22-year old relationship-newbie nerd girl seeks strong, silent men. Is it possible? In which context? Anything to do to better my chances?
My question is something along the lines of this poster
, but with one crucial difference: while the poster was a girly-girl, I am way on the other side of the spectrum: a bit edgy and not overly feminine. I've been the perpetual "brain" my entire life, and throughout high school and college have struggled to reconcile being the "smart one" who was different from all the other decked-out girls and being a girl, capable of attracting males.
I'm 22 and have never been in a decent, real relationship. I've had the odd, awkward "serious-friends-hanging-out" platonic relationships with the philospher types of guys, to whom I was initially very attracted to intellectually. But these odd relationships never went anywhere for lots of reasons: they were all much more "thinkers" than "doers," spending lots of time talking about something and never doing
anything, forcing me to decide our agendas time and time again, never taking any real intiative.
As a result of failed "not-relationships," I've decided that I really would prefer a more decisive man in my life. To be honest, I attended a geek high school and a geek liberal arts university, so have had little exposure to stronger, aggressive men. Would a stronger, aggressive man be attracted to a less feminine, brainaic girl? I am growing increasingly weary of seeing men flock to girls with too much eye makeup clutching gigantic Coach purses while gabbing about Gossip Girls.
So my questions, I think, are as follows. Please feel free to comment/remark upon any aspect of my situation that strikes you.
(1) Is there hope in love for girls like me? I'm quiet, but I dress decently (I always attempt to have a bit of style and look groomed and put together, but not to Bratz doll extent), am a good weight/figure. But apparently I am missing this chip which Bratz girls have, of going ga-ga over shoes, etc.
(2) Is there a "type" that would mesh well with me? How do I get guys of all stripes to be interested? I am comfortable talking to men, but only as people, and not as "potential date material." Also, on topics that bore me, I have a hard time finding things to say. Is there a "type" that is OK with the quiet type? Would the edgier, aggressive men be attracted to me? The only ones who have really persued me are the smart guys, but they are all so geeky and weak (see above: ask me out on a date, declare romantic intentions, and then ask where I want to go, and refuse to pick a place, and barely pick up the check). My father is assertive: it's how I expect men to behave. But it's like I'm a beehive which makes honey that atttacts specifically the geeks. (Strange metaphor, but it works, I think.)
(3) How to attract strong, assertive, protective type? Where do they hang out? To what do they respond, in particular?
I am not suggesting I morph my personality. I have tried the extroversion route, dressing up a little more, and it failed to attract better-quality men entirely. It's just not me. I'm entirely too practical a person, and quiet enough by nature that extroversion is simply exhausting. I am only asking, is there some aspect of my present
personality which I can take more care to display, to attract the men I want?
Thank you in advance for your help. As I said, all comments and suggestions are welcome. You needn't specifically answer my questions.