I close my eyes, you cut my hair

March 11, 2009 10:14 AM

Is it considered annoying/a faux pas if I don't tell my hair stylist what cut I want, and instead ask her to just do whatever she thinks will look good?

I'm not a fan of my fine, somewhat limp hair - especially since I have a round face. I have tried searching through magazines, etc, looking for something that might look good and I almost always end up somewhat dissatisfied - not at all because the technique was bad, but because I still haven't found a cut that I really am happy with. I'm tired of trying to judge whether or not a style will look good on me and I trust her abilities (I've been going to her for a year and a half, if that matters).

Am I going to be a pain in the ass customer if I just say "Do what you think will look good"? If so, is there a way to ask for this without importuning a stylist? I just don't trust my eye anymore for what might look good on me.

posted by DrGirlfriend to clothing, beauty, & fashion (34 comments total)

I'd be *very* surprised if this was considered offensive. People do it all the time.
posted by the dief at 10:20 AM on March 11, 2009

I have done this, and been happy with the results. It's definitely okay.
posted by OolooKitty at 10:22 AM on March 11, 2009

IANAHS, but I think it would only be annoying if you act less than pleased with the result. As long as you're really cool with letting the stylist take over, I can't see him/her minding a bit. I've done this a lot (though I'm a dude, and so this sort of approach may be more expected), and never had a negative reaction on the part of the stylist.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 10:23 AM on March 11, 2009

um, a male dude. sorry dude ladies
posted by solipsophistocracy at 10:24 AM on March 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

Well, I do that ALL THE TIME, but I try not to be too frustratingly open ended about it. So try to give some guidance on what you like, or what features of your face you want to accentuate/de-accentuate. For example, when getting a short cut I ask the stylist for advice but also tell her certain things that I do not like, explaining it a little "I like inverted bobs with volume in the back but not too harsh stacking or structuring, give me your advice on how I can obtain that well." Or I tell her that I want bangs to even out my huge forehead, but have a cowlick so can't get those straight, perfect, blunt bangs.

So for you, it sounds like if you are frustrated by fine, limp hair, you could explain that and ask for some suggestions of ways you could add the appearance of volume and texture.

So my answer is, it's okay to ask for help figuring out what you should do, but polite to give SOME guidance and frame it as a conversation. The stylist should then make some suggestions and explain her thoughts, you can veto things, and before he/she starts cutting you should have an agreement about what to do.

All of this should take place while your hair is dry, of course.
posted by bunnycup at 10:25 AM on March 11, 2009

Your stylist probably spends eight hours of their day, every day, cutting hair. They cut many different types of hair into a plethora of shapes. You, if you ever cut your own hair, cut it for maybe 15 minutes every 3 weeks or so.
They have had more successes, and more failures to learn from, in one week than you have your entire life.

Who would you guess is more qualified to say what cut looks good on you?
posted by spatula at 10:31 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

I do this all the time with my stylist. (She's been doing my hair since I was 13.) She does wonderful things and actually managed to make me love having short(er) hair.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it's probably easier to do with a hair stylist that you know and trust versus some random once-off appointment. (For example, my stylist knows that I hate blow-drying my hair and anything that involves more than running a brush through it in the morning. She takes that into consideration when she snips.)
posted by sperose at 10:33 AM on March 11, 2009

I do this nearly every time I go to my stylist for a change-up. I've never come away dissatisfied and she told me once she loves it when I come in for something different (rather than just a trim of my style du jour) because she gets to be creative and gets to kind of show off her skills. She knows my hair better than I do, frankly.
posted by cooker girl at 10:35 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's certainly not rude or unusual to consult with your stylist about a cut; they're professionals with both study and experience under their belts. That said, it might be better to think this through more than "whatever looks good." That vagueness poses problems, unless your stylist knows you, your lifestyle, and your habits quite well.

You could, though, start with what you've said here: "I have fine, limp hair, and I don't like the way it frames my round face. What do you suggest?"

Your stylist can then propose a variety of solutions, which might include a stlye of cut or some product to give body, and you can weigh how those solutions would fit into your routine before committing to them.

If you don't want to spend more than a few minutes on your hair in the morning, for example, you'd better mention that. If you don't want it shorter than X-length, mention that, and so on.

(On preview: I'm saying what bunnycup is saying!)

If you have a stylist who knows you (and your hair and your habits), it's a different story, and you can be more confident that the stylist's expectations for your hair line up with yours. I do this: I still sometimes go to my favorite barber back in the town where I used to live, and when I do, she does whatever she wants to my hair while we swap stories and news. It's wonderful not to have to think about my hair at all.
posted by Elsa at 10:37 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

I also do this all the time and do what bunnycup does with the addition of telling the stylist my level of interest and competency in hair upkeep. For example, I'm hopeless with curling irons and had to spend all of the '80s explaining to stylists that I'd prefer to avoid a cut which required a curling iron to look good. Or maybe you've only got 10 minutes in the morning every day to fuss with your hair, let him or her know that, too.
posted by jamaro at 10:37 AM on March 11, 2009

Spatula, for me it's a concern about putting all the responsibility on her for my hair. I know she is qualified, but does it put her in a position that she does not want to be in (for example, the concern that I might be unhappy with what she came up with). I've been wanting to just put it in her hands for a while now but wondered if it's something that stylists, generally speaking, would rather not have to do. So I thought I'd get some opinions before asking her to do that.

Looks like my concern was unfounded though!
posted by DrGirlfriend at 10:39 AM on March 11, 2009

I was really brave/ fed up with my hair a few years back and sat down in a chair and told a new stylist to cut my hair however he wanted. Luckily, it turned out great.

And he told me that he was really excited for the chance at creative freedom. So, I don't think it's annoying to ask a stylist to just do whatever they think will look good. The good ones will appreciate the opportunity.
posted by roxie5 at 10:40 AM on March 11, 2009

Generally just be able to say what you do not like about the way your hair is now, and what you think you want the end result to be ("I don't want to have to style it every day, I just want to wash and go," or "I don't care what you do, just no shorter than X."). Then, let them go wild. Just be sure to state anything even close to an opinion or need early on.
posted by Medieval Maven at 10:40 AM on March 11, 2009

I got a fantastic (compliment generating) haircut last time I did this. I told my stylist what I was generally looking for (a bobish thing, something "wash 'n' wear," something that didn't need trims every few weeks) and what hadn't worked in the past (a traditional bob.)

And since you're in Portland, I can recommend Lincoln at 77 to you. He really worked with the way my hair grows.
posted by vespabelle at 10:40 AM on March 11, 2009

I asked my stylist this question specifically. The four stylists in the salon all agreed that it was not only unoffensive, but entirely common.

All four of them had different strategies for this though. Some will just do what they like. Others will ask a series of questions to find what you really want. The methodology is different, and some might work better for you. But, no matter what, if you ask them to do this a little extra tip is appreciated.
posted by munchingzombie at 10:45 AM on March 11, 2009

Yes, I do this, and my hairstylist loves it. I think it has to be someone you trust, whether that's on a gut level, or because of a recommendation, or because you've used them before. I think there are stylists who wouldn't like this, or wouldn't do a good job with it, but those are the ones you don't want to go to anyway. Haircut factories. (Many such places are dressed up to look like non-haircut-factories that are just more affordable. Those places don't work for me, I've found).
posted by lampoil at 10:45 AM on March 11, 2009

You could also ask her. "How do you feel about doing whatever you want?" If you're really, truly open it to it, most people who are professionals and like what they do would jump at the chance to be creative. But if they're not that type, you can know ahead of time and find someone who is enthusiastic about it. For me, one of the best parts about doing this is that the stylist seems to find it fun.
posted by lampoil at 10:48 AM on March 11, 2009

I know she is qualified, but does it put her in a position that she does not want to be in (for example, the concern that I might be unhappy with what she came up with)

Ah, in that case, I offer you the magic phrase that absolved my barber of possible repercussions the first time I wanted her to use her creativity with no input from me. When she expressed concern that I might not like it, I responded, "It's hair. It will grow back!*"

She cut like a maniac! I loved it.

*note: my hair was short --- above the earlobe --- and quick-growing, so she knew that whether I loved it or hated it, I'd need a trim or a new cut in three weeks.
posted by Elsa at 10:48 AM on March 11, 2009

If you've been seeing her for a year and a half, I bet she's already got ideas about what would look good on you anyway. At least, that's been my experience — "Oh, finally, you're going to let me give you bangs and cover up that monstrous forehead!"
posted by adiabat at 10:54 AM on March 11, 2009

I do this all the time with my stylist and she thinks it's quite cool. Although a few cuts ago I came in with a picture and what I wanted actually thought out and she was thrown. Apparently she plans for my appointments by flipping through magazines and deciding what looks good on me so she'll have some ideas when I do the "Do what you want." manuever. This time, she had picked out almost the same cut as I had. The cut turned out fabulous.

It's really all about having a stylist you trust.
posted by teleri025 at 10:57 AM on March 11, 2009

A good stylist should be thrilled to hear that. Mine loves it when I don't have a specific cut in mind. Usually she wants SOME guideline like, "not shorter than the chin" or something.

Unsolicited advice: I have similar hair, a big head, and a roundish/squarish face, and I find that Julia Stiles or Kelly Clarkson tend to have hairstyles that have looked good on me in the past.
posted by peep at 11:03 AM on March 11, 2009

Someone gave me the number of the "best" (and one of the most expensive) hair stylists in NYC, so for fun I decided to give him a go just once. (I'm a guy)

I said, "you're the hair genius you tell me."

He loved it. He said first we would have to decide on my wardrobe, and sent an assistant out to buy like 5 fairly expensive men's fashion magazines on his dime, and we sat at a table tearing out examples until he'd arrived at his vision of how I should dress, only then would he start to design a hair style.

If you take this route, you might want to let your hair grow a little long so there is more to work with.
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:09 AM on March 11, 2009

I do think it's totally fine to do this, but I thought I'd provide a counterpoint to everyone saying it's a great idea: I worked in a hair salon for a while (not as a stylist), and when told to just "do whatever you think will look good", many of stylists would just do the most conservative, least-significant haircut possible if they didn't know the client well, because so many people say exactly that and then hate it at the end. So your hair stylist might appreciate a little direction.
posted by drycleanonly at 11:38 AM on March 11, 2009

I do this, and my hairstylist is a friend of mine, so she has the added pressure that if I don't like it, she still has to see me! But every single time I've done it, I've absolutely loved the result.

I usually take some inspiration with me--pages ripped out of a magazine or something--and typically have some other guidelines (I'd like to be able to pull it into a ponytail, no bangs, etc) but I definitely let her create the specifics of the style.

I would NOT do this for the first time with a stylist I don't know. No way, no how.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 11:54 AM on March 11, 2009

I don't see anything wrong with letting her choose the style - that's what she's trained to do! But help her out by telling her what you like/ dislike most about your hair to give her some idea of what will make you happy. Essentially, tell her the problems, let her come up with the solution.

Also, you may want to give some guidelines around how much work you are willing to put in on upkeep. Do you expect to be able to wash and go or are you willing to blow dry and style after washing? How often to you expect to get it trimmed? Do you prefer to wear it up or down most of the time? Do you work in a professional setting where your style needs a good bit of polish or do you have a more casual, sporty lifestyle? Set the framework for her, then give her free rein to find the perfect style for you!
posted by platinum at 12:24 PM on March 11, 2009

I've often asked stylists to recommend things and, unless it was something I know looks terrible on me (layers of any stripe), I usually let them do it. I do recommend saying "Do you suggest anything" and not "Do whatever you think looks best". No stylist has ever been offended by this.
posted by jeather at 12:31 PM on March 11, 2009

It depends. If you try this at a SuperCuts or similar chain haircuttery, chances are you'll be met with a blank stare. But the times I've gone to a salon and asked the stylist to do what they thought was best I've gotten an amused stylist and a great haircut.
posted by lekvar at 12:50 PM on March 11, 2009

The only problem with "do whatever you want" is that it's helpful to provide SOME kind of feedback. Everyone has some sort of preference. Stylists all have horror stories of "no, do whatever you think is best" and reacting with "YOU BUTCHER I HATE THIS I WON'T PAY YOU."

Instead of "i dunno, whatever you think," you might be happier with the results if you make a wish list, which will give your stylist something to which to react. What do you hate the most about your hair? What do you like the most about it? What do you wish it could do if biology and physics were not an issue?
posted by desuetude at 1:48 PM on March 11, 2009

I have done this and mostly been not pleased with the results, regardless of the cost of the cut/ spiffiness of the salon. My advice is to call salons and ask if they have a stylist with very fine, thin hair. Ask that person to cut your hair. The best cuts I've ever had were from people with hair like mine.

No, not offensive at all. Quite the reverse. You're saying "Use your professional skills to fix my hair problem."
posted by theora55 at 2:02 PM on March 11, 2009

nthing what everyone else said that, if you have a GOOD stylist, they will: a) know better than you- after all, they are the expert. and b) enjoy the chance at some creative freedom.

My stylist loves my hair and I just let her do whatever, for the most part, with some parameters. (like, don't go shorter than X, but the rest is up to you.) I always get good results. plus, in the past i've found that even when i did try to tell (other) stylists exactly what I wanted, they still didn't manage to get it quite right.

besides, if you pick a style out of a magazine or something, its entirely possible that that look cannot happen on you. due to you having a different hair texture or something. or it will look different on you due to your face shape or whatever. then you're both unhappy because your stylist is trying to create something that can't really be done.

if your stylist isn't excited about the challenge of delivering on your open-ended request, you need a new one!

although, upon preview i agree that it you have to give the impression that you are REALLY ok with this idea, and you are NOT going to throw a hissy fit if you don't like it. So if you seem friendly and easygoing this might go over better? also this probably works best with your regular stylist, not a stranger.
posted by lblair at 2:58 PM on March 11, 2009

I do this to my stylist all the time, and she always comes up with great ideas. Mine always talks to me about her ideas, and I give her the okay.

This is a really great idea actually as stylists know what different hair types will and won't do.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:58 PM on March 11, 2009

I've communicated with my stylist many times before about the features I like/don't like about my hair and how it will frame my round face. I will definitely try to be easy going about it and make it clear that I'm firmly in the "it's just hair, it will grow back" camp. Thanks for all the replies!
posted by DrGirlfriend at 5:16 PM on March 11, 2009

I've been doing exactly that for just over three years now. I really like it and I think he likes it too. No expectations or rules about how much to cut off (and ect. *rolleyes*). This works partly because I'm not fussy but mostly because he seriously knows what he's doing.
(Which really is the crux of the whole plan...)
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 7:01 PM on March 11, 2009

One other point: if you do let an expensive hair genius get creative, and like the results, have someone photograph your 'do from all angles and in close up.

A lesser stylist can copy from that.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:49 PM on March 12, 2009