Not just another bottle of Maneschewitz?

March 31, 2009 1:13 AM

Spending the first night of Passover with a newish SO's family... I need suggestions for a gift that makes a dazzling first impression.

The guy that I've been casually dating for the past few months invited me to his family's Seder. I've not met them yet, and I'm really anxious about this. I want to bring something that will make a really great first impression. If it helps, we are in the north Chicagoland area.

posted by honeybee413 to society & culture (12 comments total)

Depends. If you're Jewish, you can get away with a sincere gesture of a good bottle of wine or at the least a nice bouquet of flowers. If you're not Jewish, it's a bit iffy and everything will be held up to scrutiny, so the best bet would be something low-key, sincere and from the heart. Maybe a handwritten note on exquisite paper in a $10 envelope. A small chachkeh in silver - maybe a salt container and spoon. Keep it small, simple, sweet and sincere in any case.
posted by watercarrier at 2:05 AM on March 31

You need to give us more information. Are you Jewish too? What sort of Jewish are they? Are there going to be children at this Seder? Will there be other, non family members? Is the main chef of the family the sort who would be happy to spread around the cooking duties? Can you cook?

If you are a nice Jewish girl trying to impress the nice Jewish family, AND I see that you are a med student in your profile, I would suggest asking your SO to ask his family if you could bring something for the Seder itself. Dessert? The hard boiled eggs? See what the family would like to pawn off on you, and happily accept. Depending on the level of difficulty of the thing required, you could bring something else or not. If you get the hard boiled eggs, *definitely* bring something thoughtful and slightly impressive. If you get the haroset, a nice bottle of wine will suffice. If you are trusted with something more complex, consider yourself in their good graces already. Bring some simple flowers. I am especially fond of daffodils.

Basically, my logic here is, if you would like to be considered part of the family, ask to participate directly in the traditions of the holiday.

If you are not Jewish, it will be harder. Have you ever been to a Seder before? The best way to dazzle the quirky Jews of North Chicago is to be knowledgeable. Study up! Buy your own hagaddah, and learn how to say the Four Questions in Hebrew. Heck, even if you are Jewish, brush up on that. Depending on the age of the other Seder participants, this may fall to you, and that would be the best way to impress *my* father, I can tell you that. But do not bring a religious physical gift, as you might misstep.

Man, this question is making me crave matzoh brei like crazy.
posted by Mizu at 2:27 AM on March 31

Be cautious about gifts of home-cooked food on Passover. Many people who only keep kosher so-so the rest of the year are stricter on Passover, and you don't want anyone - even crazy old aunt Yetta - to make any nasty comments or to start quizzing you. I'd go with the wine or flowers.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:55 AM on March 31 [2 favorites has favorites]

I have no connection to this site, but I was browsing and the stuff there look really nice and unique. Have a look - it might be what will make a good impression.
posted by watercarrier at 5:13 AM on March 31

Do you know the level of the family's religiosity (unless that's not a word)? Some very orthodox families won't accept any outside food to be used in the Seder (no matter how kosher for passover it might be).
I agree that a nice non-food gift would be the best idea. Are there young kids in the family? There are some kid-oriented seder gifts you could bring (bag o' plagues and the like.

Definitely need more info.
posted by parabola01 at 5:28 AM on March 31

No food. I wouldn't bring wine either because they might be using only Kosher wine and if they're really religious, they might not appreciate a non-kosher wine in the house right now. How about a really nice flowering plant, like a hydrangea, in a nice ceramic pot? There are a lot of really nice flowering plants available now. You say you're casually dating this guy, so don't try too hard or go overboard on this. You don't want to look too eager or desperate .. and something too big or too expensive just might not sit right. Fresh flowers are also always appreciated. And a handwritten thank-you note, sent the next day, on your good stationery, of course.
posted by Kangaroo at 5:45 AM on March 31

OK -- I'm going to assume that if your SO is bringing you to seder after a few months, and you're writing like you're not Jewish yourself, that they're not Orthodox. In which case, I'd suggest looking for a really good bottle (or two) of kosher wine (if you know and like wine). Kosher wine used to be disgusting, but now there's plenty of good stuff and any decent wine store in Chicago ought to have a decent selection pre-passover. A quick google search says that Cork and Canvas in Highland Park just did a kosher wine tasting, so that might be a place to try.

Or, here's another idea: why not just ask the SO?
posted by janet lynn at 6:48 AM on March 31

You can't go wrong with flowers, since it's not food and almost everyone likes them, especially jewish mothers, bubbies, aunts, etc. If your budget permits, you can really blow everyone away.

Also, crystal or silver candle-holders would be nice.

A small jewish-related trinket (referred to as "chachkeh" above, in case you're not up-to-date with the lingo) to go with either gift would be nice too.
posted by Simon Barclay at 7:33 AM on March 31

I am Jewish, and more observant than he is, but he comes from a more Conservative background than I do. I've never done Pesach with another family - just mine and the AEPi Seder-like shebang in college.

I thought about food - I'm a pretty good cook, and my family has an amazing charoset recipe - but the idea makes me anxious because I'm not sure how kashered I will be able to make my kitchen - it will be fine enough for me, but I have a non-Jewish roommate, so I'm rather limited in extent.
posted by honeybee413 at 7:41 AM on March 31

Ask your SO about the charoset and the kosher issue. His family may well be fine with it as long as the dishes, knives, etc... you use have gone through the dishwasher first. If not, maybe you can make it at the family's place before the seder? Of course, be sure you're not stepping on Grandma Jane's toes who has made the charoset for 87 years and will stop only on the day Elijah personally walks in the front door!
posted by zachlipton at 8:56 AM on March 31

You've been dating casually for a few months? I'd definitely stay away from the suggestions of silver and crystal. Flowers or a box of kosher-for-Passover chocolates seem most appropriate to me.
posted by judith at 12:59 PM on March 31

Flowers and wine. If you have a great family recipe, you might want to bring your charoset, as an addition, as in "It's my family recipe, and it's just not Passover without it."
posted by theora55 at 1:36 PM on March 31