts, but there's got to be a happy medium. Let me think about it.
posted by Juliet Banana at 12:37 PM on June 12

Kinda depends on your pattern of baldness. I have a friend that's bald on top, so when he grows hair he looks like a clown. His solution is to shave it all off (as others have suggested).

My hair is receding and thinning. I don't have to shave it, but it seems noticeably worse when I have any length to it so I keep it fairly short.

You may have to look at other factors as well. My beard can age me 10 years. If you can do other things that make you look younger, this might offset the one thing you can't do anything about.

Trying to hide it is probably the worst thing you can do. Comb-over or toupee will make you look even older (and potentially deceitful).

I'd advise visiting a beautician (not a barber) to see if there are any hair styles that can minimize the look.

Good luck.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:40 PM on June 12

Keep your head shaved, and enjoy the wonderful world of hats. Beanies, those newsie hats with small brims, baseball caps, and anything somewhat trendy will probably make you look younger when you are out in social situations.

Hat-wearing is an art I myself have not yet mastered. If you are a novice, enlist your friends for opinions so you don't look silly. Protip: Avoid the fedora.
posted by juliplease at 12:42 PM on June 12

Shave your head and wear trendy shoes and, if applicable, trendy glasses.
posted by availablelight at 12:45 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]

Seconding the motion that you are cute! Along the lines of Juliet Banana's suggestions, slightly trendier clothes will make you look younger and cooler - my spouse recently started wearing vintage and slim-legged jeans with fitted button-up shirts (sometimes called european cut or italian style) and I think it makes him look much more polished without any more work.

Also, and I don't mean to be rude, but get your eyebrows thinned a little bit. It sounds shallow but I really think it would help balance out your face and bring out your eyes.

(Geez, I sound ultra-judgemental!)
posted by muddgirl at 12:53 PM on June 12

Yeah I think you need to up the ante with the clothes. Dress your age, but dress very well for your age. I realize this doesn't come naturally to a lot of guys, but it's really your best bet.

Your age looks kind of ambiguous in your photo and I don't think the glasses you currently have are helping you not look middle aged. Try getting contacts or new glasses. Also, I can't tell how you look physically from your photo, but I've found that being even 10-15 pounds overweight can be very aging, especially on some men. A beer belly doesn't scream youth. Getting in great shape (if you aren't already) will not only make you look younger, you'll be healthier and more appealing just in general. I would also stay clean shaven, the 5 o'clock shadow, while with its ruggedly handsome appeal, isn't going to make you look any younger.

You really don't look that old from your photo, I would have pegged you at about 30, but I can definitely see how you in the wrong clothes and glasses could really age you upward. Don't feel bad a lot of people in their 20's, bald or not, are mistaken for being much older than they are. I'm sure with the right clothes, etc you'll have no problem coming off as your real age.
posted by whoaali at 1:00 PM on June 12

availablelight is so right-glasses!

There's a bartender at one of my favorite bars, and I know perfectly well that he has this horrible greasy mullet/bald patch that makes me want to scream PLEASE JUST SHAVE YOUR HEAD every time he takes off his hat, but I still want to fuck him because of his glasses. My friends tease me because I have my perv-glare on whenever he serves us.

Something kind of chunky and plastic and little different will make you look way younger than plain jane wire rims. If you have a current prescription, buying glasses online is super cheap and easy.

I don't know what kind of glasses you favor so I'm not going to go on a huge hunting expedition for you, but off the top of my head, something like this would work wonders.
posted by Juliet Banana at 1:03 PM on June 12

Dress younger, act younger. Don't be super serious all the time, embrace your inner teenager. Take down your "get off my lawn!" sign. Smiling & laughing a *lot* helps, too. I'm in my 50's & get mistaken for early 30's all the time. I even get carded for booze every once in awhile!
posted by torquemaniac at 1:06 PM on June 12

Ok, I am going to hope that you were looking for some simple specific steps that you can take to youth-inize :) your looks (otherwise I am sorry if this comes as too judgemental - not my intention).

We are about the same age and the first thing that I noticed when looking at your photo was your glasses and facial hair. Now don't get me wrong I am not opposed to a beard (my husband has one) but with someone who can grow more on his chin than head, I think it just draws attention to this. I'd suggest going for a clean (shaved every day) look, thin your eye brows slightly and give contacts a try.

You are a good looking guy but there are so many things that I see before I can see YOU (hat, glasses, facial hair, eyebrows then your attractive face). If you take away most of these distractors (you can leave the hat OR glasses if you like) I'd notice you first before the hair.

I am guessing that you keep your head shaved very short. If not, that is step one.
posted by saradarlin at 1:11 PM on June 12

i agree with those who say dress younger and trendier. a slightly tighter fit jean with maybe a distressed wash - fitted button ups or a closer fitted tshirt - nice shoes, but not businessy (sketchers make some good ones).

look at male fashion magazines (details is a good one) - they often have a shaved headed male model and he is often very hot, take cues from that. some celebrities that either have bald or buzzed hair who i don't think look old are taye diggs, justin timberlake, and david beckham. they manage to dress young and trendy without looking like a frat boy or high school student. another tip you can take from all of this is bulk up a little. i'm not a girl for muscles, but i think it really does young-up the bald head.
posted by nadawi at 1:11 PM on June 12

Do NOT dress younger. Good lord.

Wearing "young" clothes in order to look younger never, ever works; indeed, it usually does the opposite. This is true even when said "young" clothes are perfectly age-appropriate, but don't look that way. If you look like a 30-year-old who's dressing like a 20-year-old, bam, 35+.

Which isn't to say you should overcompensate and dress middle-aged (of course, you could try it--maybe your true youth will shine through), but you might want to avoid anything that looks desperately youthful. Basically, don't dress like a teenager.

Also, yeah, go clean-shaven. Baldness and beards are aging enough individually.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:15 PM on June 12

Thirding your cuteness! I agree that trendier glasses and a clean-shaven face and head would take some years off. Fashion in general would help, including trendier hats. Some hipster hats are really embarrassing, but you might be able to get something you like at a site like this (I myself like to see a young man in a narrow-brim fedora or cadet cap).
posted by PatoPata at 1:16 PM on June 12

(That said, however: With glasses, go trendy.)
posted by Sys Rq at 1:18 PM on June 12

another 'can be hot bald celebrity' who teaches us the lesson of the right haircut and lack of facial hair is billy zane.

in this picture he looks all young and studly (don't learn the keep your glasses on your head lesson though, that always makes him look like douche). but you go to this picture and this picture and you can see what hair you grow can really change perception on vitality. he's in his late 30s to early 40s in all of those pictures, but i think the facial hair/wisps on his head make him look easily 10-12 years older than the shaved head/face.
posted by nadawi at 1:22 PM on June 12

Slowly transition into the shaved head. Start off with a 2 or 3 guard and make your way all the way down. Seen it done by 2 friends with positive outcomes.
posted by doorsfan at 1:22 PM on June 12

I'm bald, and I keep my hair short, but not shaved. A shaved head on a bald guy is the new combover--who do you think you're fooling?
posted by box at 1:24 PM on June 12

A shaved head on a bald guy is the new combover--who do you think you're fooling?

Ridiculous comparison. A combover is a terribly ugly hairstyle that looks good on no one (NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOU, SHAVE IT OFF NOW SIR). A shaved head is a look that plenty of people, bald and non-bald, can carry off quite nicely.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:28 PM on June 12 [9 favorites]

Here's the thing... I agree with dress young and act young and not because you should pretend to be something you're not but BECAUSE YOU **ARE** YOUNG!!! Embrace where you are at in life! This isn't about dressing like a teenager and acting immature, it's about dressing in a flattering way that makes you look your age, and acting like you are someone who is happy, vibrant, fun to be around and full of life. THAT is who women of *all* ages are attracted to.

I'm 42 and people often think I'm about 35. I don't do the cougar thing where women are trying to act like they're still college girls... that makes me shudder. (I didn't even act that way when I WAS a college girl!) What I *do* is try to wear things that make me look my best. And although I have my good and bad moments obviously, I try to seem like I enjoy life, which ends up making it easier to actually enjoy life. Being happier in your skin makes you automatically seem younger by default.

Age is in the attitude and how you carry yourself, and if women think you are older it may very well have NOTHING to do with your hair. Let me tell you, men with shaved heads can be totally hot.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:28 PM on June 12

i disagree with box - as a 30-40 year old, certainly let it grow out a little. but as a 26 year old, shave it all the way down. you aren't looking to fool anyone, but no need to draw attention to your actual hairline.

also, when we say "dress younger" no one suggests dressing like the jonas brothers or high school students, but you should dress age appropriately. if you could switch wardrobes with the normal looking 40 year olds in your office then you're dressing too old.
posted by nadawi at 1:29 PM on June 12

A shaved head on a bald guy is the new combover

Seconded.

Just keep it short (~1/8") with clippers. It's more about the shape of your head than anything else.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:33 PM on June 12

Shave your head completely, get glasses with somewhat thick frames, and wear suits all the time.
posted by univac at 1:40 PM on June 12

A shaved head on a bald guy is the new combover--who do you think you're fooling?


It's not about fooling anyone, it's about looking good. Combovers attempt to replicate a head of hair. Shaving is just a dramatic haircut.

Bad news though: in the profile pic I saw, you are wearing a hat, and I still thought you looked much older than 26. (In a good way!) Maybe it's not your hair after all? Some people just look rugged younger.
It sounds like the people you most need to work on are the suspicious parents. Does making jokes about how everyone always thinks your are older not work?
posted by CunningLinguist at 1:45 PM on June 12

If you wear hats, don't wear them all the time. Make sure that people do see you without the hat.
posted by randomstriker at 1:52 PM on June 12

Just be you, baldness and all. You'll find the right person, perhaps someone who likes a 26 yo with a good head on his shoulders. ;-)
posted by Taken Outtacontext at 1:58 PM on June 12

I'm hawt, whether my head is shaved or not. The chicks love it either way 'cause I'm worried about whether I'm bald or not.

You're not bald, you're you. Be you and be comfortable being you and people will love you.
posted by artisticastronaut at 2:01 PM on June 12

I have a friend who is entirely without body hair of any kind, and he always has the most kickass Halloween costume around. Just think of the possibilities of a totally bald head.

He hasn't yet done "brain in a jar" but I'm still pushing for it.
posted by rusty at 2:09 PM on June 12

Baseball hats.
posted by blue_beetle at 2:09 PM on June 12

Thanks for the comments. A few details I left out.
This is what I typically look like at social events
I do keep a shaved head and have for a while.

I wear a cap when it's sunny and outdoors. I don't wear it otherwise.

I wear glasses when I travel and when I'm feeling lazy. I don't really know what glasses would look good on me and still be affordable, so I'll stick to contacts. Unless glasses would improve the look.

I'll take the fitness/weight comment into consideration. I could be leaner.

The same about the beard, it's sometimes there and sometimes its not. I'll be more conscientious about it. It does seem to age me.

I am pretty clueless when it comes to casual/business casual clothing. I can work on that. Another person said wear suits all the time? I do wear suits all the time (during the day).

I didn't think about eyebrows before. What exactly would I be doing with them? I'm pretty happy with them.

Again, thanks for the comments. I'll be back in a few months to let you know how it goes.
posted by abdulf at 2:11 PM on June 12

Nice photo...you're a good looking guy. Anyone who is judging you based on your baldness is way too shallow and not worth your time.
posted by randomstriker at 2:16 PM on June 12

I think everyone's suggesting that you could thin out your brows (pluck or wax) and give them a bit more shape to balance out your other features. If you don't want to do it, go to a salon and tell them you need brow shaping.

Also, a lot of the 20somethings do this and other manscaping/metrosexual things, so it is a hint at your real age.
posted by cestmoi15 at 2:35 PM on June 12

Another person said wear suits all the time?

I feel like that would age you. For casual-type settings a fitted blazer and dark jeans is much better. I like this outfit a lot - it looks young in the picture but trust me you'll look like you're in your late 20s - if you feel uncomfortable in a graphic t-shirt then a button-up underneath would be fine. Just don't button the blazer.
posted by muddgirl at 2:38 PM on June 12

Um, I think you do not look old, and in fact are cute.

Do you think that this might be a perception within your particular cultural/social group rather than a perception of the world at large?

(It is also entirely possible that I'm the outlier in age perception here.)
posted by ocherdraco at 2:48 PM on June 12

"Even if the girl is interested, her parents won't allow it because they think I'm lying about my age or I just look too old."

Do the parents meet you, or do they just see a photograph from a match-maker? Could it be as simple as getting differently posed/lit/costumed photographs? Because if you're well dressed and formally posed against a staged backdrop, a la formal photography, you'll look old and serious.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:52 PM on June 12

Honestly in that photo you look much younger than your metafilter pic. I can see someone mistaking you for 28 or 29 but not 35. Also, I wouldn't be wearing suits to look younger. Most men look really good in suits, but they make you look more distinguished not younger and that seems to really be what you are focusing on. The jeans + untucked dress shirt + blazer may be a good look for you that is young, but not too young and not I look like an idiot young. From seeing you without glasses, I think that is definitely the way to go. Big improvement.

Manscaping the eyebrows is not for the faint of heart. I kind of get what people are saying, but really unless you really know what you are doing and go to a really good place that can wax w/out making it look like you wax your eyebrows I would pass. I mean definitely wax in between if you have the dreaded unibrow going, but from what I can tell in that pic it doesn't look like you do. And honestly any thinning you would do on the eyebrows would be so slight it's sort of like why take the risk. I mean they'll grow back, but the potential for looking kind of silly is high if it all goes wrong.

And in the great shave v. don't shave debate, my vote is shave. I think you have a good head for shaving.
posted by whoaali at 3:02 PM on June 12

I'm not surprised that women in their 30s find you attractive, and I rather doubt that you are too old for all of them. Isn't that your answer right there? My advice is to leave yourself the heck alone--you're very nice looking but look a bit older than your age and getting hip glasses/wearing "young" clothes/mucking about with your eyebrows isn't going to do a damn thing to change that (and you run a definite risk that it will make you less attractive). Getting in shape never hurt anyone but I wouldn't get too worked up over that one, either, as you look to be not too far off the mark as is.
posted by HotToddy at 3:23 PM on June 12

This is what I typically look like at social events

I just showed my husband this photo, without any context, and said, "How old would you guess this person is?"

His reply was: "Twenty-five or twenty-six."

So take that for what it's worth. I do think your glasses make you look older, so in circumstances where you're concerned about it, don't wear them, or get a stylish friend to accompany you to a glasses place to help you pick out something flattering and trendier. It's true that even cheapish glasses aren't cheap to buy in person, but they do sit right on your face, and it's not as if you need to buy a different pair to wear every day. (And, if you're feeling daring, you could go try stuff on and use what you learn to choose a couple of cheapie pairs to buy online.)
posted by redfoxtail at 3:28 PM on June 12

Seeing the second photo I think you look pretty good shaved, no glasses, no hat. For the eyebrows I'd have them shaped to not extend so far past the out side of your eyes and thin them slightly from the bottom. This will open up the eye area draw more attention to your nice eyes and great smile.

As for clothing, that's an easier fix. I like the jeans, graphic-t and blazer option. When you wear jeans get a VERY dark wash and a slim fit. Wear trendy shoes (something that I'd spend real money on) and good quality leather belts.
posted by saradarlin at 3:34 PM on June 12

Hunh...no useful suggestions, but I wouldn't have said you looked particularly old. Twenties, not 30s.
posted by leahwrenn at 3:35 PM on June 12

I think you're doing well with what you've got. I would have guessed close to your real age based on that photo.

Make sure to maintain your skin on your head if you want to look younger. It's good you wear a hat outside; do that often, and consider sunscreen for your head when you're not wearing a hat. Bald guys can be hot, but not if the skin on their heads looks weathered and has sun damage after five or ten years of baldness.
posted by slow graffiti at 3:41 PM on June 12

As an early balder myself, (pre-empted it at 22 with a pair of clippers), just, well, accept it. The shaved head works for you (I think you look pretty great, and I don't really see that you need to lose weight). Myself, I use the clippers, guard off, about every three weeks. I have shaved my head, but I've been told that it makes me look older than having my ghost of a hairline. Having the light covering of fuzz has allowed me to keep sideburns, which soften (I think) my face.

I'm also a goatee/glasses wearer. I've been told that when I shave, and don't wear my glasses, I look much older, just to put that in. When I grew a beard, though, people thought I was about 10 years older.

Most importantly, embrace it. It's you, it's who you're going to be, and if other people aren't into it, well, screw 'em. Being comfortable with it is the key. Confident bald men are much more pleasant to talk to than men who try to hide it, or act embarrassed about it.

And, again, you look pretty good as you are.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:21 PM on June 12

I think what you're missing here is, you'll likely look like you're a nebulous 25-40 years old for much of your adult life. I've worn a beard since I was 18, and it has only been in the past 2-3 years with the grey starting to appear that I seem to look something close to my actual age (41). I could easily roll those years back with a little bit of "brown in a bottle", but that's not really my style.

You're pretty hot as you are. (Are you okay with a gay man telling you that?) I'm always going to vote in favor of facial hair, so you might try out the goatee thing and see how that works. Glasses would look great on your face, too, so let me Nth that.

Do you have any good barbershops in your area? (I'm not talking the old-school, ex-military clip joint...) Up in this neck of the woods, they seem to be the fashion right now. There's one variety which is more "biker" focussed, with well-trained men adorned with tattoos making all the butch customers look great. The other is more marketed to the "urban metrosexual" customer, with buxom women doing the cuts and sports or maybe swimsuit models running on the televisions. Maybe something worth doing would be to "let it all go" for about a month (if you can with your employment) and then going in and having a professional give you a makeover -- hair and beard trim, facial, etc. That might give you a look and the confidence you need to keep anyone from refusing your advances. :)
posted by hippybear at 5:17 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]

I'm about your age and have the exact same problem. I started balding when I was like 16 so I got over it long, long ago and could care less - I started buzzing it down to 1/8" when I was 18 and haven't looked back. For work it is great because everyone assumes I have a decade more experience than I do but socially it sucks, girls my age assume I am 10 years their senior. I can think of a couple of friends older than me that I met, hung out with for 6+ months, and then were shocked when my actual age came up at some point.

I'm borderline underweight and I work in the creative industry so I don't even own any non-casual/trendy clothes so I don't know if those are solutions. I have a very short beard and have thought of shaving it, but I have light skin, dark hair, and my facial hair grows at a rate that I can only assume is meant to make up for my lack of hair elsewhere, so shaving everyday doesn't make much of a difference anyways.
posted by bradbane at 5:44 PM on June 12

You could always try shaving the eyebrows completely. I did this mourning the loss of a pet cat (a la ancient Egyptians) ~10 years ago and have kept them shaved ever since. Only a few people have noticed and I've got a great cover story for when they do.

Also would like to suggest you try a 000 or 1 clipper cut on your head and face for a hip/with-it type look. I'm not bald but I keep my hair cut this way (usually a 000 blade). Initially I did it to look a little tougher for negotiations at work, but eventually I took to it & it just became a natural look for me.

Experiment around - you're young and are still finding your identity. Don't be surprised if it takes the better part of the next 20-30 years before you establish a look with which you're ultimately comfortable.
posted by torquemaniac at 7:07 PM on June 12

Re: the eyebrows- There's nothing wrong with them, but there is a contrast between the shaved head and the strong eyebrows that makes your pate more noticeable. I would NOT wax or shave- I would either have them thinned a bit or have the color taken down a couple levels by a professional who really knows what he or she is doing. I do this on myself with facial bleach and you wouldn't believe the difference it makes.

Seconding the sunscreen, and you could also consider teeth whitening (not that you need it, it just makes people look younger).

FWIW, I took a human sexuality course in college where we were talking about sexual dimorphism, and the professor asked the women in the class to raise their hands if they found bald men attractive. About half of the women raised their hands (and this is ~18-22 year olds). Sucks that you have parents weighing in- could you show them your license or something?
posted by emilyd22222 at 7:28 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your eyebrows.
posted by PatoPata at 8:15 PM on June 12 [2 favorites]

There is nothing wrong with your eyebrows.

A lot of people generally suck at judging age. I'm a fairly young-looking 35-year-old woman, and had someone tell me earnestly last week that I looked 21. Huh? No, I don't, not if you've ever met anyone who is actually 21.The beard ages you. Otherwise, seriously, don't let this bug you.
posted by desuetude at 9:00 PM on June 12

My husband is bald. Five feet four inches tall. Wears glasses. And he is freakin' hot. I can't keep women off of him.

You've got to own the bald. Like, OWN IT. It is a sign of your virility. A sign of your testosterone fueled manliness.

Also: I second what everyone said about making sure you dress hip. I don't know what it is, but a lot of our friends in the South (and Texas) start dressing like they are 45 the minute they graduate from college. Do not do this. Business casual is death to keeping the ladies interested.

Behold my husband. He has this pseudo-western style thing going for him. When he was in grad school, he had some lady friends take him aside and tell him he needed to start wearing jeans that fit, ie. no more baggy fit things. I am so glad they suggested this. Wear tailored pants that fit you and show off your figure (and by figure, I mean waist and butt). Just say no to pleated pants. Invest in a pair of Frye boots. Stand up straight.

Also, facial hair is bad-ass. Consider. If a beard ages you ten years, go for something more sly. Slight sideburns perhaps. Or a mustache of some kind. Good luck!
posted by whimsicalnymph at 5:36 PM on June 13

I don't know if anyone's said it yet but:

ever, appearing to be older than you really are seems to put you at a disadvantage when meeting women.

this is patently false. I've been bald since I was 18 and it has only gotten easier to meet women, probably because 1. everyone else is bald now but less confident about it and 2. women like older guys.

You're probably just disappointing them when you reveal your tender age...try lying and telling them you're 36 instead?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:32 AM on June 15

This is what I typically look like at social events

Dittoing others: I'd have guessed 25-28.
Not dittoing others: you're cute.

Hey, I'm taken. But you definitely don't look old/withered/used up/etc. Act confident. Be smart & witty & kind. Listen to whimsicalnymph. And stop fretting.
posted by kestrel251 at 6:57 PM on June 16