FOOD FIGHT!!

May 22, 2009 6:35 AM

A group of my friends have been challenged to an epic food fight. Please give me all your awesome suggestions, tips, and secrets for what we should use for ammunition.

As far as I know no real restrictions have been put in place. So far I think my team has kicked around ideas of bringing oatmeal, balloons filled with some sort of nasty ketchup/mustard combination, and water guns filled with Kool Aid (for maximum stickiness).

But I sort of figure that with the hivemind's general combination of creativity, intelligence, and cynicism, someone's got to have other great ideas as to how to nastify the other team. :) Thoughts?

posted by Quidam to food & drink (40 comments total)

Cornbread muffins. Dense, so they throw well but when they hit they explode into a shower of crumbs which stick to wet stuff and which can't be thrown back. My college favorite by far.
posted by procrastination at 6:38 AM on May 22 [4 favorites]

Molasses. Cheap and incredibly sticky. If you spray them with molasses and then fling shredded coconut at them, it would be the edible equivalent to tar and feathering. Ethnic groceries generally have flaked coconut for cheaper than the regular grocery.

Whipped cream canisters.

Whole coconuts would be kind of mean.
posted by Juliet Banana at 6:39 AM on May 22 [1 favorite]

If you're up for a quick trip to Ikea, you could pick up those chocolate coconut covered marshmallow fluff things. I think they would fly nicely, and splatter marshmallow goo all over the person they hit, making them un-returnable. Though they might need a jelly bean or two inserted to give them a little bit more weight. I think they are sold as kokosbollar at Ikea. Size is just slightly smaller than a baseball, but they are quite light.
posted by Grither at 6:46 AM on May 22

Dried beans for hurting, cooked beans for bouncing off of, refried beans for squishing.
posted by scratch at 6:46 AM on May 22

Also you could make one of these
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:50 AM on May 22

"As for your question, use coke cans..."

Wait wait wait. I'm thinking Diet Coke + Mentos cannons.
posted by scottatdrake at 6:51 AM on May 22

Oh I like the rolling coke can idea, and it gave me another one: put some vinegar in some balloons, then add some baking soda, tie quickly and throw, for some neat-o, non-lethal "greandes".

Oh, and maybe have both sides agree to donate x amount of food to charity afterwards, to forestall any moral arguments against the idea of a foodfight in this thread?
posted by Grither at 6:52 AM on May 22 [2 favorites]

Haha ouch. Grenades, not greandes. Also, note I said "non-lethal" not "safe".
posted by Grither at 6:56 AM on May 22

Whole pineapple are easier to aim than coconuts. Just sayin'.
posted by methylsalicylate at 6:58 AM on May 22

When I worked as a dishwasher, a favorite prank was throwing frozen strawberries at your co workers. They were easy to throw hard, didnt really hurt too much, and left a heck of a red stain.
posted by utsutsu at 7:01 AM on May 22

Not to be a wet blanket, but could you balance out the karma by "charging admission" of two or three bulk items for your local soup kitchen or food bank? Call ahead to ask what they need most.

(on preview, what Grither said)
posted by availablelight at 7:06 AM on May 22 [3 favorites]

Most soup kitchens cannot accept perishable or non-packaged items. Have fun.

Personally, I was thinking oranges - cut just the skins into small wedges, and throw. They'd probably hurt a little, but the explosion would be *awesome*.
posted by notsnot at 7:14 AM on May 22

Here are a couple of ideas:

- Milk-filled "super soakers"
- Go to Whole Foods and get the huge Ostrich eggs. Having one of those hurled at me would be TERRIFYING!

And don't listen to the naysayers. If you absolutely must, make a donation to a food kitchen to purchase offsets for the food-fight.

Better yet, get everyone involved to fast for a day or two before the food fight. Everyone will be hungry and angry, and it will lend a sense of epic tragedy / sacrifice to the effort.
posted by BobbyVan at 7:25 AM on May 22

This is a huge waste of food, I would urge you to reconsider.

You're still going to do it? Okay, here are my suggestions... Long range weapon: Vinegar-filled water balloons -- white vinegar is really cheap. Short range weapon: Cream "pies" -- fill disposable aluminum pie pans with whipped cream (from aerosol can), and jam it in someone's face; include some fruit pie filling or honey for more stickyness.
posted by Simon Barclay at 7:25 AM on May 22

A handful of rainbow sprinkles hurled face-ward stings nicely and rains down like tiny pellets of confetti. Thing is, I'm pretty sure those don't (or really shouldn't) count as food.
posted by blisskite triplicate at 7:29 AM on May 22

peel medium soft boiled eggs. high sulfur factor, high impact dispersion factor. low low returnability factor.

awesomest question in ages!
posted by chasles at 7:30 AM on May 22

dunk some canned biscuits in water and fling them.
posted by nitsuj at 8:01 AM on May 22

I don't like the vinegar ideas, even with baking soda added you might still hit someone in the face and really irritate the hell out of their eyes. If you want something to explode, mix diet coke and mentos as mentioned, or baking powder and water.

Eggs, partially cooked or raw, and tomatoes would make great throw-able ammo. As mentioned it's unlikely that the enemy can use them against you again, and you can hurl them as accurately as you can throw a baseball.

Lettuce wraps of canned sardines or tuna? The lettuce will hold the fish in place while you throw it, and the stink factor will be very high. Or make a paste of any bleu cheese you can find and wrap it in lettuce and use them the same way.

Paper lunch bags or zip lock bags of flour. Fill them pretty full and then puncture the bag several times on each side with a sharp knife. You'll get some on you when you throw it, but the punctures will help the bags burst, increase the spread, and prevent them being thrown back at you.
posted by Science! at 8:03 AM on May 22

Really? No one has suggested raiding a grocery store dumpster for slightly off vegetables to throw.

Free.
Going to waste anyway.
A delightful funk can develop in your opponents clothing if you choose wisely.

The ideal choice, especially considering people's concern with waste.
posted by Seamus at 8:22 AM on May 22 [4 favorites]

Oreo cookies. They can bought cheap, have no nutritional value and you can practice with them to become the Nninja of food fights, stealthily waiting in ambush to rain chocolately creme filling death upon your opponents.

Afraid of the the cookies being too hard and hurting someone? Bah, it's your enemies that should should feel fear. You are my greatest failure as a teacher.

Stuff the cookies in marsh-mellows if you must, you miserable excuse of a cookie assassin.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:29 AM on May 22

For those suggesting eggs, check the food allergies of all involved to make sure someone isn't deathly allergic of what is going to be hurled at them. I get hit with an egg, and hello emergency room. [/wetblanket]

Any way to prep the battlefield before the other side gets there? Land mines out of balloons and chocolate sauce, or other more disgusting viscous liquids. Make a potato gun, but on a smaller scale for launching hot dogs. Go to the day old bread store and get some bread, leave it sit out a few days, soak in water, and throw the moldy pieces at the other side for a disgusting surprise.
posted by deezil at 8:34 AM on May 22

I forgot all about too ripe tomatoes. When I worked at Burger King we would have epic fights with those. Cut them into thin slices and chuck them. When they hit all the seed goo sticks to whoever just got hit. I hit the drive thru girl once in the back of the neck and the goo ran down her whole back. She was taking a customers cash at the time and couldn't fight back. HAHA
posted by Mastercheddaar at 8:35 AM on May 22 [1 favorite]

It's only a huge waste of food if you are buying the food. You can dumpster everything from baked goods to rotting fruit. Learn what night the stores put out their trash, take what you want from the bags. Remember to tie them up well and not to leave a mess about.

Having taken part in one the most epic food fights ever taken place in history [2003's Condiment War] I can suggest what worked best -

Hot sauce filled supersoakers were de rigueur, but this is only fair if people expect it and have goggles on. Even then, the condiments would drip down into one's eyes and a visit to the medic station for a splash of saline was necessary. Older, refillable fire extinguishers (the silver kind) filled with sauces of any kind were popular - getting blasted with mustard from 40 feet away is a remarkable experience. Two inventive metal-shop workers used their shop pancake compressors, filled with oil and vinegar, dubbed themselves the "Salad Shooters". Water-balloons filled with rotten fruit pulp slung by 3 person slingshots. Lacross sticks or jai-lai style scoops for flinging gross things. A roach-coach food cart reconfigured as a moving catapult (see the photos in links above).

Have Fun!
posted by stachemaster at 8:35 AM on May 22 [3 favorites]

Eggs. East to throw, very messy, not expensive.
Koolaid in supersoakers.
Honey is very sticky, but not throwable. Thin it down with water.
Bread. Stale bread is cheap, and will allow you to have lots of ammo.
Oatmeal grenades = awesome.
posted by theora55 at 8:40 AM on May 22

If you want to fling fish, as suggested by Science!, mackerel is by far smellier and cheaper than sardines or tuna.. and the bits of bone might add a nice "sting" factor
posted by sarajane at 8:41 AM on May 22

To get past the "waste of food" folks, you could always go through the produce section looking for the gross stuff no one would ever eat.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:48 AM on May 22

(By which I mean spoiled stuff--not just brussels sprouts.)
posted by Sys Rq at 8:49 AM on May 22

Ham salad or tuna salad could be molded into balls and then either left out to partially dry or half-frozen in order to keep their shape when you throw them. Whoof, what a stink. And I have to think that a handful of pomegranate guts would leave a heck of a colorful mark.

If you nest one small-diameter piece of capped PVC pipe into a barely-larger piece, you could use it syringe-style to shoot out cylindrical stuff like hotdsogs, sausages with the casing removed, or peeled eggplant/cucumber (seed explosion!).

Calves' BRAAAAINs. Also, sweetmeats. Or a handful of tripe smothered in ketchup tossed across someone's head.

Cat food? It'd gross out anyone who carelessly licked their face when you told them after the action.

If you want to cause pain, frozen Brussles sprouts sound likely.

And if they come over the barricades, a carrot to the eye socket should stop 'em!

Hey, this *is* fun!
posted by wenestvedt at 9:00 AM on May 22

I can imagine something terrible happening with Hostess apple pies, even worse if you dipped them in water first. I also am tempted by the comedy potential of such products as Kraft Squeezin' and Cheezin'.

As far as I know, neither of those products contain any actual food, so your karmic debt will not increase.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:07 AM on May 22

Or salisbury steaks with cold gravy on them. Hell, a Swanson dinner is like a sweet sodium filled armory.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:08 AM on May 22

You could go nuclear and fill up some balloons with nuoc mam (fish sauce.)
posted by evisceratordeath at 9:27 AM on May 22 [2 favorites]

Honey-comb tripe.

Once people figure out what is getting thrown at them, it'll be hilarious.
posted by Loto at 9:53 AM on May 22

Ooohhh I had an awesome food fight right after graduating from college and me and my six roommates were trying to clean out the three fridges in the house before moving to various parts of the country. We also decided to supplement the fridge leftovers with mashed potatoes made from flaked potatoes bought in bulk at Costco, pudding from pudding mix, and flour/water paste that is absolutely fantastic to throw at someone close-ish. Eggs are fantastic if you kinda crush them ahead of time.

Also! Make sure you have a clean-up plan. We did our fight in a public park and planned it for the day before a huge thunderstorm and also had someone's truck so we could ride in the back of the truck afterwards. Also, wear clothing that you don't care if it is ruined, since it will smell terrible afterwards, depending on what you are throwing. Also! If you are using milk or any super smelly products (like the tuna bomb suggested above) make sure you coat any exposed skin in vasoline or a thick lotion so that the smell doesn't sink into your skin.

Have fun - our food fight was one of my most memorable college memories and we ended up having almost 30 people show up.
posted by banannafish at 9:57 AM on May 22

If I might suggest a way to avoid the "this is a huge waste of food" argument while at the same time really NASTIFYING the experience:

use rotted/bad food. I am sure local food eateries have plenty of disgusting shit in their trash.
posted by sickinthehead at 10:15 AM on May 22

[few comments removed - "waste of food" comments that aren't offering something answering the question need to go to email or metatalk. thanks]
posted by jessamyn at 10:19 AM on May 22

Octopuses.
posted by Wet Spot at 10:50 AM on May 22

My friends and I used to have food fights in college and by far the most effective weapon was food of a cake-like consistency. It got stuffed up noses, crammed in ears and just generally stayed wherever it was originally placed, especially if it was frosted.
posted by shesbookish at 12:17 PM on May 22

Watermelons. Use a big knife to cut one end off - then carry the melon around and use your hand to scoop out handfuls to throw. Red! Sticky! Sweet! Portable!
posted by jopreacher at 12:17 PM on May 22

Fish sauce. Soy sauce. Worcestershire sauce. Something involving shrimp. Balsamic Vinegar. Mussels. The brine from that jar of pickles that's been in your fridge for way too long. Combine these, then add cornstarch or flour until it makes the most vile paste imaginable.

As for launching this stuff, I would suggest water balloons as you don't really want to be smelling it. Oh, and raid your local Chinese grocer for other obscure, vile smelling extract-based sauces.
posted by jozzas at 12:43 PM on May 22

OK-- kidding about the bees and watermelon..
but shrimp smells worse than anything--
probably supersoak with that; get a nice cocktail with the previously suggested spoiled milk.

I don't suppose the rules of war crimes apply here?
do you need to consider anything like the golden rule?

because when it comes to rotten food, I think you may want get a solid consensus on whether it's appropriate for "play" enemies as opposed to real life ones.

have fun.
you definitely ought to document the whole day
posted by candyhammer at 12:49 PM on May 22