Five year old favoring dad's GF over me (natural mom)
June 4, 2009 2:09 PM Subscribe
How to deal with five year old daughter showing preference for dad & dad's girlfriend over me?
posted by cdg7707 to human relations (40 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Today was my daughter's kindergarten "graduation". After the events were finished and people were basically socializing, it became glaringly obvious that my daughter wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to give her a hug and kiss and she deliberately pulled away from me and ran to stand by my ex-husband and his live in girlfriend. She was holding the gf's hand and hugging them while I stood there and watched. She didn't even give me a glance. It took every ounce of self control to not burst into tears.
My ex-husband and I have been divorced since our daughter was 18 months old. As far as I know, we have a very good relationship. Very rarely do we argue or disagree about things and certainly never in front of our daughter. I like his girlfriend and there have not been any problems that I'm aware of. My ex and I have both joint physical custody and joint legal custody. She splits her time equally between our homes (well, I have her probably 55% of the time and he 45%.... whatever, semantics). When we went through the divorce I agreed to joint physical and joint legal because, well, he is a good father, is very involved with her, and has every right to spend time with her just as I do.
I'm looking for other's words of advice, observations, experience, etc. as to why my daughter acted like this. She's done it a couple of other times but not every time. When she's with me she is very much a "mama's girl" and wants to be with me, doing whatever I'm doing, all of the time.
Is this just a normal variant due to the fact there were a lot of people, maybe she was uncomfortable (she can be shy)? She did stay with her father last night, so maybe it's a transitional issue? Is it just a case of a "kid being a kid"? Am I not giving her enough attention or something?
Should I be concerned about the possibility of them (ex and gf) attempting to alienate her from me? I would hope to god he would have more class than that but on occasion when we have fought he has threatened to take me to court to get full custody of her..... on what grounds I have no idea, considering I don't smoke, drink, have never done drugs, am gainfully employed, nice house, never been in trouble with the police, haven't abandoned her, no abuse, etc. And I'm NOT suggesting that people who smoke, drink, et al are not good parents so please don't infer that. I was simply listing things that I've heard other people try to use as grounds for getting custody. Anyway, another thing that makes me question this possibility is I found out on her school registration form that he filled out, he put himself as the custodial parent and me as the non-custodial parent which isn't factual at all. If I had filled out the form I would've made it glaringly clear that he and I both had physical and legal custody. He also listed his gf's name as the 2nd emergency contact and me 3rd.
Anyway, I know I have NEVER, EVER put her in a position of choosing me over daddy. NEVER. I've never bad mouthed him to her. I've never denied him from seeing her. There isn't any tension between he and I that I'm aware of. I don't trust him 100% but I keep that to myself.
She is my only child and I love her more than words could possibly express. Hopefully you guys can maybe ease my mind because I'm not going to tell my five year old that she hurt my feelings or try to have her explain her behavior because I think she is too young to articulate why she did something, aka "I don't know."
Thanks for any and all advice!