Two man enter, one man leave

May 26, 2009 10:21 PM

I kinda feel like rounding up a couple of rubber practice knives and coating the edges in lipstick and having some simulated knife fights just for kicks.

I'll be your best friend if you know a way I can easily come up with some knife-a-likes without having to actually order some practice knifes on the internet for this silly whim. Besides I work on an army base and the ones I've seen there are hard enough that it would actually hurt taking one in the ribs.

posted by GleepGlop to sports, hobbies, & recreation (18 comments total)

Silicone knife scraper
posted by hortense at 10:43 PM on May 26

I've heard that people who like to fake-knife-fight will do so with magic markers. (You check where you're marked so you know how dead you are afterwards.) Makes me wonder if the lack of an "edge" to a marker changes your tactics, or if knife fighting is all about the stabbity and not the slashity anyway. Knife fighting is one of those few things I'm just as happy never to learn, honestly.
posted by hattifattener at 10:52 PM on May 26

Bananas to the ribs shouldn't hurt.
posted by benzenedream at 11:01 PM on May 26

hattifattener, yes generally knife fighting is more along the lines of getting all stabby as getting a target to stay still long enough to slash them open is very difficult. OP, not sure if you are looking to simulate bigger knives/swords as well, but what me and a buddy used to do was get wooden dowels from Home Depot and then a pool noodle (one of those foam floaty things) and slide a section of noodle over top of the dowel's business end and whale away at each other on the front lawn of the software company we worked at. If you used smaller pieces, like a foot long or so that might give you a fair approximation of what you want....
posted by barc0001 at 11:23 PM on May 26 [1 favorite]

Chalk dusted items also work. You could pick up some cheap flip-flops/sandals and fashion them into knife shape.
Sicilian knife fighting is pretty much stabby-stabby, hence the long thin stiletto.

Protip: Bringing the knife up and forward along the center line into the solar plexus will usually result in a hit/kill.

Protip2: Running is your best option when facing someone with a knife. Just like a gun, you don't have to be a master with a knife to be dangerous. Hell, you don't even have to be good at all.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:28 PM on May 26

Dildos will work well in this situation.
posted by zerokey at 11:46 PM on May 26

Avoid the glass ones though.
posted by flabdablet at 1:30 AM on May 27 [1 favorite]

W.E. Fairbairn and Bill Sykes swore by thick but short lengths of rope when training combatives out in WWII. They couldn't get hold of rubber and wood etc was too hard.

Killing with a knife involves stabbing. Slashing is much less common unless it's to the face to get blood in their eyes. I have transcribed a section of the SOE Silent Killing knife manual for you:

"The knife is a silent and deadly weapon that is easily concealed and against which in the hands of an expert, there is no sure defence, except by firearms or by running like hell...

...Show the vulnerable points, emphasising that the abdominal region is the principal target. Show how to make an opening for a thrust in the region, e.g. by slashing across face, hands, wrist and forearms, by flinging gravel, a stone, a hat, a hankerchief, etc., in the opponent's face..."

I also have to disagree to some extent with P.o.B. (and with Fairbairn himself) with regards to running. Most folks nowadays are incredibly out of shape and the sort of person who is going to stab you is still going to do so, but now you are going to be too tired to actually defend yourself. If you are fit and they aren't, by all means run away, if you are not likely to outrun them then you will have to defend yourself.

Beware bullshit knife defences hawked by self-defence experts who have never attacked nor been attacked with a knife. I have been threatened with a knife but the mouthy little shit (& friends) ran off when I charged full pelt to hit him around the head a few times. I am pretty certain I would have some lovely new scars if he actually had any bottle, particularly since I was contacted by a police office a couple of months back to ask if I would be willing to come to court as the little shit (& friends) have now been busted for killing a man.
posted by longbaugh at 5:56 AM on May 27 [1 favorite]

Boffers is the way to go - if you find you like this sort of fun, look up a Boffer LARP in your area, and you get to do it all weekend in a proper setting.

If you want to go "pro" in this, there's a LARGE variety of swords, knives, and other stuff made from foam / rubber latex, that look amazing and are safe, although you are now getting into the "Order online" stage. Check out Knighthawk Armory for an example of such.
posted by GJSchaller at 6:52 AM on May 27

Any plastic knife should be equipped with A-B blood. Put a little of solution A on the knife... a little of solution B on the victim... and presto!
posted by kaseijin at 7:14 AM on May 27

Here is a couple links you might find interesting

Practice Knives

Shock Knives!
posted by Mastercheddaar at 7:45 AM on May 27

I would think some duck tape and cardboard are your friend here, especially if its mainly slashy stuff. If it's more stabby, then perhaps using a cardboard tube, or running a dowel through the previously mentioned cardboard knife, and then taping up some type of foam or cloth padding on the tip.

For extra tricky fun, make some mock-up throwing stars to surprise your friend with. Of course the old argument of whether or not that was cheating will erupt, but that's half the fun too, right?
posted by forforf at 10:12 AM on May 27

Oh, if you do have some better practice knives but are worried about the ribs thing, you could use the cardboard and tape to make some cheapo personal armor that should take most of the sting out of things. Feel free to wear normal clothes over the cardboard armor if you want to avoid looking dorkish.
posted by forforf at 10:16 AM on May 27

My brother-in-law was just sharing stories about learning how to knife fight over the weekend. He and his military buddies used black Sharpies (uncapped, obviously).
posted by geeky at 10:49 AM on May 27

If you are fit and they aren't, by all means run away, if you are not likely to outrun them then you will have to defend yourself.

Yeeeeaaaah maybe, adrenaline can do a lot for people though. If you're somewhere that is truly deserted, okay then maybe try to stick it out. Otherwise, run and scream (like a little girl) to somewhere more populated.
A real protip for you to decide if it is a good idea to stick around would be to take a look at the persons knife hand. Are they gripping the knife extra tight? Is the knife moving around? A good knife fighter will keep it moving around and won't be choking the knife. There are defensive postures that keep the knife static but if the guy is in a defensive position (and you know what the hell that looks like) then why are you trying to fight the guy?
A basic rule of thumb, and common sense, dictate three or more inches of steel penetrating you is not conducive to you staying alive and running should be your first option.

Number one problem with this, and sparring in general, is deciding what the kill shots are and what are not. You want to keep your defensive wounds to the forearms and all your hits should be to the body or neck.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:57 PM on May 27

We used to do this sort of thing a long time ago in Seattle and we did it with markers. [self link]
posted by jessamyn at 4:02 PM on May 27

Thanks for the suggestions, I will see what I can pull together.
posted by GleepGlop at 11:05 AM on May 29

P.o.B. what if you can't run because you are with a child or some other reason?

Checking out the fighter's grip isn't possible in the time it takes for them to draw it and put it in you and would be virtually impossible in the dark or other confused circumstances. I strongly doubt an amateur or regular joe is going to be doing anything other than staring at the shiny blade if someone pulls one. Checking for a fencing grip or whatever isn't going to happen.

I also question attacking the body as a valid target against an armed opponent. You want to be hitting them in the head a lot, as hard as you can until you knock them out. That's when you run.

Keep in mind that your level of fitness as a martial arts practitioner is going to be higher than some average johnny on the street who has just finished work and is barely concentrating on anything other than getting home. For this reason I believe it's important to switch on immediately and go all out with the intention of destroying the threat as quick as possible.

Having a couple of good techniques (hit them in the head - either an open chin jab or punch to the jaw or open hand palms to the upper hemisphere or mastoid process) and the ability to harness aggressive intent and forward drive are worth the minor investment in time. I don't think for a second that running is a good idea for regular people. Like the saying goes - you can run , but you'll only die tired.

Given multiple assailants the situation changes immensely, and the location, time of day etc. will all have an effect but if you aren't going to prepare for the worst case then you'll be woefully unprepared should it ever happen. In the instance I related above, I could have run away but at that time I was 30lbs overweight and a heavy smoker and these were fit looking guys. If I'd have turned my back a second time (one of them sucker punched me on the neck to start with - a poor choice of targeting on his part) I could have found myself with a rather large claret spillage and not here today.
posted by longbaugh at 1:09 PM on June 26