can't we just be friends?
May 31, 2009 12:45 PM Subscribe
I accepted a date from a much younger guy and am now having second thoughts. Help me navigate this situation, which is quickly becoming really weird for me.
posted by SkylitDrawl to human relations (36 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I am a woman in my early 20s. Recently, a guy I know confessed to me that he had a huge crush on me and that he has been nursing this crush for around five years. This guy is much younger than me (think 3-4 years younger, meaning he is in his very late teens). When he admitted his crush to me, I was shocked but really flattered. He enquired as to whether or not we could enter into a relationship. I explained that I wasn't looking to get into anything serious right now, but that I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of a FWB situation. He agreed to the FWB situation and was totally excited about it. We have not hung out or seen each other since then, but we have been in contact over text messages.
Now, days later, I am having second thoughts about the entire situation. The fact that he is so much younger than me kind of weirds me out. He is actually only a month older than my younger sibling, and I look at my sibling as a complete kid. Getting involved romantically or sexually with someone my sibling's age would just be sort of creepy, and I couldn't be proud of it or spend time with this guy out in the small town we live in without being embarrassed. The age difference is just too much for me. Also, I am admittedly loopy in love with my ex and still hold out hope of reconciling with him in a year or so. In my clearer, more introspective moments, I feel like I should be totally single for the year that I will definitely be apart from my ex. I want to do some work on myself and focus on my studies. Getting involved with anyone (younger than me or not) would probably not be healthy for me right now.
I also definitely don't want to hurt this guy or lead him on in any way, so I want to explain the situation to him as clearly and as gently as possible before we get involved with one another in anyway. He is an all-around great guy, but I feel like I can't be involved with him at all. However, I feel like saying, "You're younger than me and that makes this totally creepy, so leave me alone, okay and thanks," is totally cruel. How do I go about this as kindly as possible, in a way that minimizes his hurt?