So the first wedding of my mid-20's is coming up and it seems as though I'm able to bring a date. Should I definitely pursue a date?

April 12, 2009 5:02 PM

So the first wedding of my mid-20's is coming up and it seems as though I'm able to bring a date. Should I definitely pursue a date? I have someone in mind but I'm afraid I have no idea how fun this wedding will even be. How should I go about this? This is new territory for me.

The guy getting married is the son of my dad's best friend growing up. I used to hang out with him when I was 10 because our parents were good friends. However, I haven't seen him in 6 years and I will know no one else at this wedding besides his parents, my parents, and my brother and his girlfriend.

Is this the type of situation where I'd want to bring a date to the wedding?

I have no idea how fun this wedding is going to be. If it was one of my close friends I'm sure it would be a blast. Is this the type of situation where I want to be sure to bring a date? An ex-girlfriend of mine from high school is now single and she is drop-dead gorgeous. I saw her this weekend and was majorly crushing on her. I can't think of any other (single) chick I'd like to take with me to this wedding other than her but I'm not sure if she would even enjoy it if she DID accept my invite. I assume showing up stag is perfectly fine but for future reference (and this situation) should I always be looking for a date to bring to weddings? This is the first of many and I'd like to know whether I should always be trying to take someone along.

And if I did ask this chick along, would there be the "on a date" connotation with this? Yes, I have been majorly crushing on her but are wedding dates like dinner dates?

posted by decrescendo to human relations (15 comments total)

Taking a girl to a wedding is typically an indication of a long term relationship, and not done for a date. Take her out to dinner, and go stag to the wedding.
posted by ellF at 5:07 PM on April 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

If you go alone, you have a good chance of hooking up with a bridesmaid or a wedding guest.
posted by orthogonality at 5:09 PM on April 12, 2009

Go alone. In addition to ellF's point, consider that you'd be making someone else pay for your date (that added seat/meal ain't free). The couple getting married won't get anything out of having some random "chick" there, and it will cost them.
posted by whatnotever at 5:13 PM on April 12, 2009

Ah yes. Very valid points on all accounts.
posted by decrescendo at 5:15 PM on April 12, 2009

Plus, taking your ex-girlfriend to a wedding is going to be perceived as a friendly "spare me from not knowing anyone" gesture, and not a "hey, baby" one.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 5:21 PM on April 12, 2009

Plus, taking your ex-girlfriend to a wedding is going to be perceived as a friendly "spare me from not knowing anyone" gesture, and not a "hey, baby" one.

hahahah such a good call there
posted by decrescendo at 5:22 PM on April 12, 2009

If you were invited as "decrescendo and guest", then you have every right to bring someone and they've likely already budgeted for it, so don't feel guilty if you'd like to avail yourself of the guest option.

On the other hand, going alone opens you up to being hit on when you may not wish to be.

I was a bridesmaid recently, my boyfriend couldn't make it, and let's just say interaction from who I was partnered up with was quite awkward. Please ask if they're single before you hit on them.
posted by cmgonzalez at 5:29 PM on April 12, 2009

This totally depends. I've gone stag to a lot of weddings and brought dates to a lot of others. I'm not real deep into wedding culture, but this is how I felt about it.

- It's okay to go stag. You'll be seated with the people you know best, so you're not going to be just flailing around out there. Converstion comes easy "oh how do YOU know the couple?" and drinks usually flow pretty easily too.
- Not having a date means you can leave whenever you want to, which is handy if the wedding is a snore. It's much easier to duck out if there aren't two of you.
- Having a date means you have someone to either talk to or pretend to talk to if you don't want to talk to other people.
- Having a new person to introduce other people to can be good if you're bad with names "Hi this is my friend Helen..." and people often jump in "Oh hi Helen I'm Nick"
- People like to hook up at weddings, a lot. You may want to think about whether the wedding is close by or far away. The best wedding hookups I've seen [not been a part of] were at one of those "hey we're all going to rent cabins for everyone for the weekend" so everyone had a fun little getaway place. This is different from some place on the side of a highway that everyone needs to drive an hour home from [less drinking, more planning]
- Asking someone to go to a wedding with you doesn't have to make it a date date (I realize my opinion doffers from ellF's), but if you bring someone to a wedding where they don't know anyone, macking on someone else is a little declasse unless you and your date have both made it clear you're both on the prowl, or they're married or whatever.
- Some people really enjoy weddings as social events and don't care if they don't know anyone. Inviting one of those people to go as your wedding buddy might be a good idea.
- this doesn't sound like you, but if you were planning on bringing a friend date and it was someone of the same sex, I'd ask first whether that would be a thing.

Id say if you're especially worried for some reason that the wedding will be unfun, it would not be a nice first date for you and someone you might have the hots for. Go stag or bring a clear friend (or ask your brother for advice) and have a good time.
posted by jessamyn at 5:31 PM on April 12, 2009

n-thing don't do it. Taking a girl to a wedding is a pretty Big Deal in most people's thinking. This is where you meet family and important friends. It's a sign of being more significantly involved in the other person's personal life. It isn't something most people do casually.* As this is someone that you've known more than casually, something like this is almost bound to send signals that are impossible to unravel.

*At least not normal people. If this is a Society Wedding, part of the see-and-be-seen sort of set, with a thousand plus people showing up, things are different. But unless you're ridiculously wealthy or move in circles of people who are, weddings are generally considered rather intimate affairs, even if there are three hundred people there.
posted by valkyryn at 5:35 PM on April 12, 2009

You haven't seen this person in 6 years? You were tight when you were 10 and no0w you're in your 20's? Forget about the date. I would decline the invitation yourself unless your dad is asking you to take one for the team (his old friend and all). IF you end up going, I would not bring a date unless said date was a serious girlfriend. I also will chime in that single girls at weddings seem to be more open to very short term relationships than at any other time or place. Go stag and talk to a single gal without a date. You never know what will come up.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:04 PM on April 12, 2009

Wow, I have to disagree with everyone here.

Its a wedding - fun time, no one cares except the immediate family. If you are as exterior as you describe to your family friend's social circle, no one were care about your presence one way or another. Perfect opportunity to take a crush - a silly, fun date, probably an open bar, you get to dress up... honestly I can't think of a better first date than a wedding. Go for it.
posted by RajahKing at 6:24 PM on April 12, 2009

I'm with jessamyn and RajahKing here. A wedding is not a serious date and you should feel perfectly fine about bringing someone you think you would have fun with. Food, drinks, dancing - what's not fun about that stuff?

And this is coming from someone who is decidedly NOT "society" and (mostly) paid for her own wedding, with plenty of "and guests" on the invitations.
posted by chrisubus at 6:42 PM on April 12, 2009

Go Stag.....have fun. If you really want to go out with/see this girl take her on a real date. Wedding = horny women
posted by patnok at 6:45 PM on April 12, 2009

My favorite thing about going to weddings is hitting on the single girls there. Go stag!
posted by PFL at 7:08 AM on April 13, 2009

I commented over here on a similar topic a couple of months ago. I think you'll find more advice there.

I also like what valkyryn said, especially since you aren't close to the bride and groom.
posted by NHlove at 3:52 PM on April 13, 2009