Just say No to kids
March 11, 2009 8:04 AM Subscribe
Please share your experiences with the rhythm method...
I would like to hear from fellow MeFites who are now using, or have used in the past, the rhythm method of birth control (pure calendar only). I am aware of the relatively low effectiveness, but for the sake of this discussion assume it's the only option...
What were your experiences and what should I be aware of?
Also assume that she is very regular in her cycle.
Thank you.
I would like to hear from fellow MeFites who are now using, or have used in the past, the rhythm method of birth control (pure calendar only). I am aware of the relatively low effectiveness, but for the sake of this discussion assume it's the only option...
What were your experiences and what should I be aware of?
Also assume that she is very regular in her cycle.
Thank you.
I used it for about a year, no pregnancies. But that was one paranoid year, slaved to a calendar! I don't recommend it when there's other methods out there.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:16 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by iamkimiam at 8:16 AM on March 11, 2009
There is actually something called Natural Family Planning, which is sort of like the rhythm method, I guess. It requires a woman to very accurately and consistently chart her cycle so she knows when she is ovulating and when she is not.
A great book about this is called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I would recommend reading that to get an idea about how it all works. It can be effective to both prevent and plan pregnancy, but it does require planning and forethought.
posted by sutel at 8:20 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
A great book about this is called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I would recommend reading that to get an idea about how it all works. It can be effective to both prevent and plan pregnancy, but it does require planning and forethought.
posted by sutel at 8:20 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
I meant to add that the rhythm method, as I've heard it anyway, assumes a woman's cycle is 28 days. This isn't true for most women, which I think is why a lot of women who use the rhythm method like that end up pregnant. I really recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility.
posted by sutel at 8:22 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by sutel at 8:22 AM on March 11, 2009
I supplemented the rhythm method with Persona, a contraceptive aid sold in Europe, which works like a fertility monitor, analysing hormone levels in urine to tell you your safe days. You use the pee sticks eight times a month, on days the device lights up yellow. It worked fine for me, but the 6% risk of pregnancy was acceptable in my situation.
posted by Dragonness at 8:24 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by Dragonness at 8:24 AM on March 11, 2009
Pure calendar only? Stupidity. Even just taking your temperature daily and charting it will increase the accuracy of predicting ovulation day. (Add in cervical mucus checks and you're even better. Another vote for reading Taking Charge of your Fertility.)
posted by gaspode at 8:25 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by gaspode at 8:25 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
My friend used the rhythm method for a couple months with his girlfriend. They'd have sex a couple times a month -- during her period. Not exactly a fulfilling sex life.
Your question title 'Just say No to Kids' is prescient; the rhythm method is about as successful as the war on drugs.
posted by incessant at 8:27 AM on March 11, 2009
Your question title 'Just say No to Kids' is prescient; the rhythm method is about as successful as the war on drugs.
posted by incessant at 8:27 AM on March 11, 2009
Mod note: comments removed - we've heard the jokes, please only answer if you have something constructive to add
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:27 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:27 AM on March 11, 2009
I question the 'only option' part... Allergic to latex? Lambskin condoms are a bit more expensive, but avoid that problem... Alternatively, mutual masturbation works for some - taking turns bringing the other to orgasm is another viable option.
Is 'plan B' an option? If you're in the wrong state (e.g. one where a pharmacist can refuse to give you the pills), consider a trip to the next state for all the pills you need).
Nthing everyone else on other points - the 'rhythm' method was supposedly in effect when I was conceived....
posted by chrisinseoul at 8:36 AM on March 11, 2009
Is 'plan B' an option? If you're in the wrong state (e.g. one where a pharmacist can refuse to give you the pills), consider a trip to the next state for all the pills you need).
Nthing everyone else on other points - the 'rhythm' method was supposedly in effect when I was conceived....
posted by chrisinseoul at 8:36 AM on March 11, 2009
Mr. Rabbit and I used the withdrawal method for years with no babies to show for it, that's another "natural" option...
posted by rabbitrabbit at 8:53 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by rabbitrabbit at 8:53 AM on March 11, 2009
Even if she's very regular in her cycles, she doesn't necessarily know when she's ovulating unless she's charted it. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a useful book; you might also add ovulation prediction kits to your routine (I read TCOYF, ignored it all, and got pregnant by using the tests to predict ovulation). I think the ovulation test kits are better at telling you when you are fertile than when you're not, but if she used them for a few months she might at least get a better sense of when in her cycle she ovulates.
posted by not that girl at 9:07 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by not that girl at 9:07 AM on March 11, 2009
Also assume that she is very regular in her cycle.
This assumption is not a good idea.
NFP (mentioned above) is not the rhythm method. There are a few different variations of it (Sympto-Thermal, Billings, Marquette) but they all generally focus on identifying the fertile periods of a woman's cycle so that the couple can abstain (or try to conceive). There is temperature taking, observation of 'fertility signs', and some use of devices to help identify these periods.
They do not rely on a calendar, since a woman's luteal phase can vary from month to month.
As the Vatican considers NFP a morally licit means of family planning, NFP is most closely associated with Catholics. If you're interested in learning more (whether you're Catholic or not), check with your local Catholic Church. Many parishes have certified NFP teachers in them. Certainly the local diocesan or archdiocesan offices can point you in the right direction.
posted by jquinby at 9:11 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
This assumption is not a good idea.
NFP (mentioned above) is not the rhythm method. There are a few different variations of it (Sympto-Thermal, Billings, Marquette) but they all generally focus on identifying the fertile periods of a woman's cycle so that the couple can abstain (or try to conceive). There is temperature taking, observation of 'fertility signs', and some use of devices to help identify these periods.
They do not rely on a calendar, since a woman's luteal phase can vary from month to month.
As the Vatican considers NFP a morally licit means of family planning, NFP is most closely associated with Catholics. If you're interested in learning more (whether you're Catholic or not), check with your local Catholic Church. Many parishes have certified NFP teachers in them. Certainly the local diocesan or archdiocesan offices can point you in the right direction.
posted by jquinby at 9:11 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
eas98, is it important that you use the old traditional "rhythm method," meaning literally pure calendar? Or is charting based on temperature/cervical mucus something you two would consider? After all, it's as natural, really MORE natural, than a calendar.
posted by desuetude at 9:16 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by desuetude at 9:16 AM on March 11, 2009
I know of three people in my life who tried the rhythm method as their only form of birth control. All three eventually had to deal with unexpected pregnancies. I'd recommend using a supplemental method (and no, pulling out, doesn't count).
posted by katemcd at 9:22 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by katemcd at 9:22 AM on March 11, 2009
Nthing Natural Family Planning over Rhythm method, if you really can't use any other contraceptives. Oh and "taking charge of your fertility", which is very helpful.
posted by Joh at 9:59 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by Joh at 9:59 AM on March 11, 2009
My best friend got pregnant the very first time she tried the rhythm/standard days method. She was well within the allowable days and she has a cycle you can set your watch by. I would first recommend learning a bit more about the woman's cycle and average day of ovulation through the pee sticks or temperature/mucus or both.
posted by hot little pancake at 10:12 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by hot little pancake at 10:12 AM on March 11, 2009
I'll Nth the Natural Family Planning (NFP) method over just Rhythm. We have been using it for almost 8 years now without any unplanned pregnancies. It is a bit of work - take temperature in the mornings, check symptoms, and then charting. But, the duties can be divided up (for example, get a good thermometer that holds the last temp in memory, so the female can just measure, and the male is in charge of all charting).
I know, you said Rhythm only for the sake of argument - but I would highly suggest reading through the NFP material and other books suggested even if you don't use them. There's a lot of great biology in them, and the biology lesson alone will help you understand the Rhythm method better and where your pitfalls are. I considered myself pretty well-versed in biology from HS/college, but I even learned a few things and corrected some misconceptions I had picked up along the way.
Much of the NFP-related stuff, while soundly based in science, comes with a lot of religious undertones. This may or may not turn you off - but the actual NFP material published by the Couple to Couple League (and used by the Catholic church in its marriage-prep classes) is a pretty top notch product in the end. They recently (last couple years) revised their material to make it *much* simpler to use/follow compared to before.
posted by JibberJabber at 10:21 AM on March 11, 2009
I know, you said Rhythm only for the sake of argument - but I would highly suggest reading through the NFP material and other books suggested even if you don't use them. There's a lot of great biology in them, and the biology lesson alone will help you understand the Rhythm method better and where your pitfalls are. I considered myself pretty well-versed in biology from HS/college, but I even learned a few things and corrected some misconceptions I had picked up along the way.
Much of the NFP-related stuff, while soundly based in science, comes with a lot of religious undertones. This may or may not turn you off - but the actual NFP material published by the Couple to Couple League (and used by the Catholic church in its marriage-prep classes) is a pretty top notch product in the end. They recently (last couple years) revised their material to make it *much* simpler to use/follow compared to before.
posted by JibberJabber at 10:21 AM on March 11, 2009
Whichever method you use, please keep in mind that sperm can live for several days post-intercourse. "Not ovulating right now" doesn't mean she won't ovulate before the little suckers die. My sister didn't know this, and is currently pregnant as a result.
posted by caution live frogs at 10:32 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by caution live frogs at 10:32 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
A good friend of mine has been using it for 5 years in a LTR and has had no problems. Her cycle is regular, and she is extra careful to not have sex and do other stuff instead for a couple of extra days than the rhythm method calls for around ovulation time. But as her gynecologist constantly asked her during these past 5 years, ask yourself -"are you OK with the risk of failure?" She was OK with it, so that's why she used the rhythm method. If she wasn't OK with accidentally getting pregnant she would've been on the pill.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 10:34 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by KateHasQuestions at 10:34 AM on March 11, 2009
Fully anecdotal of course: I know 5 women, count them, yes 5, who were actively following the rules in the Taking Charge of Your Fertility book trying to prevent pregnancy, and they all became pregnant anyway. They were all married and chose to have the babies...
posted by maelanchai at 10:56 AM on March 11, 2009
posted by maelanchai at 10:56 AM on March 11, 2009
Apparently I'm the product of the rhythm method. The reason there's no kids after me is that my mom had her tubes tied after I came along.
Nthing the Fertility Awareness Method as far, far superior to the rhythm method -- I've been using it for several years for contraception.
The reason the rhythm method alone is so unreliable is this: no matter how regular a woman's menstrual cycle may be, the length of her cycle says nothing about when she ovulates. The idea that ovulation always happens in the smack-dab middle of a cycle is A MYTH.
What this means in practical terms is that Woman A and Woman B might both have 30-day cycles month in and month out; however, Woman A might regularly ovulate on Day 13 and Woman B might regularly ovulate on Day 18. This means mean that their fertile and infertile phases in each cycle are significantly different. This is impossible to know by calendar method alone; it's only possible to perceive by charting temperatures and cervical fluid.
posted by scody at 12:19 PM on March 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
Nthing the Fertility Awareness Method as far, far superior to the rhythm method -- I've been using it for several years for contraception.
The reason the rhythm method alone is so unreliable is this: no matter how regular a woman's menstrual cycle may be, the length of her cycle says nothing about when she ovulates. The idea that ovulation always happens in the smack-dab middle of a cycle is A MYTH.
What this means in practical terms is that Woman A and Woman B might both have 30-day cycles month in and month out; however, Woman A might regularly ovulate on Day 13 and Woman B might regularly ovulate on Day 18. This means mean that their fertile and infertile phases in each cycle are significantly different. This is impossible to know by calendar method alone; it's only possible to perceive by charting temperatures and cervical fluid.
posted by scody at 12:19 PM on March 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
Do not do this unless you are sure 1) you wish to be a father and 2) you wish to parent a child with this woman. Use this method and each and every time you have sex with her it's a shot in the dark (!) you will never know if you two are going to end up bound to one another for the rest of your life through the child you may have.
Children are wonderful. They change your lives dramatically in ways you cannot even conceive (!!) and you will be a better man for it, or you might. But you maybe aren't ready to become a better man for anything at this time. If that is the case, find another woman. Or jerk each other off. Get into oral -- it's swell!
Last. If she gets pregnant, maybe you want the child, maybe you secretly do want to have a baby with this woman -- it does seem that way to me. But you are not in control of this, she can terminate the pregnancy regardless how painful that may be for you. Or: Maybe she wants to have a baby, and secretly you just want to slide into her drawers, and aren't interested in pampers and stuff. Again: You are not in control of this, she can carry this child to term regardless how painful that may be to you.
Take a cold, cold bath. Look at this closely, talk with your clearest-eyed friend, the one who'll tell you the truth, the real truth. Tell Ms. Sugar Britches you need to go to visit your Uncle Lester in Tuscaloosa, spend some time with ice packs in your shorts, write a pro and con list, whatever it is you need to do to get clarity on what you want.
posted by dancestoblue at 3:18 PM on March 11, 2009
Children are wonderful. They change your lives dramatically in ways you cannot even conceive (!!) and you will be a better man for it, or you might. But you maybe aren't ready to become a better man for anything at this time. If that is the case, find another woman. Or jerk each other off. Get into oral -- it's swell!
Last. If she gets pregnant, maybe you want the child, maybe you secretly do want to have a baby with this woman -- it does seem that way to me. But you are not in control of this, she can terminate the pregnancy regardless how painful that may be for you. Or: Maybe she wants to have a baby, and secretly you just want to slide into her drawers, and aren't interested in pampers and stuff. Again: You are not in control of this, she can carry this child to term regardless how painful that may be to you.
Take a cold, cold bath. Look at this closely, talk with your clearest-eyed friend, the one who'll tell you the truth, the real truth. Tell Ms. Sugar Britches you need to go to visit your Uncle Lester in Tuscaloosa, spend some time with ice packs in your shorts, write a pro and con list, whatever it is you need to do to get clarity on what you want.
posted by dancestoblue at 3:18 PM on March 11, 2009
It's a complete crap shoot.
Buy the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility", it covers using three methods of attempting conception (but can be used to avoid) all are free: time in cycle, consistency of mucus, and basal temperature. Way more effective than using a calendar alone.
posted by JFitzpatrick at 6:40 PM on March 11, 2009
Buy the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility", it covers using three methods of attempting conception (but can be used to avoid) all are free: time in cycle, consistency of mucus, and basal temperature. Way more effective than using a calendar alone.
posted by JFitzpatrick at 6:40 PM on March 11, 2009
Pregnant within one month on the rhythm method, and I've always had a cycle I could set my watch by. I don't recommend it.
posted by fiery.hogue at 7:21 PM on March 11, 2009
posted by fiery.hogue at 7:21 PM on March 11, 2009
I have used FAM/NFP with a barrier method back-up for years. Never had an accident. But, as other posters noted, FAM/NFP!= Rhythm Method. The problem is, how motivated are both of you to use this method correctly? I was very motivated - the pill made me sick, I did not want to get pregnant, did not consider an abortion an option. Your girlfriend? Unless you are 100% certain that she isn't secretly hoping for a happy accident, I would be very uneasy about leaving my reproductive options in the hands of another person.
posted by echolalia67 at 10:18 PM on March 11, 2009
posted by echolalia67 at 10:18 PM on March 11, 2009
Response by poster: Thanks everyone for the great replies. I appreciate the thought and time that you all put into them.
posted by eas98 at 7:01 AM on March 12, 2009
posted by eas98 at 7:01 AM on March 12, 2009
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The rhythm method is not an effective form of pregnancy prevention. I assume that if this person is unwilling to use birth control that they are also anti-abortion, which means that, basically, she will be pregnant with your baby very soon and then she will have it and you will be a father, which, I further assume, you don't want.
posted by Electrius at 8:08 AM on March 11, 2009 [6 favorites]