Should I be jealous?
May 7, 2009 2:57 AM Subscribe
Relationship Filter: I dated this guy for a month. We broke up a few weeks ago mainly because I am moving this summer. We have overlapping friends and hang out at the same places, which was fine until last week. He hooked up with a girl that I also know. Since we aren't together, I really don't care, but I think he does. Am I wrong not to be jealous?
posted by xyla2000 to Human Relations (26 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm sorry for going into so much detail(again) but in order to get good advice I figure I should thoroughly explain the situation.
So we were friends for a while then we dated, which was great while it lasted. I knew going in that it wasn't a long-term thing because I'll be overseas by the end of summer and he's staying in the US. Although I initiated the break up, he completely agreed. We've hung out since and it was fun and platonic.
But, last week, a friend(who didn't know that I had dated him because I don't like publicizing my relationship status) told me that her friend has "hooked up" with him. I don't really know what that means exactly, but I wasn't surprised. I've seen her friend hit on him on many occasions. Actually, once she explicitly tried to get him to have sex with her in the bathroom of a bar. I realize it sounds really slutty, but she is also attractive and can be a lot of fun when she isn't too drunk.
The night before her friend told me, though, he and I had watched a movie together at his house. As I was getting ready to go home, he acted surprised that I was leaving and tried to convince me to spend the night. But I left anyway because I knew if I spent the night, our relationship would not be platonic. Then tonight, I ran into him at a bar. He was absorbed in conversation with his friends so I didn't say hi. At one point, I happen to turn around and I see this other girl all over him, whispering in his ear and what not, but he's staring at me. We make eye contact and he rolls his eyes. I just smiled and went back to my conversation. When i got up to leave, he came up to me and did this awkward hug-like thing with one hand over my shoulder and the other on my ribs right below my breast, and said "see you soon, right?" (Yes, it was as awkward as it sounds.)
So here's the question: what does all this mean and how do I handle this situation? I'm not the jealous type and I like to keep out of other people's drama. I engaged with both of them tonight with the same warmth and friendliness that I always do because what their relationship may be is separate from my relationship with each one of them individually. Should I be jealous? He still notices when other guys hit on me and is pretty sensitive to it. But it doesn't bother me. Should I tell him that I like this girl and I don't mind him dating other people? Is he trying to get my attention? For the record, we'd still be dating if I wasn't leaving, so I understand that we both still have feelings for each other. But I also know how much it hurts leaving someone you care a lot about behind, so I am not really eager to get more involved.
Thank you ahead of time!