Clubbing again? No thanks.

June 8, 2009 9:26 AM

All of my friends are single and I'm not. How to relate again?

After reading this recent question, I felt prompted to pose the opposite question.

All of my girl friends are single and enjoy going to clubs, bars, etc. to meet boys. However, I've been seriously dating someone for almost a year and find that scene isn't really my scene anymore.

Usually this hasn't been a problem in the past since this wasn't something my friends were into, but now it is and I'm having a tough time relating to them like I used to.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to bridge that gap?

FWIW, I'm 26 years old and my friends are between 22-27 years old.

posted by CatherineK to human relations (7 comments total)

Well, what are you into? Try to get your friends to do that. Deal with the fact that they're still going to go clubbing.
posted by grouse at 9:32 AM on June 8

Surely they don't ONLY want to go clubbing. Find out what else they like to do and participate. Or invite them to do something else with you. Just remember that they're still going to go clubbing sometimes, just like you're going to want to stay home alone with your significant other sometimes.
posted by katillathehun at 9:46 AM on June 8

Seems pretty simple:

So, uh, what about a dinner/cocktail party at your/sig other's place, inviting a few of sig others' guy friends along to meet said single female friends? How about a day of swimming/canoeing, etc. inviting a bunch of friends, both couples and single people? How about a big cookout at a park inviting coworkers, cousins/siblings, single friends and couples (have everyone chip in a few bucks, or bring a dish to pass)? How about a game night with a few beers? What I'm getting at is there are ways to be social that don't involve clubs, but that involve just randomly putting together different people from different parts of your life.
posted by December at 9:47 AM on June 8

Surely they aren't going to the clubs only to meet boys? Don't they also just want to dance and drink a little, and maybe catch up? I fully understand if clubbing isn't your thing (it's definitely not mine), but there's nothing wrong with going out with your friends for support and company. Tell your beau that you're going out with the ladies, and that's that.

There's also something to be said for going out into the jungle every once and again to appreciate just how tough it is to be single. I wouldn't recommend schadenfreude, but I can say, I'm really happy to not have to jump through the meeting-and-dating hoops any more.
posted by explosion at 9:54 AM on June 8

Why not concerts? I have a boyfriend and I go out dancing with ladyfriends pretty often. It's not so meat-markety when I'm there to see the DJ instead of just preening by the bar. I blow off the dudes that hit on me, I dance by myself, and I stumble home late to drunkenly snuggle with the boy I love.
posted by Juliet Banana at 9:55 AM on June 8

You could try more daytime activities with your friends - chillin by the local swimming area, or training for a 5k for instance. Then you can be with your beau at night and they can go out on the prowl.
posted by WeekendJen at 10:27 AM on June 8

Doing one-on-one dinners or lunches with girlfriends has worked well for me; it lets you catch up and keep in touch even if you're not doing the club scene with them every weekend. You might need to initiate a little more when you do want to join the going-out group as they may not know if you're interested or busy with the bf.

Also ask if anyone would be interested in a day at the beach? It can be a good place for them to meet guys, and you can play frisbee/beach volleyball/swim with your boyfriend.
posted by ejaned8 at 11:54 AM on June 8