Saturday night, the cigarettes come crawling out with the boys who crave regrets
March 22, 2009 7:04 AM Subscribe
Non-smoker dating a smoker - how to deal?
posted by KateHasQuestions to human relations (36 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Here's the thing. I met a great guy 3 weeks ago, we hit it off instantly and he is awesome and funny and treats me well. One of his few downsides is that he smokes. I CANT STAND SMOKE. He's 27 and only started a year or two ago, so it's not like it's a habit he's had his whole life.
A week after we met he said he's going to quit. I said that that would be awesome, but in the back of my head thought "no way is that gonna happen, guys say all kinds of crazy things for a girl." Well, he went 2 weeks without smoking (or at least smoking so rarely that I didn't have to smell it on him). During those 2 weeks I made sure to tell him how good it was to kiss him and not want to vomit (I said it nicer) and that it's great to be able to enjoy how he tastes and smells.
The other day we hung out and he smelled like smoke. He apologized and said he's trying, and slowly weaning off the cigarettes. Then last night we were out with his friends and it was the first time he smoked in front of me, and he smoked 3-4 cigarettes throughtout the rest of the night. I had a crappy night because his friends smoked too and I was just exposed to it the whole night. He apologized last night and said how much he appreciated me putting up with that because it meant a lot to him that his friends seemed to like me.
So here's my question:
What are the chances he'll quit? Is it reasonable to ask him to quit? I know people just don't change, but the fact that he's said it himself a few times (I was not the first one to ask him to quit) and went TWO weeks without smoking gives me some hope.
Should I keep commenting on it everytime he smells like smoke or is that too naggy?
Is it reasonable to demand that he never smokes around me at least?
Withholding sex/kissing sounds stupid and isn't my style, but does it work? It really isn't sexy when he tastes like smoke, so it wouldn't be that hard to do..
I know it ultimately depends on me to decide whether this is a deal breaker for me, and for him to see how serious he is about us, but what's the best way of dealing with this?
Smokers: How much nagging or asking would get on your nerves?
Past smokers: Did a significant other make you quit? How?
People who don't like being around smokers: Should I just give up on the hope that he'll quit?
Thanks for your input!