Should I tell my wife about my new fetish?
March 9, 2009 10:01 PM Subscribe
Should I try to ask my wife to let me try a sex act that I know she'll think is gross?
posted by anonymous to human relations (27 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
My wife and I have a good sex life. We're both attracted to each other and love having sex. I love her and am really hot for her and we have really good sex, but I also have a very strong libido and masturbate when she's either not around or unwilling, and she's cool enough to be fine with that. We're totally in love.
But a couple weeks ago I was masturbating while she was away for the weekend and I guess I was curious, so I put a finger in my butt near the end, and the feeling I had when I finished was *amazing*.
I want to be stimulated that way while I have sex with her, but I know for a fact she'll be grossed out by it. I brought up having anal sex with her a long time ago, and she thought the idea was gross ("there's poop in there" was I think the biggest deal). So there's no way she'll want to reach back and stimulate me that way. If she's grossed out with me doing it to her, then I'm pretty sure no way she'll do it to me. I could do it to myself, but I'm worried it would freak her out and make the sex not as good for her, which is the most important thing to me.
But the deal is that I feel like it's wrong that there's something that I'm enjoying without her, like it's the kind of secret you shouldn't keep from your wife. I'm not going to try to talk her into it, because I know she's really disgusted with the whole idea, but I feel like keeping that a secret is wrong. On the other hand, if she wouldn't like it, I feel like maybe bringing it up would do more harm than good.
Should I tell her, and if I should tell her, how? The idea really scares the hell out of me. I don't want to change the way she sees me. And yeah, I know, if she *really* loves you she won't run away -- I don't think she would leave me over something like this at all, she's great, but coming out about something like this is hard for me.