What do I need to know before attending a quinceañera?

May 20, 2009 7:36 AM

My SO's sister is turning 15 in a few weeks and her parents have planned an extravagant quinceañera. I've never been to one before, and I'm pretty excited to go! I just have a few questions.

The family is crazy busy with planning right now so rather than bombard them with questions I thought the hive mind could give me some input.

The day's events are (I believe) typical for a quinceañera - church service followed by dinner, then a formal dance and afterwards a "teen mixer" which we may or may not attend. I've known his family for almost seven years and I feel very close to them. I do think of the birthday girl as a little sister.

1. What do I wear? I asked my SO and he thought female guests wore formal gowns in pastel colors but wasn't sure (I don't think he's been to one since he was much younger). He will be wearing a suit and tie.

2. What's an appropriate/traditional gift for a "big sister" to give?

3. Anything else I should know? Roles the family plays in the ceremony, general expectations for the event, etc.?

Thanks!

posted by geekchic to society & culture (8 comments total)

1. What you would wear to a wedding. That is, I usually wear a suit. Women wear dresses but I've never heard of a dress code (i.e. colors) for the guests.
3. Unless you're formally affiliated with the event, such as being a godparent, your role again is similar to that of a wedding guest.

If its like one of the gazillions I've attended in my family, you arrive bearing gifts (cant help you on the gift - I always con my mom to get something), you're seated at a table, you are served a meal, there will be a formal dance for her and her chamberlans (a bunch of young men who play the role of suitors), followed by just general dancing for everyone involved.
posted by vacapinta at 7:51 AM on May 20

If you treat it (for dress code, gifts, etc.) as a wedding, you'll be ok. It will be a whole lot like a wedding, but without an actual marriage.

She will have a court, of women and their escorts, and they wear matching outfits, like bridesmaids do. Other people will wear the same clothes you'd see at a wedding (very nice and dressy, but not formal gowns).

His family should help with the gift idea. There are several traditional gifts and customs that are followed, and you'll want to know about them. For example, she'll get a rosary or other Church-related item, and there will be a doll, and maybe changing shoes from flats to heels. But, these are things that are given to her by specific people. I think you'd be ok with giving her a best-birthday-gift-ever type of gift, as traditional gifts might already be done by other family members.

Here's a video you might watch, to see how it all looks.
posted by Houstonian at 7:55 AM on May 20

Backing up vacapinta. This is a lot like a wedding. I was a gringo growing up in South Texas, so I've been to plenty of these.

1) I usually wore a suit (once I realized that a nice suit was necessary), or before that, the ever-present khakis and a button down. For the ladies (such as yourself), a dress would be fine. I've seen everything from floor-length to nice, chic cocktail dresses. I've never heard of anything about pastel colors, but that may just be a request depending on the color scheme that the family has chosen.

2) Presents? No clue. I'd probably consider a gift card or cash, as a 15 year old girl will probably have a better idea what she wants than you do.

3) Unless your're dancing in the ceremony (and you probably aren't, since you haven't been going to a billion rehearsals), you just show up, sit, eat, enjoy. Your SO may have a few roles to play, but for you, eating and dancing may be it.

I probably wouldn't attend the "teen mixer" afterwards, by the way. This is usually the time that the older crowd (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles) etc. clear out, and the high school kids get a chance to dance to music that they like. If it's anything like the ones I went to, the early music consisted of Tejano two-steps and old country favorites. Then, the DJ put on something a little more tolerable (which, in 1999-2000, was Pretty Fly for a White Guy, but I digress). You could stay for a few songs, but it'll feel like a high school dance really fast.
posted by SNWidget at 8:00 AM on May 20

I've been to a bunch, but only as a friend of the family, not as a semi-sibling. At the ones I've been at, close family members dressed pretty nice (some in suits, some not), and everyone else dressed somewhere on the spectrum between fairly nice and ultra-casual. Gifts seem to be mainly in cash, and often different parts of the event (the food, the dj, the limo, etc) are sponsored by relatives and friends, in addition to the gifts they give directly to the girl.

I'm sure, however, that this changes a lot depending on where you live and on the social strata of the family, so adjust accordingly. And the go-to person on this is probably not your SO, but rather an older female relative of his -- ask an aunt or cousin who has been involved in putting these on before for guidance.
posted by Forktine at 8:04 AM on May 20

My daughter just went to one for a friend of hers, and I agree with the suggestions that you should treat it as a wedding as far as the dress goes. My daughter wore a black dress with a pink sash, so no pastel colors, and from the pictures, there was no "pastel only" code overall.

For a gift, we went with something that would go along with the theme of the day. This means we bought what my daughter and her friends referred to as a "big girl gift". Something you might get a young adult woman. For us that meant a nice bracelet.

Have fun.
posted by genefinder at 8:34 AM on May 20

Dress formal... weddish.

Since you know her better than anyone else I would go with your gut for a gift. Jewelry is nice, perfume, etc. However if you want to be traditional you could get her a chain with a cross or something religious.

Have fun.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 9:05 AM on May 20

The formal dresses with the pastel colors is probably referring to what the court wears, the matching bridesmaid-style dresses that Houstonian refers to.

If you had to worry about the role you're going to play, you'd already know by now and been filled in. You're just a guest and won't be actively participating in the ceremony.

I think any normal birthday gift would be acceptable. As long as it's not a Hello Kitty vibrator, you know. It doesn't have to be religious.
posted by Juliet Banana at 9:08 AM on May 20

The last quince años I attended, we gave the girl a hot pink iPod shuffle and she loved it. As Houstonian said, it's just like a nice birthday gift, it doesn't have to be religious.

I wore a black dress and we left before the teen party.
posted by clearlydemon at 9:41 AM on May 20