Dealing with sleeping alone.
March 31, 2009 7:47 AM Subscribe
I'm having trouble going to bed alone. It's wrecking me. I don't want to be alone. Help?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (24 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a pretty independent guy in college who, by choice, doesn't count a single person as his closest friend—male or female. After some experiences with friendship in high school, I decided that I would work a lot with myself on being alone.
So far, I love it. When I walk around, I love the fact that I don't have to call a person up to go to a movie; that I can sit wherever I want at meals; that I've stopped caring about what other people think of me. That being said, I have a lot of company, but only when I want it. Normally I walk alone. I am very happy.
But often lately, when I go to bed, it's physically painful to grab at the sheets and realize that there's no one there. I've never felt this kind of loneliness before, and what I find myself wanting is someone to hold at night. But I have no idea how I might go about finding someone to sleep with, but not have sex with, not have a relationship with, not be best friends with.
Is this what a relationship is for? What I want is a warm body to hold at night and wake up with. This might sound jerkish, but that's all I want; I don't want to woo someone, or take him or her out to dinner.
Currently, it's not helping that the fantasy of someone there has been manifesting itself as various crushes I've had recently, on guys that I've been friends with or associate with. But for reasons of my crush, have had to slowly back away from them. (They're straight; I'm bi.) It's kind of killing me.
I don't think I want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, insofar as I value my own agency. That is, I like being singular.
So my question is this: How do I cope with a loneliness that manifests itself only when I'm trying to go to bed, when the one thing I want at that moment is another person? I wake up the next morning largely okay, but in truth, I want someone there.
I realize that I might be really looking for a roommate, as I now live in a single dorm room. But I go to a school that's composed largely of single rooms, and procuring a roommate would be cumbersome/awkward. (And in reality, the only roommate I would want would be a crush of mine. And I'm not sure that's a great idea.) Plus, a roommate by definition doesn't sleep with you.
Gah. I'm stuck. Help.