Yet another question about parents, finances, and roommates after college.

March 11, 2009 8:12 PM

CollegeTransitionFilter: Help a sad little CS student deal with figuring out where to live, what he can expect in this economy, and how to deal with an unexpected surprise for his besieged parents.

I'm an undergrad senior going to a relatively prestigious research college in the rust belt. I transferred here from a community college where I had a near 4.0 to nearly getting kicked out of my current school after my third semester. I decided that a career in science (I was a bio major competing in a school known for its pharmacy/medicine programs) was not for me and instead decided to finish out a major in CS. I had avoided a computer science program mostly because I figured I could get a job anyway -- I was one of those kids who had Linux running and was hacking away in C before I got to college.

Unfortunately, due to some leftover teenage depression (mostly from dealing with LGBT issues from adolescence), the community college dance, and flunking out from my previous major, I'm slated to graduate at the end of next fall semester, giving me a total of 5 1/2 years for getting a stupid BS. I feel like crap over it, but the hivemind has hashed that out before. The problem? I slightly miscalculated how long it would take for me to graduate, and they don't know they have to pay for another semester. I've debated lying to them ("I'm going to grad school!"), but I'd honestly rather not do that.

Asking them to help pay for things wouldn't really be so bad, except I think they may be splitting soon. The problem is, their marriage is like the world economy -- slowly and unpredictably circling the drain. I don't want to give my mother and father an excuse to be miserable ("We can't do anything now, anonymous is still in college..."), but on the other hand I've been here for far too long not to graduate.

The second issue revolved around how I'm going to plan my life after that's finished. I live in a three bedroom apartment off-campus but still in the college's neighborhood, and I'm completely miserable. I did the random roommate search thing since most of my friends had graduated, and I ended up with a male roommate who's pretty amiable and a female roommate who has soured me to the idea of living with anyone for a while. Without going into too much detail, she's been unemployed since I've moved in (>6 months), always around, really moody (which I think has something to do with the fact that she may have bulimia), and does not like me for whatever reason. More than 80% of the time when I enter a room she's in she'll start humming loudly to express her disapproval of my existence.

All that said, I can tolerate my living situation until my lease is up in August. This leads me to my last question: how quickly can a new CS major with a decent major GPA (>3.25) and a bad general GPA (~2.5) with some job and open source experience expect to get a job and support myself? My current student job involves light sysadmin work, some programming, and some helpdesk stuff, and I'll get a good reference out of the bargain. I've written some docs and patches for open source stuff, but nothing major. I'm really tempted to move in with my parents at the end of my lease -- I can wait around til the rent is cheaper mid-winter and save some more money for post-college living. However, I think that could be a terrible idea because I could end up getting marauded there if I don't find a job -- they'll say something to the effect of, "We're not helping you pay for an apartment, there's nothing wrong with you living here", and my past depression will creep up like every other time I've lived with them. On the other hand, I don't want to be stuck in a place I can't afford if my parents don't feel like subsidizing me any longer if they divorce. I can cook well and I'm not particularly materialistic, but living alone with my savings I figure I'll only have enough to live two to three months on my own if I don't get a job.

Side note to anyone who suggests therapy: I'm in it, but I think this is one of my therapist's blind spots...she's an old hippy who seems to relish in the idea that the capitalist excesses of the last few decades is receding.Which I would agree with, if it didn't mean moving back in with my parents.

posted by anonymous to grab bag (14 comments total)

You've mentioned your GPA a couple times, and while CS isn't my field, I have never seen any employer ask for GPA in a job description. Companies looking to hire care a lot more about skills, experience, and personality than they do what classes you took in college (unless those classes prove certification in ______ skill), or how long you spent there.

Don't lie to your parents about the upcoming semester, and don't let guild about what might happen keep you from telling them. You can't control their reaction, but you can start working now to come up with a game plan for helping pay for your last semester now, to help control how much this will impact them.

Can you start saving up some extra money from your student job?

You might also want to start looking for any extra part time work you can find now, and plan on working as much as possible over the Summer and next semester. If you can find something that pays better than your student job, or offers more hours, you might need to go with it.

I think you're putting a lot of stock in your degree, but honestly, you don't need to wait to have the diploma in hand to start looking for a serious job. As long has you have some solid skills, and the work experience to back it up, you should have a shot at finding something.
posted by nerdcore at 8:42 PM on March 11

Tell them as soon as possible, so that they have time to organise whatever needs to happen.

If you move in to a new place in August, and then don't find a job in January, you'll probably end up moving back in with them anyway, which would be way more depressing (IMO: the feeling of going backwards is more confronting than simply not moving forwards). If you move in with your parents in August and save like crazy, you have more chance of affording the move out, even if you can only score a low-paying part time position. Maybe tell yourself that whatever happens, you will move out at the end of January (or February? I don't know when semester ends).

And after a few months with your parents, you might be willing to live with some random again, just to be able to afford to move out.
posted by jacalata at 8:42 PM on March 11

Dude, your GPA isn't terrible. You can put your Major GPA on your resume, and I think you'll be okay. How to tell your parents? Well tell them, in any case. Nothing bad can happen if you tell them - they might cut you off, but then if they do that they would probably cut you off if you told them in August. You gotta give them time to prepare. And yea, you're there kid, but try not to read too much into their marriage right now. Given world events, it seems like everyone is sour and in a rough patch.

Don't be afraid to move back in with your parents- maybe they'll like having you around, you can serve as a buffer. It'll also help you live cheaper.

And how to enhance your job prospects? Focus on a single idea or project or something that you do in your free time. Throw all your resources into that. Job hunting is like applying to college- employers like to see that you're passionate about something and that you can talk about it in-depth. Start a blog about it. Riff on important technical topics. You'll be okay!
posted by unexpected at 9:30 PM on March 11

Okay, this is not a crisis. It sucks in a lot of ways but you have options.

Firstly, don't worry about your GPA. Mine was great, but I have never once had the opportunity to brag about it (until now, haha). It's not on my resume, no one cares. They care about what you can do and how you can present yourself.

If you want to, you can certainly avoid living with your parents. Here in Chicago you can find a room for $250 a month if you are willing to live in the cheaper neighborhoods, live very cheaply with regard to your other expenses, and basically support yourself even without a well-paying job. I don't know how it compares to where you live but keep in mind there are always places to find cheap rent.

The job market is bad right now but there are still gigs to be had if you are willing to do whatever. I have friends who do freelance coding, are legal secerataries, do tech support for software companies, are after-school tutors, work at coffee shops, and handle bookkeeping for real-estate developers. Many people are not working in their major field right now. Everybody's paying the bills. Some people are exploring interesting side projects, some people are beginning to build careers, some people are looking for their dream job, some people have found it. This is what happens in your twenties - it is uncertain, make the best of it.

Last note, about your parents. You can't lie to them. Tell them the situation, offer as much money for your own schooling as you can, and let them do their best to handle the rest. This is what they signed up for when they became your parents. I have lived through my own parents' unhappy marriage and it is impossible to protect them from it by not needing them or think that you can control their decisions. It is not your problem.
posted by mai at 9:35 PM on March 11

As someone graduating in CS this year and currently looking for a job, I have to disagree with nerdcore. Nearly every job I have applied for has asked for cumulative GPA and most have asked for Major GPA. That said, I've seen people with worse GPAs find jobs; be sure to emphasize your Major GPA and that you switched majors. Some places will exclude you immediately for GPA, the ones that don't (a good number) will place more emphasis on the interview (which might be more like a several hour long test than interviews for jobs in other fields, but it depends on the company).

I'm just one example, and I don't know what its like in your area, but here in NYC, I've been looking for a full time job since September and have yet to find one. My GPA is around 3.25 and I have experience from a couple of impressive internships, and have yet to receive a full time offer. However, I'd say 2/3 of my classmates have.

Definitely start looking for a full time offer asap.
posted by miscbuff at 9:50 PM on March 11

From my experience as a CS major nearing the end of undergrad: if you are a CS major, you can expect to get a well-paying job fresh out of college. Especially if you have worked on open source stuff. If you're interested in Web stuff, grab a book on Ruby, teach yourself how Rails works (the guides are getting pretty good), and you will become a hot commodity within weeks.

Disclaimer: I live in Silicon Valley, so this advice is so many different kinds of biased it is hard to count them all.

I mean, *really* biased.
posted by ewingpatriarch at 10:00 PM on March 11

I wouldn't move in with your parents. You always get depressed when you do that. Plus, if their marriage is having trouble, they could probably use the space.
posted by salvia at 10:23 PM on March 11

Do you have a job lined up for the summer? CS students are lucky in that there are a lot of internship opportunities for them that actually pay (and often pay well). To the extent that in my experience it's also basically expected for them to have had such internships or summer jobs by graduation. Try applying for internships anywhere you'd consider applying as a grad, and take advantage of whatever recruiters come to your department.
posted by mail at 11:08 PM on March 11

Another option is a research job with a professor during the summer. Looks good on a resume and the pay might be decent.
posted by mail at 11:12 PM on March 11

I wouldn't learn Ruby on Rails unless you are in a zone where it is in high demand. In my area, it seems to be 50/50 PHP or .net. So make sure you have one or both of those well under your belt, assuming you want to do web programming.

I think some companies may ask for GPA details if all they have to go on is that you just got a CS degree. If you have work experience, solid skills, and past work (like documentation and patches) this will count for most people more than a GPA would.

Not sure how much latitude you have in choosing what classes you take, but if I was back in college taking CS courses, I would focus all my attention on theory rather than applications. Technologies, apps, and programming languages come and go, but having a solid grounding in subjects like set theory and algorithms will really really help you. I can tell you it's a lot less fun trying to figure those subjects out on your own when you suddenly realize you need to use them on a project and there's a deadline looming.
posted by Deathalicious at 12:55 AM on March 12

As someone who has hired developers before in both startups and large companies, a few suggestions:

1. Where do you want to live? Figure that out, and start perusing Craigslist now, get a sense of what people in that area are looking for. Furthermore, if you had your druthers, what kind of company would you want to work for? Research, research, research.

2. Have you, or are you currently hacking on any OSS projects? Start.

2a. What kind of coding do you want to do? Front-end web-work? Back-end server code? Contribute to an OSS project that's in-line with that desire. Help revise a UI to use AJAX. Improve the core performance of a server application by adding caching.

3. Get your resume together, including coding samples, and references/pointers to 2/2a.

4. Do you have any college professors or previous employers that will act as a reference? Rarely called, but handy to have in your back pocket.

In my book, GPA is a decent indicator of ability, but I tended not to focus on it too much - I've known too many great developers who were middling students. When interviewing developers right out of school, I tend to focus on how well their skill set matches what I need (some experience with the language, knowledge of the OS/platform), and whether they have some passion for the work. Seeing someone's eyes light up when they describe work they're particularly proud of is a huge plus in my book.

Good for you, you're recognizing this well in advance, and you therefore have time to figure it out. Noone expects a junior developer to have some fantastic track record (some do, but hell, most don't, and we were all college students once - we remember). We're looking for enthusiasm and a willingness to get the job done. Show them that, and you'll be fine.
posted by swngnmonk at 6:52 AM on March 12

And 2nd'ing what Deathalicious said about course selection - the best classes I ever took in CS taught me the principles, not the implementation. Saved my bacon more than a few times in the real world - applications will always change, but the underlying principles of how they work remain the same.
posted by swngnmonk at 6:54 AM on March 12

When interviewing developers right out of school, I tend to focus on how well their skill set matches what I need (some experience with the language, knowledge of the OS/platform), and whether they have some passion for the work. Seeing someone's eyes light up when they describe work they're particularly proud of is a huge plus in my book.

I agree with swgnmonk. A while back I co-interviewed a set of applicants. Our favorite had grades much like yours - pretty good in the major, meh overall while other applicants had better GPAs. But the candidate had enthusiasm, eagerness to learn and seemed like they'd be a joy to work with. And we weren't the only ones. The candidate went with someone else who extended an even better offer!
posted by pointystick at 10:13 AM on March 12

I think the reason you don't want to tell your parents is not because you're trying to help them, but because you're scared. Pure and simple. And you've got too much pride to just tell them, even though you know it would be for the greater good. Because, I can guarantee you that your parents will be one hundred times more disappointed with you if you don't let them help you. I mean, what the hell was the point of all that money already spent if you stop with just a single semester to go? That's, like, the definition of waste.

The training wheels are going to be coming off, soon, and I can tell you the next ten or twenty years of your life—particularly given the current state of world affairs—is going to suck a lot more without a degree than with it.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:45 PM on March 12