Comments on: What should I do with 240 porn magazines?

Question: What should I do with 240 porn magazines?

Sully — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:31:14 -0800

My friend is getting married and just gave me his porn collection! A cursory count makes it about 240 magazines. It's mostly hetero mags from the late 80's, early 90's. What fun and creative thing could I do with them?

In the past, I've done some "high concept" events like this and this so incorporating the porn as giveaways was my first thought, but I thought I would ask the hive mind for fun and creative ways to otherwise make use of the porn. Thanks in advance!

By: elsietheeel

elsietheeel — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:36:38 -0800

Wallpaper.

Decoupage.

Greeting cards.

Flyers for aforementioned events.

Pornagami?

By: chesty_a_arthur

chesty_a_arthur — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:39:38 -0800

An edgy new line of handmade piñatas?

By: porn in the woods

porn in the woods — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:41:21 -0800

Leave them in the woods for some lucky kids.

By: Juliet Banana

Juliet Banana — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:42:10 -0800

You could collage cut-outs onto a piece of furniture and then seal it up. We did this at a party once; we spray painted base colors, let everyone wild on it with paint markers, and applied cut-outs from vintage Industrial Design magazines with UHU stick. The girl who hosted the party sealed it with polyurethane later. You can do this yourself, of course, but making it into a party was extra fun.

By: govtdrone

govtdrone — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:43:36 -0800

You could pull a Joe Orton.

By: ElmerFishpaw

ElmerFishpaw — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:49:57 -0800

if he hasnt had it yet they'd make great decorations for his bachelor party. print out a bunch of color pictures of his face and put them on top of the dudes' faces. or the chicks'.

By: ocherdraco

ocherdraco — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:57:06 -0800

This gives a better explanation of "pulling a Joe Orton."

By: dinger

dinger — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:02:19 -0800

From the '80's and 90's? Man, you are sitting on a treasure trove of archeological evidence that human females once had pubic hair!

By: govtdrone

govtdrone — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:03:29 -0800

From the '80's and 90's? Man, you are sitting on a treasure trove of archeological evidence that human females once had pubic hair!
And natural breasts!

By: General Tonic

General Tonic — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:09:55 -0800

Hedge them in your attic and wait for the unravelling of industrial civilization, then sell them page by page (maybe even bit by bit, for bargain hunters) to pay for eggs and milk.

I'm telling you, when the lights go out printed pornography will be like gold!

By: aquafortis

aquafortis — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:09:58 -0800

Take a decorating hint from J. Edgar Hoover--(from Ehrlichman's memoir):

"Near the door was a small bar. All the walls over and near this counter were decorated with girlie pinups of the old Esquire vintage. Even the lampshade of a small lamp on the bar had naked women pasted on it. The effect of this display was to engender disbelief -- it seemed totally contrived. That impression was reinforced when Hoover deliberately called our attention to his naughty gallery, as if it were something he wanted us to know about J. Edgar Hoover.

Nixon had enjoyed the dinner conversation, but he was not comfortable in this strange basement. After one drink, he exercised the Presidential prerogative; he said good night and we left."

Even better, you could do a kitchy riff on this by making porn lampshades interspersed with pictures of J. Edgar Hoover himself popping out at odd angles. That's what I'd do, anyway.

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:12:17 -0800

I once got paid $50 to throw out a family friends' 30+ year collection of pornography, including magazines, VHS, and even old 8mm film reels (there was so much porn that it was several hours work to box it all up and haul it from the attic where it was stored to a pre-approved dumpster). Later that night, I dressed up in a suit and borrowed a pickup truck into which all of the porn was moved. It pretty much filled the bed of a small truck. After diving into the porn like some sort of perverse Scrooge McDuck, I drove around town distributing free pornography to anyone who wanted some. It was a magical evening, to be sure.

By: jbickers

jbickers — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:13:27 -0800

Mail 20 apiece to the first 12 people that answer this question.

By: fumbducker

fumbducker — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:17:42 -0800

donate them to one of those fertility clinics where husbands have to spunk in a jar for their wives.

By: saladin

saladin — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:18:51 -0800

Give them back to him in six months, at which point reality should have begun to set in.

By: NotMyselfRightNow

NotMyselfRightNow — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:21:17 -0800

Congratulate him on his marriage. Tell him you'll hold onto it until he wants it back. Start a pool to see how long it takes...

By: ijsbrand

ijsbrand — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:24:20 -0800

Grant him visiting rights.

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:24:48 -0800

I use an old Valentines' chocolate box for condom storage; I decoupaged the inside of it with cut-outs of penises from porn magazines. Something like that, maybe.

By: bondcliff

bondcliff — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:25:52 -0800

Keep them and occasionally jerk off to them.

By: govtdrone

govtdrone — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:27:16 -0800

I use an old Valentines' chocolate box for condom storage; I decoupaged the inside of it with cut-outs of penises from porn magazines.
That is genius! Now I know what I am going to give my friend for her birthday.

By: teg4rvn

teg4rvn — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:29:28 -0800

*Keep them and occasionally jerk off to them.*

Funniest thing I've read all week...made even more funny because it's a perfectly acceptable answer.

+1

By: Lemurrhea

Lemurrhea — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:41:06 -0800

makeasuitmakeasuitmakeasuit.

MAKE A SUIT.

By: box

box — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:50:28 -0800

Leave them in the woods for some weirded-out geocachers.

By: Danf

Danf — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:55:11 -0800

You could slip one under the pile of mags at your doctor's or dentist's office. Same for laundromats or hair dressers.

(Once, I saw this glossy mag partially buried in the sand. . .An image of a bare leg was all I could see. . .I took the time to nudge the mag out of the sand and found, to my bemusement, that it was a Yoga Journal. . .)

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:58:42 -0800

Definitely bring it up at the wedding when it's your turn to make a toast. Good times.

By: motown missile

motown missile — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:15:32 -0800

Drop them off at an old folks' home or "retirement community" or whatever they're calling them these days...it'll give the old guys something to do, and the old ladies something to complain about.

Surreptitiously slip some into a Christian Science Reading Room, preferably between religious tracts.

Donate them to your local library for it's annual Friends Of The Library sale.

If you have any younger male relatives, and need household chores like lawn care, house painting, car washing, etc., done, use them as barter material.

By: ekstasis23

ekstasis23 — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:21:31 -0800

Back in my young & foolhardy days, I had a small stash of magazines to dispose of. My friends and I made an evening of tearing out each page, walking through the local strip mall parking lot, and carefully placing a page under the windshield wipers of every car we found.

I wouldn't go and do this myself these days, but I like to think that we livened up a whole lot of people's evenings.

By: sickinthehead

sickinthehead — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:41:58 -0800

Masturbate to them?

By: stumpyolegmcnoleg

stumpyolegmcnoleg — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:56:03 -0800

The obvious answer is SELL them. People will pay good money for 'vintage' porn. (Provided of course that the pages arent stuck together...)

By: Stacey

Stacey — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:36:07 -0800

My first post-dorm living situation, friends and I moved into a house and found the previous occupant had left a massive stash of porn. After inviting several friends to take anything they wanted, we left the rest in a stack near the TV along with some scissors and tape, and over time anyone who got bored watching TV would work on what became a massive porn collage on one wall. It was mostly cartoon porn, though, which was possibly more amusing and less disturbing than a college made of porn with actual people.

Were I to have a massive ongoing porn collage project in my house again, I would probably go all-out and buy a bunch of scrapbooking supplies or something to maximize the collage potential.

Do not do this unless you can temporarily remove the porn collage, and/or are fine with any and all visitors seeing it. Roommates' parents always got a little horrified when they came over and walked into what came to be known as The Porn Room.

By: HeroZero

HeroZero — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:02:57 -0800

Make fractal pornography...a huge collage of a scene made up of many tiny versions of that scene.

By: the bricabrac man

the bricabrac man — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:41:33 -0800

I once got paid $50 to throw out a family friends' 30+ year collection of pornography, including magazines, VHS, and even old 8mm film reels (there was so much porn that it was several hours work to box it all up and haul it from the attic where it was stored to a pre-approved dumpster).

I just sold an early 80's VHS porn tape, without its outer box, on eBay for $60. If I found someone getting rid of a porn collection that took hours to box up, I'd probably start weeping with joy.

Depending on what the magazines are, they could be worth $$$ (probably not, of course. Just sayin' it might be worth looking into).

By: spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints

spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:42:55 -0800

I saw a bicycle a couple of months ago very carefully covered in a collage of porn. That's one idea.

By: Caviar

Caviar — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:57:41 -0800

Scan them all and arrange them into a giant collage. Put them up on a website covered, and every time someone sends you a dollar, uncover one, and send me 20 cents.

By: DieHipsterDie

DieHipsterDie — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:26:05 -0800

Hold on to them. He'll want them back when he gets divorced.

By: Sully

Sully — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 21:54:07 -0800

Everyone's answers are hilarious!
I am going to try a bit of all of them.
Thank you so much for this wealth of wonderfulness.

By: girlmightlive

girlmightlive — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 05:37:21 -0800

My friend makes buttons for us out of the pictures from porno mags. Fun thing to wear when you're going out.

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:22:28 -0800

Oooh, you could go high-concept art. People all remember that Chris Ofili's Holy Virgin Mary painting had a clump of elephant dung on it, but what most people don't know is that he also included 100 cut-outs of the butts and labia from different porn centerfolds, because they looked sorta like butterflies or cherubs.

By: fifilaru

fifilaru — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:58:41 -0800

Ebay? do they let you sell porn? If not, collage. And give it to the happy couple.