How do I help a runaway?

March 30, 2009 8:25 AM

A 17 year old I know is on the verge of running away from home. How can I help him without getting in legal trouble?

He lives in Muncie, IN. I live in Indianapolis, IN. He is having a hard time at home getting along with his legal guardian (his grandmother), but there is no physical abuse. His legal guardian insults him by calling him names. She yells at him a lot. He is confined to the house and not allowed go anywhere except school. He is not allowed to use the phone. Every 3 weeks he visits his biological mother in Indianapolis for the weekend, which is the only way I've been in contact with him for the past few months. He's had a history of depression and suicide.

The situation is very quickly approaching a boiling point... he says he will run away at the end of the school year if things keep going as they have been.

His grandma will do everything in her power to make him come back home when he leaves, including pressing charges. Of this I am sure. She is very litigious and will not listen to anyone about how she is treating him.

What are the legal ramifications of harboring a runaway in Indiana? What else can I do to help him? What can he do to help himself? Is he stuck in this situation until he turns 18?

posted by symbollocks to law & government (20 comments total)

Have either of you checked into minor emancipation laws in the state of Indiana? IANAL (better minds will chime in, hopefully), but it might be one direction to explore.
posted by arachnid at 8:32 AM on March 30 [1 favorite has favorites]

In California this kid would likely have had a case file from when he was placed with his grandmother. If he ran away or there were many reports of conflict and problems he might be moved from the grandmother's house and placed in a group home until he "emancipated." I don't know if that would be better or worse for this kid. Probably better for him to plan for moving out (at 18 or when legally emancipated) than to involve the system, but you could ask him what he thinks. Could he get a cheap cell phone to feel less isolated? Join a club at school? (I loooove teenagers, they are awesome and hilarious, but don't forget that often you cannot "fix" their problems, you can only do what you can do.)
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 8:45 AM on March 30

What's the period of time between "end of school year" and turning 18?
posted by mikepop at 8:48 AM on March 30

How can I help him without getting in legal trouble?

Get him an early graduation gift of a pre-paid mobile phone. Be a character reference when he is seeking his own place at 18. Help him land a job for after he graduates. A large cash birthday gift.
posted by mikepop at 8:53 AM on March 30 [5 favorites has favorites]

Taking a quick glance at the statutes, here is what seems relevant (bottom of this page):

IC 31-34-20-6
Emancipation of child; findings; terms
Sec. 6. (a) The juvenile court may emancipate a child under section 1(5) of this chapter if the court finds that the child:
(1) wishes to be free from parental control and protection and no longer needs that control and protection;
(2) has sufficient money for the child's own support;
(3) understands the consequences of being free from parental control and protection; and
(4) has an acceptable plan for independent living.
(b) If the juvenile court partially or completely emancipates the child, the court shall specify the terms of the emancipation, which may include the following:
(1) Suspension of the parent's or guardian's duty to support the child. In this case the judgment of emancipation supersedes the support order of a court.
(2) Suspension of the following:
(A) The parent's or guardian's right to the control or custody of the child.
(B) The parent's right to the child's earnings.
(3) Empowering the child to consent to marriage.
(4) Empowering the child to consent to military enlistment.
(5) Empowering the child to consent to:
(A) medical;
(B) psychological;
(C) psychiatric;
(D) educational; or
(E) social;
services.
(6) Empowering the child to contract.
(7) Empowering the child to own property.
(c) An emancipated child remains subject to the following:
(1) IC 20-33-2 concerning compulsory school attendance.
(2) The continuing jurisdiction of the court.


His school is out at the end of May . He is a junior in high school. He turns 18 in February 2010.

Additional questions: Can his grandma keep him from getting a job? Doesn't that interfere with him trying to prove his potential for being emancipated?
posted by symbollocks at 8:55 AM on March 30

What a sad situation! Since grandma appears to be psycho, does the kid have a social worker or the kind of relationship with his mother where he can get some coping tools? Possibly a lawyer, if you think the grandma will come after you or him for any of this, plus emancipation questions per arachnid/Claudia.
posted by rhizome at 8:56 AM on March 30

Get him an early graduation gift of a pre-paid mobile phone.

Unfortunately we've tried this. He's had multiple cell phones taken away from him.

does the kid have a social worker or the kind of relationship with his mother where he can get some coping tools?

Not that I know of. How to best go about getting a social worker/coping tools?
posted by symbollocks at 9:02 AM on March 30

Why can't the mother step up and take custody for more than a weekend? We need more info about that missing piece. Also, since he's not allowed to go anywhere but school....are there after-school programs, athletics, a chess club, a really kickin' guidance counselor, etc. he could be reaching out to there? Many schools do have "coping skills" programs for at-risk kids.
posted by availablelight at 9:16 AM on March 30

What availablelight said - who can he talk to at the school? They have policies for dealing with abused kids (it definitely sounds like abuse) and they are on the list for "responsible adults" all abused kids are directed to contact.

That is his best course of action - if he can get in to see a counselor, the school nurse, or even just a few minutes with a trusted teacher, it should start the ball rolling. Tell him not to give up if the first person doesn't take it seriously. Keep trying until he's got an adult interested in his situation. He can even simply ask if they can make it possible for a social worker to visit him at school for a conversation.
posted by batmonkey at 9:27 AM on March 30

In Canada kids 16 and over can legally leave home and live wherever they want. Is this not the same in the States?
posted by orange swan at 9:42 AM on March 30

In British Columbia, if a child discloses abuse to a teacher, vice-principal, counselor, they MUST phone the Ministry of Child and Family development. Is there anything like that? Is there anyone at his school he would be comfortable disclosing to? People often forget that the school counselors are not just for course planning, they are there to counsel on any issue the students may have.
posted by sadtomato at 10:23 AM on March 30

Call the CPS office which is local to where the boy is living. Advise them of everything you have been told by him or witnessed. Try to stay out of hearsay but advise them of the urgent nature of the situation. Ask for them to advise on how you should respond if he comes knocking on your door. You will need to tell them how you know of the situation as well. Good luck!
posted by onhazier at 10:31 AM on March 30

In Canada kids 16 and over can legally leave home and live wherever they want. Is this not the same in the States?

Like just about everything else here, it's state by state.

In most states the age of majority is 18. Below that age, you can be prevented from leaving home without your parents' consent. In some states (including the one where the OP lives), a kid below that age can be emancipated by court order, which puts them out of their parents' control. In some states, a kid is automatically emancipated if they get married, although many states require parental permission to get married below the age of majority anyway.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:26 AM on March 30

Seconding the idea of a lawyer. The case worker, school councilors, etc, might be sympathetic and helpful, or they may already think this kid is a problem, and talking to them could quickly tip the grandmother off and lead to a restraining order again you, making it even harder for you to help this kid.
posted by Good Brain at 11:49 AM on March 30

Why can't the mother step up and take custody for more than a weekend?

When he was ~8 years old his parents got divorced. In the divorce both mom and dad were determined to be unfit parents. Neither were granted custody, so instead his grandma became his legal guardian.
posted by symbollocks at 11:50 AM on March 30

He is having a hard time at home getting along with his legal guardian (his grandmother), but there is no physical abuse.

CPS caseworkers investigate allegations other than physical/sexual abuse all the time. Don't let the fact that the kid isn't getting beaten deter you from notifying the authorities.
posted by Doofus Magoo at 11:52 AM on March 30 [1 favorite has favorites]

On the other hand, it may be best to do nothing except be a supportive friend (listening to him, stuff like that).

He's 17. Just as an example, of course, but what if he was failing school, doing drugs, or other infractions of house rules? This would explain being confined to the house and not having phone permissions, which his grandmother would call "being grounded" and he would interpret as massively unfair.

Hormonally, teenagers are at a funny age: Not yet an adult, but not a child. It may be that his grandmother (who raised her own children, and yet now has to be parent to her grandchild) is trying to do all she can to ensure that he is safe and finishes high school. Of COURSE she would call the police if her grandchild were missing! Of COURSE she would want him returned to her, instead of following the difficult path of living on the streets or scraping by.

I'm not saying he's in a good situation. I'm just saying, I'd take what he says with a grain of salt.

What you can definitely know is that he's depressed. He needs a friend to provide a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. That friend can be you, and you don't have to "harbor a runaway" to do it.
posted by Houstonian at 12:17 PM on March 30

It seems to me that risk of suicide with a history of depression requires medical attention of the sort which might support a social worker or psychologist to be involved and which might allow other options to come forward. It may be that some people have a legal/clinical responsibility to report with either abuse or suicide risk. Who are these people in your state? The school principal, counsellor or nurse? A local clinic MD, family doctor or nurse? The police?
Abuse is not defined by physical alone; psychological abuse counts.

Is there someone in the school who could give him a job (paid or unpaid), a role, a program, a sports team, a detention, or community service which would require/allow him some sanity space?
posted by kch at 12:38 PM on March 30

What are the legal ramifications of harboring a runaway in Indiana?

I'm not a lawyer, but I'm guessing you'd be looking at charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
posted by Ziggy Zaga at 1:30 PM on March 30

Nthing a favorite teacher or counselor being aware of what is going on.

Are you related to this kid? The week before I was born (1968) my second youngest uncle's school asked if my parents would take him (he was 17 at the time) in because his home situation was intolerable.
posted by brujita at 11:02 PM on March 30