How do I have a seder-less Passover?

April 1, 2009 8:15 PM

How do I observe Passover alone? Should I just forget it?

How do I observe Passover alone in a small town that's predominantly Catholic, Methodist and Baptist? Am one of very few Jews, most of whom are not observant and don't have Seders. But I would like to observe Passover somehow, even if it's just reading to myself. (Spouse, albeit a heathen... er, a nonbeliever, is tolerant of my religious side.) I'm not upset that there's no Seder to be found for hundreds of miles, but I'd like to commemorate Pesach. Ideas?

posted by Smalltown Girl to religion & philosophy (20 comments total)

I've read a seder by myself - it's okay, but not really much fun. Maybe you can find a more non-traditional seder - a social justice-themed seder, etc. Whatever you decide to do, reading-wise, make yourself a nice Pesach dinner, maybe experiment with some different tastes, like trying a Sefardic recipe if you're from an Ashkenazic tradition.
posted by honeybee413 at 8:22 PM on April 1

Invite a couple of said Jews over? They might not be observant on their own, but perhaps they would not mind participating in a seder if you were to hold one.
posted by Krrrlson at 8:24 PM on April 1 [2 favorites]

Can you buy matza near you? If not, you can order it online. Make a bunch of haroset and eat it all week.

Make yourself a smaller seder meal and eat it with your spouse. Drink some kosher wine and teach him some hilarious passover songs.

Have some matzabrie for breakfast. There's tons of things you can do just involving eating matza during the week. You can really do anything you want. You don't have to go to a huge seder in order to celebrate passover. But if you're craving a seder, I've always found that non-jews are excited to attend a seder and see what it's about. Put one on for you and your friends. You can find a haggadah online. You don't need a formal pesach plate or anything fancy in order to do this. Just think of it as throwing a dinner party. Have as little or as much praying as you want.

If you really want a formalized seder, is there a college campus near you? Their hillel should have something going on. What small town are you in? That might help people find more local resources for you.
posted by Arbac at 8:27 PM on April 1 [2 favorites]

Do you have any friends who are interested in Passover traditions? I had a blast one year doing a seder with friends; only two of us were Jewish, and it was hilarious to watch all these twenty-somethings tearing apart my kitchen looking for the afikoman. I got a bunch of different haggadahs from the library and we skimmed through the essentials of the seder. It was basically a dinner party with a great prelude and lots of talk of different traditions.

If you don't have interested friends, you could certainly do things by yourself. If you want to read through the seder, try to get your hands on an unfamiliar or non-traditional haggadah that will offer you something new to think about. Make as much or as little of the traditional food as you want; even my most minimal Passovers have involved making charoses. Decide what's important to you and let that help you figure out what you don't want to leave out of your holiday.
posted by bassjump at 8:31 PM on April 1 [6 favorites]

When I was a young adult, I invited a mix of non-observant Jews and friendly non-Jews to my Seder. 6-8 people is a very nice number. It was always fun and in time my non-Jewish other knew more about Passover than many of the Jews that we invited. I usually made the things that I felt had to be done "my way" (or more often, my mother's way) and asked others to bring other parts of the meal to cut down on the cooking stress.
posted by metahawk at 9:32 PM on April 1

Of all the nights in the year, the first night of Passover is one of the most communual for Jews. If you're willing to work at it a bit, there's bound to be a seder you can go to. Seconding the suggestions above to host one yourself. If you're not comfortable with that, I bet there's a Jewish Community Center, Hillel, Chabad (not my cup of manischewitz, but whatever you say about them, they certainly have community down), synagogue with a community seder, or just a nice group of folks within a two hour drive from your home (rural Alaska need not apply) that would be happy to take you in. You could even try Craigslist. Go out and find someone to be with, way better then doing it alone. You'll be glad you did.
posted by zachlipton at 9:54 PM on April 1 [1 favorite]

ask your friends over! the last seder i attended, the only jew in the room was the host; everyone else in the room was an atheist, pretty much, but we all had fun singing, reading, eating and enjoying finding out about her traditions.
posted by lia at 10:01 PM on April 1

I'm a gentile who's always been kind of wistful about Passover- it sounds so fun but nobody's ever invited me to a seder. If you decided to hold a little seder with friends, and do some of the seder stuff (you don't have to go all nuts over it, but whatever parts would be fun for you), i bet some of your goyische friends would be flattered to be invited to a dinner party with some learnin'. I think it would be a matzoh mitzvah.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:38 PM on April 1 [2 favorites]

You could also rent a movie with a seder in it: I remember Minnie Driver has a secret solo seder in The Governess; there must be more.
Ah of course, here is a list.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:42 PM on April 1 [1 favorite]

Nthing inviting folks over. Start with the non-observant Jews - I'm as non-observant as they come, but will never turn down a Seder invite. Once you see how many Jews you have, supplement with a few fun Goys. Do a low-key, fun version (social justice Haggadahs are really neat, and feel very in keeping with the story of Passover). Drink lots of Manischewitz. Make merry.
posted by lunasol at 11:02 PM on April 1

Whatever you do, do NOT forgo the Seder. It's a huge, huge spiritual occasion, on so many levels, I can't even begin to list them. I want you to connect with Chabad where you live. They will absolutely help you out. Feel free to me-mail me with any questions. Other than this - I am listing here their resources page for Everything Passover. Have an amazing holiday.
posted by watercarrier at 12:26 AM on April 2

Can you tell us where you live? We might know of some Jewish resources that you're unaware of. Otherwise, what where you considering? A Seder? Substituting matza for bread and stuff?
posted by Joe in Australia at 12:58 AM on April 2

How to Find a Seder in 600 Cities Around the World
posted by watercarrier at 1:22 AM on April 2

I absolutely agree that you should invite non-Jewish friends over. My father's college roommate always invited us to his family's Seders even though we're Episcopalian. It was fantastic, some of my great childhood memories.

They also, if this helps, had this amazing Haggadah from the McCarthy era which was very clearly trying to convince everyone that Judaism was in no way linked to Communism. It emphasized things like leading the Jews to freedom and Mrs. Wasserman owned it with absolutely no irony.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:08 AM on April 2

According to Jewish Law it is forbidden to invite Non-Jews to the seder. Please read.
posted by watercarrier at 5:26 AM on April 2

Jewish Law forbids a lot of things. That's not constructive advice for someone looking for a Seder. Arbac and Zachlipton covered the general options for people wanting to keep it within the community and others have offered slightly less traditional options - although in the Northeast the ecumenical seder's pretty much 'as according to local tradition.'
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 7:17 AM on April 2

I'm in NYC and don't know any observant jews, but I know lots of jews. Non-observant jews host seders and invite non-jews all the time here. Agree with all above who suggest this route.
posted by Mavri at 7:46 AM on April 2

[few comments removed - take side discussions to email or metatalk. if you have objections stating them and then walking away is the way to go. thanks]
posted by jessamyn at 10:48 AM on April 2

I agree: ask your friends over and have a good time. As a gentile, I have been privileged to attend more than one seder and it has been a great experience.
posted by languagehat at 1:56 PM on April 2

That there is a prohibition on inviting non-Jews to festival meals (lest the host break the festival's rules by cooking for them) is technically correct, but in practice it has so many exceptions that it shouldn't be a problem.
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:34 PM on April 2