how to help my child enjoy two months abroad

June 3, 2009 10:22 AM

Can you tell me about your experiences living abroad as a young child?

My daughter is almost six, and I plan to take her to France for two months. The point of this exercise is for her to acquire French language and culture. I realize that two months is not a very long time, but it's what's practical for our family. She's currently in a Waldorf school here in the U.S., and I thought that enrolling her in a Waldorf school in France would lessen the culture shock while still putting her in daily contact with French children. We spent three weeks in France when she was three, and two weeks in Morocco recently, and plan to go back to France once every year or two, generally for a month each time.

Can you tell me about your experiences living abroad as a child, and maybe provide advice on what I can do to help her learn French, have fun, make friends, and be happy? We'll be going there in about 10 months, so I've got some time to lay the groundwork. Advice on what to do before arriving, what to do while living there, and how to help her improve her language skills after we return to the U.S. would be most appreciated. Stories, links, books, etc. -- it's all good. Ditto specific suggestions about Waldorf schools and towns to live in. We haven't made specific plans yet. Thanks.

posted by Capri to travel & transportation (10 comments total)

I spent a large chunk of my life living in another country off and on starting when I was 8 (I'm American; the other country is also English-speaking). I have three responses:

1. I hated the time I spent in school there because I felt like I was on vacation and shouldn't be in school (that particular period overlapped with my US summer vacation).

2. I found it very difficult (very, very difficult) to make friends in a culture that was very similar to my own. I think part of it was that Americans are rarely taught how to fit in, so it was a novelty to be the outsider, the strange foreigner, etc. at such a young age. Suddenly it all clicked when I was cast to play the mythic founding hero of the country in a school play and, according to everyone, spoke the local indigenous language better than the locals. Woot! Suddenly I was "in"! But lord have mercy it was uncomfortable and lonely for a long time.

3. But despite all that, it was a magical part of my life, a time I wouldn't change a moment of. The memories I have almost 30 years later are vivid, and the experiences I had continue to shape me as a person today. That sounds a bit platitudy, but I can't express how profoundly the experience shaped me (and for the better!).

Feel free to email if you want more details. I'd have to uncork the deep memory storage to remember some things (and I don't have any French experience to help with).
posted by socratic at 10:37 AM on June 3

I lived in Germany for two years, starting at age 10, and I loved every minute of it. I enjoyed the uniqueness of even mundane daily activities, and for my situation at the time it was great to get away and make new friends.

I did not attend a German public school, but rather an International School. We were taught in English and basically followed the American school schedule, which helped ease the culture shock a bit. We were taught German in school, but I don't think I got as proficient as I could have been because a) I had no native German friends, and b) Germans get very impatient if you don't know how to speak to them and will quickly switch over to English.

I guess that would be the biggest downside to the whole experience, actually - I didn't interact nearly enough with the "natives". There were kids my age in our town, but I never hung out with them. They played soccer all the time in the field across from our home, but not knowing soccer and not speaking proficient German I was too timid to join them. Everything else was great, though - the travel, being relatively independent in an area that was easy to navigate on a bicycle or on a train - all of it was great.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:00 AM on June 3

I lived abroad with my family in a non-English speaking country from approximately age 6 to age 9, and I have a younger sibling who was age 4 to 7 during the same period.It was definitely worthwhile, and, like socratic's experience, even today it remains a positive and significant part of my life.

Young children have a fairly easy time making friends with other young children. I don't remember any significant difficulties making friends during this period (age 6-9), but when we were abroad again later (age 13-16) connecting with other people my age was much more difficult.

You may have already found this website, but here is a list of the cities in France with Waldorf schools

That said, I know you're not looking for advice about your specific plan, but I'm not sure if two months at age 6 or 7 will have a long term impact on your daughter's language ability or her memory. In my case, my younger sibling adapted very well to the culture and language at the time, but remembers almost nothing about the experience or the language today. As such, it might be worth waiting a couple of years for your daughter to grow up a little, or trying to find a time when you could spend more than two months abroad.

Feel free to send me a message if you have more specific questions about the experience of living abroad as a child.
posted by cimton at 11:00 AM on June 3

Oh, and in terms of language development upon returning to the US, I would recommend finding a school in your area where some or all classes are taught in French. I went to a high school in the US where a significant percentage of my classes were in a foreign language, and that helped my language ability immensely.

Absent enrollment in a French language or "international" school, if there are native French speakers with children living in your community, there are probably also French language playgroups. If no playgroups exist, you could always start one!

Lastly, I don't know if you already know about the Alliance Francaise, but it's an organization dedicated to promoting French language and culture outside of France that organizes all sorts of events, programs, and courses that might be fun and useful for your daughter. My local chapter has a French language summer camp, for example. You can find a list of US chapters here.
posted by cimton at 11:19 AM on June 3

I moved to another country when I was your daughter's age. Most of my friends were other English speakers, but at six you still can befriend people who don't speak the same language you do.

I think the best thing you can do for your daughter now is to start speaking French at home, if you aren't already.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:28 PM on June 3

When I was a kid my mom was working on her disertation in Mexico which meant summers in Yucatan while she did research in some must colonial library, church, or court house. I had to sit through lectures on colonial era Yucatecan history, which is pretty thrilling for an 8-year-old, I can assure you. Dad and I mostly would wander the streets all day or he'd st while I swam in some hotel pool. In the pre- tourist days there weren't a lot of foriegners outside of anthropologists and archeologists so I got pointed at often, but after weeks or months of seeing this weird kid some folks would take pity on me and show me something cool. I still have nightmares, to this day over some of the brutal poverty I was exposed to (the woman nursing her dead baby with warm coca-cola backwash she pulled from a trash can seems to be a perennial favorite). I never learned much Spanish and maybe three words of Mayan from the experience. Now I wouldn't trade the experience for anything as it is part of who I am.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:31 PM on June 3

I lived in France for a while when I was 10, and went to an international school. All our classes were in French (except for our English class). I made friends and learned French and it was pretty great. We were there for more than 6 months, though.

When you get back, enroll her in a French immersion school if such a thing exists in your home city.
posted by rtha at 1:34 PM on June 3

My experience is a little backwards- I moved to America when I was your daughter's age, and learned English in a first grade classroom. Still, childhood international translingual moves are childhood international translingual moves.

First: Yay! Bilingualism is amazing, and you are going to have so much fun!

Second: My parents started me on English language Sesame Street and Muzzy a few months before we moved- it wasn't much, but at least I wasn't starting from scratch. Plus, twenty years later, I can still sing along with all the songs. (5, Rue Sesame and Muzzy)

It's entirely possible that her favorite book has been translated. Read it to her in French! (Max et les Maximonstres) Alternately, get her exited about French books- there are some excellent ones out there. (Le Musee des Mysteree or John Chatteron, detective)
posted by aint broke at 10:33 PM on June 3

Thanks to you all ... wonderful stories and good advice. I've been teaching her French at home, through songs, stories, and just straight-up lessons. Luckily she's very excited by the prospect, and we have a special routine of learning French in the car each morning on the way to school. Unfortunately there are no prospects for learning French in our town through school. None of the public schools teach languages before seventh grade, and the only private schools which teach French at any grade are Christian, but we're decidedly not Christian. No Alliance Francaise for miles either. Great suggestion, aint broke, about the TV shows. I'll see if I can find some on DVD (we don't have cable).

Thanks so much for these touching and inspiring stories. It is especially good to hear that even the difficult times were worth it. My childhood years abroad were not only stress-free, but were easier for me than living in America, so I might have worried if she'd been unhappy. I am so glad to hear that, even if it's more difficult for her than it was for me, it's all worth it in the end. She's far more shy than I am, so this is a real possibility. I will definitely enroll her in a French school, so that she has the chance to really make local friends, and not just play with me in a French backyard.
posted by Capri at 6:17 AM on June 4

Second cimton. If possible, you should either enroll your kids in a French-speaking school while they're not in France, or have them attend French classes outside of school. Some of my younger first cousins spent a few years living in a French-speaking country, and when their parents moved back to the US, the kids went to a French-speaking school. Exposure to native speakers is vital - time spent in France talking to French kids will really help with their accents! - but you really need to give them year-round exposure to French in other ways. Watch subtitled French movies, learn some french so that you can talk with your kid, get them the Muzzy tapes or something similar, pick up kids' books in French.

Even if there's no French-speaking school nearby, at least find someplace that offers weekly classes. Though my siblings and I didn't live abroad as kids, we studied German at a local German cultural center every week for most of our childhood. Unlike many of the students there, our family didn't speak German at home, and since the classes were only weekly, we didn't become fluent. However, it was very, very easy for me to pick the language back up in college, and I'm now very close to being fluent - and my accent is apparently much better than that of most American German-speakers (though it's got something of a South German twinge to it.)

If at all possible, figure out a way spend a longer amount of time (a year, perhaps) living in France at some point in the future. The longer you're there, the more likely it is that your kid will start to make friends and to feel at home in their new language, culture, etc.
posted by ubersturm at 5:41 PM on June 5