Help me choose a gift for a hard to buy for female friend.

May 31, 2009 6:46 AM

I want to buy a small cheering, comforting, gift for a friend who has recently endured financial troubles, a relationship breakup, the start of a new job and an interstate move - and moved back in with her parents. But we have very different tastes and I'm at a bit of a loss as to what, exactly, I might get her.

She's had a really rough time and while things are looking up, she's still quite sad a lot. She's the epitome of a good egg - a really decent chick - and I'd like to send her something that will provide a little comfort and good cheer. We know each other through work and are good friends, but not best friends.

The sticking point is, everything I think of as a nice gift, I know she wouldn't like! She doesn't drink tea or coffee, so those are out; she's on a very strict low carb diet so sweeties and gourmet goodies are out; not a big drinker, so booze is out; she doesn't do cute, so Etsy stationery or funky craft is out (I know this for definite because I gave her something like this once and she was just nonplussed); and she doesn't really go for fancy bath/body /candles/ homewares either. Gift certificates are no good - we don't have the kind of friendship where I could send her what is essentially money.

Things she *does* like, and what she's like: she's a journalist, a really good writer and whip-smart, but everything journalism related just seems a bit too heavy for the kind of cheer-up experience I'm after. The only other thing I can think of is she likes sudoku and crossword puzzles. But I gave her a sudoku book a while ago.

Arrrrrrgh! Also, I have $30AUD to spend, we're both in different parts of Australia, and it has to be postable.

Help me hive!

posted by t0astie to human relations (20 comments total)

When I do low carb I find nuts to be a nice comfort snack. Almonds, peanuts, cashews, etc...

Here in the states we also have a fairly large variety of sugar free candies that might be good, if you could find them. They're mostly hard candies, but still fairly tasty, imo.

Is there anything for her new job that she might need? Like a classy and sharp business card holder, or a plant she could put on her new desk? If it were something that bloomed occasionally you could leave a note that says "when it blooms, know I'm thinking of you with warmth." (Unless she's got a black thumb *wink*)
posted by librarianamy at 6:53 AM on May 31

Nice journal/blank book (non-cute, of course -- something like a Moleskine or such might fit the bill) and a pack of pens (they don't need to be fancy pens or pretty -- just write well. I like the Pilot G-2). It would be enough luxury and thoughtfulness, but practical and give her a place to express her thoughts (you say she's a journalist, but I imagine she writes for her own personal use too).

There are some little electronic sudoku/crossword games out there that might fit the bill, if you want to go that route, but to me, they seem like gifts you give people you don't know very well.
posted by darksong at 6:55 AM on May 31 [2 favorites has favorites]

Give her a subscription to The New Yorker.
posted by sickinthehead at 7:01 AM on May 31

I don't know if you want to give her a gift certificate, but if you do a gift card to a chain bookstore would be nice. She'll have the fun of picking out a book or two for herself, and then hours of pleasure and distraction when reading them.
posted by orange swan at 7:07 AM on May 31

The New Yorker sounds nice, but it'd be 140 Australian dollars, not 30, for a one year subscription.
posted by bjrn at 7:13 AM on May 31

I know it's a cliche, but flowers have been my port of call in situations like this. There are few people who aren't cheered by fresh blooms on a table. You can also get growing plants delivered in the same way as cut flowers, even better i think, so perhaps have a minature rose plant or a geranium or something sent to her home?

Nice thing to do, whatever you decide on :)
posted by greenish at 7:34 AM on May 31 [1 favorite has favorites]

Moleskin seems like it would go over well. You could get two sizes and a few nice pens.

Or a small nice leatherman or swiss army knife engraved with something (her name, a saying) because she's so good at getting out of sticky situations! The skeletool is probably my favourite but there.

What about a journalist's memoir? To show her that her life situations now are helping her develop further understanding and empathy for folks in dire straights. Joan Didion's "A Year of Magical Thinking" comes to mind.
posted by barnone at 7:37 AM on May 31

I second the journal idea. A friend of mine bought me one when I was in similar circumstances and it was nice to receive something that was a literal manifestation of a fresh page to start on...
posted by Chrysalis at 7:38 AM on May 31

It's a wee bit out of price range at ~$40, but, Sky Umbrella? Who on earth doesn't need an umbrella? Plus you can even tie it into the occasion with some naff reference to hoping the sun comes out again for her "soon, but in the meantime..." or similar. ;) Remo seems to be out of stock but looks like they also have them here and here.
posted by springbound at 7:41 AM on May 31

(Though, those second two links may not be/aren't the collapsible version, which may be a postage nightmare. Look around online yourself if you like the idea; collapsible ones do exist; there's gotta be one somewhere!)
posted by springbound at 7:53 AM on May 31

How about... a nice pen, reusable water bottle, The End of the Beginning by Avi, Grobal Baby? Can you regularly mail her post cards? They're inexpensive, you aren't obligated to write at length and she'll probably enjoy receiving cards on a regular basis.
posted by handabear at 10:24 AM on May 31

The Consolations of Philosphy by Alain de Botton is well written, and a great book for cheering people up.
posted by meijusa at 10:29 AM on May 31 [1 favorite has favorites]

Gift certificates are no good - we don't have the kind of friendship where I could send her what is essentially money.

On the contrary -- these are the kinds of situations that gift certificates were created for. A gift certificate for Barnes & Noble was the first thing I thought. I know you're not thinking "money," but I've never seen a gift certificate that way, to be honest.

If you get a gift card from a bookstore (I was thinking), then she has the choice to figure out what would make her happiest -- be it a book about a hobby she wants to pick up, a book about how to advance her career, or a trashy romance novel because she wants pure escapism.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:48 AM on May 31 [1 favorite has favorites]

Organizational stuff. A nice day-planner (I find writing my to-do list makes me accomplish them more than just typing it into a smartphone or something) or an attractive set of folders, pens, ect. Having all-new-waiting to be filled office-y stuff can make a job hunt or new living situation seem much more attractive. Something from her new adult life she can take back to her childhood home.

Muji has some very attractive (but not cute) high-quality home-office supplies.
posted by The Whelk at 11:52 AM on May 31

I think flowers are nice in these situations. I am always really happy when I receive them, and I am not a girly/crafty person. Also, another nice thing is to send photos. When I moved to where I live now, my friend who was staying behind gave me a really nice framed picture of the two of us which I still have (now updated with a more recent picture).
posted by bluefly at 1:29 PM on May 31

A gift certificate for a pedicure always cheers me up. Especially when I don't have the extra funds to splurge on myself. Or maybe to a hair salon for a fresh cut. I know you said you didnt want to send money or gift card but those things always make me feel better. Have you checked to see if she has a wish list on Amazon? Flowers are always good.
posted by meeshell at 3:46 PM on May 31

A sweet little plant would be my go-to gift in this situation, but I think you'll have trouble getting one delivered for $30. You might like to try looking up florists in her local area rather than using a chain.

A book? Nothing too heavy, but something she can unwind with. Does she like mysteries? I recently read Mistress of the Art of Death by Ariana Franklin, about a female doctor in 12th C Europe, and thought it was wonderful. Or you could try something more poppish like Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Nice stationery? kikki.K sells notebooks of all kinds, folders, pens, etc. A lot of their stuff will be too cutsie for you, but they usually also have simpler items covered in textured fabric. OfficeWorks sells their own brand of patterned notebooks that are attractive and not too girly.

Dvds? JB Hi-Fi is selling Gilmore Girls seasons for $29 at the moment.

It's a nice thing you're doing for your friend. No matter what you get her, she'll be cheered.
posted by Georgina at 6:43 PM on May 31

If she's in Sydney or Melbourne, send her a copy of the Slow Guide to her city. They're like guidebooks for locals, with a focus on sensory and relaxing things to do, usually for free. Whenever I start to feel ambivalent about living in Sydney, this book gets me out of the house and cheers me right up. They're exactly within your budget.
posted by embrangled at 10:57 PM on May 31

Consolations of Philosophy is just perfect. Smart, comforting and exactly correct for what she's going through. Thank you so much meijusa.

Re notebooks, pens and things, I should have said, but it slipped my mind, I always had these kind of things when we sat together. She just thought they were ridiculous and couldn't believe I would spend (quite a lot of, sometimes) money on a notebook or a diary or a pen when there was a perfectly good (incredibly ugly) things in the stationery cupboard. So they're out!

But you've all lit a fire in me for going and stocking up on lovely stationery for myself after I go bookshopping. And I have a great gift list for a few other people too, now! Three cheers for the kindly gift-assisting hive.
posted by t0astie at 2:04 AM on June 1

Damn! I was going to recommend a really nice notebook. Hell, sometimes I go buy myself really nice notebooks if I'm feeling really depressed and want to feel like something in my life is brand new.

If she likes reading, though, a giftcard to a bookstore would be awesome. A lot of people (myself included) have an aversion to giving gift cards, but it's really really hard to pick a book for someone else since everyone's tastes are so individualized, and you never know, maybe there's one specific book that she's been pining for but that she hasn't allowed herself to buy.
posted by Phire at 12:36 PM on June 2