Introductions to groups

April 9, 2009 12:36 PM

What do you do when you're introduced to a group of people all at once?

I always find this to be such an awkward social situation. A friend or new acquaintance pulls me over and introduces me to a group of people standing in a circle (usually a bunch of their friends or coworkers) and everyone introduces themselves with their name. After that it always get weird talking to the circle as everyone's kinda focused on you now. What do you guys usually do in this situation?

posted by truth1ness to human relations (20 comments total)

Make a joke to try to break the ice? Then let them go back to talking about whatever they were talking about...

I have a hard time "pitching myself" to groups, unless there's someone in the circle who specifically sticks out as doing something I'm interested in. I usually try to make myself pretty unobtrusive in groups -- I'd much rather find one person to talk to, anyway. If that person jumps out immediately, I go talk to them!

Otherwise -- I usually hang around and wait for conversation to get back to normal, and then wait for a good place to insert myself.
posted by puckish at 12:45 PM on April 9

The friend is a bad host to introduce you in that manner. A good host will provide you with an "in" to start a conversation along with the introduction. Regardless you should be able to quickly size up the type of people they are and at least hit a grounder. If they are coworkers you should know roughly what they do. It's a last resort to talk about jobs but it's something. If they are friends you at least know what kind of person your friend is. You can tell a quick joke/anecdote about the friend and yourself and take it from there. Try to talk to the group as if they were an individual.

My failure in that circumstance is the inability to remember names....
posted by JJ86 at 12:55 PM on April 9

Depends on the exact situation, really. Sometimes a wave and hello is enough, sometimes shaking hands with everyone is appropriate. If you find the conversation has suddenly shifted towards you and that isn't your thing, a simple question or deflection of a question can get the focus back on a general footing. I think the trick is to not be either in a defensive posture or overtly gregarious posture, just be friendly and neutral and see what's needed.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:55 PM on April 9

I think the right way is to introduce you to the group where hi's and hellos are exchanged, then that gracious host whisks you away to another group or to one person. Then you can decide to stay, mingle, go back to the group you were introduced to by going up to one person and beginning a conversation. You have to maneuver this like a fish upstream. It's not easy to stay focused, up, positive and open when you have 10 hopeful faces appraising you. Bottom line - do what seems to be go at your own pace, be sincere fun and honest without trying to cover all bases all at once.
posted by watercarrier at 12:56 PM on April 9

I might say, "So, how to you know [mutual friend who introduced you]?" This provides an entree for _them_ to do more talking, tell you a little story, and gives you additional information about each person.

If you already know hoe they met your friend, you can ask for specific details: "Are you all working on a project with [friend]?" "How did you all come to work at [friend's company]?" "How did you all get interested in [field of work]?"
posted by amtho at 1:12 PM on April 9 [1 favorite]

Shake hands with everyone and ask for names while joking "I'll never remember all these at once. Pop quiz me in 10 minutes" or something like that.

Then, "Such a big crowd! Do you all know Joe from [work/school/neighborhood]?" or "Are you all from [workplace/neighborhood/state/region]?"

Any question to get someone else started talking so you have something to respond to.
posted by Miko at 1:12 PM on April 9 [2 favorites]

Shake everybody's hand (or hugs for the girls, if it's in a very social scenario like a bar/club and you're cool like that), get everybody's name (even if you'll forget). Give compliments where sincere, accept same gracefully, but generally try to learn about them rather than tell them all about yourself. Bringing out their best qualities will endear you to them; bragging on yourself, even if it's true, will have the opposite effect. (The guys will feel threatened and try to "dethrone" you, and the girls will think you're arrogant and insecure, i.e. unattractive.)

Strike up conversations where you have common interests -- you might already know tidbits about one or more of them, such as "Mike mentioned you do triathlons...? My brother's really into that!" "Hey, is that your Mustang? I've been thinking about getting one..." etc. Or if you got nuthin, you can always throw out, "So how do you guys all know each other?" which will give you conversation points to run with.

If there's somebody you'd like to see later, come up with a concrete event (watching the ball game Thursday night, taking their puppy for a walk in the park Sunday afternoon, whatever) as a reason for getting their phone number, rather than just "hey can I have your phone number?" with no reason.

And if you're a guy, resist the temptation to focus your attention on the hawt chick, at least until she gives you a reason to -- that is, a reason other than being hawt!
posted by LordSludge at 1:15 PM on April 9

"So how do you all know each other?" usually gets the ball rolling a bit. Since it's not a yes/no question, it should solicit a few narrative answers that get the focus off you for a bit and give you something to work with conversation-wise. "How do you know Joe?" may also work, and any question related to how long the various parties have known one another will inevitably lead to some discussion because most people can't remember exactly when they met and will refer to events to get their bearings time-line-wise. Hopefully someone will say something like, "Didn't Joe get hired right before the giant fish tank flooded the manager's office?" Then you can follow up with a question about whatever event they reference.

Also remember that people generally like to give advice and share information on their favorite places, so if the conversation or the food at the party can give you a jumping off point, you can say, "Gosh, this satay is wonderful! I've been looking for a good Thai restaurant for a while." Someone will probably take the bait and give you more recommendations than you ever wanted. Talking about food keeps people from talking about work and gets them sharing their interests (travel, family, etc.). And if they're cool people you'd like to hang out with later, you can always see if they'd like to join you at a later date for a meal at that great Thai place they recommended!
posted by BlooPen at 1:29 PM on April 9 [1 favorite]

I actually don't like to shake everyone's hand in a situation like that, because it seems oddly formal and takes a long time. The only exception is if someone extends their hand first, and then it is rude to refuse. I try to remember as many people's names as possible when the host is listing them and then when he or she is done, give a friendly smile and say something like 'hi guys! What's going on over here?' and let them continue their conversation. If there is a lull, that is when I would say something individually, such as 'you're _____, right? It's nice to meet you'.

That just seems more natural and less spotlight-y to me.
posted by amicamentis at 1:38 PM on April 9

"Which one of you is the Alpha."
posted by Greg Nog at 1:50 PM on April 9 [13 favorites]

Divide and conquer. Pick one or two people directly across from you and talk to them first. Then turn and do the same with the others until you get them all.

The people in the one big group probably don't think they're part of "one big group" as a specific entity. Rather, they see themselves as collections of smaller groups ("Jane and Tim are from accounting; Stacy and Ray and Ted came down from XYZ to join us.") or individuals.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:01 PM on April 9

"Hi everyone, what were you guys all talking about?"
posted by jessamyn at 2:36 PM on April 9

I go around the circle shaking each person's hand and redundantly repeating my name in turn. I think it's funny.
posted by granted at 2:47 PM on April 9

I don't bother trying to hide the awkwardness, I say "uhh" and "hi" but always smile and make it obvious that I'm acknowledging the awkwardness of the sitution. I just smile and do that awkward one handed wave to everyone. Seems to work OK though because people could see that I'm kidding and that I look friendly.

Maybe not great for a professional setting where you have to make a more confident first impression on people. Then I'd go with either picking out one person who reacted the friendliest and re-introducing myself to them and starting a conversation, or confidently saying hello to everyone then asking the host or whoever introduced me to introduce me to someone one-on-one.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 3:12 PM on April 9

A quick joke about the awkwardness of that type of situation is perfect here.

Something like:
"oh man, I am terrible at names, I hope there isn't a quiz at the end ... I swear, I'd probably forget my own if you let me."

That way, you set the name expectations really low and show that you have a sense of humor. If you get singled out with someone later, you can always ask their name again: "I told you I was bad at names!".
posted by milqman at 6:09 PM on April 9

I've been doing the same joke for years and it works (though I definitely need some new material). As others have already mentioned, I say something like "I hope I remember all your names on the quiz later". Also, if I'm in the big group and the new person stands there at the end of the list of names looking shy I bust out a "Don't forget our names, there'll be a quiz later!"
posted by zardoz at 6:29 PM on April 9

Explain that you have prosopagnosia (face blindness), and apologize in advance for the fact that you will not remember anyone's name until you've known them for at least three or four years. Then proceed to have conversations with people in smaller groups.

Then for the rest of the evening make sure you start each conversation by asking the other person's name. They'll think your weird, but they'll remember you.
posted by alms at 8:46 PM on April 9

"It's okay to touch it."
posted by ZaneJ. at 9:51 PM on April 9

Second Cool Papa Bell's answer: divide and conquer. I usually give a quick hand wave and say "Hi!" and then turn to the 1 or 2 people to my immediate right or left and strike up a conversation. I think this is the best because it frees you up from having to talk to the entire group at once and it lets everyone else resume their own conversations.

A few seconds in, do the "So how do you know the rest of the group?" question in your mini-group and allow them to point out everyone else by name and relationship. At the end, the person pointing out everyone will typically introduce you to someone they know best from the larger group, absorbing that person into your mini-group and allowing you to meet some more people. At that point, one or two from your mini-group may break off. In this way, you maintain a steady-state minimum 2-3 person mini-group while being able to move around and meet everyone from the larger group a bit at a time.
posted by junesix at 2:30 AM on April 10

Friend drags me to group. Starts spouting names. I repeat the name, give them a nod and a handshake each. Wait a moment and then say "So have you guys met [friends name]?"
posted by syntheticfaith at 5:56 AM on April 10