How do I politely decline this "promotion"?

April 2, 2009 10:46 PM

How do I politely decline this "promotion"?

I work in a small office that is small on corporate professionalism and big on secret meetings and sometimes drama. I usually stay out of this, and over my 3 years of being there I have branched out and taken on new (mostly creative-based) projects. I have some accounts that I help out with, but I am not salary and no one reports to me. My main position is admin with a heavy dose of design work, and I am happy and well paid.

I have never had an interest in the collection/financial side of things, but the owner of the company has come to see me as a go-to person for new tasks. He does not hide the fact that he hates my direct supervisor, but the co-owner of the company likes her and thinks she does a great job.

On Wednesday the owner (who hates my boss) comes and talks to me about "what would I think about them adding a new position" and this position would essentially be the new office manager and oversee a lot of the financial things. Schooling is waved in my face, but also the issue that I would now be my supervisors' supervisor. I would also be supervising someone who I think is the real issue in the office. I listened to him talk and gave him my experience on the subject. He said he would be thinking it over.

Today I got called into a meeting and he basically offered me the position. The more he talked, the more my stomach dropped, and by the time I walked out I realized that I really did not want the position. Not only would it come with no raise (this was stated to me), but it would include the drama of my current (and in my opinion, more experienced) supervisor having to be told she now answered to me. On top of that I am just not interested in doing that position.

I was told to "mull over a decision" over the weekend. I am fairly sure I do not want this position, and I have been assured I will still have a job if I decline it. I tried to act enthusiastic in the meeting (my people-pleaser personality) but I have reconsidered to the point I am now a mess about rescinding my initial acceptance.

The owner is big on ambition and evolving, but I do not think this is the right fit for me. Do I go in tomorrow (on my off day) and tell him, or wait the weekend? How do I word this to save a little face? Am I being insane to pass up free training, even if it is for a position I would not enjoy? And lastly, do I mention any of this to my supervisor, who is now apparently on the chopping block?

posted by haplesschild to work & money (19 comments total)

The owner is big on ambition and evolving, but I do not think this is the right fit for me.

A skillful executive would have recognized this misfit to begin with and wouldn't have even offered it.

Do I go in tomorrow (on my off day) and tell him, or wait the weekend?

He told you to think about it over the weekend didn't he? So think about it over the weekend. Even though you've already made up your mind it gives the appearance that you've spent a lot of time really thinking about it...

How do I word this to save a little face?

Say, "Look, I'm ambitious, and I want to grow with this company, but this direction doesn't feel right. Thanks for the consideration, but let's hold off for now and see what other opportunities open up for me later on."

Am I being insane to pass up free training

It's not free. It's going to cost you your peace of mind and force you into a job you don't want. You should acknowledge that the training is tempting, but that you're savvy enough to see that it comes with a lot of caveats. Stress that you want expand your skills and gain experience, but only if doing so is right for you.

do I mention any of this to my supervisor

Nope. Your supervisor's problems are his own. Any collusion between the two of you may come out when his back is against the wall and that will reflect poorly on you.
posted by wfrgms at 10:57 PM on April 2 [9 favorites has favorites]

You are being used as a pawn in the owner's game to remove the person he doesn't like. It's pretty underhanded. Basically he thinks that if you become your boss' supervisor she will lose her cool and either quit, or threaten to quit and then he can call her bluff. If she doesn't quit and he can't force her out, you will be stuck with a poisonous situation that I doubt you can repair. In the meantime you are being asked to do work that you have no interest in, and for no more money than you are currently getting.

In this situation you lose every way. I think there are 2 things you can do here. The first is to prepare your resume and find a company that doesn't treat people that way. Might not be so easy in this environment though. The second is to stand your ground and offer a reasonable alternative.

Suggest that instead of you supervising your boss, or vice versa, you are both given positions at the same level, with clear areas of responsibility. You both report to the owner. This will give your boss a wakeup call to improve her performance but keep you out of the conflict. If she doesn't improve (or indeed gets worse now that she can't claim any responsibility for the things you do), then the owner will be able to show that to his partner and then fire her. You still get to do the work you want to do and you avoid being dragged into the conflict.
posted by awfurby at 11:03 PM on April 2 [3 favorites has favorites]

do I mention any of this to my supervisor, who is now apparently on the chopping block?

Only if you want to be on the chopping block too.
posted by grouse at 11:07 PM on April 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

I agree with wfrgms completely on all points. You might want to play around with the exact wording, but as long as you include being appreciative of being offered the opportunity, wanting to grow, but, after using the weekend to reflect further, realizing not in this particular direction, you should be fine. Also, congrats! While this isn't a job you want, it speaks well of you that the owner thought to offer it to you.
posted by katemcd at 11:09 PM on April 2

I've turned down several promotions (I hate supervising people) and I think that wfrgms has great advice. Tell them that you are very flattered they thought of you but you would prefer your career to grow in x direction and this is more of a y job. If you handle it just right you might get the training anyway.
posted by fshgrl at 11:26 PM on April 2

Definitely take the weekend to think it over, just out of respect for him.

But in your shoes, I'd maybe formulate some reason to interact with him before Monday (like show up tomorrow briefly, with an "oops, forgot my keys in the office yesterday!" excuse). While you're interacting, give a couple subtle nonverbal signals that your enthusiasm has waned. Nothing explicit, just a sliiightly resigned tone of voice when you say "see you Monday". Or when he asks you if you've thought about it, a well-timed and very slight squint that kind of says "meh" and a slight pause, then "yes, still thinking about it, it's a flattering offer and a big change!" That way he'll subconsciously sense & predict that you're not into it, so it won't come out of left field when you turn it down on Monday. He'll have had a little time to come up with a contingency plan, even subconsciously. Again, this should NOT be explicit or it'll look like you didn't really consider the offer. Verrry subtle; slight enough that it's plausibly deniable if anyone were to ever question you. But I think it can be very effective, because nobody likes a surprise, and if he went home today thinking "yay, that problem's solved!" then he won't like learning that it's not, really, on Monday... so you're just giving him a very faint foreshadowing. Good luck!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 11:41 PM on April 2

My dad did something similar for the large corporation he works for. He wanted to progress a certain way (to Director level), they offered him a "research fellowship" that would basically put him at the same salary bracket but cap his influence and he'd be at the top of that path. He politely declined and said he'd rather work towards Director since he believed he could have more impact there.

Nothing wrong with stating that you don't feel a direction is right for you. A good boss will take that for what it's worth and if they're truly interested in you, look at how to keep you engaged and better your growth another, more appropriate way.

That said, everything above, I agree with.
posted by disillusioned at 12:56 AM on April 3

You actually do not owe him any explanation; those can always be argued with. Make definitive statements and avoid any language around feelings, as well.

"I really appreciate your confidence in my abilities and this job offer, but over the weekend I realised it isn't a good fit for me. Thank you, though. Is there something I can do to help you staff the role?"
posted by DarlingBri at 1:04 AM on April 3 [5 favorites has favorites]

pseudostrabimus has an interesting idea, but I think that it is a dangerous path when so much is at stake. You can't ever really know how you come across to other people, and the more you plan it, the more likely it will seem contrived and insincere and-- God forbid-- arrogant or rude.

Take the weekend out of respect to your boss, as someone else said. Devising a casual "chance" encounter before the Big No runs a high risk of appearing like a jerk. (and you're clearly not a jerk)
posted by vincele at 1:15 AM on April 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

Perhaps explain declining it in a way that shows the owner that his best interests are not served by you doing it? Show him that it's simply not the smart business choice for the company.

"My experience is such that I honestly don't feel like this is an area where I could work effectively. Even with the gracious offer of training, my best sense is that it would take me considerable time to reach a level of sufficient knowledge to do this important job well, much less adequately--and it would take me away from the things I am doing that are making significant contributions to the company's success."
posted by ambient2 at 1:41 AM on April 3

You might want to prepare yourself for a counter-offer from the boss. What do you say if he/she tries to sweeten the pot with a raise, or other incentives ?
posted by lobstah at 3:07 AM on April 3

I wouldn't do what pseudostrabismus suggests. No offence meant to him/her, but this to me would come across as game-playing and manipulation. No-one likes that.
posted by Lleyam at 4:56 AM on April 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

Not only would it come with no raise

"I'm sorry, I won't take on additional responsibilities without compensation."

"Because I'm not a sucker."
posted by ook at 5:40 AM on April 3

DO NOT mention the salary issue. You don't care about the money, and wouldn't take the job if it came with a pay raise, right? Bringing salary into the discussion will send the wrong message.
posted by Aquaman at 8:22 AM on April 3

You mull it over this weekend and politely tell him, on Monday, that you appreciate the opportunity but, upon further reflection, you don't think it is a good fit for you. Make it clear that you do have ambition and would be interested in additional training opportunities, should they be available.

Don't be bullied into taking a position that you don't want, that doesn't come with any material benefit, and that would--given your description of the office culture--be more work and more drama. Like others, I suspect that the owner who offered you the job is playing a game with your immediate supervisor, attempting to force that person out. That is a game in which you probably do not want to be a pawn.
posted by wheat at 11:28 AM on April 3

You're getting lots of good advice here.

I am surprised they asked you to take on a supervisory role without a pay raise. I would find that insulting.
posted by valannc at 8:19 AM on April 4

Aquaman's right, I'm wrong. (But the "hey, do all this extra stuff for no pay!" thing does provide more evidence, as if any were needed, that you're making the right choice in turning this down.)
posted by ook at 10:28 AM on April 4

You sound smart, and your employer thinks so, too. Spend some time thinking about what you can do for the business, and make a counter-proposal that is good for the boss, and good for you.
posted by theora55 at 8:04 PM on April 4

In case anyone is reading this still- I wanted to say thank you for the great advice! I took everything you all suggested and put it into my own words and let him know this morning. He was very nice about it and didn't try to fight me on it. I also gave him some ideas of paths I would like to take there in the future, to which he seemed very receptive. I added that I would do everything I could to help whoever he hired to do the job and he replied that he had no doubt that I would :)

So thanks everyone for helping me get through this! It feels good to be able to hold my ground and not get myself into something toxic just to make someone else happy!
posted by haplesschild at 6:22 PM on April 6