Should I blend our cat families?

March 2, 2009 8:32 AM

Calling all cat psychologists: I'm trying to decide how to handle a two week stint during which I have to take care of my two cats and my boyfriend's two cats. Which of these scenarios do you think will cause less kitty trauma?

At the end of March, my bf and I are taking a long overdue vacation to Europe. Each of us have two cats, and live in different apartments for the time being. We both have people staying in our apartments while we are traveling to take care of the animals. I am returning two weeks before he does, and will take over all cat-related responsibilities. However, I am trying to figure out how to do this so that the cats get enough attention and I don't get run ragged.

Here are the players (all cats are fixed, and eat wet food with crunchies on the side):

His cats are two pure-breed Somalis that were owned by his parents (both of whom have died in the last two years). 6 year old male, Sammy, is the sweetest cat in the world and loves everybody. 10 year old female, Penny, is a bit high strung and stand-offish. She does not really like Sammy, and rarely interacts with him, which makes Sammy sad. Penny was around another cat when she was first brought into the household; Sammy has only known Penny. They have never been left alone for more that 24- 36 hours at a time, that never happens more than once a week. Until November when my bf's dad went into the hospital, they were getting fed three times a day. Now it's twice a day, but they DO NOT APPROVE. No health problems or special needs.

My cats are classic American short-hair house cats. 13 year old Psyche, who is my baby girl, is very attached to me. She has a progressive lung problem (probably cancer or emphysema), but is on steroids and seems stable for the time being. 11 year old Lucien is male, and has some neurological issues and occasional mild seizures. My cats are buddies, and snuggle and groom each other. Years ago, they lived with another cat and a dog without too many problems. My cats are usually alone 2-3 nights a week (but not in a row) with no problems. However, with Psyche's health issues, I have tried to be home more often. My cats have moved many times (they've lived in 7 different places), and usually settle in quickly, but they are not good travelers in general.

So... here are my options: I could alternate spending the night at each place, and on nights when I am not staying at my bf's, I could go up and feed his cats after work. That means every other day each set of cats would miss a morning meal (although I would leave out extra crunchies the night before). This would be the least attention his cats have ever had, and I am not sure how they would deal. I think my cats would be okay, but worry about not spending enough time with Psyche (especially after being gone for two weeks).

Or I could take my cats to his apartment, which is very large (I live in a small studio). I could easily keep the cats separated until I see how they behave. Nobody would miss any meals, everyone would get some attention everyday, and it would certainly be easier on me. However, I'm worried that the stress of OMG STRANGE CATS! could freak everyone out and might be more harmful (especially for Psyche) in the long run. On the other hand, it's extremely likely that we will be moving in together later this year, so maybe this could serve as a trial run? Oh, and I already know about Feliway.

So cat people... what would you do? I really can't shell any more money out for cat sitters, and maybe I am overthinking a plate of crunchies. Thoughts? Tips? Insights?

posted by kimdog to pets & animals (14 comments total)

As an alternative to cat sitters, could you find a generous friend who'd check in on the cats on the nights / mornings they are alone? I know I'd love to do this and most people have cat-loving friends or neighbours... no?

(I've not had cats in a while but my guess is most of the answers will tend towards "do not displace the cats")
posted by ClarissaWAM at 8:46 AM on March 2

Moving the cats to a new house would be much, much more stressful than not having quite as much food as they're used to. And it would freak out your cats too.

Just leave dry food out overnight, they'll eat it if they get hungry in the morning.
posted by Jairus at 8:47 AM on March 2

I would attend to the cats at their respective homes. Then again, I travel with my cat only when I move or when he's going to the vet, so maybe you have a different cat-travel philosophy. As for having to integrate them eventually, you'll deal with that when it happens. Not sure there's any advantage to a trial run.
posted by Airhen at 8:49 AM on March 2

Moving cats around is stressful for everyone (you, the cats moving, the "home" cats), so I wouldn't choose that option, especially with your cats' health issues.

My choice would probably be to alternate nights between the apartments, or if it fits your schedule, maybe you could just stop by and visit with your bf's cats for a couple hours each day before coming home to yours.

You didn't mention any reason why his cats need someone in the apartment with them every single night, and honestly they could probably care less whether there is a human in the place seven nights a week or one night a week. The cool thing about cats is that you can pretty much leave them a bucket of food and go off for a week and they'll be fine.

Or would it be possible for your bf's apartment-sitter to stay one more week until he gets back?
posted by LolaGeek at 8:49 AM on March 2

I'd try taking your cats to his apartment. Set up a room that you block his cats from as soon as possible, and ask the catsitters to cooperate. Bring your cats into this room. Worst case, you can switch back to scenario 1 and leave out more cat food. But if you're planning on moving in together shortly anyhow, you might as well have knowledge of what cat-related it will require.
posted by jeather at 8:50 AM on March 2

1. I'd advise against moving the cats, especially if they're going to find themselves confronted with other cats--you'll just be adding territorial freakouts on top of everything else.

2. My cats are super-clingy critters who insist on supervising me at all times, and yet they manage to survive when I take off for a month and leave them at the mercy of the cat-sitter. (Granted, I'm subjected to stern lectures on my return, but still.) As long as they've got sufficient breakfast and a warm place to sleep, your bf's cats should adapt without much trouble.
posted by thomas j wise at 8:51 AM on March 2

N'thing not moving the cats. Penny in particular sounds like she would be extremely displeased, and your cats may be very stressed by having two interlopers in their territory. It is more likely to go badly than to go well, if you ask me.

I would see if you can get your boyfriend's sitter to stay longer, or else just go backwards and forwards. The cats will be fine. If you are really worried about late morning feeds, you can get an automated cat feeder (this would also be a good way for your boyfriend to feed his cats three times a day without actually being there himself). I've got one of these and I use it when I occasionally have to stay away from home for two nights. My cats miss me (they are really clingy when I get back), but at least they're fed well while I'm away.
posted by different at 9:02 AM on March 2

Thanks for the input so far:

ClarissaWAM, unfortunately, we don't have anyone nearby who could check on the cats. That would make the situation easier.

LolaGeek His cat sitter is French and will be returning to Paris, so she can't stay longer. Truthfully, I may be over estimating his cats need for human companionship. However, they went through mourning periods when both of his parents died, and Sammy especially, is very un-cat like in his attachment to humans (he insists on be carried around the house like a baby, and cries pitifully if you aren't paying attention to him). But I may be projecting abandonment issues where there are none.

Thanks for giving me some perspective!
posted by kimdog at 9:05 AM on March 2

If you have enough space at your BF's place, toss them all together. My wife and I have 3 cats, and we were cat-sitting a 4th for a few weeks. Our 3 mostly get along, and they're all friendly with people. There are sporadic fights of real and play sorts, but no one gets hurt (just lots of hissing and jumping around). The 4th cat has issues a-plenty, and we knew that. We thought the lot could get along, but we ended up giving the 4th her own suite (guest bedroom + bathroom), because the big baby of our 3 decided he should swat 4th on the head whenever he had the chance.

Give it a try, to save yourself trips back and forth. Sammy might love it, and Penny might just find new hiding spots. If it fails, take them back to your BF's place. If it works, you can relax a bit. If it doesn't, you'll know soon enough.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:50 AM on March 2

Two weeks really isn't long enough to integrate them, it often takes a minimum of that long before things are civil. My current set of cats were still fighting and being stressed by each other after two months (three months now and they tolerate and ignore). Sure yours may all get on great straight away but it's a very individual thing and you don't know before hand, and the two week minimum is much more likely.

So if you do move the cats into one place they'll still be physically separated. So one set will always be being ignored at a time anyway. You can't cuddle everyone (and my old girl certainly got jealous when I was in the other room cuddling the new kittens). Add the stress of travel and of hearing/smelling the other cats and you're not really gaining anything. Better to alternate nights and leave out some dry food, then give each set lots of attention while you're at their specific house, and even more love and cuddles when things go back to normal again. When it comes time to move in together you can integrate them on their schedule rather than rushing things because you only have two weeks.
posted by shelleycat at 1:59 PM on March 2

You can't cuddle everyone

OK that was supposed to say you can't cuddle everyone at once. Obviously you can alternate but someone is still being left out. I was surprised at how much my cats noticed and resented this, whereas when we go out they just settle down somewhere for a nap.
posted by shelleycat at 2:04 PM on March 2

Feed his critters in the morning and evenings, spend the night at your own house.

That's how I'd do it. They need to be fed more often, but it sounds like your cats need just as much attention. It'd be way too much stress to combine them for a mere two weeks!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:23 PM on March 2

My two bits worth:

I was in a similar situation to you some time (18 years!) ago.

He had two cats, I had one, very loved, very independant old girl (Lucy).

Lucy moved in, and she was not comfortable at first, but they managed to co-exist comortably in time, and was certainly the best option for us at the time.

Lucy outlived them all and died a very happy 21 year old.
posted by Flashduck at 12:10 AM on March 4

Our cats don't give a crap if we go away and leave them alone for a week or more (as long as they get food and the dog goes with us), but if we try to move them, they scream, wail, and run away. (The last time we moved, each of the two cats separately tried to hide underneath the bathtub.... One of them got to stay there for two days while everyone else moved to the new house.)

Leave the cats where they are. Try giving his cats, say, two full days' ration one morning, spend the night at home with your cats, and go see his the second evening (or even the third morning). If they don't seem to be crawling up the wall, or to have forgotten who you are, repeat; if they do, reduce time interval.

Oh, and try giving them the same amount of food they were getting when they were eating three times a day, even if you're only able to give it to them at two points....
posted by FlyingMonkey at 2:45 PM on March 4