GET UP ALREADY

May 18, 2009 8:05 PM

How do you snap yourself out of a temporary, but fairly deeply depressed state in order to accomplish tasks at hand?

I have been feeling very depressed for the last month. I know myself well enough to be pretty sure it is temporary, but lately I've been really struggling with turning off the computer, going to the gym, eating well and getting things done. I have been unemployed/uninsured for several months now. In two weeks I'm moving back to my home city where I will find a good job, but whose population and cramped space I'm not quite ready to go back to, and leaving a tiny job-less city where I have a quiet life that I'm sad to leave in some ways. And that's the purgatory I am currently stuck in. It's all very bittersweet.

I'm leaving things I love (cheap, spacious, beautiful apt - my sanctuary - and also selling my car). And leaving things that are really painful (unemployment, friends have left/are leaving). And I'm moving on to things that are scary and less than ideal (homeless for a month or two; small, cramped, expensive apt eventually; loss of car) but I know I will be fine in a couple months.

So I know logically things are OK. I have a plan. I just CANNOT follow through with it for the life of me. I am extremely lonely here in this tiny city, made worse by visits home where I have friends, family, job prospects. I come back to this apt I love and hate to leave, worry about money, and just get really depressed, like I've never been.

I have two weeks to pack up my apt, get things into storage and secure a couch to sleep on. I know that I will get it done, no question, but I do NOT want to be paralyzed and upset for the next two weeks and leave it all to the last minute. I'm just so mad at myself for getting to this point and for not taking care of myself the way I need to. I occasionally feel a glimmer of motivation, but it's fleeting. I really don't have anyone here to even help me pack. It's just me, my computer, and my apt waiting to be boxed up.

So I'm looking for specific ways to motivate myself to face all of this insanity and start getting things done. What kinds of things do you do or say to yourself when you are in the moment of feeling paralyzed? How do you force yourself to get up and start on really difficult, emotionally-charged tasks?

It's just so much easier said than done.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (29 comments total)

I am there right now, just finished my thesis (albeit 8 months after I wanted to). The only thing I've found to work is to set an egg timer, actual or an online one. I think it works because I was trained to respond to bells in public school. Then I do 15 minutes screwing around on the computer, 1 hour being useful...

I know it is not a good plan in terms of bigger picture psychological health, but as a perpetual depressive procrastinator - it is all I've got.
posted by Acer_saccharum at 8:10 PM on May 18

I just CANNOT follow through with it for the life of me.

Uhm, yeah you can. We've all been there. You're just looking for excuses not to do what you have to do, and you will have them, in abundance, for the rest of your life. Think about your life, a week from today. You could have accomplished something that you know you'll have to do, or you could be just a week older and that much more miserable.

How do you force yourself to get up and start on really difficult, emotionally-charged tasks?

You just have to do it. It's difficult, it's risky, but you have to follow through. I work in a lab where most of my experiments have to be started a day or two ahead, followed by 8-12h nonstop work the next day. I can't tell you how many times I've started an experiment just to find a perfectly good excuse to postpone it the next day (yes, my towel smells good and it's oh-so-fluffy can occasionally be a good enough excuse to stay home).

I do NOT want to be paralyzed and upset for the next two weeks and leave it all to the last minute.

But that is exactly what's going to happen anyway, no?

I think you already know the answer to you question: just do it.
posted by halogen at 8:18 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]

Dive into the sensations that make up the negative emotions. Inquire about them, trying to see them as clusters of sensations that appear, move around, disappear, and so on. Where in the body is your sadness? Where is the fear? Where is the unbearable laziness, the shame? What are they like? Is it possible to find them interesting? Take those questions seriously and try to "answer" them in terms of sensations that are present now, not in terms of stories or chains of deduction.
posted by pantufla_milagrosa at 8:19 PM on May 18 [7 favorites]

You know what always snaps me out of this sort of thing? Actually getting something done. I in no way intend any snark. See if you can just get a few things rolling, and the weight you're feeling will just melt away (at least it does for me).
posted by mbatch at 8:29 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]

(re: pantufla) While you're doing this, put on some good music, and make space to just sit and listen to it. You're HERE, NOW. You'll be somewhere else in a little while. Make a list of everything you need to do, set alarms -- but also make sure you leave space for yourself to relax.

It's gonna be fine. And when you get to your new place, it'll still be fine -- and you'll still be here. Just take it one step at a time.
posted by puckish at 8:30 PM on May 18

I'm sorry. I've been going through something very similar lately, a kind of situational depression, and it can be crushing at times.

Take advantage of those fleeting bursts of motivation that you mentioned and use them to go to the gym or take a walk. That should at least lift the fog and clear the head for a couple hours afterward, and you can use that time to work.

Start by doing the bare minimum. Set out the boxes in each room. Find the storage company's number. Jot down a list of friends to call who have couches. Just start by doing those tiny things. Very often I find that just setting out and organizing the "tools" I'll need to complete the overwhelming project at hand is enough to break the barrier and get myself moving in the right direction.

And don't be mad at yourself. You still have plenty of time, as long as you start now.
posted by anderjen at 8:35 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]

It can be hard to just do it, I know. Have you tried making a list of things to do, so maybe you're not so overwhelmed. You can also tackling the small stuff first, just to get a feeling of progress and accomplishment (pack up books, fill out a change of address form).
posted by lunalaguna at 8:52 PM on May 18

Like mbatch said, getting something done, anything at all, starts a virtuous cycle. Pick some small think and make yourself do it. A five minute job. After that, make yourself do another five minute job. At that point, a feeling should click of "okay, I can do another five minute job." That's where it starts. Feed it. The easiest way to procrastinate is to inflate, in your mind, the size of things you know you need to do. Shrink them until they feel manageable, and start from there.
posted by fatbird at 8:53 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]

You can also try tackling the small stuff first. Geez, nice job missing words there.
posted by lunalaguna at 8:54 PM on May 18

1. Secure the couch situation in next town.
2. Sell car.
3. Pack.
4. Move packed boxes and furniture to storage.
5. Party.

It is really simple if you break it down to its components. Sort of. I would set daily goals and agendas. I would keep them short and leave time for doing well nothing at all. Set appointments. This forces you to do things at certain times. Invite friend over to help pack and hang.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:57 PM on May 18

Here are 12 specific tools enabling you to simplify your life so you may look forward, not back:

1) Unclutter your life. If you haven't worn it in the past year or two, recycle it for others. Get rid of old files and boxes that take up space and are never needed. Donate unused tools, books, bikes, dishes to charity.

2) Clear your calendar of unnecessary activities and obligations. Practice saying no to excessive demands and don't feel guilty about leisure time.

3) Be sure to keep your free time free. An evening spent reading or writing letters, watching a movie with a loved one, or even exercising alone is far more inspiring than attending some hifalutin function.

4) Take time for meditation and/or yoga. Give yourself at least 20 minutes a day to lose yourself. You'll feel healthier and less stressed.

5) Return to the simplicity of nature. There's nothing more awe inspiring than nature itself. Give yourself permission to walk in the woods, go for a swim in a river or lake, sit by an open fire. No matter where you live, you're only an hour or less from a park or trail.

6) Put distance between you and your critics. Choose to align yourself with those who are like-minded in their search for inspiration. Avoid those who have only negative energy and criticism of your way of doing things.

7) Take some time for your health. Respect your body and simplify your life by exercising and eating sensibly.

8) Play! Spend some time around kids. Enjoy their laughter and frivolity. Be in touch with your younger, playful self.

9) Slow down. Ghandi observed, "there is more to life than increasing its speed." Slow your breathing down so you're aware of each inhale and exhale. Take more time to listen to others. Stop to enjoy the stars on a clear night.

10) Do everything you can to avoid debt. Remember that you're attempting to simplify your life, so don't purchase anything that will complicate and clutter things. By going into debt you just add more anxiety.

11) Forget about the cash value. Do what your heart tells you will bring you joy, rather than what is cost-effective. Don't make money the guiding principle for what you have to do; rather, simplify your life by finding the inherent value in things.

12) Remember your own serenity. When life tends to get too complex, too fast, too cluttered, too deadline oriented, stop and remember your own serenity. Stop frequently to remember what you really want out of life.

Paraphrased from Dr. Wayne Dyer: Inspiration, Your Ultimate Calling
posted by netbros at 9:02 PM on May 18 [27 favorites]

Ah, how well I know this feeling.

One thing that helps me: identify a few small activities which are utterly self-indulgent and shamelessly coddling, and make some time for at least one of these a day. Absolutely overload your pleasure sensors (assuming they're still functioning- in your case it sounds as though they are). Immerse yourself in good music, especially, of the sort that lifts your mood. Let yourself enjoy some time each day without worrying about the work you have to do or any of the other things that are weighing on you.

And for the move in general, here's a rundown of things I've found useful: Set your alarm for dawn if you're not an early riser already, then go outside and drink in some light and human contact if available. Pack a box, call a friend, pack another box. Spread over +/- fourteen days, there's probably not all that much to do; if you like checklists, make one with every task broken down ("pack books on top left living room shelf", not "pack den"), prioritize, and divide over available days on separate sheets of paper. Stick every sheet but the day you're currently on in a drawer so that the undone tasks don't intimidate you.

See how many of your belongings you can possibly give away to charity, and take a little to donate at a time. Organize your day so that you end it physically tired and without several empty nighttime hours for working yourself into a lonely, depressed hole. Try not to use the internet after sundown (I would advise you to dismantle the computer altogether and stick it in your trunk until you leave, but I'm not sure I could do that myself). You have people you love who love you back- fixate obsessively, if need be, on how seriously lucky you are that this is true, and that you're moving towards a time when you will be near them again. Think of your future as a gift you're giving yourself, and of the things you're sacrificing now as part of the price- certainly you would give up much more to earn the good things you expect to return to, if they weren't already waiting for you.
posted by notquitemaryann at 9:06 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]

Getting started: stand with knees bent slightly, inhale raise left arm and swing it down while raising right arm, windmilling arms 180 degrees apart the timing is right when breath is felt whooshing left and right, about thirty cycles will literally breathe one into the present moment, the only place one has any power.
posted by hortense at 9:16 PM on May 18

Timer. I use a timer for any time I have a lot to do and don't feel like tackling it. I'll make a list: 10 minutes in kitchen, 10 minutes picking up in living room, 10 minutes collecting trash and taking it out, 10 minutes making phone calls, 10 minutes reading book. Then start over again, or move on down the list. The kinds of things you have to do--find a friend with a couch, place a craigslist ad for the car, get some packing done--would work well with this kind of system. I'm always amazed by what I can get done in short bursts.
posted by not that girl at 9:19 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]

Pay someone $20/hour to help you box things up. It sounds like it'll be worth the cost. You'll get help and the companionship will probably get you out of your rut long enough to be able to complete the move.
posted by shivohum at 9:20 PM on May 18

Stop thinking of the tasks to hand as one big clump - that is huge and paralysing.
Focus on one small task at a time: pack up one box of books. One shelf from the kitchen. Think of one bit at a time and each bit will seem manageable, and they'll add up over time.
posted by Billegible at 10:00 PM on May 18

It sounds like you're procrastinating because you're not sure about the move. Logically it makes sense to go, but emotionally you're still very attached to your current situation and once you start packing you're kind of on your way - scary stuff. It's ok. It's very natural to resist change - even beneficial change! - and procrastination and inertia are great ways of preventing change from happening.

If you are unsure, don't worry. You could always look at this time back home as a chance to recharge and re-evaluate once you're on your feet. If you don't enjoy the city you can always move again, the move doesn't have to be permanent. There are other places with big cheap spaces - there's a whole world you could explore once you're back on form.

As for the move, JohnnyGun's checklist is a decent plan - tackle one thing at a time. Getting started will motivate you. If you're standing on one side of the canyon you're just going to have to get down in the valley before you reach the other side. Focus on finding that couch and then let it all flow. As others have said, start small - aim for an hour a day of packing time over the next week. The activity will feel like achievement and that might help lift the depression.

Congrats on making the decision - now go for it!
posted by freya_lamb at 2:28 AM on May 19

What works for me is telling myself that I can either feel depressed, or I can push that to the back of my mind, and do something else, that will stop me feeling depressed for a while.

Whether I actually do the job or just sit on the internet is another matter, but at least I'm giving myself the option.
posted by Solomon at 3:20 AM on May 19

I'm currently on one of those 10 minute internet break awarded as a reward for 50 minutes of hard blitzing (visitors arriving in 5.5 hours) and I feel your pain.

Late last night I made a long list of things that HAD to be done and broken those down into mini tasks so rather than "clean bathroom" I've written "Get cloths from airing cupboard. Hoover top of cupboard. Clean toilet. Empty bin. Clean sink. Clean bath. etc. I've pen in my pocket and the number of red lines crossing items off is very satisfying.

One part of my brian acknowledges how pathetic that is, the other part realises that it's the way to go and hopefully I'll be able to greet the visitors later today with a big smile and the knowledge that the house is clean and as tidy as it's ever going to be.

As to the sadness of leaving your current appartment, would it help to set a deadline 3 or 4 days before you actually leave (pack everything but a small holdall of clothes & toiletries) and then live the last few days as if in a hotel, eating at favourite restaurants and revisiting the city as a tourist?
posted by ceri richard at 3:38 AM on May 19

brian = brain. Dammit.
posted by ceri richard at 3:39 AM on May 19

I use InstantBoss and set it up with 20 minutes of work and 5 minute breaks. The goal during the 20 minutes is just to make some progress on something. You'll eventually start working past the 20 minutes and resent the breaks. Before you know it you will be halfway done what seemed like climbing Everest. That will make you feel good. It will then become a virtuous circle.

The other thing I find works is to add time pressure. You're floundering because you have two weeks to do what is really a weekend's work. Fill your time up with other commitments and you will feel the pressure you need to actually get going. I did a lot of learning in University during the exam period because everything was so constrained.
posted by srboisvert at 5:37 AM on May 19

This book. The best bits boil down to this: on some level, you'll probably find that you are making two demands of yourself at the moment: not just the demand to get things done, but also the demand to feel good (or at least productive and satisified) while doing them. Instead, can you accept that you feel unmotivated, depressed, lethargic... and do what needs to be done anyway, alongside those emotions?
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 6:08 AM on May 19

[This is a followup from the asker.]

Thanks so much to everyone for the caring responses. The advice to use a timer and to tackle things in little bits (literally and emotionally) has been extremely helpful. Putting myself in the moment and letting the sadness go for that short period of time at least also set me straight enough to face the little tasks. I was able to close my computer, clean out my two big closets and make a detailed list of what needs to be done when.

Really, every comment here has helped in some way. You know how to do these things when you are feeling good, but you need a reminder when you're in the dumps.

posted by cortex at 6:23 AM on May 19

I could compile a list of "lifehacks" that would sound really cool, but I get the feeling that's not really what you're looking for. You're right--those things are much easier said than done, especially when you're in a depressed state like this. There's not much that anyone can say to you that will pull you out of it.

You may find that what helps is to just vent to someone who cares. Tell them how sad, helpless, lonely, scared, angry, and ashamed you feel. If there's not a trusted friend or family member available to listen, call a crisis hotline. The volunteers working the phones are trained specifically to offer their empathy and support to people in situations like yours. They also have a large list of resources that you might find useful. Contact is a good one, but it may not be available in your area. Do some googling for a larger list.

If you ARE looking for some solid, analytical, science-based advice on overcoming mild to moderate depression, I might recommend checking out Martin Seligman's book "Learned Optimism." It gives a detailed explanation of the causes of learned helplessness and depression, and provides a simple cognitive method for reversing it.
posted by tipthepizzaguy at 7:10 AM on May 19

I am so, so with you right now.

I find procrastinating with Useful tasks helps. Like, "I can't, for the life of me finish this project. but I can ...clean the sink!" Small concrete finishable tasks. Or to put it another way "If you can't sleep, clean your bathtub. You'll either get tired and fall asleep or you'll have a clean bathtub."

nthing trying to stay in the moment. Not long-term solutions, but can help you plow through. Good luck!
posted by The Whelk at 7:17 AM on May 19

OMG I actually did pretty much this exact same thing a month ago, except with no job to go to on the other end and a bed at my parents' house. It sucked.

The keys for me were (and I don't claim this is a good way to do it, just that it's how I got it done):
- if you get bogged down in organizing the packing, take a box and just start chucking things in it. It's hell for when you unpack, but if you can't deal with the immensity of the task, that way you don't have to think about it.

- have someone you can call to talk to at least once a day. on my last day when I was freaked out about not finishing, I talked to my dad probably once every two hours. it was a moment to sit quietly and breathe, and get reorganized in my head.

- recognize that this in fact sucks - you're packing up your house, which always kind of sucks, and leaving a place you know for the unknown and uncertain. (before we started packing, my husband moved to a completely different town, where i'm trying to find a job so i can join him, and he's 10 hours away - at least your friends are where you're heading!) but you got stuck doing this all on your own (even if you hire someone to help, it's still on you) and yes, it sucks. sometimes i find that acknowledging that helps me deal with it.

I really hope this goes well for you!
posted by dust.wind.dude at 8:36 AM on May 19

Some good advice above including what I'm about to give. Just want to provide some emphasis.

Many people under estimate the value of exercise in combating depression. Vigorous exercise has done more for me when depression hits that any drug or other technique I've ever tried. Probably doesn't work as well for others but, it's been a life saver for me.
posted by Carbolic at 9:07 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]

A lot of good advice so far, so I'll just add one small piece -- that feeling of sanctuary that you have in your apartment is portable! Practice carrying it around with you, wherever you go, and hopefully your load will lighten bit by bit. Hang in there -- and good luck!
posted by LittlePumpkin at 9:34 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]

First, umpteenthing what everybody said about moving & change. They're depressing, because you have to say goodbye to so much. You bet your ass you're tired, lazy, and unable to break out of your funk!

I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm guessing you're somewhere around my age or younger, 25. I feel this way all the time. I'm not saying older people don't feel this way sometimes, it's just that I imagine most of the people who are multiples of my age are more set in their ways, not single as it seems you are, and aren't as likely to move.

Anyhoo, with that said, here's the caveats before my secret recipe for always effective productivity all the time. First, I am not always effectively productive all the time. Second, I'm settled and don't see any major moves in the future. I'm married and have a career that gives me work for about 8 days a month, I also own my house & such. I'm generally debt-free and paid off as things go. Not everybody, especially at 25, is. I got very, very, very lucky with a few choices I'm only partly responsible for. I'm not rich though, and I'm trying really hard to make that career something more than it is. Take that for what you will.

So, here's my list of productive secrets:

1) Copious amounts of water. Get one of those big gulp glasses from McDonald's or wherever has them in plastic now, wash it out, and keep it full. I have a 1.5 liter bottle I can drain about 3 times a day sitting right next to me. Crazy as it sounds, it's refreshing as all getout and really does keep your energy up.

2) Coffee! Coffee will snap you right out of any funk. Black, thick, caffeiney. *twitch*

3) People recommend music, but I have the silver bullet, sir, the killer app, for your musical productivity needs. The Drum n' Bass channel at www.di.fm. You cannot listen to this and feel apathetic. Drink half a cup of coffee, then turn this on. Watch the miracle.

4) You need to take time and zone out on the web, on mindless things, so that you can do the proper mental breakdowns of the daunting task at hand. You'll just be sitting, drooling on your keyboard as you read through another mefi thread on gender, when all of a sudden, you'll realize, oh my gosh, I could do X in 20 minutes, and it would be way more entertaining than this crap. Or you'll see something online related to moving, and the gears in your head will start turning. This is what decompression time is for. To decide what to do next.

5) I'm someone who sometimes likes to think out loud, and I'll be honest with you here, that's what I'm doing. I'm reading an askmefi page about procrastination because...I'm procrastinating. Then I'm typing out the ways I use to not procrastinate. This has two uses:
a) It involves others. This right here is my companionship.
b) It's a fast-forward of all the typical procrastination motions I go through myself. I'm skipping the emotional battle because I'm reading a roadmap of exactly what I'm feeling when I procrastinate here.
c) This lets me know I'm not alone. You're procrastinating something important, so am I, so are all these other commenters. I feel like less of a loser now, because, really, lots of people go through it.
You might get the same mileage out of reading and commenting on articles about procrastination when you realize you're doing it. :)

6) Umpteenthing productive procrastination! Man, I have this down to an art form. I do not just charge my phone, for I has TREO, and it is a smartphone, and I can install apps, hotsync, tweak server settings, all kinds of nifty stuff. This is one way I procrastinate. Another: household chores. The wife and I, between us, have a 7-foot tall, 20-foot wide wardrobe full of clothes, and half of them are dirty at any one time. Laundry is never done. We're two people in a 1500ft2 apartment, we don't have a maid, and our city is DUSTY. Things need to be wiped, swept, put away. We're both chronic clutterers. Next to me I have a PHP textbook, a movie to translate, 800 DVD's (go piracy!) to rip, convert, tag, and download subtitles for. I have a stack of books and literature magazines to scour through, to figure out which one to translate next. I have 3 chat windows open in Mandarin that I'm using to practice. This is all "productive", all ongoing. In fact, it's such a daily overload that I really like to take breaks every now and then and, y'know, tackle the big projects in one go rather than multitask all of those at once.

Consider the breakdown of what you have to do. Packing your stuff is a splatter of repetitive, boring lifting and bending. Do that as a meditative exercise, and when you get sick of it, go to check your email for any messages on craigslist about the car you're trying to sell or the couch you're trying to find. The day when you get to actually leave the house and sell that car is going to be a real nice break in that routine.

7) "Wherever you go, there you are." Trite, but you say you know you'll be fine in a couple of months. Hell, you know you're fine now. You really are! Take a deep breath and soak in that knowledge.

And then riddle me this: you could be having a party with your bad self right now, so why aren't you? Don't jump in. Ease in. Start with a glass of water, a cup of coffee, and some bass (bwomp bwomp bwomp). Then, soak in the web while the chemicals and the music work their magic. Listen as the gears start to turn in your head, "What should I do first..." Then, when you're ready, when you're pumped, you flip out and destroy your move with secret productivity forces that even the ninja cannot fathom.

You're gonna be fine, even if you do this last-minute, so why not rock out and do it now?
posted by saysthis at 11:10 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]