Wanted: suggestions for dealing with fluctuating mood

May 18, 2009 2:19 PM

I get somewhat euphoric when working on a major project, but crash when it's done. Any suggestions for avoiding/dealing with the crash, and keeping myself in check during the euphoric periods? Is it possible that this will get worse?

A little background: over the past couple months, I've noticed that when working on relatively large or important assignments for school (studying for a final, writing a term paper, that sort of thing) my self-esteem shoots through the roof (I am bloody brilliant and everyone should know it) and I get very wordy and fluent (and witty, but that's my perception during that time). I'm not sure if this is a new thing or not, because previously I practically never did school work under any circumstances except last-minute panic. I like being in this state, not least because I'm actually productive for once, but I worry a bit that I'll overestimate myself and do something stupid.

Once the paper is handed in or the test is over, I tend to get slightly depressed. It's not serious and I've never had a problem with wanting to suicide, but I do feel hopeless and ugly and worthless. I'm pleased when I get the grades back, but knowing I did well doesn't make a dent in my mood. When I'm not working or in school, I usually lose myself in books or tv shows or games, and I get back to a neutral mood after a week or two.

At first I thought the crash was just really bad PMS, but it does directly correlate to finishing a project- last night I was studying for a final and I was the most amazing person in existence, and today I took the final and now I hate myself a little. I highly doubt that I'm bipolar; from what I googled, my mood fluctuations are way too mild for that. Is this normal, or at least, not uncommon? Should I be keeping a mental eye on this or tracking it?

Do you think it would be possible to have some long project running in the background, so to speak, to avoid the crash? Now that I'm thinking about it, I've always crashed after finishing a book or a series, but I usually deal with it by jumping into a new book asap. Does anyone here live like that, jumping from project to project or keeping a project going for a long time?

There are two things I really want to know, though: is it likely that this could get worse and do you have any suggestions for keeping in control of the moods? I know you're not my therapist, but I can't afford to see one right now (maybe in a few months) and I can't spend a lot of money on something that, for all I know, could turn out to be nothing. Thanks for reading!

posted by Baethan to health & fitness (11 comments total)

this is also how I work. now that I am no longer in school and my projects take longer than a semester to finish, the highs are not as high and the lows are not as low, though they are longer. it is something I am used to, and I think easier to deal with without the pressure cooker of an academic environment.

I find going with it to be the best thing to do. there is something about the down time that is really key to my creative process (I am a writer, I should add). if I try to skip the in-between lows I tend to do bad work after.

in terms of weathering it better, I find that looking after my body, even when I am tempted to put off eating or sleeping to work for another few hours, helps a lot. as does remembering to see my friends. when I am working on something, it tends to becomes my world. the comedown at the end is easier if there are people there to catch me.
posted by spindle at 2:39 PM on May 18

Ummm. Me. I try to do fitness stuff as my long running background project as there is a lot you can learn, there are tons of sports to choose from and exercise is good for you. But yeah - if I hit a patch of 'not much going on' at work I am f-ing miserable until something comes along that I can keep myself busy and engaged in.

For the record I didn't notice this as much when I was in school. But it has gotten progressively worse as I get older. Sorry I don't have more helpful advice, but sometimes knowing you aren't the only one can help a bit.
posted by jopreacher at 2:41 PM on May 18

Yes, this is likely to get worse. I experience much the same thing and have throughout my career, and it has only gotten worse to the point where after I finish a large project, I sometimes find myself directly on the brink of losing my sanity. It's called being a workaholic!

If I may play armchair psychologist for a moment, (and project, while I'm at it), it's possible that you are relying too much on the highs you get from performing well to boost your self esteem and sense of self-pride. It is definitely a better thing to pick than the approval or love of others, since you're in more control (you can work hard, see results, and feel better about yourself) -- but it is important for you to find a way to keep your self esteem high and in tact when you're not working your tail off; it's important to be able to like yourself even when you fail (because you will), or when you're not producing (because sometimes you won't be). You need to find a way to separate the good feeling of performing well from your feelings of your intrinsic self worth. Hint: Your worth as a person is a non-changing constant. You cannot lose it anymore than you can bolster it. It is what it is!

Working more to prevent the inevitable crash in your downtime is not the answer. You will exhaust yourself, and at some point you will need to rest, and this could make you feel even worse -- you could find yourself failing at projects because you're overextended, or you could push yourself so hard to complete more than one thing that when you finally do take some well deserved, hard-earned time off, your emotions are off kilter and you are so overtired as to not be able to do other things that make you feel better. Hello, depression-crash-city (a city to which I have been given the key, it smells, I hate it).

I really think you'd benefit from therapy, to find some ways to separate your performance at school or work from your sense of self.

I'd also recommend "The Feeling Good Handbook", as I often do in threads around these parts. It's really very eye opening and helpful for this very problem.
posted by pazazygeek at 2:44 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]

You could have the beginning stages of bipolar disorder, type 2. Most people can cope with these ups and downs and many that don't have it that bad will avoid medication. If it is bipolar, the disease tends to progress if you remain unmedicated and can become unbearable type 2 bipolar or even turn into bipolar, type 1. type 1 is serious business, and usually controllable with medication. So, anyone saying their alternating hyper and sad phases are getting worse, seriously consider checking into things.

The prognosis for type 1 is a bit less rosy than 2, so its better to nip things in the bud if you can. Just hearing this little bit, I think your symptoms pretty much track bipolar, even if they seem too mild to be such. Many people who are bipolar kind of know deep down they are, but look for other explanations to avoid having to admit this to themselves. Only you know the answer to that one, and if you don't perhaps therapy would help.
posted by Antidisestablishmentarianist at 3:41 PM on May 18

actually, i don't know of any evidence that untreated bipolar II becomes bipolar I, data please? I don't think such data exists, given that the newness of these categories of bipolar hasn't really allowed for much longitudinal study.

anyway, I'm like this too, probably meet the criteria for bipolar II and have never been medicated for it. in fact, I take antidepressants which some people also claim can make bipolar II into proper bipolar disorder with real mania. Which has never happened to me.

Bottom line: if you start spending voraciously, behaving unusually promiscuously for you and stop needing sleep and start talking a zillion miles an hour and people think you are on speed when you are not, you might have actual bipolar disorder and should seek help. if your depressions get bad, you might have either depression or a form of bipolar. similarly, seek help.

if you just get high from achievement and sometimes talk a bit too fast and crash a bit, you're probably fine. if you are worried about any of these, see a psychiatrist for an evaluation (best to start with the most highly trained person rather than with a counselor etc. so as to minimize odds of misdiagnosis)

and yes, nthing idea that therapy and consideration of yourself as separate from your achievements could be helpful as well.

for me, i just try to enjoy the highs and calm myself through the lower times.
posted by Maias at 4:11 PM on May 18

Hello, me! The others are right, it won't go away, but you'll (hopefully) become better at managing it.

Usually once I finish a large project I crash like you do - maybe not for as long but I still feel adrift and emotionally drained. I try to make sure I have something of interest to move onto. It's usually not something that will require intense focus but is something that makes me happy (mefi, book, music, movie, researching random topics, etc) or I go and spend time with family and friends and just recharge that way.

If you have a dog, go walk him. Go spend some quality time with friends. Go for a walk or a hike. Even if you still feel depressed inside that cool plant you just saw on your walk, or the cute way the dog tried to get your attention or whatever will slowly start to pull you out.

Also, one of my new years resolutions was to remember that what I do (i.e. my job, type of work) does not define who I am. It has helped me immensely when I feel myself start to get sucked into that work/school spiral of highs and lows.
posted by latch24 at 4:12 PM on May 18

Whilst it is possible you may have the beginnings of something like bi-polar disorder I would also say that periods of frenetic activity, interspersed by those of a feeling of anti-climax, are characteristic of many people who approach life with passion and can thus be seen as a good thing not to be worried about too much. The alternative would be a life which was more stable but also more bland.

I've just finished reading Patrick Gale's "Notes from an Exhibition" which captures this dilemma nicely in a novel.
posted by rongorongo at 5:12 PM on May 18

What you describe is exactly familiar to me - bipolar 2.

See a doctor sooner rather than later. If there's a bipolar 2 diagnosis, then maybe look at medication options in addition to therapy.

I don't want to sound all like - 'oh yes, you must be mentally ill, here take some pills'....but getting a proper and early diagnosis, and receiving treatment right away? Priceless. So exceptionally, exceptionally priceless. Particularly if it helps prevent life-threatening manias and depressions later in life.

So to respond to your concerns:
1. yes, it can get worse, and will likely worsen with age
2. apart from medication and therapy, you can get some control over your moods with

a) a stringent regular sleep/wake schedule which corresponds to sunrise/sunset (no late nights or oversleeping)
b) healthy eating
c) vitamin D and omega supplements
d) regular daily exercise preferably outside in full sunshine
e) not too much alcohol and no recreational drugs (especially weed)
f) general overarching life structure and routine

this is a useful website which helped me when I was in the early stages of my diagnosis.

good luck with everything.
posted by jennyhead at 5:51 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]

I've had very similar experiences (also originating from my long ago cram sessions in college.)

One thing I've now learned, and learned several times so it sinks in, is that the entire phenomenon hinges on the sleep cycle. If you're like me, then...

-- Your altered moods disappear if you religiously stick to your normal amount of sleep at the normal time (8hrs, at 11pm, or whatever.) But your high creativity disappears too.

-- After going back to normal sleep routine, the depth of the low is extremely dependent on diet.

Minimal sleep and big projects make you hypersensitive to food, so that junkfood or even American restaurant food turns semi-lethal. Food containing any corn syrup gives you the blahs. Even bread/pasta/rice becomes a kind of mild toxin.

So, just as jennyhead says above, a) and b) are critical for avoiding the usualdepression.

More personal trivia:

While again in the midst of hypomania from a big projects and minimal sleep, I noticed my sensitivity to food, but this time focused on it, and started following it. Eating mashed potatoes gave me a temporary low, so I avoided it. Eating raw nuts and vegetables seemed immediately energizing, but only if they were very fresh. I found that I could grab vegetables in the store and "feel" freshness somehow (where some items would feel very "dead," yet give no outward clues different than the "alive" ones.) Slowly my regular diet changed into total health-food fanatic: extremely fresh foods, lots of nuts and yogurt, minimal fruits, and no bread/pasta/rice whatsoever. Carrots were my normal snack food, and corn chips etc. became revolting. Microbrew beer seemed fine, and so did very fresh cooked meat, as well as smoked meat. While eating this way, I mostly avoided the mild depression effect. In later years I used it to avoid the depression entirely. Much later I heard this had a name: the Caveman diet, or Paleo diet.

Several people independently discovered how to enter a second kind of sleep cycle, the "Ubermann Sleep", also called "Polyphasic Sleep." This is like Thomas Edison and Picasso: where you nap several times a day as needed, and your total sleep time only adds up to one or two hours. You can work through the night while taking cat-naps under the desk, and it's easy to keep this up for weeks. At the same time your creativity goes through the roof.

A couple years ago, Tony Right broke the sleep deprivation record. He ascribes his success to... guess what? A "Stone Age" diet of raw fruit and vegetables.
posted by billb at 7:33 PM on May 18

Bipolar one and two were created to make diagnostic life easier. Its still the same disease, just presence of some extra symptoms kicks things up to I. Since it is a progressive illness, as it gets worse you get more serious symptoms. Seems to be fairly intuitive. Research from before the split into one and two would be perfectly useful to determine bipolar two turning into bipolar one. All you would have to do is see if people free of the extra symptoms developed them. Its not a new disease, its a couple new names.

I found plenty of yahoo answers type stuff to back me up, but no actual studies. If the answer to this question is something that could change your life, your symptoms are serious enough you should get the answer from a medical professional, not a web forum.
posted by Antidisestablishmentarianist at 11:50 AM on May 19

Thanks guys! It's very, very good to hear I'm not alone. For now I'll get my sleep schedule back on track and try to eat. When I get better health insurance, I'll talk to my doctor about this, but until then, I'm sure I'll be coming back to this page! Thank you all for responding!!
posted by Baethan at 8:51 AM on May 21