How can I get over my fear of flying?

March 2, 2009 8:09 AM

In a little over two weeks, I'll be vacationing in the Italian Riviera with a group of friends. There's just one problem: my debilitating fear of flying.

I think my aviaphobia boils down to one thing: a fear of a catastrophic mid-flight explosion or mechanical failure along the lines of TWA Flight 800, Japan Airlines Flight 123 or the Lockerbie bombing. I know these are extremely rare occurrences, but I find them terrifying because, in some cases, the passengers were conscious and aware that they were hurtling toward imminent death. For example, I read that a post-Lockerbie coroner's report indicated some passengers initially survived the explosion and regained consciousness when the doomed aircraft reached a more oxygen-rich atmosphere around 15,000 feet. If anyone else has grappled with these fears, I'd appreciate some advice on how to deal with them.

posted by zembla3 to human relations (22 comments total)

If you visit your doctor and explain your fears, chances are they will prescribe a one-time dose of something like a qualude. Then, right before your flight, you eat it and then you feel happy and sleepy and then you're in Italy. If you feel comfortable with that sort of thing.

If you have more time there are fear of flying classes that you really should look into. They helped Mrs. Jeffamaphone quite a bit.

Lastly you can look into an Emotional Support Animal, but I wouldn't fly to Italy with one. I wouldn't fly much more than four hours with one. Its just too long for most animals to be cooped up.
posted by jeffamaphone at 8:18 AM on March 2

While I didn't have to deal with neuroses quite this extreme, the first couple of times I flew I was terrified. The second time I wound up getting beta blockers, which help to cancel out the effect of adrenaline, which did at least mean while I was still being neurotic, I wasn't suffering from the physically debilitating effects of the terror I was in.

Thereafter, when I flew transatlantic I wound up feeling fine about it and didn't even need to take anything, though, if you're focusing this much on the highly unlikely events, you may find it far harder to overcome the fears of flying.

But, if I were you I'd see a doctor and try and get some beta blockers (propranolol is what I had) before you set off.
posted by opsin at 8:19 AM on March 2

Oh, and absolutely making sure you have an mp3 player, books and possibly a portable gaming device if that floats your boat... Anything else you can focus on during the flight is vital, though that was the case even when I wasn't scared!
posted by opsin at 8:20 AM on March 2

One of my in-laws has a horrible fear of flying, Ambien seems to work for him. He stresses at the gate, gets on the plane, takes his Ambien and falls asleep before takeoff. I have no personal experience with the problem but it seems to work for him.
posted by foodgeek at 8:21 AM on March 2

For example, I read that a post-Lockerbie coroner's report indicated some passengers initially survived the explosion and regained consciousness when the doomed aircraft reached a more oxygen-rich atmosphere around 15,000 feet.

Given the extremely specific nature of your fears, it honestly sounds like you've been intentionally fueling your phobia by reading this kind of material. True, ignorance isn't bliss, and you can't forget this stuff now that you know about it, but you should probably avoid this sort of reading in the future. Don't entertain the impulse to give yourself more material to obsess over.

That said, two weeks is probably not enough time to really conquer your fear. Given this and the relatively end-limited nature of your flying, use of an anxiolytic or sedative might make the trip bearable. Consider asking your doctor for a sample card of a benzodiazepine or similar drug; given that it's international travel, having him/her write out an explicit prescription is probably also a good idea.
posted by monocyte at 8:22 AM on March 2 [1 favorite]

Reading about how to survive a long fall helped me to control my fear. (Link - it was a better site than that, but I'm failing at google)

I can never stop myself from picturing terrible explosions, but now I can make myself go on and say 'okay, so if I end up outside of the plane, first I need to see if I'm attached to my seat still...' It's basically a way to focus my mind on something else, and it's an easier mental leap to make than trying to think about puppies or something happy.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:38 AM on March 2

Depending on what's causing it, read up on what they do to prevent mechanical failure. There's a reason they're rare. They essentially rebuild the planes every other year and there are more safety checks done that you never see every time it takes off and lands. I was on a flight a long time ago where one of the tires blew on landing, and they didn't even tell us until the plane pulled into the gate. Nobody even noticed.

The emotional stigma that movies and the media put around flying confounds me as it is actually one of the most boring things you'll ever do. You're much safer in an airplane than crossing the street or driving on the freeway. The only safer form of transport are elevators.
posted by hylaride at 8:39 AM on March 2

a fear of a catastrophic mid-flight explosion or mechanical failure along the lines of TWA Flight 800, Japan Airlines Flight 123 or the Lockerbie bombing

This is me. LOL. I am the crazy person who cries hysterically for the entire flight. The last time I flew, I saw my doctor and told him I needed something - he gave me a Rx for 4 pills of xanax. It worked great! I took (2 of them) about 45 min to an hour before boarding the plane and I was knocked out before take off, and I didn't wake up until after we landed. This is exactly what I want, because if we're going to crash and die, I don't want to be conscious for the whole thing.
posted by All.star at 8:40 AM on March 2 [2 favorites]

I am you. Exactly. I do 3 things.

1. I take valium before my flight and low dose xanax at 1-2 hour intervals during the flight. I rarely fall asleep, but I stay relatively calm.
2. I load my laptop with things to watch and this is a very helpful distraction.
3. I talk myself out of freaking out by repeating this: What you are panicking about is completely out of your control. So why panic? There is really nothing you can do. The chances of something happening are so rare - think about those 3 or 4 instances in the countless millions of flights that have happened before and since. You're just not that unlucky. When you get in a car and drive down the highway, you don't think about the drunk driver about to cross the median and kill you. You don't think about it because it's out of your control and pointless to worry about. So why are you worrying about it now?

(Yes, it's a long rationalizing mantra. But I just did it a couple of days ago for my 8 hour flight and for some reason it really helps me.) Good luck!
posted by meerkatty at 9:01 AM on March 2 [2 favorites]

Following-up on monocyte's comment... most people could not name specific flights like you did. You ought to stop reading about these crashes as soon as possible.

I am scared of flying too and it helps to have someone who will swear up and down that everything is fine during the bumps and jolts - preferably an engineer or someone who understands how airplanes work and why they "want to be in the air." Nthing sleeping pills.... even something from a drug store (not necessarily prescription) will help knock you out. Also, bring a set of earplugs, a pillow and a eye shield for sleeping.
posted by cranberrymonger at 9:11 AM on March 2

Lots of suggestions for medication already -- if you want to try a non-med route, I was successful at overcoming my fear of flying with the help of a therapist using EMDR. It sounds a little hokey and I can't tell you how it works, but it did work for me.

I went from being terrified (especially during takeoff and landing) to, over time, being relaxed enough to fall asleep before takeoff if I am really tired. This is after one session of EMDR several years ago. Although I haven't flown on business in over a year, a couple of years ago, I was in a job where I became 100k on United in <>
Good luck to you!
posted by elmay at 9:19 AM on March 2

I have a terrible fear of flying, too. I saw a therapist about it and came away with a few things that seem to work good enough to get me there and back.

1.) Ask your doctor for low-dose xanax. It's been mentioned above, but no one really said what it does. It is basically a calming drug. It makes all of those panicked thoughts in your head sound really far away and meaningless. It makes you a bit drowsy. You find yourself not caring about much of anything. I consider that a good thing on flights.

2.) Look into some ways to treat panic. My therapist had me read this book, Don't Panic by Reid Wilson. He explains how to recognize the signs of a panic attack, how to deal with restless thoughts and how to calm yourself and accept your situation. It's a good read and there is even a chapter about flying in it. The same author has a series of cassette tapes that coach you into a relaxed flight. I think I picked these up on eBay for cheap. I used to park near the airport, watch the planes take off and listen to my tapes.

3.) Check out this site: Fear of Flying Help Course. Captain Stacey explains the technical side of flying in clear terms. I used to print off his site and bring it with me on the plane. It's interesting reading, either way.
posted by bristolcat at 9:41 AM on March 2

All of these have helped me to various degrees. I can also recommend praying -- at least I'd die with a soul at peace. I ask for forgiveness of my sins and a clean/renewed heart, and offer a few other last prayers for my family and friends. It helps me.

Oh, and I once found myself humming the theme song to "Oobi" (my toddler's favorite show) over and over during some bad, bad turbulence.

Good luck!!!
posted by mdiskin at 9:50 AM on March 2

What works the best for me is acceptance.

I fly a lot, and every time I do, I think to myself "I'm probably going to die on this flight. It will really really suck, but most likely it will be quick and fiery. I'll suffer, but probably not for long."

I accept it and move on.
posted by MonsieurBon at 10:15 AM on March 2

I also have the completely irrational fear of flying. I have tried many of the above suggestions and find that a mixture of all helps the most. You'll need to find your best balance.

I use Xanax (the only time I ever take it is for flying, and it's never caused any side effects - besides drowsiness at higher doses - and has never been addictive) before each flight boards. It usually takes about half an hour for it to kick in. I have sometimes taken it the day before the flight because I tend to get nauseous the day before due to nerves.

I have spoken to a therapist, but I also went to a hypnotherapist. Just like someone mentioned above in regards to EMDR, I don't completely know how it works and I know it sounds hokey, but it actually helped a great deal - even after just one or two sessions. If you don't have time to find a therapist who does this, check out self hypnosis. Basically, it will help you get yourself into a relaxed and calm state of mind. This site has a download for self hypnosis specifically for the fear of flying. YMMV

As another poster suggested, prayer can help if you are religious. I'm more of a spiritual person than religious, but it has helped me become more calm as well. If you aren't religious, a little meditation might help.

Finally, the poster that stated having someone to allay your fears during turbulence helps a ton as well. Usually (not always) I travel with a friend or my SO. They always keep me calm during the inevitable bumps. If you aren't travelling with someone like that, it always helps me to pick out someone on the plane who looks like a very frequent flyer - business travelers, etc. It might be weird, but I'll discreetly look over at them if things are particularly bumpy. If they look calm, I feel more calm. That sounds stranger when I type it out than when I do it, but I swear it helps!

Focus on your destination and have an awesome trip. Flying is totally worth it (even with the fear) in order to travel to amazing places all over the world!
posted by 3fluffies at 10:23 AM on March 2

I wasn't going to mention it earlier, but when I have flying fears I sing Promised Land to myself. It helps.
posted by jeffamaphone at 10:54 AM on March 2

I'm with MonsieurBon: I just assume that every time I get into a plane (or on my motorcycle, or in a car), I'm going to die a horrible death. As a result, I experience peace and calm.

Your problem isn't an irrational fear of flying; it's an irrational response to that fear. Drugs will help. Therapy will help more.
posted by coolguymichael at 1:10 PM on March 2

I am in the same boat (er, plane). A while back a flight attendnant who found out how terrified I was told me to always look at her or another flight attendant during turbulence. Her rationale was that flight attendants know what is normal, and hence will only look worried when something is truly amiss. I usually alert a flight attendant when I get on the plane that I am a really nervous flyer and ask them to let me know if the turbulence is normal or out of the ordinary. Usually, they are happy to oblige and often times, they'll stop by to check on me throughout the flight, which helps out too. Good luck!
posted by karyotypical at 6:13 PM on March 2

Another nervous flyer here. I think you've gotten a lot of good tips.

I've found meditation to be a really big help. I have a few podcasts I listen to that sometimes calm me down enough to sleep. Since I get shaky and jittery, the deep breathing really helps calm those physical responses.

I think, for me, the loss of control is a big problem. I have to convince myself that it's okay if I don't really know what's going on. So I often repeat to myself that the pilots are professional, the plane is built to take turbulence, and that turbulence is normal. I use mental imagery to put myself on a big boat, where bumpiness is normal.

(These are my hippie-dippy solutions. But don't get me wrong -- if I'm feeling particularly panicked, I take Dramamine, which knocks me right out.)
posted by lillygog at 8:46 PM on March 2

Sorry -- one last thing. You mention the specific fear of those four-to-five minutes of hurtling out of the air. For me, what (sometimes) works is accepting that loss of control. I try to tell myself: there's nothing I can do to change those four-to-five minutes, and I will feel plenty of terror when it's actually happening, so why get a head start?

You can see that this sort of ties into the meditation thing, which has made a difference for me when little else would. So I'm probably harping on it a little.
posted by lillygog at 8:55 PM on March 2

The principle of exposure therapy is that you to expose yourself to the thing that you fear, and not do anything. Eventually, you'll become acclimated. The way to get over your fear of flying, by that principle, is to keep flying.
posted by philosophistry at 9:33 PM on March 2

When I fly, I remind myself that it seemed like a good enough idea to fly that I was willing to pay money to do it. So either my brain was going haywire when I bought the ticket (and every day since then that I didn't cancel my flight), or it is going haywire now as I head to the airport. Obviously it's going haywire now, so what will I do? Calm the physical responses of it....by whatever means work for me. Personally, my recipe is to be somewhat drowsy, take some Xanax, get into a good book, and fall asleep. If there is some supreme turbulence or weird noise, I always look around me. Are other people nervous? How is the crew acting? Are the pilots sending any messages?

I would also suggest learning about the normal sounds/sensations of flying. I always hate that feeling after take-off when it feels like the plane is losing thrust. But at least I know when to expect it, what it will feel like and why they do it.
posted by agentwills at 10:12 AM on March 3